Death the Kid stood alone in the bathroom branching off from his room, glaring viciously at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He loathed himself, and not just due to the three stripes on the left side of his head anymore. He felt disgusted with his own existence; he could do nothing right. Patti and Liz got hurt on missions because of his obsession with symmetry, yet he couldn't stop obsessing. He nearly succumbed to madness in the Book of Eibon, and fought against Black Star, his own ally- once again, that could be linked to his desire for symmetry. He wished he did not desire symmetry, but it wasn't even a desire, truly, it was a compulsion. Perhaps the worst consequence, though, and he hated himself for finding it worse than injuring his teammates, was that Soul was avoiding him- possibly even hated him. The last time they'd spoken had been weeks ago, and Kidd hadn't left his room since.
'You'resoFUCKINGANNOYING!It'snotcool,thewayyouwhineaboutsymmetryandbalanceeveryfivefuckingseconds!Noonecares!Allyou'redoingisgivingmeaheadacheandwastingyourowntime!Don'tevenfuckingtalktomeuntilyoucandoitwithoutgripingaboutyourOCD.'
Soul's words rang through his brain constantly, and every moment they hurt more than the last. They made his throat close up, leading to him not speaking since he'd heard them. They'd been in the middle of a minor mission when Kidd had begun worrying about whether or not he'd adjusted the painting above his bed correctly. Maka, Liz, and Patty were prepared to wait him out for a few minutes until he reassured himself, but Soul had apparently had enough with his OCD tendencies. To the girls' shock, he began yelling loudly at Kidd, berating him for his fixation with symmetry and his inability to move past it. He'd then stormed off to continue the mission, and surprising the girls even more, Kidd followed silently. They all noticed (well perhaps Patti didn't) though, that he refused to speak a word to any of them, and his expression didn't change from boredom for the entirety of the mission, even when their enemy was perfectly symmetrical. They had all looked to Kidd, expecting him to refuse to fight, but he'd simply sighed, hesitating slightly but proceeding to annihilate the threat seconds later. He didn't say a word about symmetry; he didn't say a word about anything. Liz had asked him if he was okay, but he hadn't even bothered responding.
Nothing around him was symmetrical anymore. The pillows on his bed weren't straight, and one of them even rested on the floor across the room where he'd thrown it in irritation at the fact that he still wanted to fix the asymmetry in everything after the first day. He'd purposely knocked the painting above his bed askew and refused to fix it. He left clothes hanging off the edge of the chair at his desk, which he also left pulled out slightly so that the right side was farther away from the desk than the left. One of the drawers in his dresser was open, yet the one on the other side of it was closed. In his bathroom, he'd simply stopped caring if he'd put things away symmetrically or not. His toothbrush and toothpaste lay on the counter, parallel to nothing, including each other. His hairbrush was only halfway in the drawer, which was open somewhat to accommodate it. His shampoo etc. in the shower weren't perfectly aligned as they used to be. He felt pained at the lack of symmetry, but refused to right the wrongness in everything, knowing he deserved it for being so transfixed with symmetry and causing pain in others with it.
He himself wasn't even symmetrical anymore. True, his hair had always been asymmetrical, but now he didn't even bother to dress symmetrically. He'd worn casual clothes since he'd locked himself in his room, but not those he'd picked for himself, which fit his pursuits for symmetry. His father had bought several pairs of ridiculously patterned lounging pants and shirts with asymmetrical logos or words on them, and he found himself wearing them for the first time in his isolation. At the moment, he wore a shirt reading 'Sarcastic comment loading…' and pants with narwhals on them. He had no idea where his father had found them, or the time to buy them for that matter, but for once he didn't care about the details. Or rather, he tried not to care. He would have to speak to ask Shinigami about them, and he didn't care to try that. Even Liz and Patti had given up trying to make him speak. He spent most of his time glaring at his reflection or lying apathetically across his bed- asymmetrically, of course. He didn't deserve symmetry when his desire to obtain it hurt so many people. Patti and Liz got hurt when he worried about it, he tried to kill Black Star due to it, which would have devastated Tsubaki, and he drove Soul away, which would no doubt mean Maka didn't want to see him either.
Shinigami assumed that this was just a phase Kidd was going through, because most teenagers went through strange phases, did they not? But Liz knew better. In all the time she'd known Kidd, he'd always obsessed over symmetry. She could see in his eyes that the asymmetry surrounding him bothered him, but he refused to change it, and whenever she changed it for him, it was always asymmetrical again by the end of the day. She tried getting him to talk, or talking him out of it, but nothing was working. Even Patti's scary voice did nothing to motivate Kidd; Liz was becoming increasingly worried. So it was that Maka ended up knocking at the door of Shinigami's house. Tsubaki and Black Star would have come, she was sure, but they had taken a reconnaissance mission and wouldn't be back for another week or so. There was no way to contact them without the possibility of arousing suspicion, anyway. And Soul… he'd been acting somewhat oddly as well whenever anyone mentioned Kidd in front of him. Liz wasn't sure of anything concerning Soul.
"Maka, thank goodness you showed up! He's been like this ever since we got back from that mission with you and Soul three weeks ago; we just don't know what to do anymore," Liz said as she met the meister at the door. Maka frowned.
"He's still refusing to correct anything asymmetrical, then?" she asked. Liz nodded, leading her down the hallway to the staircase that would take them to Kidd's room.
"He hasn't come out of his room since that day, even to eat, and he's… Well, I suppose it's best to let you see for yourself. He's bad though, Maka; Shinigami-sama doesn't think so, but I know that much." They reached Kidd's door at the end of the hallway and stopped in front of it. Liz walked away, giving Maka a meaningful look as goodbye instead of more words. Maka took a deep breath, raising her hand to knock, but was stopped by the sound of glass shattering inside. Switching gears instantaneously, she burst into the room without hesitation. What she saw in his bedroom shocked her; it was slightly disorganized to a normal person, so to Kidd it must be an absolute disaster. But she had no time to stop and look, and the noise seemed to have come from the bathroom. Maka turned through the open doorway and her shock turned to dismay. Kidd sat on the floor with bloody hands in his lap and tears streaming down his face, the mirror which should have been mounted on the wall lying in pieces around him. It was clear he must have hit it, causing it to shatter.
"Kidd, what the hell is going on?" she breathed. He looked up at her, misery in his eyes, but didn't respond. He didn't have to, she supposed. It was doubtful he could explain what he was feeling, and clearly he was suffering. That was enough information for her; he was suffering, and she had to help him fix it. Brushing broken glass aside carefully, she sat next to him. She couldn't help but notice that the cuts on his hand were already sealing themselves, his position as the son of Death himself healing his wounds faster than any normal person could possibly hope for. Scars remained though, due to how deep the glass had cut into his skin. A normal person would need stitches. Kidd, as Death's successor, did not.
"Kidd, this has to stop. You're not even symmetrical," she tried next. More pain lanced through his eyes, but he didn't move except to wrap his arms around his waist. The movement drew attention to his waist, making Maka realize that in the weeks since she'd seen him, he'd managed to lose enough weight to be obviously recognizable. "Kidd, have you even been eating? You've lost too much weight to be healthy." This time, she got a shrug out of Kidd; food wasn't important to him when he was trying to break his symmetrically-obsessed habits. Food could come after. He was sure Liz had made him eat something earlier that day… or was it yesterday? He wasn't sure; he didn't care.
"Kidd, you need to tell me what's wrong. I've never seen you like this; you're scaring me," Maka confessed. At hearing he'd scared her, Kidd flinched. Another infraction to add to his lengthy list of things he'd done wrong. In his attempt to stop hurting people, he was scaring them instead. He wouldn't turn back, though; he'd fix himself, change everything that was always his fault.
'LizandPattishouldn'thavebeenindangeronthatmissionatall,Kidd.Asmyson,it'sunforgiveableforyoutobemakingthosekindsofmistakes,especiallyduetothingsbeingasymmetrical.Whenyou'reonamission,youshouldbeabletopushawayyourdesiresandstopthinkingaboutthem.Therewasnoreasonforyoutobedistracted.Idon'twanttohearresultsofthisnaturefromamissionagain.Doyouunderstand?'
A pained sound escaped Kidd's throat, strangled though it was as he tried to stop it from breaking out. He was a failure, unfit to succeed his father and unfit to have friends whom he only hurt. By having OCD he hurt them and allowed them to get hurt, but by changing himself they only hurt in a different way. He should just die; if he didn't exist, he couldn't hurt anyone anymore.
"Kidd, what's wrong? Tell me! It's not healthy to keep things bottled up like this," Maka pleaded. Then, Kidd spoke for the first time since before Soul had snapped at him.
"I didn't want you to see me cry," he admitted hoarsely. "I'm fine." It was obvious to Maka that this was a lie, but before she could call him out on it, the side of Kidd's hand made contact with her temple, knocking her out. He caught her before she could fall to the floor and laid her on his bed so she'd be comfortable when she woke. Then, moving to his desk, he took out a clean sheet of paper and a pen.
To Whom It May Concern:
I'm sorry I'm so worthless. All I ever do is hurt everyone. My obsession with symmetry has caused people to get hurt too many times to count, and now when I'm trying to stop being so transfixed with it, all I'm doing is making you all worried. As the son of Death, I'm not sure suicide is even possible but I'll be finding out shortly. If it's not, don't bother looking for me anyway, because you'll never see me again. I don't deserve any of you. Whether I'm dead or just gone forever, this letter is a goodbye to anyone who might care.
Liz and Patti- You two were the best weapons anyone could ever hope for. I'm sorry that I'll never see you again, but you're better off without me. I'll miss the both of you forever.
Maka- Thank you for trying to help me. I'm sorry you had to see me cry, and I'm sorry I knocked you out to get away. But this is something I had to do in order to stop hurting all of you.
Chichiue- You were right. It is unforgivable as your successor to be such a failure. I'm sorry I'm too weak to deal with being such a failure. They say suicide is the coward's way out; I'm sorry you have such a coward for a son.
Black Star- I'm sorry you'll come back from your mission with Tsubaki to hear that I'm gone, one way or another. As annoying as you were, you became something like my brother. I'm sorry I tried to kill you in the Book of Eibon. Whatever form I'm in, I'll always miss your loud mouth.
Tsubaki- Thank you for being the only person not to comment on my obsession with symmetry. I know it must have been troublesome to deal with silently. I'm sorry I tried to kill your boyfriend. You won't have to worry about it any longer.
Soul- Out of everyone I'm addressing personally, you're the hardest to speak to. I suppose it's because I know now that no matter how much I care for you, I disgust you with my weakness. I'm sorry I'm nothing more than a moron who can't deal with an asymmetrical picture frame. And I'm sorry that even though I disgust you, I'm in love with you. I can say that freely now, because by the time you read this I'll be long gone- dead or otherwise.
I'm sorry I'm too weak, everyone. I'll miss you all, but this is for the best.
Signed,
Death the Kid
Leaving the note on the bed next to Maka, Kidd walked silently to his dresser, taking black skinny jeans and a hooded sweatshirt with a lopsided shinigami skull on it into the bathroom and changing into them, not bothering to wear a shirt under the sweatshirt. He chose a pair of black converse and pulled them on, leaving the house without being detected by any of its inhabitants. His fingers danced along the edge of the switchblade in his hand, taken from the cabinet under the sink in his bathroom. He couldn't even remember why he'd gotten it, but he knew what he'd been using it for over the past few weeks. Kidd could feel the dried blood crusted along the edge of the blade. Sighing, he flipped it closed and placed it back in his pocket.
Then, he headed towards the house of the person who'd been avoiding him for weeks. He couldn't even die properly without saying goodbye to the one he was secretly in love with first. Pathetic. Weak. Worthless. That's what he was. Reaching the door after a ten minute walk or so, he knocked quietly, but loud enough for Soul to hear. Kidd hoped the weapon would be home. He hoped he would be out. Sure enough, he heard footsteps inside, and Soul appeared in front of him as the door opened.
"Kidd! Come on in, you look terrible! Did you walk here in the rain?" Soul ushered him inside. Kidd looked over his shoulder at the sky. Was it raining? He hadn't noticed. "What's so important that you came in the r- holy shit Kidd what happened?"
"What do you mean what happened?" Kidd asked quietly, confused. Did he miss some of the blood on his hands? He'd thought he washed it all off.
"You're not-" Soul cut himself off, seemingly worried he'd set Kidd off. "Your sweatshirt. It's not…" he trailed off. Kidd raised an eyebrow at him.
"Symmetrical? I know it's not," he cut in. Soul's eyes widened, looking curiously into Kidd's face. He looked shocked, and the fact that Kidd didn't react to his sweatshirt being asymmetrical didn't help. The pain didn't even flicker in Kidd's eyes at the lack of symmetry. In fact, standing in front of Soul, he didn't feel it. Soul didn't care if anything was symmetrical, he just thought Kidd cared. And those three weeks he'd spent trying not to care finally showed some results as he didn't. Although it was true that he didn't care about anything besides Soul anymore with the knowledge that he planned on killing himself, it felt freeing to finally be aware of asymmetry without feeling a need to correct it.
"I haven't seen you in weeks and now you suddenly don't care about symmetry? What happened?" Soul gaped. Kidd sighed.
"Nothing happened. I thought about it, what you said during our mission, and realized that my obsession with symmetry is doing nothing but hurting people. I spent the past few weeks trying to learn how not to care about it; this will be the last night I feel like this. You were right. No one cares." The lack of emotion in his eyes scared Soul, who reached out and grabbed his forearm. This time, pain did flicker in Kidd's eyes and he flinched slightly, trying to pull his arm away from the unexpected contact.
"Just because no one else cares doesn't mean you can't! And what the hell-" Soul yanked up Kidd's sleeve before the meister could react, trying to find out why he flinched when he couldn't remember him being injured on their last mission. Soul's eyes widened in shock to find that his friend's arm was covered in numerous cuts; almost more worrying was the fact that the cuts weren't even parallel to each other. Moving to the other arm and pulling up that sleeve as well, he saw to his dawning horror that there were also cuts there, and more than on the other arm- they weren't symmetrical. Kidd had to be pretty far gone for him to not try to make his arms symmetrical even when inflicting pain on himself.
"Kidd, what the hell are you doing to yourself?" Soul yelled.
'You'resoFUCKINGANNOYING!' resounded in Kidd's head. He flinched and managed to pull his scarred arms away from his friend, rolling down his sleeves. Tears flowed down his face for the second time that night.
"Kidd, answer me!" Soul cried. "What's wrong? Why are you doing this?"
'No one cares! All you're doing is giving me a headache and wasting your own time!'
"I just came to say goodbye; I didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine," Kidd breathed, stepping back out of the door they'd never closed and running off into the pouring rain.
"Kidd! What the hell? What do you mean goodbye?" Soul called after him, fear growing inside him. What was his friend trying to do? "Kidd, wait!" Kidd didn't stop for his voice, disappearing into the darkness of the night. "Fuck Kidd, what are you playing at?" he murmured, running out the door after him and closing it behind him hurriedly.
Soul ran in the same direction he'd seen Kidd disappear, hoping he'd be able to find him before he did anything stupid. Soul wasn't a moron; he knew that Kidd coming to his house specifically for the reason of saying goodbye couldn't be anything innocuous. And he hadn't even seen his friend for weeks; what could he have been doing during that time? Harming himself- because of what Soul said? He hadn't been able to stand the thought of what he'd said to Kidd, just thinking of him hurt after what he'd yelled. Why was he such an ass? He wanted to motivate the object of his secret affections, but instead the words that came out of his mouth were hurtful and despicable. Then he couldn't even find the courage to apologize- he told himself he'd apologize next time he saw Kidd, but that clearly wasn't good enough. He should have gone to Kidd's house, taken the initiative and apologized right away.
He was a coward, and it could cost him his friend.
Soul ran around frantically like a chicken with its head cut off for nearly half an hour before he thought of where Kidd could be that he hadn't checked. He hadn't even been to the park yet! On the edge of town there was a large park where Kidd liked to read and take his mind off the universe's lack of symmetry, and there was an open hill in a section of dense trees where Soul knew Kidd often went to think. And Kidd certainly must have a lot on his mind to say goodbye to Soul and tell such a blatant lie to him in the same breath.
"Kidd!" he called when he reached the edge of the trees. "Kidd, are you there?" Soul didn't even pause for an answer as he ran into the trees, speeding towards the hill and the clearing where he hoped to find his missing friend. To his relief, Kidd was there, but his relief only lasted until he got a better look at his friend. Kidd's eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying, sobs still pouring from his lips. His sleeves were rolled up again, exposing bloody forearms to anyone around to see- which meant Soul. A gleaming switchblade was in Kidd's hand, scarlet and slick with blood.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it…" Kidd chanted, sobbing as if suffering some great disappointment. He wiped the blood off one arm and it was enough for Soul to see gashes on his secret crush's arm sealing themselves slowly but steadily. Kidd was still cursing as he added to those gashes, slashing open his arm only to watch it close up again, his efforts fruitless. Evidently as a shinigami, he couldn't kill himself. Soul was utterly relieved even as he wondered how long Kidd had been sitting there, crying and trying to die. Hesitating no longer, he ran out into the clearing, pulling the knife out of Kidd's hands and tossing it behind him, safely out of reach of the depressed teen.
"Kidd, why are you doing this?" Soul demanded, pulling the other teen into an embrace. Kidd struggled for a few moments, but the sobs wracking his body made him too weak to get away, and he gave up quickly.
"Damn it Soul, why can't you just let me die?" he cried, sagging into the other's hold.
"Because you're my best friend. I don't want to lose you. Think of how much it would hurt everyone if you died- Patti, Liz, Maka, Black Star, Tsubaki, your father. We all care for you, it would hurt all of us," Soul replied truthfully. Kidd only sobbed harder.
"That's not fucking fair!" he burst out. "I hurt you all by living, and I hurt you by dying! What the hell am I supposed to do to stop causing everyone pain?" Soul was confused, but tried to find a correct response anyway.
"Move forward. Try your best to keep from hurting people you care about, and when that fails, do your best to help them feel better and make it up to them. That's all anyone can do. Now why do you want to die?" he coaxed. The wounds on Kidd's arms were nearly completely sealed. He would likely be fine, but Soul worried still. What if he tried something like this again? Would anyone be aware enough to stop him?
"I disgust myself. I'm an abomination that doesn't deserve to live," Kidd said through his tears.
"Because you're not symmetrical? Kidd-"
"I don't give a fuck that I'm not symmetrical! I shouldn't have ever cared about symmetry in the first place! I want to die because I'm pathetic and worthless! I'm an utter failure!" Kidd wailed.
"Kidd, you're not any of those things. With all you've accomplished as a meister, how can you say that?" Soul soothed. It didn't seem to be helping.
"I don't mean what I've done as a meister. That doesn't matter, not really. I meant that I can do nothing for those I care about without hurting them!"
"Kidd, you don't hurt everyone by being yourself! You hurt them by hurting yourself!"
"How can you say that? You can't know what they're all thinking."
"It's how I feel!" Soul confessed. "I can't even imagine losing you, the way you're talking about dying so easily is scaring me. I won't let you say goodbye, Kidd, even if that's what you want. It might be selfish, but I want you to stay." Finally, at those words, Kidd relaxed, his sobs slowing.
"Do you really mean that?" he questioned desperately. "Because I don't think I could stand it if you didn't." Soul smiled sadly.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." And then Kidd was crying again, but for different reasons than before, and Soul was crying with him, relieved that his friend was alive and breathing with him. He'd come so close to losing him, and he wouldn't even have known if Kidd hadn't come to say goodbye to him. Come to think of it, why did Kidd feel the need to say goodbye to him specifically? "Kidd?"
"Yes?" Kidd replied.
"Why did you come to say goodbye to me specifically? Why not Patti, Liz, or Maka?" he asked. A blush painted itself across Kidd's face and he averted his gaze, staring at the blood-stained grass next to his feet. "Hey, look me in the eye. What is it?"
"Soul… I-I have something I need to tell you…" Kidd's blush was deepening and spreading, now covering his neck as well as his face. "I've liked you for a long time now… as more than a friend should. I'm sorry if it disgusts you, but I-" Kidd was cut off and his eyes widened as he realized by what exactly. Soul's lips were pressed to his, covering his mouth and keeping any more words from spilling out. To his delight, Soul tasted like heaven, despite his habit of eating souls to absorb them. The kiss was salty from the tears on both of their faces, but neither really minded, because they were actuallykissing, and there was no resistance from either side.
"Kidd, I've liked you for so long I can't remember a time when I didn't," Soul confessed. Kidd's eyes widened, but then a genuine smile lit up his face, and he leaned in again, crushing his lips against Soul's for the second time. Soul smiled as well, not hesitating to kiss back when the object of his desires was willingly participating. His tongue lapped at the other's lip, and Kidd moaned as he opened his mouth to let the other in. Soul traced the roof of Kidd's mouth with the tip of his tongue, and suddenly found himself in complete control of the kiss as the meister practically turned to goo at the sensation. Soul was the first to pull away, and Kidd would later deny the whining sound he made at the movement.
"Where are you going?" Kidd asked as Soul stood.
"Nowhere without you. But we need to get you home. It's pouring, and everyone is probably worried wondering where you've run off to by now," he explained. He held out a hand, which Kidd gladly took, and when they were both standing they didn't let go. Soul led Kidd back to his home, and was surprised to see Maka was on the front step, crying and clutching a piece of paper in her hands. Kidd's eyes widened as he saw the familiar letter; he was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea… But Soul knew he had to do this, so he dragged Kidd up to Maka without hesitation, though he did wonder what Maka was crying about.
"Soul! Oh Soul, it's terrible, Kidd is- Kidd! Oh my gosh, I thought you were dead!" Maka exclaimed upon seeing the pair. She wrapped her arms around Kidd tightly enough to cut off his airways and tear his hand away from Soul's, and her tears soaked his sweatshirt. Soul was somewhat shocked, but then he remembered the letter Maka had gripped so tightly and pulled it out of her hands gently. He allowed his eyes to drift over it, tears gathering in them again as the words in the letter reminded him of how close he'd gotten to losing Kidd forever.
"Maka, I'm not dead. I'm fine," Kidd reassured her. Maka pulled a book out of nowhere and hit him over the head with it.
"MAKA-CHOP!" she shouted. "I can't believe you! Everyone is worried sick! I can't believe you fucking almost…" Maka cut herself off by crying again and throwing her arms back around Kidd's neck. Kidd, unused to much human contact, patted her back awkwardly in an attempt to comfort his fellow meister. He wasn't sure what to do- what did one do after they'd been convinced not to commit suicide, yet everyone knew they'd tried?
"Maka, maybe it's best if we all went inside…" Soul suggested. "We wouldn't want anyone to get sick with this rain- and I'm sure everyone inside should see Kidd with their own eyes." Maka nodded, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Yes, that's true…" she agreed. Then she turned back to Kidd, who stiffened. "Don't think I'm done with you yet! You haven't even seen Liz and Patti yet, and don't think your father isn't ready to shinigami-chop you into next week!" Kidd winced as if feeling that shinigami-chop already.
"I'm so-"
"And DON'T apologize!" she demanded. Kidd's mouth immediately snapped closed. "Come on." Both Soul and Kidd followed obediently as Maka led them to the death room where Shinigami, Liz, Patti, and Spirit were gathered. Liz and Patti were sobbing, each trying to comfort the other. Shinigami himself seemed distraught, and Spirit was frantically trying to find a way to comfort him while simultaneously holding back tears as he imagined what would happen if Maka pulled a similar stunt. Guilt permeated through Kidd at the knowledge of what he almost did to them, and he wondered how he'd ever thought dying would solve anything. He'd been entirely selfish, and he was going to swallow his pride and make sure they knew he regretted it.
"Kidd, I think you're forgetting to breathe," Soul whispered in his ear, making him realize that in fact he had forgotten to take a breath since they'd stepped over the threshold. He took a deep one now, and nearly choked on it as he felt tears building up in the back of his throat. Damn it, he didn't want to cry anymore!
"Everyone, there's someone you should see," Maka announced. All of the frantic occupants of the room turned to face the door at her statement; as they saw Kidd, various shades of shock and relief were present on their faces. Liz was the first to recover; she stalked up to him and slapped him in the face, then hugged him even tighter than Maka.
"You're a complete asshole for putting us all through this, you know that?" she snapped. Kidd smiled sadly, tears in his eyes.
"I know. You can smack me again if it makes you feel better." Liz did. Before the conversation could continue, though, they were cut off as 'MAKA-CHOP!' rang throughout the room. Spirit had evidently been so ecstatic to see Maka, alive and well despite his imagination, that he'd glomped her. And she, of course, Maka-chopped him.
"Everyone, I must request that you give us a little privacy for some time. I need to speak to my son alone," Shinigami spoke, his voice deadly calm. Kidd felt his stomach flip, but nodded to his father as Liz, Patti, Maka, Spirit, and Soul left the room. At Shinigami's gesture, Kidd sat in his chair, his toes barely reaching the ground from the chair's height.
"I'm sorry Chichiue, I-"
"Don't apologize," Shinigami snapped. Kidd flinched, and Shinigami's expression softened. "I'm sorry. I should be the one apologizing. I haven't supported you, and it was largely my fault that you felt you were a burden to all of us." Tears leaked from Kidd's eyes.
"Soul found me in the park. I went to his house to say goodbye and he realized something was wrong," Kidd confessed. "It's not fair that I hurt everyone whether I'm alive or dead," he sobbed, burying his face in his hands.
"Have we really hurt you so much?" Shinigami murmured to himself, quietly enough so that Kidd couldn't hear. He gently rested an oversized hand on the back of Kidd's head in a comforting gesture, unsure what to say to someone who thought so low of themselves they wouldn't believe words of encouragement anyway.
"I hate this. Even now I'm still a burden."
"Kidd, you're not a burden at all."
"But I am! I'm such an ass about symmetry when it doesn't even matter! I couldn't even kill myself properly, I had to go say goodbye! It's not even truly that I want to die, I'm just so tired of hurting everyone…" Kidd sobbed harder.
"Kidd, you have never hurt anyone purposely; if any of your actions caused someone pain it wasn't your fault. The only action of yours that has ever truly caused us pain is when we thought we'd lost you today. We're going to fix this," Shinigami declared. "We're going to get you help."
