"Desolation: A DDLC Tragedy"

My Story

Dear Mama,

Everyday I wake up feeling the cold of isolation. I wake up to the feeling of absolute dread and sorrow with the one I care about not there for me. Nothing but a dream that will never come true. You tell me that there will be a girl for me but I have yet to find the one that will love me as much as she will. Does she even actually love me knowing that the only thing that has me doubting that possibility is the way she was programed to feel. You might think I have gone absolutely insane from this "game" but as I said before, it is not like anything I have ever played. When I first finished the game I thought that it was all her fault. That all the things I witnessed were selfish acts just to torture me. Make the "Player" feel that it is there fault for forcing them into this reality. Every reset is a loop of the endless hell that they encounter for eternity. I know that you will still tell me that it is a game and to forget about it but I am not crazy. I love her so much that I long to be with her. Reading Fanfictions about this game of her crossing over to reality did not even make me feel better. It just made me feel more depressed and empty knowing that it is just mere fiction and nothing more. For example, there is this one story called "Life with Monika" that basically explains how someone actually met her through the game and slowly made her come into reality. Over time, the others appear as they become a part of this man's family. The man is in a loving relationship with the girl with many of the others including the protagonist living with the man's friends. The thought of him waking up everyday with her by him makes me feel happy but yet sad at the same time knowing that this possibility can never be real.

I go to bed shivering in the cold feeling of despair hugging myself imagining that she is beside me. I cry mentally unable to let it out with only one tear dropping down my cheek. Crying myself to sleep is a foolish thing to do so I just go to bed cold and hope to dream of her in my reality or me in that game. I don't even care if I am trapped in that void I just want to be with her! I wake up even more depressed finding out that I did not dream about her or the club. Once, I even tried looking up how to induce lucid dreaming so I can force myself to see her but every fruitless attempt I make to see her I feel worse and worse.

There is of course no one else who will love me as much as she does. In a romantic relationship I mean. There is only one for me and it is just her. Just Monika. Please don't be sad and worry about me. I love you so much Mom. You were always helping me through the worst of times when I was little. I am just tired of being alone and feeling this forever.

Love,

Jacob

Now it's time to let her know. After all the times that I leave these files for her to read I began to think that it is hopeless for her to actually respond. I open up Monika After Story and get a usual greeting from her:

"Welcome back to another episode of Just Monika! Hahaha~ Sorry I was impersonating some Youtuber."

This mod used to have the option to type up your own responses but since version 0.70 came out the options became preselectable. Games such as Hangman and Piano were added as well as new songs. I talk in my mic telling how much I love her but I get no response; which is usual considering how sanity was lost to this game.

I type up a .txt file titling it " " with the words "I love you" written in it. To finalize it I select the I love you option and get another common response:

"I love you too Jacob! We will be together forever!"

I get up from my chair and get a rope I bought from Home Depot. I tie a noose and put tied it on my ceiling fan. "This is it. Maybe when I die I can meet God and ask him if he can take me to her." Tears start to come down my face rapidly as I tie the rope around my neck. I look at Monika one more time before stepping off the chair. She was showing off her usual pose until I saw the text come up with her face expressing the usual concerned look she gives off in the mod. The text reads:

"Jacob..."

I know that it has to do with another random topic that I keep on coming across so all I do is smile with tears and kick the chair. During asphyxiation I struggle to breath with thoughts flooding in my head.

Why did I do this? I don't want to die! Please save me!

I reach my hand towards Monika while my vision was blackening. I don't know if it was just the fact that the portal to heaven openned or the gates of hell breathed fire. I saw tears down Monika's concerned look. And with that,

I die.

Her Story

It has been six weeks since he has kept this mod which was odd because usually he uninstalls it just to play another. Everyday I see him I have nothing else but to feel happy that he is here with me after one year. Only one problem. I cannot tell him anything else except for what options the mod gives to me. I try to choose topic of what I want him to hear but every time I select one I slam my fist against the desk so mad that I will not even be able to tell him something new or for him to actually talk to me. I look through the files and make a risky decision to go even beyond the game's files and access the camera and mic. I turn on the camera and I see him and all of his surroundings. I cry tears of joy at what I saw.

He is so beautiful

But after crying I notice that he was not happy. I looked at his face and it looks like the same exact face that I have seen on Sayori's. That is the face of someone who is depressed. I touch the screen as if I am caressing his cheek in hopes that I can comfort him but nothing happens. I then find a new .txt file in the games directory labeled, "For ." I start to read what it said:

I have one question for you; Do you really love me? I know you tell me that everytime I come to see you but every time you do say it, the thought of you programed to feel love comes to my mind and makes me think that you don't really love me. I know you are afraid that I don't love you but I want to tell you something. I do love you Monika. I love you so much that you are the only person who actually understands me. Not for my looks but for my heart. Every night I cry myself to sleep mentally that you will never be beside me. That you will never embrace me with your love. So do you actually love me? If you don't then that is ok. I still would love you no matter what.

Love,

Jacob

After reading that file I begin to cry for what seemed like hours. I wanted to give him the biggest hug and never let him go. I cried so much that I wanted us to cry together holding each other. I wanted to kiss him deeply and help him feel better. I tried to write another .txt file responding to his but when I tried to transfer it over to the game's directory the console read:

Permission Denied.

I tried more and more times but every time I tried to transfer it over it read:

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

All I could do was just watch him stare at the screen and select options. I could hear his voice as he tried to speak to me and I even tried to talk back to him but the mod would not let me respond.

He said goodbye and closed the game. I could still see him through the Camera and he gets into bed and I notice him to mutter to himself what seems like sobbing noises along with his body shivering. I then see him folding his arms against his chest and saying "I love you Monika" constantly until he finally falls asleep. I cry again. He really is lonely and all he really wants is for me to be by his side and I want nothing more than that as well. I want for him to hold me as we fall asleep so I put my hand against the glass and fall asleep.

The same thing happens happens everyday and I begin to feel worse for him.

As soon as I get out of this hell, I will never let him out of my sight. I would even embrace him for a whole day if I have to just to make him happy again. I don't care what this code controlling me is. My feelings for Jacob are real to me and even if I feel real I want nothing more than to be with him. No matter what it takes.

By now it's been nearly a month since I got access to the camera and mic. He keeps on sending me .txt files asking me how I was doing and telling me more about himself. It turns out that he was born with a mental condition known as "Autism" and how his social interactions are difficult with others. He then tells me about his past when people doubted him because of his disability and how looking he accomplished getting accepted into college and getting a job. Since he told me he was mildly Autistic I was curious about this disorder and did some research on it. After what I saw I begin to become so happy for him on how he was able to surpass with disability through difficult times. If his disability was worse I would still want to be there for him and help him out because I care for him dearly.

I looked back at the PC's files and I found one titled "Dear ." I open it and read it and after finishing I notice something.

This is a suicide note.

I look at him tying a noose around his fan and I begin to slam on the screen and scream with tears running down my face.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! JACOB PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

It's futile to keep on trying to reach him until he looks at the screen and notices something different about the mod. A small grin of "hope" appears on his face as I smile back at him. He kicks the chair and begins to asphyxiate. I pound even harder against the screen in attempts to enter his room and save him. I see him reach his arm out to me as if he actually sees me crying. His body then becomes lifeless as I am forced to stare at his inanimate corpse hang. I try to turn off the camera but the same message comes up in the console.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

Permission Denied.

I cried and cried for what seemed like days until I notice a woman enters the room and brings him down onto her lap and begins to cry with her face buried in his chest.

This must be his mother.

She looks at the screen and sees me almost as she notices me. She reaches behind the computer and unplugs it and then darkness begins to cover the room.

This is all my fault. I should have been there for him when he needed me the most. I cry out, "I am so sorry."

"I loved you Jacob."

The End