It was a habit to flip open his mail box as he walked through the gates to his home. A mere habit, bent on the hope that he might actually receive something. A hope that had quickly dwindled, though the habit had stuck. Just a flick of the wrist and a dash of the eyes. Nothing in the mail box. He'd continue toward the front door.
Only this time, he had to reel back for a double take. His arm shot into the box instinctively, and he yanked out a small envelope, studying it with wide eyes. A great mix of emotions flooded through them: happiness, eagerness, hope, nervousness, sadness…
The letter crumpled in his grip, his body shaking vigorously. Quickly, he slammed the mail box closed and bolted into his home; if you could call that.
Probably twenty minutes had passed already, as he sat still and staring. The envelope was laid out on the otherwise-empty dinner table in front of him. He gulped, feeling the heart pulsing in his chest. He recognized that sender anywhere. They shared the same name, after all. Though the address was often different each time. It had been more than two months since he last found a letter in his mail box. And though he was glad, -happy even- he couldn't stop the tears from swelling in his eyes.
He nervously chewed his bottom lip, fumbling to rip open the sealed envelope. It was foreign to him. So foreign. Handling a ball was much easier.
Gently, he pulled the letter out and paused a moment to breathe before unfolding it in front of him. It was handwritten in pen on what seemed to be torn notebook paper. Sloppy. Stained. Torn. He read it through.
"Tobio, your mother and I received your voicemail. Nationals, huh? That's great! Glad to hear you're doing okay. We're working in Tasmania right now. Pretty busy down here. Sorry we missed your call! Good luck with your sports game! Love ya, kiddo."
That was it.
Eight months since he'd last seen his parents in person. Even then, they were only home for a couple of weeks and had made no effort to talk to him about his life. Great? Kageyama had been excited enough to actually call his parents and leave them a message, and all his father could say was that it was great? Sports game? Did he really not remember was sport his own son has been obsessed with since childhood? Did he really just make an excuse for not answering his son's call? Did he really write some short, sloppy letter, to be received days or weeks later, instead of just calling back?
"Fuck," Kageyama sighed miserably, resting his elbow on the table as he held his head.
His father's writing became smudged as tear drops blotted the letter.
Why did he think they would care? Why did he even bother calling them? He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe he'd been hoping they would answer his call. That he might actually hear their happiness for him. That they'd be proud of him. But that hadn't happened. So…in his stupid excitement, he'd left them a message, rambling on and on about his team and the matches and that they'd be going to nationals now. And he'd waited.
And waited.
And still kept waiting….
Checking his phone each night, each morning, during class, during lunch, before and after practice…constantly…..every day since the preliminaries….And yet, he'd never gotten a call. His hope had dwindled.
He didn't know what he'd been expecting.
But now, he almost wished they hadn't bothered. He'd rather be ignored completely than to have his parents pretend to care. That stupid façade of theirs pissed him off…..and always managed to break him.
Why did he have to be an idiot child born under scientists? Why did he have to be so interested in a sport while his parents only cared for their work? Why couldn't they at least be happy he liked something at all….instead of failing to hide their disappointment?
Something welled up in Kageyama's chest, and he wasn't sure what it was. His own disappointment? Anger? Self-hatred? Sadness? He didn't know. Emotions were confusing.
But it felt like….like his heart was drowning.
And he could actually feel himself breaking.
I just got the sudden urge to start writing something, and so I did...let's see where this goes.
Updates won't be regular or scheduled, due to college and work business. But I'll try to write when I can.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Please read and review~!
