SEPTEMBER 26
BELLA: He is gone. I still cant believe he left but what did I really expect? I'm nothing more than a fragile, unimportant, boringly average human and he is practically … words fail me. Even now just thinking about him is ripping my heart apart, the hole in my heart growing quickly and sucking everything that I once was into the nothingness that he left behind.
Sitting by my window I watched the sky darkening off, the shadows pushing further along the grass towards the house, making everything disappear into the nothingness as it creeps closer and closer to me. Twilight. The time of day that was the safest for them, the easiest time for them and my worst time. I had apparently picked up his masochistic tendencies, everyday I made sure to be sitting at my window in time to catch the full twilight experience and found myself wondering what they were doing at that exact moment in time.
Charlie is pacing downstairs, he is worried about me and I know this but there is nothing that I can do about his worries just yet. I thought it was meant to get easier as the days passed but I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I know this. Yet, I cant seem to stop myself.
I haven't returned to school or work yet, in fact I haven't left my house yet.
Renee had come and begged me to go with her after the first seven days of not moving from the bed. She had even began packing my things while I sat for the first time in the rocking chair looking out my window, waiting. It hadn't been long before I realised that if I left, I couldn't wait. If he ever came back I wouldn't know. I knew it was irrational given that he promised he was never coming back but what if by some miracle he did… I had thrown what others would consider a 'hissy fit'. As she packed, I unpacked. As she shouted, I shouted.
Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I felt the first tear finally breaking the barrier and running down my face. Others soon followed and before I knew it I was cradled in her arms on my bed with streams of tears following that I couldn't seem to stop. The evening had settled into night and as the clock ticked the moon was replaced by the sun. And yet here I was, still crying. I couldn't seem to stop.
It wasn't so much that I felt better to let the tears out but that I was finally able to think around the pain again. To understand what I needed to do in order to convince my parents I was fine.
EDWARD: Twilight. The perfect time of day for our kind, it was once my favourite time of day but now it was meaningless. Everything is meaningless. I was aware that being away from her would shatter me, I was more than aware of that fact if I'm honest. Every fibre of my being wanted her, wanted to see her, touch her. A few times I had seriously thought about returning to her. Once, I had begun the journey back to her.
I was only gone three days at the time, living in Alaska with our distant family - The Denali's - when Alice had received a vision without looking for one. There was no warning, no preparation time, just a quick flash that took me off guard and had me running for Forks.
I had never seen Bella's mother but it would have been impossible not to know her instantly - It was Bella, just a little older with lighter hair - she was packing bags of clothing, clothing that I knew, that I recognised. That soft blue silk shirt that I loved on Bella, the ugly brown jumper that covered her figure and made her look frumpy, the green skirt she wore to my house the first time she came… As Renee packed her clothes her eyes darted towards Bella sitting in the rocking chair by the window, my chair next to my sanctuary entrance. Bella stared uninterrupted out the window but from the angle Renee was watching her, I could see the emptiness on her face. The pain. I could have sworn I felt my heart stop beating all over again, the cold rush through it and it take its last pitiful splatter of beats before stopping entirely. Bella was leaving Forks. I couldn't get that look out of my mind, she wasn't Bella anymore, everything that made her who she was seemed gone… she was empty. I ran out the front door as the others shouted concerned questions in my direction but I kept on going. I was in port Angeles before I finally stopped running. It had hit me like a ton of bricks. She was upset now but she would move on better in Florida than Forks. Renee would help her and she would be safer in the sunny states as our kind preferred the colder, cloudier states.
It was at that moment that I truly realised I couldn't stay with my family anymore. I couldn't be a Cullen. Just being near any of them made me worse, it wasn't their fault. It was mine. I was jealous. Instead of returning back to Canada I continued south, heading for Mexico.
I was nearly out of Washington when I caught a scent I recognised. Victoria. It was fresh and not even five miles from Forks.
I began the hunt, afraid that she would be after Bella. After tracking her scent for a couple of days away from Forks, I decided that she mustn't of been after Bella and gave up. I was half way across America already and the scent only seemed to get further away as I followed it.
Standing now, looking at the moon, at the twilight hour, I couldn't help but wonder what Bella was up to. Was she still in Forks? Florida? Was she happy? Could she sleep better now that Forks was behind her? I decided to stick to my original plan and head to Mexico, the sun might be bright there but there are plenty of desolated areas to hide out and hopefully I might find a place I can be left alone to be with my thoughts without the constant irritation of peoples minds intruding.
ALICE: I truly missed my friend. Edward was wrong, this was a bad idea. We shouldn't of left and he knew it but as always he had to be right. He couldn't just admit he was being a fool.
"She deserves better" that was his whole reasoning behind our departure from forks. How ridiculous. Bella was a big girl, she could make her own mind up on what she deserved. And she will.. He'll see. At least I hope he will…
Up until the day he finally left our family - the day he ran away - my visions remained the same. Bella would eventually join our family and then there was nothing. Like her whole future was erased. His plan was working and he was stronger than I had original assumed. I miss my friend. I want to go home. We all do.
Jasper is blaming himself for this whole mess, even though Edward assured him that's not why he left, as well as the message I passed on from Bella. However Jasper doesn't buy it, he knows that Edward would never of found the strength to leave Bella if he hadn't endangered her. I was never as aware of Jaspers gift as I am now, his emotional climate rolls off of him and no one has the courage to say anything. We all feel it, it effects us all but Esme and Carlisle are worried if they mention it, he will leave as well.
Esme is heartbroken and Carlisle seems to be in a panic most days trying to hide it but failing miserably. Emmett is serious about everything and Rose seems to be in a worse mood, if that's possible. My family is falling apart and I'm afraid I might lose them all.
