Author's Note: Okay, I just would like to say that I do not condone cheating whatsoever. /disclaimer.
This was originally supposed to be PWP, but... it developed into something entirely different. Enjoy!

Title taken from the song "Disintegration" by Jimmy Eat World.

Thank you to my beta, Sherbet (kiyene)! :)


"This is so wrong." It came out as a moan, followed by a gasp as lips and tongue came in contact with his cock.

"Mmm." A hum of agreement came from below.

"Fuck." His head fell back against the wall, lolling to the side.

A lewd pop filled the air before- "You're talking way too much. I'm obviously not up to par with my previous performances."

"No," He whimpered, "Please don't stop. I-" He realized he was begging now, "I'll stop talking, I promise. Just- more." He tried to push the other man's head back to him.

He chuckled, "That's not the point, Blaine. I'm usually able to render you speechless."

"Hmm..." Blaine cocked his head to the side, "It's kind of ironic that you want me to stop talking because that's all you seem to be doing." He finished with a roll of his eyes.

"No antagonizing the guy who's sucking your dick."

"Interesting." He paused feigning deep thought, "I don't see anyone doing that right now."

"Fuck you." And with that, his mouth enveloped Blaine once again.

With a forceful swipe of his tongue along the underside of Blaine's cock, all words were lost.

"Nnngh." Blaine groaned as hands found his ass and squeezed tightly, pushing him forward into that wet heat.

Blaine was a sweating, shaking wreck and so fucking close. He could feel the tension building in his stomach. The muscles of his abdomen tightened and his eyesight went fuzzy. He couldn't even form a coherent sign of warning. With a strangled moan, his release came, spilling down the other man's throat.

Blaine slumped against the wall, his legs barely able to hold him up. "Jesus Christ."

A laugh, "Not quite, but I'll take the compliment." He winked, tucking Blaine back into his pants, and zipping him back up.

Blaine smiled lazily, "Do you need me to-"

"Another time. Someone will be look-"

A knock. "Jesse? Are you in there?"

Steady, confident eyes made contact with Blaine's, "Yes, Darling. I'll be right out."

Standing up from his place on the tiled floor of Rachel Berry's parent's bathroom, Jesse St. James leaned forward and shoved his tongue into Blaine Anderson's mouth.

It took all of Blaine's willpower not to moan as he recognized the taste of himself on Jesse's tongue.

"Okay!" Came a giggly laugh from the other side of the door, "Don't take too much longer! I'm drunk and everything is so funny but also it reminds me of how much I miss you." Rachel's voice trailed off slightly before, "Finn? Where are you, Finn?"

Jesse wasn't listening in the slightest bit, but as soon as Blaine could tell that she'd walked away, he stopped holding back.

"Fuck, Jesse, so- nngh."

"Already?" Jesse chuckled at Blaine's eagerness.

"No. But just... you and," His breath hitched as Jesse's mouth traveled along his jaw and down his throat, "and me and... it's so wrong."

"Yes, I think we've established that." He mumbled against the skin of Blaine's neck. At the sensation, Blaine shuddered; too much for him so soon after his orgasm.

When Jesse bit down on Blaine's shoulder, he yelped loudly, unable to contain is surprise.

"Jesse!" He hissed, "No biting..."

"But you like biting." Jesse deadpanned, pulling back to look Blaine in the eyes.

"Yes. When I know that I won't see Kurt for a few days. Not when he is literally down the fucking stairs."

"But you taste so delicious." Jesse leaned back down to the base of his neck and licked a long stripe all the way up to his ear, catching his earlobe with his teeth and nibbling on it.

Blaine was grasping for words in his mind. Anything to tell him to stop, to explain that they had to stop or people would get suspicious. Kurt would get suspicious.

But he couldn't speak. The feeling of Jesse's mouth anywhere on his was always so distracting.

"J- Jesse." He tried to sound commanding but there wasn't much force behind it.

Jesse laughed against him, "Blaine." He whispered; hot breath hitting his ear. Blaine keened.

"Fuck."

"Mmm." Jesse's hands roamed his body, "Would love to fuck you." He mumbled, his hands grabbing at Blaine's ass roughly.

"Jesse?" Another voice sounded through the door, breaking the two men out of their wonderful fantasy world where it was just them and they had all the time in the world and no risk of getting caught.

"Kurt." Blaine whispered so low that he wasn't even sure that he'd made a noise at all.

Jesse cleared his throat, "Yes?" feigning a confidence that only Blaine could see wasn't completely real.

"Rachel told me you were in here. Have you seen Blaine anywhere?"

Blaine tensed, his eyes wide with fear, "Can't say that I have. Sorry." The man in front of him lied.

It made Blaine's chest clench. Lying to Kurt was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He knows he doesn't have to lie to Kurt. He could just tell him the truth and it would all be over. But that's the problem. It would be over. Kurt would never want anything to do with him and that thought scared him more than anything else.

Kurt let out an exasperated sigh "Okay... thanks anyway."

"Mhm." he responded, listening as the footsteps faded away.

Seeing the look in Blaine's eyes, Jesse rested his forehead against his, "This is all over, isn't it?"

They've had this conversation many times before and Blaine felt a familiar sting behind his eyes at Jesse's words, but he knew what had to be done. Blaine nodded, catching Jesse's lips in a kiss on the upturn of his head.

It would be their last; they both knew it. It was the very definition of bittersweet.

"I'll make sure it's clear. You go out the back door and pretend you went for a walk for some fresh air." Jesse ordered softly, raising a hand to rest in Blaine's loose curls.

Blaine nodded and Jesse stepped away from him, advancing toward the bathroom door, "I'll miss you."

Jesse froze, his hand on the doorknob. Without turning back around to look at the other man, he whispered, "I'll miss you too..." And he was gone.

A minute later Blaine received the text telling him it was okay for him to leave the bathroom. He followed Jesse's directions and came back into the house through the front door.

Kurt greeted him with a warm embrace. "There you are! Where did you run off to?" He gave him a concerned look.

Blaine's eyes met Jesse's from across the room for a split second before they finally rested on Kurt's. "Just... needed some air. I went for a walk."

"You okay?" Kurt prodded. Any other time, he would have found Kurt's concern for him to be endearing and adorable. Right now, however, he was having trouble keeping the bile down in his stomach as it threatened to escape his body.

Blaine forced a smile, "A lot better now." He said, grabbing Kurt's hand and lacing their fingers together.

"Good." Kurt returned the smile, though his was probably considerably more genuine. "You will die when you hear about what Rachel did while you were gone."

Blaine listened intently as Kurt went on animatedly about Rachel pouncing on Finn and tackling him to the ground. No really, she was like Hulk Hogan or something! It was hilarious!

All the while, he felt a pair of eyes burning into him; surveying him; removing the clothes he was wearing with memories of his exposed skin. Blaine still felt the heat of Jesse's hands gripping his ass. He recalled how hard Jesse had made him come just minutes before. He could still taste himself and -oh shit. He could taste himself. He needed alcohol and he needed it now...

"You want a drink?" Blaine offered politely, but with a hint of urgency that couldn't have been masked.

"Um... sure."

"'Kay, I'll be right back." Blaine wasted no time getting to the kitchen and pouring himself and Kurt a drink.

"What's the rush about?"

Blaine whirled around from his place at the counter hearing the sound of that voice, "Jesse."

"You didn't answer my question." He pointed out, advancing on Blaine.

"Anyone could walk in."

"Still not an answer." His eyes held a fire in them that lit a heat low in Blaine's stomach.

"I-"

His words were cut off by Jesse's mouth, licking incessantly at his lips, begging for entrance. As soon as Blaine allowed it, he slipped inside, swiping his tongue once along the roof of Blaine's mouth and pulling away completely.

"Just as I thought..." Jesse licked his lips hungrily.

Blaine tried to catch his breath.

"You can still taste yourself." He gave a throaty growl after his words that went straight to Blaine's cock.

No. No. Now was not the time. What- what did Finn always talk about- mailmen or something. And oh- God... that didn't help at all. Now he was just picturing Jesse in a uniform, ripping his shirt open, just-

"Fuck." Blaine voiced his thoughts.

Jesse chuckled darkly, "I always know how to get you going." he smirked.

"We- we can't. Jesse..." Blaine's words came out as breathless as they possibly could and he cursed himself for not having more self-control.

"Can't we?" His voice smooth and sure and damn him. Why was he always so calm about this? "I think it's a little too late to decide what we can and what we can't do, Blaine." His lips hovered over Blaine's ear as his hands stroked soothingly over his hips. "Are you forgetting how I fucked you senseless last week? Do we need a reminder of how I can make you beg for it until you can't take it anymore and you just- fuck; you just ride me?"

Blaine was impossibly hard now, and one of Jesse's hands moved south, massaging over the bulge in his pants. Blaine let out a shuddering breath.

"You're so fucking desperate for it, aren't you Blaine?"

"Oh, God." Blaine hissed into Jesse's chest. Everything about this- everything about Jesse was just absolutely obscene. "Yes."

Jesse grabbed Blaine's hand and placed it over his own hard, clothed length. "See what you do to me, Blaine?"

Blaine choked out a breath as he pressed his palm against the warmth in his hand. "So hot."

Jesse began thrusting his hips in small motions. Leaning down to kiss Blaine, he pressed their bodies closer together, ridding themselves of the need for their hands to be stroking each other. They ground their hips against one another, relishing in the hard, unmistakably mesmerizing pressure.

In a fluid motion, Jesse hoisted Blaine up onto the kitchen counter. On instinct, Blaine wrapped his legs around him, pulling him back for more sweet friction.

They both were desperate to get out of their jeans but were also incredibly aware of how absolutely reckless they were being. At any moment, someone could walk right through that door and catch them in the act.

Blaine realized in the back of his mind that that was exactly what Jesse wanted. Jesse had nothing to lose. He wasn't dating anyone, he didn't care if people found out he was fooling around with other guys. But Blaine... he should be more careful about this. He should put an end to it because... he had Kurt. He loved Kurt; and Kurt loved him. He has lied and cheated and done everything wrong. He doesn't deserve Kurt.

And that's it right there. That's why he doesn't stop it... because... he doesn't have anything to lose. He's already lost Kurt, because even if they don't get caught tonight, it's bound to happen again; and again. Eventually, he figures, he'd finally gather the courage to tell Kurt. To break it off with him and give him the truth. Finally give him something that he deserves, even if he can't be everything. He wanted so badly to be everything for Kurt...

He never wanted to hurt him. Yet here he was, fucking another guy, while Kurt was just a room away. He feels terrible, and rightly so.

He doesn't even know how it all started. Kurt left one weekend to visit Lima, but Blaine had to stay; he couldn't take off from work. Jesse was a somewhat permanent fixture in their lives nowadays; all of them living in New York and searching for chances at similar if not identical dreams.

Jesse came over for a drink and 'one thing led to another' and all that jazz.

Blaine couldn't live with himself after that. He immediately felt the guilt take him over. Every time Kurt left, Jesse was there. He was always just a phone call away, always there. As soon as Blaine had let himself surrender to his guilt, he realized that he couldn't have Kurt anymore.

But he held onto him still, as long as possible. He just refused intimacy with him. He couldn't... not after being with someone else.

Now, three months later, Blaine couldn't bring himself to care anymore about being caught. If anything it would be a relief. No more hiding, no more sneaking around, no more lying.

At last, he could stop being the world's most selfish asshole, and let Kurt go. It was over.

"Blaine, fuck." Jesse hissed into Blaine's sweaty mess of curls.

A door swung open, "Blaine, how are you- Blaine?"

The two other men stopped their motions abruptly. Blaine shut his eyes tightly, burying his face into Jesse's shirt. "Kurt." He whimpered, the tears came almost instantly. Jesse's arms wrapped tightly around him as he crumpled pathetically into himself.

"What the fuck, Blaine? How- why-" Blaine couldn't bear to look at Kurt, but he could hear the sadness, the betrayal and that was enough to have him openly sobbing against Jesse. "And- and you."

Kurt's words were directed no longer at Blaine, "I didn't even know you were- damn it. Blaine Anderson, will you fucking look at me?"

"I-" Blaine couldn't say much between the deep, panicked breaths that his body was forcing him to take, "can't."

Kurt screamed hard enough to turn his throat raw. Just a scream; no actual words. An angry, volatile scream that was sure to leave people asking questions but Blaine couldn't think about that. Couldn't think about anything other than how horrible and utterly empty he felt.

He didn't know when Kurt had left, he heard an utterance of "fuck you both" but he couldn't find it in himself to look up.

Jesse smoothed his hands over his back and it was almost as if maybe it would be okay.

Maybe being with Jesse would be okay.

But that's all it would ever be.

"It's okay." Jesse muttered into his hair, holding him as tightly as possible.

That's all anything would ever be from now on.

I'd rather live my life in regret than do this
What happened to the love we both knew?