It's been in my head for a really long time, and now it will be in yours.

Enjoy and I own nothing.

Butters eyes were puffy and red, but still the tears kept coming. He didn't know anyone could cry for so long, but there he was, in his room, from the morning to the late evening.

It was Saturday and, unlike his classmates, he stayed home all day. He stayed home because no one ever invited him out. Everyone hated him. Sure the fellas would invite him to their houses, but it was only to pick on him. The girls would take him out shopping sometimes to make up for the boys cruelty, but the pity in their eyes would be just as unbearable.

No, Butters stayed home all day, like the week before, and the week before that. It seemed that his 'friends' had finally become bored of all the bullying. At least when he was bullied he was acknowledge, his existence had some validation, but now what?

The blond sat in his bed, crying, a scrawled note in his pocket and two childproof bottles full of anti-depressants, courtesy of his mother, were in his hands. This was for the best, right? Of course it was. No one wanted him. His parents would ground and punish him with every opportunity they had. He had no one. And no one would ever miss him.

Butters raised a bottle to his mouth, the tears would soon end, but he jumped when he heard his phone ringing on the nightstand. His phone never rang, why his parents even felt the need to get him a cell phone was beyond him. But he looked at the name and he answered, because he could never ignore the calls from this particular boy.

"E-Eric?"

"Sup Butters. I'm bored, come over to my house and watch a movie with me." Cartman must have been quite bored to invite the blond nothing to his house.

"I…uh, now? But it's nine." He would get grounded.

"So? Just get over here. Don't keep me waiting."

The phone went dead. Butters didn't know what to think. He wanted to end it all, but he wanted to see Eric one last time. A movie was only two hours, it was barely nine, he'd be out of everyone's life by midnight.

The blond got off his bed and washed the tears off his face, after all, he was never expected to be sad. He was happy-go-lucky Butters, and Cartman would never look twice at him if he saw him whimper.

"God Butters, it's about motherfucking time." Eric was the one to open the door, rather than his mother. Apparently she had gone out because she was needed at 'work.'

The two boys were alone in the house when Cartman grabbed Butters by the wrist and led him to his room, not even caring to hear the blond's mumbled apology.

"What are we going to watch?"

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre." The brunette said nonchalantly as he popped the dvd into the player. Butters had been sitting on Cartman's bed; a blush crept up his pale face when Eric joined him.

The movie was a blur, with Butters interchangeably hiding his face in a pillow or in Eric's arm. Cartman would just chuckle at the carnage and reiterate his hatred for Texans every now and then.

"Butters, you're such a fag," Eric chuckled as he pulled the blond boy off of him. He headed to his tv to put another movie in.

"I don't know why you always play horror movies when I'm around, I hate horror movies!"

"Fuck Butters-" Eric turned, but didn't continue his insults when he saw Butters' face. He was in tears, and not just the gentle kind, but his entire body seemed to be seized with sobs. Cartman didn't think Butters could ever look so…broken. He never thought he would see the look in the blond's eyes that he sees in his own every night.

Eric took a pause, and then started over with, "All right Butters, we have time to watch another movie. What do you want to watch?" He motioned to his bookshelf, which held the dvds.

Butters was hesitant, not expecting any courtesy to come from the brunette, but he slowly got up, and inspected the dvds.

"I want to watch…this one!" Butters was smiling widely, holding My Neighbor Totoro in his hands.

"All right." Eric wasn't too upset; he did love that movie after all.

This time Butters sat up straight, enjoying the adventures of two young girls and their big fuzzy friend.

"You know, I heard somewhere that Totoro is actually a shinigami, and a shinigami is a Japanese death god." Cartman instantly regretted saying that when he watched Butters' shoulders fall. He was actually enjoying himself without making the little fag feel like shit, why did he have to ruin that?

Their second movie of the night ended, and Butters needed to use the bathroom. As Eric got up to put his movie in its proper place, he noticed a piece of paper sticking out of Butters' coat, which was hanging on his desk chair.

He was curious, and figuring it was only a receipt, he pulled it out to take a look.

His eyes went wide, his hands turned to fist, and it took everything in him to not tear the note up right that instant.

Cartman read the note over and over again, not grasping it.

Mom & Dad,

Sorry I was such a terrible son. I hope I'm at least doing something right by ending myself.

Eric,

I've always loved you. Sorry I'll never be good enough for you.

Love (for whatever that's worth),

Butters

"Eric, I should probably be heading back home now." Butters said as he entered the room.

"You son of a bitch…"

"What?"

"You mind explaining to me what this is?" Cartman shouted, shoving the note into Butters' face.

"You-you weren't supposed to see that!" Butters tried to snatch the paper away from him. Cartman, however, punched him in the face hard enough for the blond to hit the ground.

"You fucking bastard." Eric dragged the battered boy onto his bed, "You fucking asshole! Butters! You cannot kill yourself! You fucking hear me you bitch?"

Butters didn't look up. His head didn't turn away from the bed as his whole being began to shake, and Eric could hear sobs rack his body.

"Why do you even care? No one cares. No one has ever cared."

Cartman grabbed the blond by his hair and pulled him back so he was lying perfectly on the bed, his head on the pillows. He then straddled Butters, never letting go of his hair despite the smaller boy's whimpers.

"Butters. You really fucking think I'm going to let you leave me alone in this God forsaken place?" He was just inches away from the smaller boy's face now.

Butters finally looked at Eric, and he saw tears forming, catching him off guard.

"Eric-"

Cartman's lips were on the blond's before he could say anything else. Eric fervently kissed Butters, who gave no resistance and opened his mouth to let the bigger boy's tongue in.

Eric let go of Butters' hair, and his hand slid to the side of the blond's face. He had wanted Butters for so long, and now that he realized how close he was to loosing him, he wasn't going to let him go.

As Cartman's hands wandered down to unbutton the other boy's shirt, he kissed where he punched, a bruise beginning to form there.

"Sorry Butters, I'm so sorry." He whispered.

Butters didn't even respond, too busy taking off Eric's shirt to do so.

Soon the two had discarded all their clothes to the floor, Butters shivered while Eric kissed his neck, his hands gently rubbing his member.

"Ah…Eric…" He could feel Eric's own erection on his thigh. He had never dreamt that this moment would be happening.

Butters wrapped his hand into Cartman's hair, kissing him as passionately as he was being kissed.

"Butters, you can't ever leave me." He moaned into the blond's neck, who nodded in response.

"I'm sorry…I didn't know…"

"Didn't you write that you loved me…You don't do that to loved ones."

"I do love you Eric! Ah…I do!" Butters felt Eric's bulge rub up against him. Cartman was able to grab both their cocks into his hand, and he began to move it.

"Oh God! Eric!" Butters wrapped his legs around the bigger boy's hips, and he thrusted his own deeper into him.

Eric's hand began to move faster and faster, both of them needing their release and wanting to get it from each other.

"Eric…I…" Butters' warm cum covered their stomachs. With it another spray was felt, Cartman's own release.

The bigger boy fell on top Butters, his head resting on the blond's shoulder as they caught their breaths.

"I love you Eric." Butters arms wrapped around Cartman and he kissed his cheek. "I've loved you for so long."

Cartman looked into the blond's eyes and kissed him.

"I…I love you too. You can't leave me. You can't."

"I won't Eric, I swear I won't."

The two held each other, and Butters was happy to have a reason to live again.

Mmm, pretty long, but I didn't feel like breaking it up into chapters.

Sorry if you guys were looking forward to some penetration, I wasn't really up to it with this fic.

Besides, there are more ways than one to make love, just sayin'.

I was going back and forth a lot on who would be the suicide attemptee, I just decided it should be Butters. I think I made the right choice.

Critiques/Comments/Questions/Etcs are so appreciated! You guys don't even know!

Thanks for reading my lovelies ^_^