Chapter 1

I was never much of a dress wearing daughter.

I used to follow my older brother around all day, devotedly.

What he learned, I learned. Usually faster.

The soldiers all helped train me as I grew up, just as they did with Fergus.

The Mabari loved me. Maybe because I smelled like snacks since I'd keep dried biscuits in my pockets.

Father used to say I was the pride of the family. Mother never stopped trying to get me to be a little girl.

I wanted to run, play, get dirty in the mud, learn how to fight.

I was never the kind of daughter I should have been.

But when Father offered me as a Grey Warden to Warden Duncan, I was scared.

"What about Fergus?" I asked.

He was the son, he was the heir.

As Warden Duncan looked me over, it clicked.

Fergus was the heir.

Becoming a Warden was a permanent thing. There was no coming home after the recruitment. I'd never heard of a Warden going home again.

Even Arl Howe looked shocked at my Father.

"Are you sure your daughter is up for that?" Howe didn't even look at me.

Was I?

"Of course she is. She's the best of the Cousland family." My Father put his hand on my shoulder.

No, he hadn't even considered protecting Fergus. He was only considering giving his best to the honorable Grey Wardens.

"Elissa Cousland, what is your desire in the matter?" Warden Duncan asked me.

He held his hand up when my Father and Howe would speak.

"I..." I started.

I wanted more than playing house and pretending to be satisfied watching the estate when Father and Fergus went off to fight. I wanted to be out there, on the battlefield, with them.

Right?

"I would like to join the Grey Wardens." I said.

The older man let out the first smile I'd ever seen from him.

"Very good. It'll be tough, but I'm certain you'll pass through all the work easily." He sounded like he was sure of that. "If what your father says is true, I think I'll be sorry to take you from him." He laughed.

Father laughed. "Really, you will indeed be getting the best of us. I'm too old or I'd join for a good last fight." He looked at me. "Now love, can you go and tell your brother I'll need to see him."

I nodded.

XX

It took a couple hours, and a detour or two thanks to my dog and my mother, but I did find Fergus in his room with his wife and son.

Father was sending Fergus off ahead with the troops.

I'd miss my brother, but there was no law I was aware of that would prevent me from writing them, even after I joined the Wardens. And it wasn't as if I couldn't see them again.

After dinner, after I'd talked with Warden Duncan about joining, I excused myself to go to bed.

I took Baron out for his last walk of the day in the garden.

As I walked among the flowers I felt unsure of myself.

Could I really become a Warden? I knew the legends that surrounded them, but I'd never thought of myself along those same lines before.

Yet, if I left tomorrow with Warden Duncan, that's where I'd be. Regardless of my own actions, I'd immediately be elevated and backed by those legends. Which meant that every action I had from then on would reflect on the Wardens as a whole.

I'd heard that it didn't matter where you came from, only what you did as a Warden that they cared about. It made sense. Wardens were figures of near myth these days since the last Blight was so long ago. But kids were still taught of the Wardens and some people still joined as a way of redeeming themselves or giving their lives purpose.

Even I'd been taught the history around them.

Granted, I was a studious child when it came to anything relating to war.

Baron butted my thigh with his massive head and I stumbled.

"Done already?" I asked him.

He huffed an affirmation at me and started to lead me back inside.

As we passed through the door, he tilted his head and whined in question at me.

"It's nothing. Really. I'm just worried I won't make a good Warden."

He snorted and turned his back to me.

"It's just...I'm nothing special. I've never even left Highever before. How am I supposed to make it out there among people I don't know, people who may try to kill me, and become someone the Wardens don't have to be ashamed of?"

He paused and weaved around my legs, licking my hand.

"But what if you're not allowed to come Baron? It's not like I can just bring along a war beast like you just because you're my best partner."

I heard the laugh before the figure stepped into the hall.

"I have heard Mabari are highly intelligent, but I must say you're the first I've heard hold a conversation with one." Warden Duncan said as he stood in the path.

"I...sorry. He helps me work things out." I looked down.

Baron made a kind of proud woof. And thumped me with his head to push me forward.

I stumbled and Warden Duncan reached to steady me.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's quite alright. Tell you a secret Miss Cousland." The older Warden looked down at me and I met his eyes. They were kind and warm. Not hard and cold from battle. "When I was young, I had a cat that followed me everywhere in- well, where I grew up anyway." He had been going to say something, but he changed his mind. "He had a few lessons to teach me. One of his favorite was 'if you don't try, how can you succeed?'"

"A cat said that?" I frowned. "Well...you know..."

He laughed again. "He was never vocal like your Mabari, but I understood his message nonetheless."

"How?" I frowned.

"I spent a good deal of my youth running away from people. He'd guide me, making jumps I couldn't, and just when I'd nearly be caught, he'd show me another path. Eventually I got big and strong enough to make the jumps myself."

"I see. Smart cat." I laughed.

"Wasn't he? And to relieve you, yes, you may indeed bring your partner. The Wardens have never been against having Mabari fighting alongside them. But I warn you, his health can get worse fighting too."

I nodded. "I...I know. If he wants to stay, I won't make him come." I said.

Baron growled and butted Warden Duncan.

He just laughed. "I just have to warn you of the dangers. Being a Warden can be very fulfilling, but also very dangerous." He looked at me as I felt nervous and it must have shown. "I wouldn't worry Miss Cousland. I'm sure you'll do great. After all, you'll have me teaching you and Alistair as a mentor, so if you mess up, blame him." He laughed.

"But..." I frowned.

"He's quite used to taking the flak, I assure you. I think he lives for it."

"I... Thank you Warden, I think I'll try to rest easier now." I said.

"Very good. I'll see you bright and early in the morning and we can see your father off before heading to meet with my other recruits."

I nodded and started to my room with Baron.

XX

It took a moment for Baron's barking to pull me from my sleep.

I rubbed at my eyes.

"Baron..." I mumbled.

He scratched at the door as I pulled on my shift.

I stood up as the door was kicked in and my Mabari sent back nearly to my bed.

Three men rushed into the room and I acted on autopilot.

I snatched up my swords from leaning against my bed and flicked the latches keeping their sheaths on.

The leather flew off the one as I intended and cracked up against the helmet of the man in front.

Baron was on him as he stumbled and his partners had to move back to avoid him as my dog took him down at the throat.

I rushed forward, low and kept my blades tight to me. As I reached where Baron had his teeth deep in the soldiers neck, I put a foot on his back.

Instantly my Mabari stiffened and it gave me the leverage to raise myself up and swing out with both blades.

I felt them connect on both men and go right through their loose armor and soft flesh.

Both clutched at their upper chests and the one to my right struggled to raise his sword as I turned to bring my left sword across his neck while Baron took care of the other scrambling on the floor.

Guess they hadn't expected a fight?

But father had ensured I was the best in the castle.

I quickly yanked on a pair of pants and the stiffened leather armor tunic beside my door, wrapping the sash around my waist to secure my sheaths to once I collected them again.

I dragged the blades across the frame of the door to scrape off the blood before slipping my feet into my boots and heading into the hall.

More soldiers stood out there, trying to get into my parent's room.

I took two out from behind as Baron tripped one up by pulling on his leg and then he went for the throat as usual.

Obviously not Cousland Soldiers, because Baron knew all of them. And most were gone.

The door opened and my mother stood there with her bow.

"Oh my dear, you're alright."

"Of course Mother." I nodded. "What's going on?"

"Howe's betrayed us. We must find your father and get the family out of here. We'll pick up everyone we can save."

"Why not just kill all the soldiers?" I glared at the dead men as she headed for Fergus' room to check on his wife and their son.

When she cried out, I moved from my place in guarding the door to look at what she was fussing over.

Maybe it was that I'd been woken into a fight, maybe because Oriana and I were never all that close despite how close Fergus and I were, but seeing the two of them dead didn't make me sad so much as pissed off more.

Maybe the sadness would hit me later?

"Mother, we need to go. We'll be killed here." I said.

I reached to pull her along.

"But...my baby boy..." She cried. "My darling daughter..."

That somehow hit a nerve.

Maybe that was why I'd never gotten along with her. Oriana was the daughter my mother never got in me.

I held my swords carefully as I reached to shake my mother with both hands.

"Do you want to join them?" I snapped as I heard stomping boots.

It shook her out of her daze.

She glared at me as she composed herself.

"When did you get cold?" She asked as I started leading the way towards our main hall. Father should have still been up at this hour. And that was usually where he stayed.

"When someone decided to make tonight my last night alive." I scowled as I turned the corner.

XX

After collecting one of my closest friends and one of the few soldiers who'd stayed behind to protect the castle, the three of us and Baron made our way, killing soldiers as we came across them, until we were at the armory.

Gilmore kept watch at the door as I yanked off my training armor and quickly pulled on proper gear.

"Did I raise you shamelessly?" Mother asked as I retied my sash for my sheaths.

"Not entirely sure Gilmore cares right now Mother." I said as I secured the straps on my boots and stood.

"Also pretty sure your daughter is very far out of my league." He laughed as I came up behind him, ready to go.

I'd collected up the heirloom sword and shield and had them both secreted away under a heavy stone I'd known was loose in the armory floor.

No one would ever find it. Hell, I might not either... But at least the heirlooms were safe until I could come back with enough forces to wipe Arl Howe out.

Gilmore kept watch at our backs as we headed for the kitchens.

When we stopped on the main hall, he urged us to keep going while they attempted to hold off the rest of the forces invading.

"But you can come too." I said to him.

"It's alright. I'm glad to have given my service to your family and if I survive this and see you again... You can take me to dinner." He grinned.

"A feast." I promised as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Us too?" A couple of the older guards teased.

My mother just seemed shocked I was so familiar with them all.

What can I say, I grew up with half of them and some of their kids.

"Sure." I headed for the door. Baron became the lead as we left the hall.

XX

I found my father in the larder with wounds I knew were fatal.

"Elissa, you must take your mother and go through the tunnel. Go to your brother and bring back everyone." Father said.

"We can all get out of here." I said.

"No, I won't make it."

"Of course you will!" My mother cried out.

"I know I'm not long now." Father said.

I heard the kitchen door slam shut and turned, drawing my swords.

My mother raised her bow as I saw Warden Duncan coming in with blood and soot on his armor.

"Cousland, this is a madhouse." He said.

"I am sorry Warden." Father attempted a laugh.

"I must ask again, do you give your daughter for the Wardens?" Warden Duncan asked him.

"Yes. She'll be safer under your care. And please take my wife from here."

"Not a chance." My mother put her foot down. "If you refuse to leave, then so will I. Howe will have to go through both of us to get to Elissa."

I looked up at Warden Duncan. "I'm ready." I said.

I was terrified and sad and upset and really fucking tired.

At some point everything was going to catch up to me, but I wanted to be far away when it did.

He nodded and my father helped him get the secret opening to the tunnel open.

Baron went first, naturally a leader. Warden Duncan urged me down after my Mabari and promised my father that he'd watch out for me before following himself.

In the dark tunnel, I reached to take hold of Baron's collar.

I heard Warden Duncan stumble and reached back.

My hand hit his armor and his came up to find mine.

My Mabari was the only one with a sense of direction down here in the dark.

"Are you sure of where you're going?" Warden Duncan asked.

"Baron plays down here enough to know the route out. It's a maze of darkness if you're not familiar. But we'll travel faster in the dark."

"Right." Warden Duncan sounded like he nodded. "Put faith in your beast, he'll guide you out."

I nodded. I also just didn't want to see the tunnels.

XX

It was dark when we broke out of the escape tunnels but light enough that I didn't have to hold Warden Duncan's hand anymore.

I still didn't let go.

After an hour of walking in the dark, I could turn and still see my home on fire.

"He'll pay." I mumbled. "I swear I'll make him pay."

"I'll talk to the King when we get to Ostagar."

I wasn't sure it would help. But I know Fergus would turn the men around and march back, Blight or no.

XX

I think I slept while walking for most of the night. Warden Duncan held my hand to keep me moving, and I'm pretty sure he got annoyed at my stumbling at some point, because Baron became a lead to me as well.

As morning came, I was too cold inside to feel anything but hate.

We stopped for a few moments on the side of the road and I looked up at Warden Duncan.

"How are you feeling Elissa?" He asked.

"I...I don't know anymore." I said.

"I understand. I'm truly sorry about what has happened. Your father was a good man." He said. I nodded. "You know your family has a history with the Wardens, correct?"

"Yeah." I looked down.

"I can't say I agree with the rebellion the previous Warden-Commander attempted, but I do think that no one should be held accountable for the actions of their family line." He said.

"Well... You've probably never done such bad things as repeatedly butt heads with the kings..." I scoffed.

"I grew up a thief on the streets in Orlais after my parents died when I was young. I killed a man when I was younger than you on accident trying to rob him. I was arrested and told I'd killed a Warden. Then offered a chance to be a Warden in his place and I spat on it. Then my Warden-Commander conscripted me into the fold on the execution block. Gave the choice of death by their hands over a petty accident or making a better life for myself someday. I didn't have a choice."

I looked up at him in shock. "But..."

"I've done some wrong things in my life too Elissa, and I'm not proud of them, but I would never judge someone just by looking at their present state if I were you."

I swallowed as I nodded.

This man...was the very image of the Wardens. From dust to shield. From scraping just to live to protecting the world so that others could have that luxury.

"Now, eat up." He held out a couple rolls from under his cloak.

"Where..." I reached for one.

"We did escape through the kitchens remember. I might be far removed from my childhood, but my hands are as quick as ever." He grinned as he held up one of my swords in his other hand.

I blinked and my hand shot to my right hip. "You..."

He laughed as I snatched the sheath back and retied it.

"No, not like that." He brushed my hands away and I turned to watch as he started to tie the knot. "If you keep tying that kind of knot, you'll always lose your blades."

"But it's easier to disarm later like that." I said around a bite of bread.

"Yes, and easier for a good rogue to disarm you before you do." He said as I watched his knot. "This is much harder. And besides, what purpose is a sash if you don't use it properly?"

I frowned as he moved to my left side after taking a bite of his roll.

"I...never thought of that."

"It goes to show your privilege, but you don't have that luxury anymore Elissa. From now on, I don't ever want to see your sheaths untied from your sash. You have it secured quite well and I do like that you keep your purse well hidden in the pocket hidden here." He put his hand over the small hidden pouch over the left side of my belly. "It would be hard for even me to pick your purse like this, and now, I can't get at your swords as easily either."

"Thank you." I mumbled.

I'd hardly left the castle without a group of soldiers, so I'd never considered thievery. At least, not of my swords. My purse was always hidden, so I wasn't entirely unprepared.

Warden Duncan broke the last roll in half. "Keep the other half of that roll tucked away for later." He said as he held out the cloth he'd snatched them in.

I nodded and wrapped both pieces in it and tucked them in the fold of my sash.

"When we get to Ostagar, I'll see you fully geared." He said.

"This isn't good?" I asked as I watched him hold out his half of the third roll to Baron, who snarfed it down greedily. How stupid was I? Eating without thinking to feed my partner.

I didn't deserve either of them. Fergus would have fed Baron and not lost his sword.

Baron butted my thigh and I stumbled forward to follow Warden Duncan.

"If we were just fighting thugs and highwaymen, it would be. But we'll be fighting Darkspawn and an Archdemon. Much more dangerous." He said.

I hesitated. "And...you think I can do that?"

"I know you can. You're a Cousland. Defending the people is in your blood." He looked back at me.

I nodded.

Was it? Fighting for my life and competing with the castle soldiers were two very different things.

The soldiers had never tried to kill me.

"Now, we should be at Ostagar in about a week, maybe five or six days if we make good time."

I nodded again.