I got the idea for this fic the same place I normally get ideas... lying in my bed thinking about nothing. I really enjoyed the way it played out in my mind and I am really hoping I will be able to appropriately express it in words. This will probably be a one shot, unless I really enjoy it or I get a lot of encouragement otherwise. We'll see I guess!
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, but if I did, this is what it would look like.
Castle entered the Old Haunt. Having been there so many times before, he didn't even take notice to the bells that chimed above him as he opened the door. He was immediately hit by a wall of stale beer and history. Much better, in his opinion, then the smell of the imminent rain that had been surrounding him outside.
He spots his partner easily. She is sitting at their usual spot toward the back of the bar nursing what he can only assume to be a rum and coke. He knows it's her drink of choice for casual outings.
Of course, there are a million things running through his head as he makes his way toward her. The first, as usual, being how gorgeous she looks in her casual clothes and her curled hair. He wonders briefly why she invited him here. Kate Beckett was not one to stick to pattern. He had known her for almost 4 years now and still she managed to surprise him every day. Calling him here, however, had been a bigger surprise than he was used to.
"Hey." He said, smiling at her as he sat down. He was immediately alarmed by the clear nervousness and restraint she was showing in her eyes and posture. He knew her and based on the signs she was giving him, he was beginning to doubt the pleasantness of this outing.
"Hey, Castle. You're late!" She says, clearly trying to begin their usual banter. He isn't fooled, however. He can hear the half-heartedness in her voice, the slight waver that is clearly masking whatever she truly wants to tell him.
His mind immediately goes to the worst. He quickly runs the past few days through in his mind. They had worked on two cases during that time, both fairly simple. He didn't think he had done anything wrong, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't shake the thoughts that were now pounding in his head. She doesn't want you anymore. She is kicking you out of her life. She found out about your investigation. She wants a new partner. Whatever the news was, he knew he wasn't going to like it.
"What's going on, Beckett?" He says, ignoring her comment about his late arrival. He wants to get to the point, hoping desperately that he is over reacting and her actual news will settle his terrified heart.
"Why don't you order a drink first?" She said, meeting his eyes. She clearly saw that he wasn't buying into her stalling so she tried for another tactic. "You look a little sick, are you feeling ok? We can do this another time if you want?"
Kate kicked herself. Damn it, Kate. For once in your life don't cower from your feelings. She knew she was stalling. She was ready to tell him, her and Dr Burke had established as much, but she hadn't anticipated the nervousness and the emotional build up of it all. She had absolutely no idea how he was going to react but she knew it wasn't going to be pretty.
She knew she deserved it, though. Every single word that was about to pass his lips. Every harsh comment that slapped her in the face... she deserved it all. This didn't mean she was looking forward to it any more.
"I need to tell you something." She said, letting out a shaky breath, the type that escapes you while crying uncontrollably. Every single part of her was screaming at her, trying to convince her to not do this. But she knew it was right. She had to.
Her heart broke as he replied. "You know you can tell me anything, Kate." The use of her first name made her heart quicken... in a different way then before. Damn him. She thought, closing her eyes. It was as though he knew what she was going to say and was already torturing her for it.
Here goes nothing. She thought as she gathered her pre-planned speech in her mind. Her brain, however, was reeling so fast that she forgot how she had planned on wording her confession. So typical.
"I've been keeping something from you for a while now and I'm so scared you're going to hate me for it." Her confession was interrupted when she felt a hand on her knee... a hand that she knew all too well.
"I could never hate you." Why did he have to be so sincere... so perfect? Why now?
"Please, let me finish." She said solemnly, taking another deep breath. "You have to understand that I wasn't ready. I couldn't face it. I was too... broken." God, she felt pathetic. Get to the point, Katie. Time to put on your big girl pants and fess up.
"What I am trying to say—what I want to tell you is that I remember everything." She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the angry words and the 'I never want to see you again'. What she got, however, was worse.
The only noise that came from him was a dejected sigh. He wasn't speaking, he wasn't moving... she wasn't even sure if he was breathing. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at him. She was met by his piercing blue eyes, that normally took her breath away. Now, however, they made her feel so guilty that she hated herself.
"You remember the shooting." He said bluntly after another few moments of silence. "You remember me tackling you and begging you to stay with me." He stared at her, clearly gaining confirmation from the look in her eyes. "You remember—"
"You love me." She said, trying her best to smile, but probably looking pitiful. "Rick, I need to tell you tha—"
"You know, I think you've said enough. I think I'm just going to leave now." He said, getting up. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she realized how broken he was. What had she done?
"Wait! Rick. Please hear me out. I am so sorry for lying to you but—" She couldn't finish her sentence before he interrupted her.
"Don't you dare make an excuse. Don't try to make this okay. I waited for you for 3 damn months and you never called. Every day I tried to make myself feel better by remembering that you didn't know. You had no idea how I felt... what I said to you. That knowledge helped me understand why you didn't call. You watched me plead with you. You witnessed my heart break into a million pieces as you bled out in my arms and you saw what it did to me when I realized I couldn't do anything about it. You remember all of that yet you still left me alone for 3 months to wonder how you were doing, and if you were ok." He sighed, sitting down and not so gently placing his head in his hands.
"I couldn't face it. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with healing and my mom's case and my own case while also trying to deal with what you said to me."
"I thought you were the love of my life, Kate. I thought you were different. I was so sure! God, how could I have been so stupid? You're just like everyone else. Kyra, Meredith, Gina, hell, even Sophia! They all pretended to care about me. They all let me fall for them and then they all broke my heart. Maybe I just don't deserve love. I guess I wasn't meant to be happy." He got up from his seat and Kate's heart broke for what seemed like the millionth time. She had to tell him how she felt or she'd lose him forever.
"Wait! Rick! Please just hear me out!" She pleaded, tears now flowing freely down her face. She couldn't lose him. She wouldn't survive it.
"Please, just let me leave my own bar with a little dignity." He said, as he turned around to leave.
She stared at him walking away. She watched as the only good thing left in her life left her. She wanted to break down and cry. As she watched him go, she was brought back to a distant memory she had long since forgotten.
6 year old Katie Beckett stood, watching her best friend walk away from her house. She was crying but had stopped calling after him... it was no use. She was about to turn around and go back inside when her mom, who apparently had been gardening in the backyard, found her on the porch.
"What's wrong, bug?" She asked, clearly worried by her daughter's tears.
"Tommy and I had a fight and he told me he didn't want to be my best friend anymore. He left, mom!" She cried, hugging her mother.
"Well, did you do anything to upset him?" Johanna asked, always wise and looking for a solution.
"I didn't share my trading cards. I wanted to win so badly!" She said, breaking her mom's gaze and looking back toward Tommy, who she could still see walking down her long street away from her."
"Well, bug. I think there is only one solution to this problem. You run after him, baby. Give him a big hug and tell him you're sorry. Don't let a boy like him get away, he's a good one." She said, confusing Kate a little with her words. The little girl smiled and hugged her mom before running after her best friend.
Kate's eyes refocused after her brief flashback just in time to see the bar door closing. You run after him, baby. Don't let a boy like him get away, he's a good one." Her mom's voice rang through her head as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Just like all those years ago, Kate did exactly what her mom told her.
Rick left the bar feeling worthless. He had been so worried about what Kate had to say to him but nothing he had imagined was worse then this. With those 3 little words 'I remember everything', the writer felt his hopes and dreams being ripped away from him.
He had actually thought that she felt the same. Underneath her mask and behind her wall, he had thought maybe he had found the right woman... the one he would spend the rest of his life with. There was no doubt in his mind that she was the love of his life, but the fact that he wasn't hers tore a huge hole in his heart that would never be repaired.
Of course it's raining. He thought, sadly chuckling at the symbolism. It was like his life had turned into a bad soap opera, and he was the poor sap who walked alone in the rain with the knowledge that the woman he loved more then anything in the world didn't return those feelings.
The downpour was hard and he was soaked immediately. He cursed himself for having taken a cab to the bar. It had clearly just begun raining, because all of the cabs were taken and none were stopping for him.
He was just about to give up and walk home when he heard a faint voice behind him yelling. Even though it was masked by the loud noises of New York traffic and torrential rain, he'd know that voice anywhere.
He turned around to see Kate standing on the sidewalk watching him, soaked from head to toe, hair dripping around her and sticking to her face.
She ran toward him and when she finally reached him, he was too dejected to stop her from placing her hands on both his arms.
"Richard Castle." She said, lifting one hand up to touch his cheek. "Don't you ever think for one second that I don't care about you." He started to interrupt her but she covered his mouth with her other hand, both now touching his face. "And from this moment on, don't you ever doubt again that I am not completely in love with you." She smiled.
He was shocked. His heart lifted and soared toward the clouds and if he wasn't watching her with his own eyes, he probably would have sworn to anyone who would listen that his soul had left his body and was hovering above them.
Kate clearly took his silence for anger because she continued her speech. "I love you, Rick. You infuriating, egotistic, frustrating, wonderful man. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and if you still hate me after this, I don't care because—"
She couldn't finish before Rick's lips were on hers. He kissed her passionately, gently stroking her cheek with one hand while burying the other in her wet hair. The rain poured down on them as they continued to kiss each other eagerly. It was everything they had imagined and more. There were no pretenses, no cover ups. This kiss could only be explained by one emotion. Love.
The couple broke apart only for air after the best kiss of both of their lives.
"You beautiful woman, you have no idea what you do to me." He laughed in spite of himself as he held her in his arms. He had wanted for so long to be able to hold her like this and rejoiced when he realized she wasn't pulling away.
She kissed him lightly again on the lips. "Oh, I think I do." She smiled, lifting her hand up a little further to play with the lobe of his ear.
Rick, not wanting to waste another moment of their time together, began kissing every inch of her head.
"You", he kissed her cheek, "are", he kissed her other cheek, "the", her forehead, "most", her nose, "extraordinary", her hair.
"Man I have ever met." She interrupted him, kissing his chest as he pulled her in for a hug.
The couple broke apart, but kept a hold of each other's hands, still gazing deep into each other's eyes.
"Lets go home."
Woah, I did not mean to write that much. So what do you think? I kinda love it :S.
I really hope you liked the story. This is exactly how it played out in my mind but I hope I wrote it well enough to do it justice!
One shot? Should I continue? I don't know but feedback would be amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story!
