The first part has dialogue taken from Keg! Max! but I have changed it slightly to fit in with my story. Hope you like it! :)



Rory found Jess leaning against a solid, wooden dresser in the barely lit gloom of Kyle's bedroom.

R: There you are.

He looked up at her, the only person at the party that he actually wanted to spend time with. Hell, the only person in the state of Connecticut that he wanted to spend time with. But at that moment he really didn't want her to be there. He knew she would want to talk to him and conversation was the furthest thing from his mind.

J: Hey.

R: I've been looking all over for you.

J:Just got tired of everything down there.

R: Are we allowed to be up here? I mean, Kyle was kind of discouraging it.

J: When you have a party, you get what you get.

R: Yeah, I guess. Sad boy, what's wrong?

She reached out a hand, gently caressing his cheek as she attempted to soften his frowning features into a smile.

R: You were looking forward to this party, what happened?

J: Nothing.

R: Something did. Come on, tell me.

He leaned in towards her inviting a tender kiss as her soft lips brushed against the rougher surface of his own.

R: You're not tired of me, are you?

He answered silently with another kiss, the perfect bow of her pouting lips crushed beneath the fervour of his response. Their open mouths met in a slow burning frenzy, as he gave himself to her in a convincing embrace.

R: That's a pretty good answer.

He realised that when he pressed himself against her, when he felt the welcoming parting of her lips with his tongue that he couldn't think of anything else. It was a release from the reality he couldn't face and he wanted to feel that oblivion again.

Their lips met once more and he steered her towards the bed and in seconds found himself lying unchallenged on top of her.

He could see the colour he had raised in her cheeks and felt the inflaming movements of her body against his.

He slid cool hands under her sweater finding smooth, bare skin as he pulled her hips closer to his own. Rory was surprised by the movement, suddenly greatly aware of the firm, heavy heat of him weighing down on her. He braced himself above her, one of his hands buried in the velvet curtain of hair falling at her neck. His other hand was at her stomach, his fingers travelling lower to rest dangerously close to the waist of her jeans.

Jess, wait. . . lost in the sweet heady perfume of her hair he carried on, too distracted to notice her growing discomfort.

Jess, wait. . . oblivious to her mumbled protests he grasped blindly at the buckle on her belt as he continued to hungrily kiss the soft, warm skin of her neck.

Jess!

He felt her hands press forcefully against his chest and he immediately shifted his weight allowing her to escape from underneath him.

He could feel the tingling imprint of her along the length of his body, the sweetness of her skin still fresh on his wet lips. Despite the guilt he felt at his reckless actions, a part of him still craved her touch. He wanted to feel the soft curves of her body as they moved enticingly against his own. Those feelings created a cocktail of lust and self loathing that chased the adrenaline through his adolescent veins.

R: Not here, not like this.

J: Fine.

R: What's wrong with you?

J: Nothing's wrong with me.

R: Someone could have walked in that door.

J: And Santa Claus could come down the chimney, whatever.

R: You did not think that it was going to happen like this, did you?

J: I don't know what I think anymore.

R: Why are you being like this…

J: Rory, stop, just stop! I did not invite you up here, you came up here on your own!

I didn't make you, I didn't force you. It's not my fault! You always make it my fault!

R: I- he didn't want to hear her speak just to blame him again.

J: I can't breathe Rory! I feel suffocated! By you, your mom, Luke, this whole town! It's not who I am and it's not what I want to be. I can't be around you right now, I need space.

R:You need space?

She walked towards the door, tears spilling from the piercing blue eyes he knew so well.

R: I can give you space Jess.

With those words she flung open the door, running away from him and the spiteful things he had just said.

It had been easy for him to lash out at her with barbed words, much easier than saying what he really wanted to.

He looked down at the floor not really knowing what to do. There were always so many thoughts racing around his head that he never knew how to say them, how to tell her how he really felt.

Not talking to her obviously wasn't working and neither was telling her to back off. Everything he'd been doing so far was wrong and it had led him to this point, where the only person he had ever cared about was running away from him. Well he was done with pushing people away. He had to talk to her properly and it had to be now whilst he still had the courage.

He made a quick exit from the room, pausing at the top of the landing to search the crowd below him.

He made a path down the narrow stairs, shoving people out of the way as he moved in her direction. Then he saw her with him. His hands were on her shoulders, his fingers stroking the top of her arms in gentle soothing movements. He could see the tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks, her shoulders shaking as she struggled to calm her breathing. Jess should have been the one to comfort her but he wasn't a bit surprised to find that Lerch had gotten there first.

Figures.

He walked straight past them, he heard a shout, felt a hand on his jacket but it didn't quite catch hold. He was already out of the door, across the front lawn and into the street as he quickened his pace to a run, unshed tears stinging at the back of his eyes.


He thought he would just leave, get as far away as possible. She sure as hell didn't need him there screwing everything up. He was hurting her, he only had to remember the look on her face after he had shouted at her in Kyle's bedroom to be sure of that. He would never forget her eyes, swimming with tears of confusion and despair. She had finally realised that he was everything they had always said he was.

He stopped running as soon as he realised he had no where to run to.

He couldn't go and he couldn't stay. There was nobody for him to turn to. No one that cared.

He sunk to the ground, drawing his knees up close to his heaving chest. His fingers dug into his thick hair as he tried to sort through his thoughts but they kept returning to the same thing. There was only one person on his mind and he had never been able to shift her, even when he had so desperately tried.

Jess had always been so sure that he and Rory belonged together even if he had never understood why. The first time they had met, he had seen it. Seen in her everything he had been looking for and everything he would ever need. But now he felt that maybe he had been wrong, that they didn't quite fit after all.

Everything they had ever shared had been stolen. Their first date was a picnic meant for someone else. Their first kiss, had been a stolen embrace whilst she still belonged to Dean. They made a connection for the first time over their mutual love of the beat generation, he had even written in her copy of 'Howl' but he had stolen that from her too. Huh, he shook his head as he realised he really was like Dodger- always moving, weaving in and out of peoples lives causing chaos. She had seen him for what he really was even back then.

But he had only started to realise just how much he liked her after he'd jumped into that stupid sleigh with her. He had spent the whole day just wondering how he could spend time with her alone. He had seen her sitting there alone, wrapped up against the cold and he had grasped the opportunity without thinking twice. He was intrigued by this girl, she kept his attention like no one else ever had. When she looked at him he knew there was something special in those brilliant blue eyes that sparkled just for him. He wanted to know more about her, he wanted to know it all. He could spend hours listening to her, just looking at her.

But now as he sat with his back against the rear entrance of Al's Pancake World, he couldn't help thinking that maybe, they'd always just been living on borrowed time.


Jess.

He heard a voice, her voice and he looked up into a pair of blue eyes glittering expectantly in the streetlights hazy glare. He was angry that she had come to find him. Not so much at her but with himself for giving her the opportunity. He should have been long gone by now, somewhere where he didn't have to see or think about her. At that moment he hated her and she could see it there, the contempt etched into every feature of his face. He hated that she made him feel like this, but most of all he hated the fact that he couldn't hate her. It wasn't her fault. It was all down to him.

He had to talk to her, tell her what was going on. The reason he had been acting like such a jerk. He knew if he didn't he could lose her forever but if he did she might realise he wasn't worth it after all.

R: I've been looking for you.
J: And two hours later you found me, impressive. Do the search and rescue guys know about you? They really should snap you up for a position at USAR.

Sarcasm was his favourite defence mechanism, it had never failed him in the past but he already knew it wasn't going to work this time.
R: Jess.
J: That's me.

Neither one said anything, and the silence stretched out creating an invisible wall between them. Predictably it was Rory who attempted to break it down.
R: So?
He didn't speak, answering only with a shrug of his leather clad shoulders.
R:You have nothing you want to say to me.
J: Look Rory, what ever it is that you want from me I don't have it! Okay? What you need I can't give you.
R: The truth Jess. I want the truth. Those things that you said, they really hurt me and I don't deserve to be spoken to like that, especially not by you. I know that you're angry, I just don't know why.
You didn't mean what you said?

It was a question as much as it was a statement but Jess offered her no response. He wouldn't even look at her.

R: Did you?
She asked again and Jess felt like the biggest jerk in the world but he just couldn't speak. His mind was blank, everything he had wanted to say had disappeared under the pressure of her questioning gaze. She wouldn't want to hear the truth anyway and he really didn't want to tell it.
Tears of frustration gathered in her eyes and he felt the shame of his silence burn into the hollow spaces inside him, knowing it would never leave.
R: Why won't you talk to me? I never know what you're feeling or why you feel that way. You have to let me in Jess!
He still couldn't find any words, he didn't know if he would ever have the right words to tell her how he felt and it was destroying both of them.
R: You know what, I give up! I can't make you talk to me and I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you like this!
She gave him one last searching look, a silent plea struggling to engage him in any kind of conversation. Tears slipped silently from beneath her closed eyelids, her head dropping as it became too painful to return his seemingly apathetic stare.
She turned to leave unable to watch him just sitting there, crumpled desolately in the closed doorway.

J: Wait…Rory wait, please!
She stopped still in the cool night but didn't dare turn and look at him.
He scrambled to his feet, deciding as he did that he had nothing left to lose. She wouldn't want him after he told her anyway, but he wasn't going to take the easy way out. If this was it for them then he wasn't going to lose her without a fight. If he was ever going to have anything good in his life then he so badly wanted it to be her.