Summary: It's been four years since Voldemort's death but Harry's been missing since, rumoured to be dead. His friends don't know where to find him and are desperately clinging to hope that he will be found. On the other hand Harry Potter doesn't want to be found and is hiding out in Northern England with Remus, his adoptive father, in a rather shabby shack. When he gets a note from someone who wants to meet him and claims to be a friend, Harry's first thoughts are to not go, but he ends up at the entrance of Knockturn Alley only to find Theodore Nott. Before Harry knows what he's landed himself into, he's wandering amidst his former 'enemies' and feels growing affections toward one Draco Malfoy.

Main Pairings: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter & Remus Lupin/Severus Snape.

Side Pairings: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley (established)

Warning: Language, Slash, Sex (Anal & Oral), Suicidal Themes, Gore, Violence, Torture, Rape, S&M, Obsessive Love, Blood and Established Character Death.

Author's Note: To let you all know, I'm writing this because I'm in the mood to write dark, descriptive literature. That and I love writing Draco/Harry slash… I hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, it all belongs to JK Rowling. I do not make any profit off of this and am only using JK Rowling's creation for my own use.

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Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints

Goodbye For Now

The winter night was much like most, a chilling cold hung in the air, suffocating one's lungs so that every time they breathed it hurt. The cold attacked their body, finding anyway to get inside and freeze them. It was absolutely still, a dreadful silence befalling everything around the park where a lone figure remained. The thick layer of snow that blanketed the ground was crisp, not a footprint anywhere to ruin its' white beauty. Harry couldn't move himself, his body refusing him that privilege.

The dead silence of the night's cold broke as a dry wind swept in, sending further chills down his back. It tousled his hair, sending it into his soulless green eyes. His hands dug deeper into the depths of his pockets but he remained seated, confined in his silence. His feet were numb, the feeling all but gone in them.

Harry swallowed, the images in his mind refusing to leave him, haunting him in a way that he wouldn't wish upon anyone. The screams of the people he loved shrieked in his ears, their lifeless forms danced in his eyes, the coldness of their body chilled him much more than the deathly cold of the night. His lips were parched, his body aching, screaming at him to get out of the cold but he couldn't move, he wouldn't move.

It had been four years since his death but Harry felt more broken now then he did when he was alive. He felt more helpless, lost and lonely now then ever before. Maybe if he hadn't have killed him that night he wouldn't have wanted to disappear, he would still have all the love from the people he loved wrapping him in a hug, whispering to him that he was all that mattered but he had killed him.

It was all over, the Death Eaters were all but captured, most of them having either died or surrendering on their own. Another gust tore at him, mocking him to move, to get away but Harry sat on the bench enveloped in his own darkness, in his own cold. The night went on, striking him every few seconds with a flurry of wind, picking snow off of the ground so it hit him in the process.

--x--

"Ronald Weasley!" the voice of one Hermione Granger-Weasley screamed at the top of her lungs.

"I'm coming women!" Her husband screamed right back.

"Dear Merlin, what am I to do with that man?" She muttered to herself, as she danced about her mother-in-law's kitchen.

"Oh, Hermione don't worry! They're all like that," Hermione turned her head towards her mother-in-law and couldn't help but smile.

She sighed, "You're right but I just wish he had a little more responsibility. If he doesn't leave soon, he'll be late and so will I in waiting for him."

"I know, I know. He's always been an idiot." Molly said with a bit of scorn. Hermione laughed, grabbing her bag full of books and research. The kitchen of the Burrow had remained the same bustling place in the lives of the Weasley's. The table sat in the middle, twelve chairs sat about it of which only six were put to use. Even after the War, Percy didn't come back home and Bill and Fleur moved to their own place, leaving Hermione with Ronald, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George Weasley.

"Let's go then!" Hermione snapped out of her own thoughts glancing at her husband of only three and a half years. He had proposed to her in the midst of 1998 having finally told her that he too, loved her as much as she loved him.

"Lets," she repeated, stepping off towards the fireplace. "Good-bye Molly."

"I'll see you two tonight," she heard Molly call back as she screamed out, "Ministry of Magic!"

It was simply a few seconds after that she found herself being thrown out of the vortex form of transportation that Wizards called the Floo System. Lucky for Hermione, who had excellent grace and coordination she landed right on her feet as the fireplace shot her out, her not-so-graceful husband landed on his arse. But that was usual.

Hermione smiled at the girl who sat as secretary, never seeming to age, with the same brown hair and murky grey eyes she had seen the last three years. She then turned around to face her husband who was in the process of getting up, rather slowly.

"Ronald, hurry up!" She ordered, impatient at his slow behaviour.

"Remind me why I married you?" He muttered, now on his feet giving her a scornful look.

"Because, Harry made us realise we loved each other." Hermione stopped her lecture at Ron when she realised she had mentioned Harry's name. Her head suddenly hurt and her heart hammered against her chest. "I'll see you at lunch, Ron." She whispered walking off to her right, stopping herself from remembering too much about her Cupid. The tears wanted to burst out but Hermione stopped them, she pushed them back, telling herself it was useless. He had disappeared, vanished into thin air, right after the major battle. Ginny's funeral was the last anyone saw of him, after that Harry Potter was rumoured to be dead.

Her throat clogged up at the mere thought that he had died, but how could he have? Voldemort was dead, gone, who could have killed Harry? Even Voldemort's Death Eaters were safely behind Azkaban bars. Oh, Harry where are you?

--x--

"You're back, Harry." Harry's head snapped up from its' downward glance at the only person who knew of his whereabouts, Remus Lupin.

"Yeah…" Harry mumbled, not in the mood to talk as usual.

"Have some breakfast and don't give me any of that 'I'm not hungry' crap," the werewolf added. Harry's body felt numb all over, he had been out in the cold for more than two hours and he really could do with something warm to eat.

"Fine," Harry mumbled, noticing that it was all he did lately, mumble. Harry sat down at the rickety table, a plate with scrambled eggs and two slices of toast awaited him. He picked up the toast and bit in gingerly, hoping it wouldn't shrivel up and vanish at his touch like most things did. The warmth of the bread spread throughout his mouth and his teeth set into motion.

"Tea?" Remus asked him, teapot in hand, Harry only nodded his head to say yes and continued his silent meal. Remus flicked his wand and a cup shot out from one of the poorly aligned cupboards and settled down in front of Harry. Remus poured the tea into the cup and Harry watched as the warmth from the confines of the teapot flew out in wisps of white. The rich red-brown colour of the tea made Harry want to drink it right away so that the numb of his body could vanish but that would only result in him burning his tongue.

"Has the paper come yet?" Harry asked, startled that he had actually asked. He swallowed his bread and reached for the cup of the tea, its' hot temperature having already heated up the cup.

"Yes it has Harry…" Remus seemed equally surprised at his inquiry but didn't say anything else knowing it would lead him nowhere. Harry took a sip from the tea, making sure to blow on it a few times so it would cool down. The sweetness of vanilla burst on his taste buds and Harry closed his eyes a wave of warmth took his body. Did he want to read the paper? Is that why he had asked…? Harry wasn't quite sure, having never read the paper since the news of Voldemort's death and the list of those who had died trying to help Harry kill the foul monster.

Harry finished the rest of his tea, leaving the egg sitting in his plate never to be eaten by him. "Anything interesting in it?" Harry's mind wasn't paying attention to what was coming out of his mouth anymore, but was rather lost in what had happened at the end of the War.

"Not really…Although it did mention a few things about Hermione finding a new cure for gnomes. She was always so smart, I'm glad she's gotten off to a good start in the Ministry." Harry listened as Remus explained his friend's success. It was true, she always had been so smart…so loving. Harry's eyes closed as he tried to escape her memories, focusing his mind back to where he was; a crappy old shack in the middle of Northern England. It was more a cabin than a shack, but a poorly built one. The kitchen he sat in right now looked like someone had barged in and destroyed it. The cupboards were crookedly aligned against the wall with a few cupboards that didn't even have a door, while others had doors that were barely hanging. A small counter served its' purpose of allowing Remus to cook, the sink beside the counter only ever sputtered out cold water, leaving them to boil the water to make it warm. All the food was cooked on an old style stove that needed wood or coal to make it run. There was a cellar downstairs in the basement which served as a sort of fridge for the house. There was no upstairs, only three rooms on the one floor of the cabin, a living room, kitchen and bedroom.

Remus went to his own job for most of the day, leaving Harry alone in the cabin which suited him fine. He would return at dinner, cook something for Harry knowing he hadn't eaten anything since the forced breakfast and then leave back to the apartment in Diagon Alley where he slept. Harry had the one room of the cabin to himself but rarely slept in it, usually finding himself in a chair with a book in his lap or sprawled in front of the fireplace which served as the only place that provided any warmth to the house.

It had been four years since Ginny's funeral, four years since her death, Voldemort's death and Harry's rumoured death. He liked the latter parts of his situation. Ginny's death had forsaken him to the precincts of his mind; never allowing him to leave for it was his fault. She had stepped in to take the Avada Kedevra curse that had been meant for him. Meant to hit him square in the chest so he that would fly off into some corner of the battlefield to die, not her, oh Merlin why her?

It was his fault! He was supposed to save her, save them all but he had failed. Failed to give Mr. and Mrs. Weasley her one daughter back, failed to give Ron his sister, dear Merlin he had filed to give himself the one he loved. It was simple to him, he was a failure, some Saviour he had been. Right on the battle field he froze not sure what to do with so many curses being thrown at him. He had sat on his sorry little arse shocked that this was the moment; this was where he would kill Voldemort. Instead he tripped over the body of a Bellatrix and stayed on the ground. He had heard the curse escape the mad man's mouth, directed at him of course, but then he had heard Ron, "Ginny no!" That was it, his eyes snapped to Ginny as she ran forward and took the curse, shooting back into the depths of the graveyard hitting the tombstone of some person.

The events of his childhood having flashed before his eyes, it was the fourth time someone had died trying to save him. First his parents, then Sirius and Dumbledore. Lastly her. It was ridiculous, why did they think him so precious, he was an idiot, one who couldn't even save them…Oh it would remain his fault forever, he couldn't forgive himself for letting her die. For taking away the Weasley's daughter and sister.

I'll just be the Boy-Who-Lived…

--x--

Remus watched Harry as he sat at the table, eating his breakfast in a mournful fashion, one that he had lived in for four years. Hating himself; it was all he ever did these days. No matter how many times Remus tried to talk him out of his thoughts of blaming himself for the deaths of others, he couldn't. Every time he would walk out of the house and not return until midnight, leaving him in a fretful worry. A Wizard's Oath bound him to secrecy, so even when Remus wanted to tell others about Harry's whereabouts he couldn't. Remus remembered the day Harry had shown up at his apartment, three weeks after his disappearance…

"Harry, by Merlin you're alive!" He exclaimed, jumping out of his seat to get to one of his best friend's son.

"Of course I'm alive, I'm the 'Boy-Who-Lived'" The bitterness in his voice startled Remus. He gave him a hug, trying to understand why he was so furious. Harry stood still in his hug for a few seconds before he started to speak.

"You shouldn't love me Remus; you'll just end up getting hurt." The words hit him with such force that he was baffled as to what to say to the boy. He pulled out of the hug and looked at him. His jet black hair looked unwashed and dishevelled. His green eyes that usually shined with enthusiasm and youth now looked dull and glazed over in pain. The boy's skin was pale, losing its' glowing effect and his clothes looked horrible, dirt and grime piled on everywhere.

"Dear Merlin, why would you say such a thing?" Remus whispered, not sure his voice was going to allow him to speak.

"Isn't that what always happens? My parents loved me, they died; Sirius and Dumbledore loved me, they died. Ginny, of dear Merlin, she loved me but she died!" He was barley standing now, tears falling out of his dull green eyes.

"They loved you so much they wanted to protect you Harry! Oh it was never your fault Harry! Never!" Remus cried, wanting Harry to stop crying' the tears didn't suit him.

"NO! They died because of me! I couldn't protect them! I was supposed to protect them!" sobbed Harry.

Remus was shocked by the boy's defiance to be forgiven, "No Harry," he stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug a second time. "They died to protect you. You can't save everyone Harry, no one can." The boy simply sobbed in response. His small frame shook in his arms, but Remus held him. He had to get him to everyone else. Everyone who had been worried about where he was for weeks.

"Let's go Harry, Hermione and Ron are going crazy looking for you. Hermione's cried her eyes out and I don't think I've ever seen Ron so worried," Remus knew it sounded a lot like a ramble but Harry's tears didn't seem like they were going to end.

Remus suddenly felt a shove and was flung backwards almost falling on his back. "No! I'm never going to see anyone again! They'll all just die or get hurt if I'm there, just like Ginny. They'll try to help me and then vanish forever. Merlin I don't want anyone to love me ever again!"

Remus stood horrified by his words. Was this what the War had done to him, turned him into some sort of self-hating machine. "Harry…" But nothing else came from his lips as he watched Harry sink to his knees, still crying.

"I found a cabin Remus; I've already hidden it under an invisibility spell so no one will be able to find it. I'm planning to live there forever, that way everyone will be safe. They'll have everyone they love and won't be in fear of losing them." The words hit Remus full on, sending him further into his vortex of horror and surprise.

"What...Harry…? No, you…You can't do that!" Remus exclaimed.

"Swear to me Remus that you won't tell anyone! A Wizard's Oath, swear Remus. I don't even know why I cam here…Oh Merlin, I'll only end up killing you too." Remus stepped forward to the boy and lifted his head up to look at him in the eyes. They were so empty, so hurt. The sheer extreme of that pain made Remus want to fade away, "A Wizards Oath it is…" What else was he to do?

He took out his wand and so did Harry. They both started to whisper the spell's incantation and a stringy gold vapour came out of both wands, swirling around them. As the words to the spell left Remus's mouth, the vapours came in closer and closer, until finally they went straight into the mouths of the two of them. Harry's golden string going into his mouth and Remus' into Harry's.

"I vow to keep the conditions I have made in this Oath forever or face the consequences of death by the most painful means." Remus ended his part of the spell, likewise Harry.

"It's sealed…" Harry's voice seemed more relaxed now, his crying having stopped when they had started the Wizard's Oath.

"Harry this is foolish to hide away from everyone." Remus persuaded.

"It's better this then every one of them dead." He argued back.

"If you wish to live this way, then I'm coming with you." He had to do something; he wasn't about to let Harry, who was like a son to him, live on his own in some cabin.

"You can't do that Remus; everyone will wonder where you went off to." Harry mumbled.

"Oh, and they don't worry about you?" Remus found himself speaking to the boy in a bitter tone.

"I know they do Remus but it's better if I'm not there to kill them off. Besides I don't want anyone—" Remus cut him off.

"Harry I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not." His hard gaze must have convinced the boy who nodded grudgingly.

"Fine, but you can't just live with me." Harry whispered, looking out a window of Remus's apartment.

"I'll keep up my appearances, don't worry. Now where is this cabin of yours?" Remus asked, trying to get out of the current conversation.

"Up north, still in England. Hold on to me, we'll Apparatate there." Remus extended his hand to the boy and before he knew his surroundings had changed he found himself in the same position he had been in his own apartment, in a very dirty cabin.

"Remus, aren't you supposed to be at work by now?" Harry's voice shattered Remus's reminisce of the past and he looked at the boy he considered more his son than anything else.

"You're quite right Harry. If you're still interested in the paper, it's by the sink." Remus explained to Harry, walking over to the door. "Goodbye, Harry."

He heard Harry say goodbye to him as he walked out the door. He needed to be at the Ministry, his partner Draco Malfoy was quite the pain in the arse.

--x--

"Bye…dad." Harry whispered the latter, smiling as the older man left the cabin. If it wasn't for Remus, he probably would have died in the cold of his cabin. It was all he needed, his cabin but Remus made everything better. Harry wasn't quite sure when, but he had started to see him as his father, having no one else to give the title to. Remus was one of his birth father's best friend's and he was rather close to Sirius so it's not like the possibility of Remus being second in line to be his godfather didn't exist. Besides Harry enjoyed seeing the man through the eyes of being his son, it made everything pleasant.

Harry's life had been an incarceration with pain, ever since he was born. People died around him like the seasons changed, it was wonder that Remus hadn't for four years. He had always been there and if not for the man, maybe Harry would have been alone in his cabin, collecting dust.

Two years ago, Remus had landed a job at the Ministry which was a surprise seeing as he was a werewolf and everyone seemed to despise them. It was never quite clear how he had gotten the job to Remus or Harry but nonetheless it had been a happy moment in their lives. He ended up having to work in the Department of Species Co-operation, where he was given the partner of Draco Malfoy. Harry had of course thought it odd that the boy was working in the Ministry but apparently Malfoy had been sentenced to sic months in Azkaban for attempted murder of Dumbledore but nothing else because he was being threatened by Voldemort of serve him. His mother's life in his hand.

Remus had told him one day that Malfoy hardly cared for his father, since the man had so eagerly followed Voldemort, leaving him to defend himself and his mother. From the way Remus talked about him, Malfoy seemed to have changed quite a bit, not so much that he wasn't a pompous asshole but enough to accept everyone without completely insulting them. Harry had snorted when Remus told him, adding on that Draco Malfoy would never stop being a complete prick. Still Remus had pressed on that he had changed, for the better, displaying kindness that he hadn't imagined possible form a Malfoy. Again Harry had snorted in disbelief.

Harry noticed that the sink was full of dishes so he got up, picking up his plate and tea cup to wash them. Remus couldn't do everything; actually he didn't deserve to do everything.

Harry had spent his childhood washing dishes so he was rather good at it, making sure they all sparkled as he set them in the drying rack. After he finished he found that the paper was indeed next to the sink. He opened it up and found some stupid headline on the front page, 'Diagon Alley Infested with Rats!' Was that the best they could do these days? Rat infestation stories. Merlin, the Daily Prophet had sunk to new lows. Harry opened up the paper to find the tidbit on Hermione but as he scanned the paper for her news he saw a picture of Malfoy and Remus.

Why didn't he say anything about this? Harry thought leaning against the sink to read the article, but his eyes didn't ant to read the article, they kept scanning Draco Malfoy. He had changed quite a bit, grown his hair longer to his shoulders, thank Merlin it wasn't slicked back. Instead it hung around his lean face, bringing out his silver eyes. He was taller, taller then him, and his body was lean, hiding underneath his black robes. Harry was surprised at how much handsomer the once annoying pest had grown.

Remus isn't smitten with him is he? Is that why he's suddenly nice? Harry almost laughed at the thought but then recoiled in disgust. His father figure and Malfoy? Dear Merlin may it never be. Harry broke his gaze off of Draco Malfoy's smirking face and glanced at the rest of the picture. Remus stood beside him, looking calm as usual. The two seemed to be in a news room or something. Reporters stood around them, snapping pictures and asking questions.

Harry finally read the article, curious as to why Remus was in the paper.

Today's biggest question being, 'when will the Giant populations come into control?' Draco Malfoy and Remus Lupin the Heads of the Department of Species Co-operation were questioned just yesterday at an arranged meeting. Their response were the usually Ministry remarks, 'We're trying,' 'The public need not worry, the situation is under control,' and the most popular 'If it was really out of control the Giants would be roaming the streets.' Of course this all just points to the lack of control the Ministry really has over the situation and are simply feeding us words of condolence so we don't get in there face and ask them questions.

Harry stopped reading there, realising why Remus didn't tell him about his picture in the paper, it was just the Daily Prophet's spewing, nothing more. Useless gibberish that was more a ramble then actual information; Harry was used to that kind of reporting.

He sighed as he put the paper down but then picked it up again to look at the picture of Malfoy. He looked smug like usual, his hands flapping around in an all-knowing manner. His eyes softened at Remus, who stood calmly beside his partner, not trying to act cool. He really was such a good man, and Harry had forced him to living in a crappy cabin instead of his apartment. He really was nothing more than a problem to everyone, a burden, just like the Dursley's had always told him.

Harry was surprised at his sudden remembrance of his only living relatives and retreated back into his mind to get away from those memories. His life back then had been nothing but miserable. His life had always been miserable, when he had finally been accepted into a society they put all their hopes and desires on him, leaving him even more afraid of whom he was.

Thoughts of suicide had been frequent back then, back when he was the bloody Saviour, everyone's last chance against the psychopath of the world. Voldemort was the one who had ruined his life, from the stay with his relatives all the way to his fear of being near anyone he loved. Even though the main source of his misery was gone, Harry was still afraid. He didn't want anyone else to suffer the way the rest of his loved ones had. Ginny was such a fool in saving him. The world would have defeated Voldemort; evil never lived, right?

Desperation wound it's way into Harry's heart as he stood in the kitchen, desperation to be free of the prison he had set for himself, desperation to be anyone but Harry Bloody Potter. He needed to go for a walk; it was the only thing that would calm him down, even if the walk was through cold conditions.

Remus would be upset if he got the flu so Harry made sure he had his coat and scarf on, and of course a good pair of gloves. His feet carried him out of his room, where he kept his few possessions to the door. Just as he opened it a gust of wind and snow flew into his face and the house, along with something else.

Harry fell backwards from the force of whatever it was that had hit him. As he looked up he saw an ebony black owl sitting on the snow covered floor. Harry quickly got to his feet to shut the door and picked up the owl, who seemed to happy to be somewhere warm. There was a note attached to his feet so Harry took it off, letting the owl fly about the cabin. It hooted in happiness and finally settled before the soft fire.

Harry's hands ripped open the note to see who could have possible known he was here. Harry,

Meet me at the entrance of Knockturn Alley two days from when you receive this letter and at noon. I await your arrival.

A friend.

Harry read the letter baffled that anyone could have found out where he was staying. Dear Merlin who had found out!? How did he truly know it was a friend and not some man out to kill him, or maybe he really was paranoid…

I need to talk to Remus! Harry thought in horror, his mind racing, his heart hammering.

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Author's Note: So who could this person be? Well you'll just have to wait:smirk: Hmm, the writing of this fic came from the current family issues I'm going through. Thus the reason I didn't update my other DM/HP fic. It's rough patch of problems that'll hopefully pass soon. I hope you all liked the fic, thanks for reading. :smile: