Important Note: I've seen a lot of stories about Squall going to a
mental home or having a problem like schizophrenia, but I've never seen one
of this sort about Rinoa. Anyway, this is just a story and I don't want to
hear any complaining about how it's not realistic like on one of my
favorite stories: "Reign of Shadows" by Dark Raion. If you haven't checked
that one out it's pretty good I highly recommend people to read it. Now, on
with the story.
P.s. Flames are welcome as long as you don't rip me apart, thank you.
For my friend Lindsay Christenson.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you've ever passed me in the hall or stopped to have a brief conversation with me then you'd probably be surprised by my little incident. Even my friends were but they only knew what was on the surface. They didn't know that a great pain had built up inside me, waiting to be freed. The pain is invisible yet the most hurtful at the same time. It's easier to recover from a broken bone rather than a broken spirit. I'm not sure what exactly caused me to create the incident. Maybe it was just a bad day or maybe my heart just couldn't take anymore and spilled out too many hurtful things at one time. I can't remember. At any rate, today is my first session with Dr. Lee Christenson. I feel nervous; as though it's some big exam my life depends on passing. I take a deep breath and push through the door. She has agreed to meet me in Balamb Garden's medical room. I take a seat on the cot. She stays in the chair in a corner. Her hair is short, sandy blonde, her eyes blue to match, and I find her clothes to be out of the ordinary- or at least not what I was expecting. Instead of a professional looking suit she has on jeans and a loose shirt.
"Tell me about your boyfriend," she says without looking up from her papers. "And start with something easy. How did you meet him?"
How did I meet my boyfriend? I guess that's an innocent topic. As I thought it over, I listened to the rhythm of the ticking clock hanging on the wall. Each precious second seemed to melt together, forming the flow of time. I felt as though I was reliving the day I met him. It was the first time I had ever been at Garden. When I first heard about the place- well, let me just say I didn't come to the conclusion that it was a sort of military zone. I don't know why I even wanted to go there in the first place. Change of scenery maybe? At any rate, I was drawn to this place and there I stood like a child in an unfamiliar crowd, lost. A woman with blonde hair and a black uniform came up to me and asked me where I was supposed to be. I stuttered, "I- uh, I- I'm new."
"Follow me then," she said. Her voice had a nicer tone to it this time. "I'm Instructor Trepe, but go ahead and call me Quistis." I followed her around the circular hallway; it's arms reaching out to different places. After I got a dorm, she gave me a brief tour of the place. The Training Center was the most appealing thing to me.
"You got a new one, Trepe?" a man called. He made his way over to us. His gray jacket slid on the ground behind him and he carried some strange blade in his hand. We made eye contact. His gaze was unwelcoming and sent a warning signal in my mind to stay away from him, but at the same time, I was intrigued.
"Yes, she's new. I was just giving her a tour but we'll be going to Headmaster Cid's office now so goodbye." She turned me around and brought me back out in the hall. As we rode the elevator up I asked who the man was. "That's Seifer Almasy. You'd be smart to steer clear of him. Well now, let's get you enrolled, hm?" I nodded. The elevator bell gave a short chirp and the doors opened on cue, setting us free from the moving box. Headmaster Cid's office was different in an interesting way. There were large windows behind his chair; he didn't even have a desk.
He stood and shook my hand saying, "Welcome to Balamb Garden." He had small glasses resting on his nose and had to be in his fifties at least. His wife, however, looked younger. She joined his side as I introduced myself.
"I'm Rinoa Heartilly," I said. "This place is beautiful. I love it."
"We're glad to hear that. Call me Cid and this is my wife, Edea." They assigned me a homeroom and gave me the basic information I needed to know to get through the day.
My first day of homeroom, I was late. When I walked in I immediately made eye contact with Seifer. It was hard to force myself to look away but I managed. I took the open seat behind a man in black leather jacket. "Mr. Leonhart," Quistis addressed, the man looked up. "Please help Ms. Heartilly with her computer panel." He nodded and sat next to me.
"Hi," I whispered. "I'm Rinoa."
He whispered back, "Squall. Seifer told me you came in yesterday. You might want to stay away from him." After saying that, he taught me how to use the control panel.
Now I know what you're thinking and before you draw any conclusions, I'm not dating Squall. I'm dating Seifer. I came to Garden last year and started dating him eight months ago. Everyone tells me that's when my "episodes" started but really they just hadn't noticed before. I didn't need the pain as much before.
"Rinoa," Dr. Christenson says, startling me out of thought, "how did you meet your boyfriend?"
"Quistis introduced us... sort of," I told her. "I loved his eyes. They were so evil but I liked to stare at them."
"Tell me a little about him. What's he like?"
"Well, he's a very proud person, very determinate. He, uh, he doesn't like to get into really personal conversations."
"Then how did you get to know him?"
"It was difficult," I admitted. It was too. It took a lot of pestering and getting nagged at. One day I had a break through. I followed him to the Training Center. He was fighting off some weird monster with twiggy arms. When he finished it off, I came up behind him and said, "Hi Seifer."
He gave me a look and said, "What do you want?"
"Just came to talk. My name's Rinoa."
"I know who you are and I don't want to talk."
"Can I train with you then? I wont get in the way, I promise." An evil grin crossed his face that made me shiver out of fear and excitement.
"Okay," he said, "but you have to fight me." I decided to give it a try so I agreed. Immediately he came at me and before I knew it I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. He loomed over me with a smirk. I kipped back up to my feet. I tried to hit him but he caught my wrist and twisted it so I gave him a swift kick against his shoulder. He hit me. I was a little shocked. "I don't follow that 'guys shouldn't hit girls' rule." He hit me again and I fell hard on the ground this time. My face stung and I was dizzy. He was surprised when I kicked his legs out from under him.
"Should we call it a draw?" I asked after I got up.
"For now." Then he left. The next time I saw him, we actually talked. It was the first and last serious conversation we'd have. Somehow we got on the subject of parents. He told me he didn't know his. He'd been in an orphanage for as long as he could remember. I asked him when he came to Garden. "They shut the orphanage down when I was six or seven," he said. "Cid's wife was running it and brought us here instead. How the hell did you find your way to Balamb Garden from Deling? Why not just go to Galbadia?"
"Because I wanted to be away from my dad, 'General' Caraway," I said his name in a mocking tone. "Anyway he's got a connection with that place so I found one out of his range."
"Why were you trying to get away from him? Did he ground you?" It was a joke, he didn't really care and I didn't bother to answer him. Instead I talked about my mother who died when I was about four or five. He didn't have a reaction so I had no idea what he was thinking. I figured he didn't care about that either. Anyway, after that talk I began to look at him from another perspective. I was in love.
"I just talked to him," I told Dr. Christenson. "He's not a brick wall."
She said, "You seem threatened by that question. Do you want to change the subject?" I shrugged. "Well, do you want to tell me a little about your friends?"
"Um, sure, why not. Squall is probably my best friend. There's not a lot I can't tell him. He's pretty understanding. He knows what to say when something needs to be said." Squall started talking to me regularly when I was beginning to show more interest in Seifer. Even now I think Quistis put him up to it but she didn't make him keep to it. I was sitting in the cafeteria when he approached me for the first time. I motioned for him to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"
He said, "Actually, I just came to talk."
"Oh, okay. So what's up?"
"Nothing really. What's up with you?"
"I'm eating."
"Sorry."
I laughed, "It's fine. Don't worry about it. So Squall what do you want to talk about?"
He shrugged then asked, "How have things been going?"
"Great. Well, okay, it's not that great. Seifer wont let me train with him. I mean, he'll do it one on one but not together against monsters. He says I'll get in his way."
"You can train with me. Uh, if you want to of course you don't have to."
"I'd like that, really. Thank you. Do you know a lot of people around here?"
"Mm, I guess so."
"Would you like to introduce me to some? I need some friends," I told him. "Plus, I wanted to see who your girlfriend is."
He said, "Who told you I had a girlfriend?"
"No one, I just assumed you did."
"Well I don't."
"What? You don't? You're lying. Quit lying," I laughed. He smiled a little and shook his head. He should smile more often ... or not; whenever he does I want to kiss him and that would ruin everything with Seifer. I smiled back and stared at the floor. That was the start of my friendship with Squall.
"Selphie comes next," I said. "I usually talk to her about boys and stuff. Anything I don't talk about with Squall, you know." It took a while for Squall to introduce me to people. He kept me away from them like I was a sacred treasure or something. He still does that every once in a while. Well when he finally introduced Selphie and I to each other, it was like we'd always been friends without actually knowing each other. "Then there's Zell. He's better friends with Squall than with me. Zell's a little crazy and he gets on Quistis's nerves but I think they like each other. Quistis is someone I only talk to once in a while. And Selphie's boyfriend, Irvine is pretty nice. He tries to offer up advice when I'm crying in Selphie's room."
Dr. Christenson nodded and said, "What about your father? What kind of relationship do you have with him?"
"My dad? ..." It's too soon. I can't talk about him. In fact, I shouldn't do it at all, he could find out and I'd get in trouble. Plus, it's none of her business anyway. "Can we stop now?"
"Of course. Would it bother you if I came to see you next week?" I only nodded. I needed to get out of here. My head's spinning and I can't feel my body move. I'm no longer in control. Somehow I managed to get to Squall's room. His gunblade case was wide open. I held the gunblade with one hand so the smooth side rested on the ground and the sharp side pointed toward the ceiling. It's cold metal teased me in a silent way as I slid my arm warmer up. My arm stung with the awakening pain I needed as I added to the scars. Blood trickled down and pooled on the floor.
"Rinoa, what are you doing?" Squall asked. No doubt it was a rhetorical question. I stood to run but he grabbed me. My body thrashed against his to get away. It was no use. I gave up and he had me sit on the bed where he wrapped up my wrist. "Better now?"
"I don't know," I said sarcastically, "maybe now you can get me some ice cream to dry my tears." He laughed a little. Oh God that smile.
"You always have a dry sense of humor at bad times."
"And you always laugh."
He nodded. "Yeah, I probably shouldn't either. By the way, Seifer is looking for you."
"Okay. Where is he?"
"Training Center as usual."
Before I left, I stopped in the doorway and said, "Squall, please don't tell Seifer."
"I wont." That's the thing with Squall. If I ask him not to tell on me when I cut myself eh wont unless it's really serious. He's afraid of losing my trust.
Seifer was in the Training Center, sparring with someone. I didn't want to go over there, but who was he fighting with? I looked and saw some guy I didn't recognized. Why the hell was I so worried about it? I waited until the man was gone to go over there. "Hey Seifer," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He pecked me lightly on the lips before taking my arms off him. Seifer was never the type for embracing. "What did you want?"
"Your session done already?" he asked. "So are you all done with it then?"
"No. I have to go next week too."
"When? What time?"
"I don't know. Why all the questions?" He didn't answer me, he just walked away. I sighed and followed him. We went back to his room where he "had his way with me" so to speak and I was lost in thought.
- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - - - -
That is the first chapter. Is anyone interested in me continuing?
P.s. Flames are welcome as long as you don't rip me apart, thank you.
For my friend Lindsay Christenson.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you've ever passed me in the hall or stopped to have a brief conversation with me then you'd probably be surprised by my little incident. Even my friends were but they only knew what was on the surface. They didn't know that a great pain had built up inside me, waiting to be freed. The pain is invisible yet the most hurtful at the same time. It's easier to recover from a broken bone rather than a broken spirit. I'm not sure what exactly caused me to create the incident. Maybe it was just a bad day or maybe my heart just couldn't take anymore and spilled out too many hurtful things at one time. I can't remember. At any rate, today is my first session with Dr. Lee Christenson. I feel nervous; as though it's some big exam my life depends on passing. I take a deep breath and push through the door. She has agreed to meet me in Balamb Garden's medical room. I take a seat on the cot. She stays in the chair in a corner. Her hair is short, sandy blonde, her eyes blue to match, and I find her clothes to be out of the ordinary- or at least not what I was expecting. Instead of a professional looking suit she has on jeans and a loose shirt.
"Tell me about your boyfriend," she says without looking up from her papers. "And start with something easy. How did you meet him?"
How did I meet my boyfriend? I guess that's an innocent topic. As I thought it over, I listened to the rhythm of the ticking clock hanging on the wall. Each precious second seemed to melt together, forming the flow of time. I felt as though I was reliving the day I met him. It was the first time I had ever been at Garden. When I first heard about the place- well, let me just say I didn't come to the conclusion that it was a sort of military zone. I don't know why I even wanted to go there in the first place. Change of scenery maybe? At any rate, I was drawn to this place and there I stood like a child in an unfamiliar crowd, lost. A woman with blonde hair and a black uniform came up to me and asked me where I was supposed to be. I stuttered, "I- uh, I- I'm new."
"Follow me then," she said. Her voice had a nicer tone to it this time. "I'm Instructor Trepe, but go ahead and call me Quistis." I followed her around the circular hallway; it's arms reaching out to different places. After I got a dorm, she gave me a brief tour of the place. The Training Center was the most appealing thing to me.
"You got a new one, Trepe?" a man called. He made his way over to us. His gray jacket slid on the ground behind him and he carried some strange blade in his hand. We made eye contact. His gaze was unwelcoming and sent a warning signal in my mind to stay away from him, but at the same time, I was intrigued.
"Yes, she's new. I was just giving her a tour but we'll be going to Headmaster Cid's office now so goodbye." She turned me around and brought me back out in the hall. As we rode the elevator up I asked who the man was. "That's Seifer Almasy. You'd be smart to steer clear of him. Well now, let's get you enrolled, hm?" I nodded. The elevator bell gave a short chirp and the doors opened on cue, setting us free from the moving box. Headmaster Cid's office was different in an interesting way. There were large windows behind his chair; he didn't even have a desk.
He stood and shook my hand saying, "Welcome to Balamb Garden." He had small glasses resting on his nose and had to be in his fifties at least. His wife, however, looked younger. She joined his side as I introduced myself.
"I'm Rinoa Heartilly," I said. "This place is beautiful. I love it."
"We're glad to hear that. Call me Cid and this is my wife, Edea." They assigned me a homeroom and gave me the basic information I needed to know to get through the day.
My first day of homeroom, I was late. When I walked in I immediately made eye contact with Seifer. It was hard to force myself to look away but I managed. I took the open seat behind a man in black leather jacket. "Mr. Leonhart," Quistis addressed, the man looked up. "Please help Ms. Heartilly with her computer panel." He nodded and sat next to me.
"Hi," I whispered. "I'm Rinoa."
He whispered back, "Squall. Seifer told me you came in yesterday. You might want to stay away from him." After saying that, he taught me how to use the control panel.
Now I know what you're thinking and before you draw any conclusions, I'm not dating Squall. I'm dating Seifer. I came to Garden last year and started dating him eight months ago. Everyone tells me that's when my "episodes" started but really they just hadn't noticed before. I didn't need the pain as much before.
"Rinoa," Dr. Christenson says, startling me out of thought, "how did you meet your boyfriend?"
"Quistis introduced us... sort of," I told her. "I loved his eyes. They were so evil but I liked to stare at them."
"Tell me a little about him. What's he like?"
"Well, he's a very proud person, very determinate. He, uh, he doesn't like to get into really personal conversations."
"Then how did you get to know him?"
"It was difficult," I admitted. It was too. It took a lot of pestering and getting nagged at. One day I had a break through. I followed him to the Training Center. He was fighting off some weird monster with twiggy arms. When he finished it off, I came up behind him and said, "Hi Seifer."
He gave me a look and said, "What do you want?"
"Just came to talk. My name's Rinoa."
"I know who you are and I don't want to talk."
"Can I train with you then? I wont get in the way, I promise." An evil grin crossed his face that made me shiver out of fear and excitement.
"Okay," he said, "but you have to fight me." I decided to give it a try so I agreed. Immediately he came at me and before I knew it I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. He loomed over me with a smirk. I kipped back up to my feet. I tried to hit him but he caught my wrist and twisted it so I gave him a swift kick against his shoulder. He hit me. I was a little shocked. "I don't follow that 'guys shouldn't hit girls' rule." He hit me again and I fell hard on the ground this time. My face stung and I was dizzy. He was surprised when I kicked his legs out from under him.
"Should we call it a draw?" I asked after I got up.
"For now." Then he left. The next time I saw him, we actually talked. It was the first and last serious conversation we'd have. Somehow we got on the subject of parents. He told me he didn't know his. He'd been in an orphanage for as long as he could remember. I asked him when he came to Garden. "They shut the orphanage down when I was six or seven," he said. "Cid's wife was running it and brought us here instead. How the hell did you find your way to Balamb Garden from Deling? Why not just go to Galbadia?"
"Because I wanted to be away from my dad, 'General' Caraway," I said his name in a mocking tone. "Anyway he's got a connection with that place so I found one out of his range."
"Why were you trying to get away from him? Did he ground you?" It was a joke, he didn't really care and I didn't bother to answer him. Instead I talked about my mother who died when I was about four or five. He didn't have a reaction so I had no idea what he was thinking. I figured he didn't care about that either. Anyway, after that talk I began to look at him from another perspective. I was in love.
"I just talked to him," I told Dr. Christenson. "He's not a brick wall."
She said, "You seem threatened by that question. Do you want to change the subject?" I shrugged. "Well, do you want to tell me a little about your friends?"
"Um, sure, why not. Squall is probably my best friend. There's not a lot I can't tell him. He's pretty understanding. He knows what to say when something needs to be said." Squall started talking to me regularly when I was beginning to show more interest in Seifer. Even now I think Quistis put him up to it but she didn't make him keep to it. I was sitting in the cafeteria when he approached me for the first time. I motioned for him to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"
He said, "Actually, I just came to talk."
"Oh, okay. So what's up?"
"Nothing really. What's up with you?"
"I'm eating."
"Sorry."
I laughed, "It's fine. Don't worry about it. So Squall what do you want to talk about?"
He shrugged then asked, "How have things been going?"
"Great. Well, okay, it's not that great. Seifer wont let me train with him. I mean, he'll do it one on one but not together against monsters. He says I'll get in his way."
"You can train with me. Uh, if you want to of course you don't have to."
"I'd like that, really. Thank you. Do you know a lot of people around here?"
"Mm, I guess so."
"Would you like to introduce me to some? I need some friends," I told him. "Plus, I wanted to see who your girlfriend is."
He said, "Who told you I had a girlfriend?"
"No one, I just assumed you did."
"Well I don't."
"What? You don't? You're lying. Quit lying," I laughed. He smiled a little and shook his head. He should smile more often ... or not; whenever he does I want to kiss him and that would ruin everything with Seifer. I smiled back and stared at the floor. That was the start of my friendship with Squall.
"Selphie comes next," I said. "I usually talk to her about boys and stuff. Anything I don't talk about with Squall, you know." It took a while for Squall to introduce me to people. He kept me away from them like I was a sacred treasure or something. He still does that every once in a while. Well when he finally introduced Selphie and I to each other, it was like we'd always been friends without actually knowing each other. "Then there's Zell. He's better friends with Squall than with me. Zell's a little crazy and he gets on Quistis's nerves but I think they like each other. Quistis is someone I only talk to once in a while. And Selphie's boyfriend, Irvine is pretty nice. He tries to offer up advice when I'm crying in Selphie's room."
Dr. Christenson nodded and said, "What about your father? What kind of relationship do you have with him?"
"My dad? ..." It's too soon. I can't talk about him. In fact, I shouldn't do it at all, he could find out and I'd get in trouble. Plus, it's none of her business anyway. "Can we stop now?"
"Of course. Would it bother you if I came to see you next week?" I only nodded. I needed to get out of here. My head's spinning and I can't feel my body move. I'm no longer in control. Somehow I managed to get to Squall's room. His gunblade case was wide open. I held the gunblade with one hand so the smooth side rested on the ground and the sharp side pointed toward the ceiling. It's cold metal teased me in a silent way as I slid my arm warmer up. My arm stung with the awakening pain I needed as I added to the scars. Blood trickled down and pooled on the floor.
"Rinoa, what are you doing?" Squall asked. No doubt it was a rhetorical question. I stood to run but he grabbed me. My body thrashed against his to get away. It was no use. I gave up and he had me sit on the bed where he wrapped up my wrist. "Better now?"
"I don't know," I said sarcastically, "maybe now you can get me some ice cream to dry my tears." He laughed a little. Oh God that smile.
"You always have a dry sense of humor at bad times."
"And you always laugh."
He nodded. "Yeah, I probably shouldn't either. By the way, Seifer is looking for you."
"Okay. Where is he?"
"Training Center as usual."
Before I left, I stopped in the doorway and said, "Squall, please don't tell Seifer."
"I wont." That's the thing with Squall. If I ask him not to tell on me when I cut myself eh wont unless it's really serious. He's afraid of losing my trust.
Seifer was in the Training Center, sparring with someone. I didn't want to go over there, but who was he fighting with? I looked and saw some guy I didn't recognized. Why the hell was I so worried about it? I waited until the man was gone to go over there. "Hey Seifer," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He pecked me lightly on the lips before taking my arms off him. Seifer was never the type for embracing. "What did you want?"
"Your session done already?" he asked. "So are you all done with it then?"
"No. I have to go next week too."
"When? What time?"
"I don't know. Why all the questions?" He didn't answer me, he just walked away. I sighed and followed him. We went back to his room where he "had his way with me" so to speak and I was lost in thought.
- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - - - -
That is the first chapter. Is anyone interested in me continuing?
