A/N) Well, this idea came and smacked me in the face- and just as I was about to sleep, too- demanding to be written. It's going to be another long and chaptered fic so between this one and my other two expect them to compete with each other for my attention lol That means infrequent updates for whichever one I feel like updating first, stupid plot-bunnies :/

Also, I have a small, teensy-weensy, micro-sized, itty-bitty request of anyone reading this. Pretty please- with cherries and whatever other delicious things you can imagine- on top could someone recommend me some fics to read, cus' I just ran out. Any are welcome so long as they actually have plot and are full of awesome. The only stipulations, (hah, big word, derp), I have would be no KuramaxHiei stuff (seriously, it's the pairing that originally turned me off yaoi, though now I'm open to almost all those pairings ;) and try to refrain from sickening amounts of fluff and romance, those fics can give cavities I swear lol

So, Info/Warnings about this fic: This will not be romance or pairing centric, though the one's that already existed in the animes/mangas will be there, just not focused on. Other than that, be wary for Kurama's subtle flirting- cus' you know he does it, Yusuke and Hiei's mouths, and moments of blood/gore/gritty ninja and demon battles :D

That'll be the longest author's note I ever write again lol

As always, don't forget to review. I'm actually curious to see if this crossover works out well.

Enjoy!


Konoha was a village of many mysteries.

For instance, why was Orochimaru's tongue so long, were Gai's eyebrows sentient, how could the Nara clan produce so many lazy geniuses, was housing bugs inside of one's body the most sanitary thing for the Aburame, could the Akimichi possibly eat any more, and what was under Kakashi's mask?

All of these questions were excellent and each caused severely mind-numbing conundrums in everyone's brains when thought of- and there was one more recent addition to the list, (and to peoples' growing migraines).

What did an ANBU captain, a florist, and a ramen chef have anything to do with each other?

This one had many a Konoha citizen scratching their heads in puzzlement. All too often the three in question could be seen conversing in front of the ramen stand or within the florist's shop together.

Frankly, it made no sense at all. Especially considering that they had each joined the village at separate times- the ANBU captain first, then the florist, and finally the ramen chef- and seemed to have almost nothing in common.

They had each become well known in their own rights.

The captain rose to his position in record time, notorious for his efficiency in assassinations and completely unmatchable speed. People sometimes made the mistake of comparing his appearance to that of an Uchiha, though the clan refused to acknowledge any such rumors. Most notably, his headband was almost as infamous as Kakashi's mask. It wasn't that having a headband was very unusual in a hidden village. It was because, on occasion, an eerie purple light could sometimes be seen shining in the form of an eye beneath the cloth. Most people would admit that that was pretty unusual but the odds of anyone actually having the guts to approach the captain on this matter were slim to none. Once, some unfortunate fool had attempted to remove it... with chakra-controlled garroting wire, as all other methods had failed, (and that was a whole story unto itself). The captain's headband remained on; the wire was broken when it tried to cut through the cloth. Apparently, he'd warded it to be un-removable. Right afterwards, perpetrator gaping comically, the captain had easily shifted the headband as if it were a regular article of clothing and not something that could snap metal, and smirked.

The florist grew some of the most stunning varieties of plants and flowers that had ever been seen- and made some of the most potent poisons as well, which the shinobi population was particularly happy for. He was also stationed right across the street from the flower shop belonging to the Yamanakas, who were rather peeved about that. It was a not-so-friendly competition they were engaged in, as ninjas were a rather vicious lot. As a matter of general opinion throughout Konoha, he was the most charming of the trio, having unwittingly built up a small following amongst the female population. The Hyuugas were somewhat jealous of his hair, though they'd never admit to something so plebian.

The ramen chef was a bit of a mystery all on his own. Friendly and boisterous, he entertained as much as he cooked, becoming instantly well liked amongst his customers. When asked where he'd come from, he would grin and reply, " just out traveling the world in search of new and exciting ramen ingredients." Everyone would laugh but no one could quite believe that he'd completely dedicated his life to cooking ramen- he looked far too young for that. It didn't take long before he'd outcompeted the Ichiraku stand, even located as they were on the opposite side of town. He was a good sport about it though, and they now worked at his stand- called the Three Worlds for reasons nobody but the owner could comprehend. Of course, whenever asked, he'd just smile again and say he'd simply liked the sound of it, and then return to creating his newest masterpiece.

Needless-to-say, they were a strange bunch. But within the walls of Konoha a few quirks were- some jokingly said- actually required to survive there long-term. Really, they fit right in.

Of course, the reason nobody was looked into so closely was because Konoha was still recovering from the attack on their village by the demon fox, Kyuubi, and the death of their Yondaime Hokage.

And nobody could bring themselves to talk about his death, though it was hard to think of anything else. No, it was the Kyuubi and his container who they spoke of- constantly made aware of the demon in their midst, reminded of everything that had happened by its mere presence.

The fact that it was a child and the Yondaime's son made no difference, they needed someone- something- to hate.

The dead hung over the village and the empty, hollow, broken homes were testament to the devastated shinobi population. An infinitely gaping- always hungry- maw of loss threatened to devour the shinobi who had fought and survived whole. They were scrabbling for any stability.

The insidious fear that they could be attacked at any time by a foreign village plagued the minds of everyone old enough to comprehend what was happening. Every person that could be afforded was set to rebuilding what had been taken, while shinobi teams watched the walls for the invasion they were sure was coming.

And if the red-haired florist paid more attention to conversations about the Kyuubi that unwary shinobi were wont to bring up when perusing his shop, then who would notice?

Though it wasn't their faults the florist had such good hearing, and such a pretty face to hide behind...

If the captain sometimes swore in a language no one had ever heard before, sounding like something beasts- or demons, some whispered, and were quickly shushed- would speak, it was simply because he had come from one of the outer lands whose native language was different than that of the main shinobi continent.

So when both the florist and the captain visit the ramen chef and speak to each other in secretive words, it is only because these are trying and suspicious times where everyone is doing the exact same thing.


It turns out that using the Mafukan had been a decidedly bad move and the disaster that Sensui had- so helpfully- reminded Koenma of had in fact come to pass in the prophesied few hundred years time.

And the human world had ended.

Well, not completely ended, but close enough.

Basically what happened was that the humans had finally succeeded in nearly wiping themselves out through radiation and other such harmful things. The radiation combined with the sudden increase in continent-shifting earthquakes had left a very small population alive, though it was a vast combination of multiple ethnic groups.

The world had shifted back to an almost Pangaea-like shape, something that people spent a long time puzzling over, how could entire plates of the Earth's crust move so drastically?

Seeing as most technology had been wiped out, it was highly unlikely that those people would ever know.

Something strange occurred then. Many of the supernatural entities, being aware of the other worlds, fled to them. But there were those who stayed- though they may have wished that they hadn't when Koenma completely shut down all portals leading to and from the human world. His reasoning? To prevent any of the destructive chaos from leeching into Demon or Spirit World- and wasn't that ironic.

The remaining demons and spirits began the blend into society, merging their DNA with that of the humans, and thus, passing on their... special abilities.

It hadn't been willingly on most parts but, after a few hundred years went by with no sign of the world returning to order, the inevitable happened. Without the technology- or the knowledge to create said technology- people slowly lost the things they'd taken for granted-along with the history of the old world.

With the physical quirks from the non-humans entering the gene pool, anomalies started to pop up seemingly from nowhere, and the humans began to covet them, and eventually to breed for them. As always, there were mutations- the radiation hardly helping matters- and animals were affected as well, though they were not always good affects.

Everything totaled up and the shinobi were the result.

And then, thousands of years after the demon and spirit realms were forgotten by all but the most ancient of creatures, one of the portals reopened. Three figures stepped out to find a world vastly different than they'd last seen.

"Huh, I did not expect this." One of the figures said, marveling at his surroundings.

"It's been a couple thousand years, fool, you should have expected it." Another spoke contemptuously, giving everything around him a cursory glance, though it looked more like a glare of disapproval.

"Well, at least it isn't the burning pile of ashes as you had predicted. I find these trees to be much more inviting... and not so radioactive." The last said speculatively, and a bit wryly.

Yusuke grinned at his two long-time friends, "so, Hiei, Kurama, should we get this party started?"

"Hn."

"Lets."

The ninja world wouldn't ever know what hit 'em.