"I want to learn what life if for/I don't want much, I just want more"
The opening notes of Cecilia's voice lesson greeted her ears. It didn't matter, in the end. It wasn't like she had any choice to be here. Cecilia supposed she had one, once, but she didn't remember when it was. And she didn't remember what choice she made. She couldn't even tell whether it was the right choice or not. All she knew was that she was Cecilia, and that was that.
"Ask what I want and I will sing/I want everything, everything."
Contrary to popular belief, singing really didn't take up much of your mind. Cecilia would follow that train of thought more, but she knew she wouldn't like where it ended up, so she thought about her schedule for the rest of the week instead. Monday-Monday was today, with dance and voice. And she was at voice, so that was something she hadn't forgotten. Tuesday was dance, practice for voice, and improv class. Wednesday was dance, practice, homework, and a shift at the school. Thursday was the same, except there was a lunch meeting of the high school sorority to boot. Friday had dance, practice, a date with Simon and sleep. Saturday had a 5 mile run, work, homework, and audition scouting. And Sunday was more of the same, except instead of work there was church with Simon, messing up boys on the promenade, and a little more sleep.
"I'd like to plan a city, play the cello/Play at Monte Carlo, play Othello"
Simon. God, Simon. Cecilia wasn't sure what she wanted from him. It changed depending on who she was that day. Which was only as it should be. She knew she didn't love him. But she knew he didn't love her, not really, so she didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for how she treated him. It wasn't as if he cared. No one cared, that was the problem. But of course, she was perfect. She didn't need caring.
"Move into the White House, paint it yellow. /Speak Portuguese and Dutch"
Except no girls liked her. That's why she told Simon she needed a guy friend. She needed some friends. Perfect people had to have friends, or they wouldn't be perfect. Or at least that was what Cecilia had been told. All the girls at dance thought she was a snob. All the girls at school hated her because she was pretty-and because she had no qualms against breaking guys' hearts. After all, she was Cecilia. It was their own fault if they played with fire. The fire consumed Cecilia. There was no reason why it should hold off anyone else.
"And if it's not too much I'd like to have the perfect twin/One who'd go out as I came in."
Cecilia didn't have to worry about that one. She did have a perfect twin. Her cousin. Her absolutely perfect already actress cousin. Who'd achieved all her dreams. Before she knew they were her dreams. It wasn't fair. She was Cecilia. She shouldn't have a younger cousin who had done all that Cecilia had been told she'd ever wanted to do. And she was perfect. It was fair for anyone else to be perfect. And everyone wanted so much Too much
"I've got to grab the big brass ring/so I'll have everything everything."
There were her parents who wanted her to be her cousin-and Cecilia knew that they really wanted her to be their daughter. So she tried her best she sang and danced and acted and acted the diva. Which meant something, she had to suppose. Right? Her whole couldn't mean nothing, could it? With the ease of long practice Cecilia drove herself away from that train of thought. She didn't want to know what was at the end of that tunnel. And so she was a good girl. A good girl who dated a good boy. Hence, Virgin Camden. She was using him. He knew it. He was using her, to cover up for something, but she didn't want to know what. She knew that. So the entire relationship was a sham that was played out for both their families. But Cecilia didn't want that. She wanted love. And she knew she was never going to find it. She was never going to be perfect enough. Someone loved her cousin. Everyone loved her cousin. And she couldn't even make a nice guy from school like her. Life wasn't fair. Life should be fair. Maybe she could just fall down. Forget all the people who wouldn't love her-couldn't love her. Cecilia knew even as she was thinking that nothing she thought made sense. She didn't care. If it made sense than she would be afraid. But insanity was no strange territory to her. Cecilia shuddered, giving for one instant her entire voice into the song:
"Give me the truth, if once I lied/Give me the man who's gonna bring more of everything."
Lies. Everyone lied to her. And why should they tell her the truth? Not even her boyfriend loved her. So what if they were using each other? Wasn't she worth something, in and of herself. After all, she was Cecilia. Didn't that mean something? To someone? Somewhere? Cecilia felt herself crossing the thin boundary in her mind that kept her functioning and didn't care. All the sudden, the floor looked very inviting. And why shouldn't she? No one would care if she was gone. Not even Simon. Not even her parents. Not even Cecilia. There was nothing she was doing that a thousand other people could not do and do better. Simon might listen to everything she said, and agree to the most ridiculous terms, but he still didn't love her. And so why shouldn't she?
"Then I'll have everything/I'll have everything everything."
And then Cecilia let herself go. She fell, and knew no more.
Author's Note: Yes, I'm aware that I'm basically making up Cecilia's entire character. I also don't own anything associated with 7th Heaven, including her. But Cecilia's a teenage girl, and so this can be accurate. The song "Everything" is from the move "A Star is Born".
The opening notes of Cecilia's voice lesson greeted her ears. It didn't matter, in the end. It wasn't like she had any choice to be here. Cecilia supposed she had one, once, but she didn't remember when it was. And she didn't remember what choice she made. She couldn't even tell whether it was the right choice or not. All she knew was that she was Cecilia, and that was that.
"Ask what I want and I will sing/I want everything, everything."
Contrary to popular belief, singing really didn't take up much of your mind. Cecilia would follow that train of thought more, but she knew she wouldn't like where it ended up, so she thought about her schedule for the rest of the week instead. Monday-Monday was today, with dance and voice. And she was at voice, so that was something she hadn't forgotten. Tuesday was dance, practice for voice, and improv class. Wednesday was dance, practice, homework, and a shift at the school. Thursday was the same, except there was a lunch meeting of the high school sorority to boot. Friday had dance, practice, a date with Simon and sleep. Saturday had a 5 mile run, work, homework, and audition scouting. And Sunday was more of the same, except instead of work there was church with Simon, messing up boys on the promenade, and a little more sleep.
"I'd like to plan a city, play the cello/Play at Monte Carlo, play Othello"
Simon. God, Simon. Cecilia wasn't sure what she wanted from him. It changed depending on who she was that day. Which was only as it should be. She knew she didn't love him. But she knew he didn't love her, not really, so she didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for how she treated him. It wasn't as if he cared. No one cared, that was the problem. But of course, she was perfect. She didn't need caring.
"Move into the White House, paint it yellow. /Speak Portuguese and Dutch"
Except no girls liked her. That's why she told Simon she needed a guy friend. She needed some friends. Perfect people had to have friends, or they wouldn't be perfect. Or at least that was what Cecilia had been told. All the girls at dance thought she was a snob. All the girls at school hated her because she was pretty-and because she had no qualms against breaking guys' hearts. After all, she was Cecilia. It was their own fault if they played with fire. The fire consumed Cecilia. There was no reason why it should hold off anyone else.
"And if it's not too much I'd like to have the perfect twin/One who'd go out as I came in."
Cecilia didn't have to worry about that one. She did have a perfect twin. Her cousin. Her absolutely perfect already actress cousin. Who'd achieved all her dreams. Before she knew they were her dreams. It wasn't fair. She was Cecilia. She shouldn't have a younger cousin who had done all that Cecilia had been told she'd ever wanted to do. And she was perfect. It was fair for anyone else to be perfect. And everyone wanted so much Too much
"I've got to grab the big brass ring/so I'll have everything everything."
There were her parents who wanted her to be her cousin-and Cecilia knew that they really wanted her to be their daughter. So she tried her best she sang and danced and acted and acted the diva. Which meant something, she had to suppose. Right? Her whole couldn't mean nothing, could it? With the ease of long practice Cecilia drove herself away from that train of thought. She didn't want to know what was at the end of that tunnel. And so she was a good girl. A good girl who dated a good boy. Hence, Virgin Camden. She was using him. He knew it. He was using her, to cover up for something, but she didn't want to know what. She knew that. So the entire relationship was a sham that was played out for both their families. But Cecilia didn't want that. She wanted love. And she knew she was never going to find it. She was never going to be perfect enough. Someone loved her cousin. Everyone loved her cousin. And she couldn't even make a nice guy from school like her. Life wasn't fair. Life should be fair. Maybe she could just fall down. Forget all the people who wouldn't love her-couldn't love her. Cecilia knew even as she was thinking that nothing she thought made sense. She didn't care. If it made sense than she would be afraid. But insanity was no strange territory to her. Cecilia shuddered, giving for one instant her entire voice into the song:
"Give me the truth, if once I lied/Give me the man who's gonna bring more of everything."
Lies. Everyone lied to her. And why should they tell her the truth? Not even her boyfriend loved her. So what if they were using each other? Wasn't she worth something, in and of herself. After all, she was Cecilia. Didn't that mean something? To someone? Somewhere? Cecilia felt herself crossing the thin boundary in her mind that kept her functioning and didn't care. All the sudden, the floor looked very inviting. And why shouldn't she? No one would care if she was gone. Not even Simon. Not even her parents. Not even Cecilia. There was nothing she was doing that a thousand other people could not do and do better. Simon might listen to everything she said, and agree to the most ridiculous terms, but he still didn't love her. And so why shouldn't she?
"Then I'll have everything/I'll have everything everything."
And then Cecilia let herself go. She fell, and knew no more.
Author's Note: Yes, I'm aware that I'm basically making up Cecilia's entire character. I also don't own anything associated with 7th Heaven, including her. But Cecilia's a teenage girl, and so this can be accurate. The song "Everything" is from the move "A Star is Born".
