His hands moved slowly but with impatience over her half-naked body. It was the first time he listened to his impulses since the death of his girlfriend, and somehow, she was not in his mind at this moment. Ever since he layed his eyes on the girl he was now holding close, it seemed like nothing else was important. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he never thought this feeling could invade him again, not after all he's been through. But it seemed pretty damn real. The way your heart skips a beat, the stress invading your insides whenever that person is near, the impression that you've never ever met someone as beautiful... He tried to supress the feeling, he tried to deny the attraction, but it was useless. She felt the same, he knew it, and she, too, seemed to be fighting the desire inside like it was pure poison and that she was swallowing extremely fast, without any chance to stop.
His hand seemed to burn at the touch of her skin and she pushed her body over his, like she could never be close enough. He trailed kisses on her collarbone, feeling the shiver that suddenly ran over her whole body. Her arm moved around his neck and she sticked her nails in his back. He didn't feel an ounce of pain, just a request for him to continue. Every movement seemed natural, almost too natural, like it was already written somewhere... like body parts moved by themselves. They couldn't control themselves anymore, and if they wanted to be honest, they didn't want to. It felt special, more special than it ever had before.
The motion of their bodies appeared to be in perfect synchronisism. The ecstacy he suddenly felt was worse than a drug. It was impossible to put into words, and he barely could believe he was living it at this exact moment. At this point, it seemed more than orgasmic. She moaned lightly, her lips brushing over his ear and he closed his eyes. Laying her back down on the bed, he put himself close on his side, staring at her. His face was only inches away from hers, and she could smell the odor emanating from him.
His hand moved once again below her neck, his fingers sliding on the small pearls of the necklace she was wearing. Being the only thing she still had on, he smiled and she sent it back to him. His dark hair fell around his face as his lips reached sweetly hers. She replied to the kiss and smiled more.
"Sam..." she whispered.
He didn't reply. He only planted his lips softly on her neck as she bited her bottom lip. Butterflies seemed to hit the inside of her stomach but she didn't show it. After all, she knew they could never have something. She would remain some sort of acquintance to him, and if she wanted to be honest, that's also what he had to be for her. She couldn't let her guards down, no matter how handsome and unique Sam Winchester was.
She closed her eyes and felt his hand in hers. He was making it so unbearable. She was no fool. He wouldn't be there when she'd wake up.
The way her fingers seemed to fit perfectly between his made him shiver, moving up the hair on his nape. And it hit him. He had so much stuff to do, so many people to save... he couldn't start a relationship. He would never be able to. He stared at her as her head fell on the right side. Her eyes closed, she seemed motionless, except for the regular breathing making her chest move up and down.
He looked at every inch of her body that was visible and smiled sadly. You never know what you're missing until you get it. And then, when you lose it, the pain it makes you feel never completely leave.
It was crazy. He barely knew her anyway. Why did he feel like he's known her forever? Why did he feel like he'd love her forever? It didn't make any sense. Nothing had actually made sense since he met her. He could fall for her. He knew it. It was obvious like a nose in the middle of a face. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Sam Winchester could totally fall in love with the girl laying next to him. If he'd only let his guard down... But he couldn't. He knew it. It's not like he really had a choice.
He held his breath, scared that if he'd let go, the incredible feeling would surround him once again. It was stuck in his stomach, screaming to get out and be free. If only Sam could be free.
He dressed back up slowly, making sure he wouldn't wake her up. It was not that easy, and when she moved on her side, he stopped breathing. He felt guilty. He didn't seem to only betray her, but also himself, and everything he believed in. It was not like him, but he had to face the truth. He would never be able to leave her if she'd dive her eyes into his.
He took his time, sending glances as often as he could in her direction before to walk up to her silently, bending down to kiss her forehead.
"Goodbye Olivia."
When he opened the door, the coldness of the wind seemed to slap him and he brought his shoulders closer to his face. He walked slowly, his hands in his pockets, leaving his footprints on the white road. The night was dark, and the winter was harsh. He let the snow fall over his hair and face, getting stuck in his eyelashes, and he remembered her necklace, smiling with melancholy. He seemed to be crying tears of pearls.
When the door closed behind him, Livia opened her eyes and got up from the bed. She had given him the best opportunity to leave. Still, she had the strange feeling he didn't really want to go, and although it shouldn't, it comforted her. Grabbing her gown and putting it on, she walked to the window and pushed the curtains, noticing he had forgotten his sweatshirt on the floor. It made her smile, and she turned her attention back to him. If she'd allow herself to listen to her instinct, she would run after him, her feet naked in the snow, but she knew better. The snowflakes danced around him, bringing him somewhere he probably could never call home. She felt homeless herself now that he was leaving.
And no matter what her feelings for him were, he would never be more than a pleasant but painful memory.
