The elevator tings as the doors slide open in front of me. There is only one other person in the lift; a tall, pale man with dark unruly hair, cheekbones which were almost too prominent and a sharp gaze. He wore an informal suit, with an aubergine business shirt. I had seen him around St Bart's before, though I had never spoken to him.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor, and said nothing. A few short seconds later the lift shuddered to a halt, which was distinctly different from the controlled deceleration elevators were suppose to carry out. I sighed, having been informed that this might happen, and stepped forward to press the button to hold the door open. Nothing happened, It had been a long shot, anyway.
The pale stranger then stepped forward, pries open a panel and pressed what I presumed to be an emergency button. "You might want to take your coat off" He said, referring to the white lab coat that I had on, "By virtue of the fact that this elevator is effectively a tin can, the temperature is likely to increase."
I decided it would be wise to take his advice. He seemed quite put out that we were now stuck in the lift, yet resigned to the fact that this had happened regardless of whether he liked it or not. "You're from the neuro department. Gabrielle James, I presume." he said. He didn't seem to be the sort of person who would bother with social niceties, unless it was of benefit to him. I decided there must have been another reason for him to fill a perfectly decent silence with such nuances (In my first week at Bart's, I noted that the elevator had did not have a speaker in the ceiling, and as a result, there was no muzak broadcast). So I decided to play along.
"And you must be the great Sherlock Holmes." I extended my hand. He raised one eyebrow fractionally, glancing at my hand, before taking it. "Your reputation precedes you, shall we say. Besides, St Bart's isn't all that large; I figured I'd have to run into you eventually." I responded to his marginal surprise.
"So, you have Inattentive AD/HD; above average intelligence; you are particularly resourceful and creative. You have a strong moral compass and you're willing to stand up for your beliefs. You have diverse sexuality, identifying as asexual, as well as non-standard and probably feminist ideals on beauty" I raised one eyebrow slightly. So, there were ulterior motives to his introduction, after all. I responded, "Oh, please, do continue. What else do you know about me?"
He glowered a me for a moment; as if I hadn't provided the response he was looking for. "Very little. Though, to be fair all I had to go on was the data I've managed to collect over the past minuet."
I conceded that point, "Then why don't you explain the process which lead you to those conclusions then?"
He sneered derisively, as if I was an illiterate Neanderthal. "And you're suppose to be of above average intelligence. Good lord, what hope can we possibly hold for the rest humanity if they're all a damn sight less intelligent and less observant than you."
I had heard about his tendency to do this. "I believe you misunderstand. I know that you got my name and department from the ID badge at my belt, my sexuality from the black ring I wear on my right hand, and my non-standard, feminist ideals on beauty from the fact I wear no make-up. I want to know what else I've missed." He looked at me critically for several long moments.
"Fine." He eventually said, before launching into what would probably be several minuets worth of observations and deductions.
"The silver ring on your left hand shows signs of being worn all the time, as does your watch. There are beads on the haematite bracelet which are chipped and scratched, and there are 1 or 2 beads on the white glass bracelet which are broken. Only someone who was forgetful would wear such items all the time. Your watch is also set five minutes fast, in an attempt to cope with the fact that you frequently run late, and lose track of time.
"The watch band has been replaced, but not by an off the shelf band, you made the replacement strap. You've hand stitched the edge – the stitches are fine, you've had many years of practice, but they show some inconsistencies; either you're not use to sewing on that medium, or you've been out of practice lately, both probably; full-time student just moved to England for research, chances are that you've not had time for hobbies. This all indicates that you are resourceful, drawing on the skills you have to make do with what you don't have. So you haven't come from money – you've had to work for everything you have, indicating a strong work ethic.
"There's one corner on the watch strap where the stitching doesn't quite sit right, it bothers you – you know that your hand stitching should be better than that, indicating that whomever trained you expected a high standard of you. You were obviously taught at a young age, because this focus on quality made an impression on you. The fact that you pull at the stitching indicates a want to correct it – so, perfectionism.
"The peg spring bracelet you wear also indicates resourcefulness; you can look at something which someone else deems to be rubbish and find something to use it for. More than resourcefulness, this suggests outright creativity. A creative student who was taught to sew at a young age; chances are you were enrolled in embroidery class.
"The silver ring on your left hand is on your wedding finger, but you don't wear it on this finger for this reason. Up until recently, you wore it on your middle finger. There isn't a tan line, so it's been at least a few months, however the inside of that finger shows a distinctive bulge, from where the ring was just a little too tight. For that to develop, you must have worn it for several years, it's only recently that you've realised it's too small for that finger now. So why not just get it resized? Surely it would be infinity easier that wearing it on another finger, which has very specific social implications associated with it. The answer, as it invariably is, is sentiment. The ring means something significant to you. But having it resized just wouldn't be the same. Chances are you bought it on a whim, at a time when things weren't so good. Shortly there after was a turning point, things greatly improved and now you wear it to remind yourself of how far you've come.
"You carry an excess of hair bands on your right wrist, indicating you believe in preparedness. Given that you've been sewing from a young age, you probably carry a needle and thread, also. So, prepared, yet forgetful and frequently running late. Chances are, your preparedness is a way of coping with the disorganisation which has affected you for much of your life.
"There are some fresh spots of blood on your temples and forehead, from where you have recently worried at the acne there. It's unlikely the appearance worries you – you don't wear makeup, and only care about your appearance from the perspective of practicality and presenting neatly. So you worry at the acne subconsciously, probably when working or thinking. Perfectionism means that you place a high level of expectation on yourself, causing you stress, which manifests itself behaviourally. The perfectionism, probably has its roots in disorganisation, also. You work in neuroscientific research, so it's obvious you're not unintelligent. But you've also developed a strong work ethic.
"So, what could cause perfectionism, and therefore stress, and the development of a strong work ethic. Most people with above average intelligence simply do the work they have to and get above average marks. You, on the other hand, have had to put in everything you have, to achieve decent marks. So you've had to cope with some sort of disability. Disorganisation, intellect, stress, perfectionism, forgetful, running late and loosing track of time, preparedness, and creativity. You have all the hallmarks of Inattentive AD/HD. Judging by the coping mechanisms you've developed you were one of the lucky few, most females go undiagnosed, simply described by their teacher and parents as being away with the fairies, and told to get their head out of the clouds.
"You don't wear make-up, and when you do, it's usually in situations where etiquette demands it, and you get by, by wearing as little as possible. This says that you have non-standard ideals about beauty and you stick by those ideals, actively choosing not to do something you don't agree with.
"Non-standard ideals about beauty are generally informed by feminist ideals. You believe a woman should be able to wear whatever she wishes without having to fear repercussions such as rape. You are comfortable with your own body image & you dress strangely in order to provoke a reaction in those who aren't so comfortable with their body image. But despite this, you dress in a way which is remarkably conservative for someone with such ideals.
"This conservatism indicates that you don't feel comfortable with people thinking of and perceiving you in a sexual manner probably because you don't tend to form sexual perceptions of others, as a result of your asexuality. Which also plays into the reason you wear a black ring on the middle finger of your right hand. It's to remind you of your identity.
"So comfortable with body image but not comfortable with others sexual perceptions of others sexual perceptions of you and strong feminist values. So, chances are you were the type of child who would rather have no friends than be pressurised into doing something you didn't want to do, something which indicates a strong moral compass.
"On your right hand you also wear a silver signet ring, engraved with a 'G', so, your give name most likely begins with 'G'. Your given name is mostly obscured on you ID badge, but what can be made out is 'e James'. Judging by your appearance, I'd say you were born in the early 90's. So, a girl's name beginning with g and ending in e, popular in the 90's, the most obvious choice is Gabrielle.
"Tell me I'm wrong."
I paused for a moment, taking in the tidal wave of information he had just unleashed, before I turned my critical thinking on him. "Well, your website is."
"What?"
"Your website. It's wrong. Whilst your methods of reasoning may well be considered a science, they are most certainly not deductive. The logic you use is inductive reasoning – beginning with a number of facts before inferring a con-"
"Yes, thank you. I'm well aware of how my reasoning works."
"-clusion." I looked at him sharply, then continued, "Deductive reasoning begins with a pretence, a conclusion, from which you then infer facts. For a well-educated man, such as yourself, precise in your language, such a mistake is somewhat... out of character." I paused to take a breath. He said nothing. I took this to mean that he was quite interested in what I had to say, and continued.
"You pride yourself on your reasoning skills, you've built a career around it. I dare say, to a certain extent, you can't help but notice and 'deduce' the things that you do. Your easily bored; which is ultimately why you spoke to me in the first place. There's a fair chance, given the ease with which you read people, that your abilities are at least partially pathological, probably beginning in your childhood, as a way of amusing yourself. Now you do it to stop yourself from being bored.
"Despite the fact that the ambient temperature has indeed increased, in the past..." I glance at my watch, "Eight minuets, You haven't rolled your sleeves up past your elbows. In fact, you were all together too careful not to expose your elbows when you did roll your sleeves up. Perhaps, it isn't a far cry to suggest that perhaps you have something to hide.
"On the inside of your left arm there is a 21 mg nicotine patch, which is about the highest dosage available on the market. One patch wouldn't be uncommon for someone attempting nicotine cessation but you also two red patches of contact dermatitis, where the adhesive of two more nicotine patches have caused irritation. Generally, contact dermatitis from adhesive fades within 24 hours. So, you've worn more than one patch, and recently, at that.
"Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known to man; studies suggest that it's addictiveness comparable to drugs such as cocaine and heroin. Addiction is as much psychological as it is physiological, and when you realised that you were to be stuck in here with no means of mental stimulation, you leapt at the opportunity to distract yourself by whatever means possible; which just so happened to be me. I very much doubt it was the silence you wished to distract yourself from, you don't seem the chatty type, so you wish to distract yourself from something internal.
"Given that you avoid exposing your elbows, wear more than one nicotine patch in a 24 hour period, and show all the symptoms of needing to distract yourself from a psychological addiction, I'd take a guess at the fact that nicotine isn't you first or only vice.
"I noticed that you steeple your hands when thinking, perhaps you came from a particularly religious family, and rather than prey to a god you didn't believe in, you used the time to think instead, however, given the steeple gesture indicates confidence, self-assuredness & certainty, it's far more likely that it betrays the faith you have in your mental faculties and thought processes.
"At times, people can also perceive the steeple gesture as being cocky and over-confident and you use this to your advantage; to manipulate people's perceptions of you. You are exactly the sort of person who would much rather claim that you don't care about something, than admit you don't understand it. Which is why you act cocky and callous, telling people things about themselves that you have no reason to know, ultimately setting them up to feel affronted, defensive and on the back foot.
"They take an immediate dislike to you, ensuring that they think as badly of you as possible and that they remain at arms-length or further. 'Psychopath' and 'freak'; people often ascribe words that they don't understand to phenomena they don't understand. But you refute the names, no, you don't quite have the psychotic behaviour of a psychopath. No, you much prefer the term 'sociopath', one who simply does not care for others.
"But that's not quite right either, is it? Of course, Everything up until now has all just been posturing; manipulating people so that they can't tell the difference between sociopathy and what you were actually diagnosed with... Asperger's, right? Like I said, you'd much rather claim you don't care than admit you don't understand.
"But that's only half the story. See humans do this funny thing; when presented with something that we can't comprehend or personally relate to, we strive to understand it on an academic level. Most people find themselves drawn to things like serial killers or outlaw motorcycle gangs, something which, to them, is tangentially interesting, but not vital to their understanding of others. For you and I, however, it's more than that. It's a way of compensating for the gaps in our understanding of the behaviour of others; the reasons why they do the things they do. But it's not 100% effective. Knowledge and facts can't compensate for everything.
"Which is why you manipulate and posture. The small part which academic knowledge can't fulfil doesn't matter, because, with all the posturing nobody can get close enough to know what's missing, right? Well, almost nobody.
"Of course, this is ultimately also the reason you're such an excellent detective, capable of distancing yourself from victims and clients, whilst still having enough academic knowledge to put the pieces together."
I had intended to say more, but at that point there was a sharp jolt, and the elevator began to move again, for a few seconds before the elevator tinged, once more, before the doors slid open, to the fourth floor. I stepped forward, before I turned back around, "That was highly... informative. It was a pleasure to meet you, Sherlock Holmes. You were quite right on almost everything," I paused, unclipping my ID badge, and holding it up where he could see, "However, I think you'll find that my name didn't feature in the top girls names of 1993."
I could see him gazing the name on the badge. Grace James, it read. I turned back around to the fourth floor, smirking, as I hear him vent, "Grace. Not Gabrielle; Grace! There is always something!"
