How To Storm Voldemort's Castlea/n: I got this idea, and I just had to do it. Ron's not in this story because I think he's a git.XXX
Hermione nodded at
Harry.
"OK. Now we've got this super awesome weapon to kill
Voldemort, but we need to be within two meters of him. However, he is
not leaving his castle, therefore we have to go to him. The only
spells we are able to cast is... Oh. Small charms to change our
height and weight."
"Crap. How are we going to storm the
castle? We're sunk."
"Easy. We dye our hair, wear
coloured contact lenses and use make-up to hide your scar."
"So
we're disguised. How does that get us inside?"
"Easy.
Trust me. Now we just change our height and weight, and go to the
shops."
XXX
Hermione strode up to the main castle
door with Harry following behind her.
"Follow my lead."
She hissed at him.
The guards crossed their wands in front of
her.
"None may enter the Dark Lord's castle."
Hermione
glared at them.
"Shoddy job. I could take you down with one
spell. How do you two stop people from storming the castle? Minus one
point right there."
The guards frowned. This wasn't at all
how things were supposed to go.
Hermione wrote something down on
her clipboard and the guards shuddered. Clipboards were bad
news.
"Now let me in or I'll have your jobs."
The
guards frowned. "Now ma'am, we can't let you in without seeing
some identification."
Hermione drew herself up to her new
full height. "Excuse me? That's it. You're both fired.
Good-bye."
The guards glared at her but walked away and
Hermione walked through the main doors, where she was stopped by a
couple of Death Eaters.
"Who are you?" The Death Eaters
shouted at her, drawing their wands.
"Tut tut. Poor draws.
Minus five points. If you continue in this matter than I will have to
fail you." Her stern demeanor reminded them very much of their
school teachers, and paired with her words they had a sort of
flash-back. It was very scary.
Lucius Malfoy, one of the Death
Eaters, glared at her.
"What are you talking about?"
"Tut
tut. You don't know anything, do you? That's it; you're fired.
Good-bye."
Malfoy's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"
"It
just gets worse and worse for you, doesn't it. I shall have to file a
complainant on you."
Malfoy froze. "I'm sorry?"
"Good.
It's good that you feel regret for your actions, but I'm still filing
the complaint. You shall get a letter from the DPAE regarding your
termination."
Malfoy stared at her. "What?"
Hermione
rolled her eyes. "Come now, Jerd, we have other
business to attend to than an annoying person who has no brains."
Hermione continued on her way pulling Harry behind her.
The next
group of Death Eaters she faced included Bellatrix Lestrange, the
almost-killer of Sirius Black.
"Ah! Finally! We meet some
talented people! That
Lucius Malfoy is utterly incompetent."
Bellatrix found
herself nodded before she stopped herself. "Who are
you?"
Hermione stared at her. "You don't know
who I am? Surely Mister..." she checked her clipboard, "Dark
Lord Voldemort told you? I am the inspector." The last word sent
chills down everyone's spine.
"What inspector?"
Bellatrix said, but her firm demeanor had faded a bit.
"I'm
from the DPAE."
"And what's that?"
"You
mean you don't know? I
shall have to give all British Dark Lords a write down now. France is
definitely leading in the Dark Lord part."
"What?"
Bellatrix said in shock. "How could France be leading? I have to
to see right away!"
Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters in
her group ran down the hall and out of sight.
That
was easy. She thought to herself and
continued on her way.
The next obstacle she approached was
Voldemort's door, which she banged on and said, "I'm from the
Dark Persons Association of Europe and we want you to
join!"
Voldemort opened the door eagerly and Hermione pushed
Harry to the front. "Come on Jerd, show him the pamphlet."
Harry
reached into his pocket, pulled out his weapon and killed
Voldemort.
"That was easy." Hermione said, burning the
body to ashes and putting them in a special box to show as
evidence.
"Come on, lets go get some smoothies."
XXX
a/n:
Fun! I really like this idea! I've actually had it for a while. If
you carry a clipboard and glare at people while talking about failing
them, you can usually get away with anything. If not, at least you
have some fun before you die.
I could so see this happening.
