Clue: April Fools

Written as a play by Dorshal Finn

Based closely upon the book by A.E Parker

Cast of Characters

Miss Scarlet

Col. Mustard

Mrs. White

Mr. Green

Mrs. Peacock

Prof. Plum

Mr. Boddy

Hogarth

Dr. Black

Hogarth: Hello, guests, friends, and psychopaths. We are gathered here tonight to see a brand new mystery. Not just any old mystery, but one spiced with foul language (looks side to side and bursts outr laughing)... APRIL FOOLS! Foul Language indeed! Everyone loves humor right? I can agree. I love a little chuckle now and then. Hey! Did you hear the one about...never mind. Anyway, you may love humor, but did you know that too much can kill you? Neither did I, until I heard the spine tingling Parker Brother's CLUE mystery entitled...APRIL FOOLS. So sit back, relax, and try to stay calm. This story can be quite...let's say, tongue-in-cheek.

Curtains Open

All of the Clue guests are sitting down at a large dinning room table and have finished their dinner. They are all drinking champagne to help wash it down.

Scarlet: Oh! That was wonderful! Mr. Boddy can sure throw great dinner parties.

Mustard: Quite so! That was a jolly good feast!

Peacock: It was an absolutely pathetic feast!

Adlibs: Yelling at Mrs. Peacock.

Plum: Quiet you! It was delicious and I just can't wait to see what Mrs. White has cooked up for desert!

Green: You said it!

Scarlet: (looks about) But I wonder where Boddy is.

Green: I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

Scarlet: Well he'd better hurry. I am ready for dessert.

Green: So am I Scarlet. So...am...I. (Smiles)

Boddy, a sweet elderly man, walks into the room and stands at the end of the table and gets a serious face ready.

Boddy: Hello everyone.

Mustard: Good evening Mr. Boddy.

Adlibs: Saying hi to Mr. Boddy

Green: Dinner was wonderful sir and I am sure dessert will be just the same.

Boddy: Oh...yes. Dessert. (sighs) Well, I am afraid I have some bad news everyone. Due to a tragic mix-up, no dessert will be served this evening.

The whole crowd looks around. The all look very disappointed.

Peacock: (Sarcastic) Oh well.

Mustard: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OH WELL"??? We are all very upset!

Plum: Yes! Quite upset. I was so looking foward to dessert.

Scarlet: As well as me!

Boddy looks around, puffs up, and then bursts out laughing.

Boddy: APRIL FOOLS!!! HEHEHEHEHEHE! Boy I had you going! You should have seen the look on your faces! HAHAHAHAHA!

Peacock: (dull) We sure were surprised.

Green: (dull) I think I fainted.

Plum: (dull) I had a heart attack.

Boddy: Well I know it was naughty of me, but I think it is good to have a little fun now and then. They say that laughter is the best medicine...and I am quite old you know.

Green: So there is dessert then?

Boddy: Oh! Yes! And now for your real dessert...Baked Alaska!

Plum: Mmmmm! My favorite!!

Boddy wrings a little bell.

Boddy: Mrs. White!!!

Mustard turns around to speak to Scarlet.

Mustard: Umm...Scarlet, before dessert starts I wanted to tell you that you ate your pheasant with the wrong fork.

Scarlet's face, instantly, turns her color.

Scarlet: I beg your pardon?

Mustard: Yes, I couldn't help but notice that you ate your pheasant with the small fork. (He holds up his own small fork to show her) This is a salad fork. The big fork is the fork you should use for the main courses like pheasant.

Scarlet: Why Col. Mustard, you ignorant cad, I guess you didn't know that pheasant is the one exception to that rule. Pheasant is always eaten with the small fork.

Mustard: Scarlet, I don't think...

Green: Please! Lets not get so unpleasant about, well, umm...a pheasant.

Peacock: Let them alone Green. I want to see who the most civil of the two is.

Scarlet scoffs at Peacock. Boddy rings the bell again.

Boddy: MRS. WHITE!!!! I can't imagine where that woman got to. She had our dessert prepared in this big silver dish!

Green points to a dish behind Boddy.

Green: You don't mean THAT silver dish, do you?

Boddy turns around.

Boddy: Oh goodness! Yes! This is it! She must have brought it out while I wasn't looking. IF I CAN HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION!!!! (He puts his hand on the lid) Drumroll please!

Green drums the table with his hands.

Boddy: Presenting the Baked Ala...

Boddy pulls off the lid and reveals... WHITE'S HEAD!!! She has an apple in her mouth and is also sitting on lettuce!

Boddy: (jumps)...GOOD HEAVENS!

Mustard chokes, Plum screams, Scarlet faints into Plum's arms and so does Peacock! The two bang into each other and fall to the ground.