Written for Peroxide_Pest17

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First Love, Again

It didn't used to be like this, he thinks, his hands shaking like the punks he threatened last night. He forces a grin, uses one hand to steady the other and grabs the offered pudding jar carefully.

"Ne, Maki, is something wrong?" Sakura-nantoka tilts his head to the side, pressing his lips into a concerned pout. Makio bangs the pudding jar against the surface of the table, certain he will drop it otherwise. He shakes his head vigorously, trying to smile when his companion's eyebrows rise in response.

"Thanks," he says, gesturing vaguely to the pudding. He tears off the lid and shovels a mouthful with the plastic spoon. He doesn't taste any of it as Sakura-nantoka smiles and Makio stiffens. The damn lumberjack uses this opportunity to start wreaking havoc inside his chest.

"No!" he says aloud, startling when he realizes he has voiced his thoughts. "I mean, ... it's nothing," he shakes his head and fills his mouth with pudding so he won't be expected to talk.

"No, you're not okay?" Jun asks. "Is your new school not working out? Are your classmates teasing you again?" Jun leans forward.

Makio shakes his head vigorously. He resists the urge to tear out his hair and run screaming. He releases the pudding to clasp the fabric just over his chest.

Sakura-nantoka notices the gesture. He licks his lips and leans forward even closer. Close enough that Makio can make out the definition of long eyelashes and imagine the softness of the stray locks of hair slipping into soft brown eyes.

He feels nervous in a way he hasn't for some time.

"It's okay, you can tell me," Sakura-nantoka says softly. He smiles and Makio looks away, certain that his heart will explode if the lumberjack keeps this up any longer. Jun's hand reaches across the table. He places his fingers gently over Makio's. "Right?"

Makio has a vague memory of walking through a dark forest, of Umemura gently clasping his hand.

"Fir fi first... love?" he asks himself. Sakura-nantoka pauses. His mouth falls open before it spreads into a smile and then a laugh.

"But I thought Umemura-san was your first love. Maki, you can only have a first love once." He falls back into his chair and cluches his belly.

Makio scowls and shakes off Jun's touch. He shoves the remaining pudding into his mouth and chews with more force than necessary. He ignores his friend's laughter and his claims. Glancing across the table at his best friend, Makio is no idiot this time. He recognizes the signs and signals and knows this can only be first love, again.