A/N: So I just posted a non-explicit version of this yesterday mentioning that I had written a full story and a few people wanted to read this version. It gets really graphic so if it's not for you then just read the other version. The only part that's different is that there is a flashback. You've been warned. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Arrow. Obviously.

"Alright, let's call it a night and get out of here." Oliver said, throwing on a hoodie and leaving his workout sweatpants on.

"I couldn't agree more, it's been a long night." Diggle said, clapping Oliver on the back as they both headed towards the steps of the new hideout.

It had been three weeks since the showdown with Slade and the new lair is just getting up and running. The workout equipment was easier to set up than the med lab, and the med lab was easier than Felicity's computer and security equipment. They were there almost every night after they got back from Lian Yu trying to get it up to par. Felicity, being jobless for the time being, was almost always there working on getting her equipment set up. They weren't used to seeing her in her "tech nerd" clothes, as she had labeled them there first day setting up. She wore either baggy boyfriend jeans or leggings, and usually an old tank or tee with some sort of nerdy print and a sports bra. Her hair was usual back in her normal pony tail, but to keep it out of her face better she usually wore an elastic head band or a backwards cap. The first day Oliver walked down at 8 am to find her sitting on the floor tinkering with some electronics or wires or something. He didn't even recognize her until she whipped her head around startled to see him in that early. Oliver didn't question her attire, just stared for a couple seconds until she gave him a scary look that said "OK enough, get to work."

Felicity had been edgy all day, snapping at them more than once for touching her things, or messing up the order that she had placed parts. She had even smacked Oliver's hand away from a wire at one point asking harshly if he wanted to die of electrocution. He thinks she even called him a name under her breath as she put her head back down to continue working. It was early, only 7 pm when he had decided they should call it a night. He could tell Diggle was wearing thin on his patience with Felicity. Oliver was definitely wearing thin, but was too tired to deal with her probably wrath if his snapped and said something. When Oliver suggested they call it a night Felicity immediately tensed, not moving from her spot. He thought everyone would be relieved, but she seemed almost frightened. Even behind her backwards cap and glasses he could see her grow just a shade or so paler. She just sat there on the ground with a motherboard in her hands and stared at them as they turned and started to walk towards the door.

"You coming?" Diggle asked as he noticed she didn't follow them. She just took a deep breath.

"Hey girl, you alright?" Diggle asked and took a couple steps back toward her direction.

"Yeah…yeah I'm good. Uh. Yeah, John can you hang back for a few minutes to help me clean up really quick?" Felicity stuttered out.

"I can stay." Oliver stated from the door.

"No." Felicity said adamantly, shocking Oliver a bit. She recovered. "You need to get off that knee, you've been on it all day and you're supposed to be taking it easy. Besides, John knows how to put this stuff away with killing himself or losing pieces…no offense" She looked slightly apologetic, but Oliver knew she was probably right anyway.

Oliver took the hint.

"Alright, well…I will…see you guys tomorrow then. Have fun. And get out of here it's been all day." Oliver stated before leaving, the heavy door loudly slamming behind him. Felicity flinched at the loud noise.

"I think you offended him." Diggle said will a soft chuckle. Felicity just nodded solemnly.

"I know, I'm sorry, it was the only way I could get him to leave." She said, shocking Digg a little with her extremely serious tone.

"Hey, hey it was a joke, I was just kidding." Digg said rushing over to her, sensing suddenly that what was going on with her today was deeper, and more serious than they had anticipated. As he reached her she took a deep shuttering breath and held the back of her hand up to her forehead covering her eyes. He put his arms around her, realizing how suddenly emotional she was and that she needed his support for some unknown crisis. When she didn't say anything, and started crying he wrapped her even tighter, now immediately worried for his best friend. She moved her hand from her face and wrapped her arms around his neck as she tucked her head into his large chest, unabashedly letting her tears go. She trusted Diggle. She trusted Oliver to, with her life, but she couldn't tell him everything. It was too complicated between them. With Digg, she could just be herself. Let him in on things that she was too nervous, or too ashamed to tell Oliver.

After just a couple of minutes, she seemed to rally and pull away. She turned immediately, not able to look John in the face after what had happened.

"Everything is going to change." She said quietly to herself, and to no one really. Felicity seemed totally zoned out.

"Felicity, nothing is changing, we're here, I'm here. You're scaring me, where is this coming from?" Digg tried to break into her little shell she'd created for herself just now.

"It's all different." She said, looking up at him with eyes full of pure fear and if he was looking closely, shame.

"Hey." He took a step toward her but she wrapped her arms around herself and took an equal step back.

Felicity was unable to gather her courage if he was standing that close. She had been gathering her strength all day, completely distracted from her boys and her work. She was trying to work up to what she knew she was going to have to do tonight.

Digg just stopped and stood. He knew something was about to happen and he feared by the way she looked that she was right. That everything would change.

Felicity felt the hot burn of his stare on her face, waiting for her. This was it, her move. She had to just do it, like ripping off a band aid. It was going to be quick, and painful. After that she could finally go back to collapsing into a puddle on the floor, which is where she had spent the entire previous night in her bathroom. She got home from her after hours doctor's appointment at the clinic and immediately threw up her dinner. Not having the strength or willpower to get up, she just slumped over on the floor and cried until she found herself waking up there at 5 am. She showered quickly, thinking about what she was going to have to tell Digg today, and his possible reactions. Fear, anger, disgust? The same things she felt about herself at that moment. She didn't know what was going to happen, and she had been immersed in the terror all day. The terror of this moment. This one heartbreaking moment where she laid herself out there for her friend to see and hoped he wouldn't turn away from her.

"Oh god this is hard." She spit out, followed by taking in another breath. She had realized she gotten lost in her thoughts again and was going to have to rally to make it through.

"What is hard?" Digg asked, coaxing the blonde to just be honest with him. "Nothing you can say is going to change the way I feel about you Felicity. You're my best friend. You're the smartest and strongest person I know. You're a bright, beautiful light in this stupid gray city and we need you back. You've been burnt out the last few weeks. What's going on?"

"I was…anticipating something." Felicity choked out.

"Ok, explain." Digg prodded.

"Damn it, this isn't how it was supposed to go." She chided herself, starting to pace quickly, mumbling to herself. He stepped forward and grabbed her arms gently, stopping her in place and turning her towards him. He looked her in the eyes and was instantly terrified of whatever her next words were going to be.

She took a fearful gulp and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she had steeled herself. Prepared for his reaction she just spit it out.

"I need you to take an HIV test." She blurted out, immediately clamping her mouth shut again. Her breathing was quick now, heart pounding anxiety coursing through her as she took in Diggle's facial expression, and it's many sudden changes. The last one that she registered on him was terror, as he suddenly pulled her back into a tight embrace. He shoved her head into his chest and rested his head on hers.

Diggle had no idea what was going on, or why she would ask him to do that. He figured it could only mean a couple of things, and none of them good. As his terror for her simmered and morphed into confusion and slight fear, he pulled back and looked at her. It was clear that she was broken. That this was the real Felicity that he was seeing. The one who had been hiding behind a mask of strength and perkiness and determination. How long had this been going on? What were the details? How would this have happened? Was she ok?

"The car accident?" He asked, almost to himself, even though he was staring at her dead in the eyes. She nodded once. "You're worried about me because of you?" He needed to confirm his fears, hoping this was all some big mistake and he had not assumed correctly. She just slowly nodded one more time letting a tear roll down her cheek. He looked at her like it caused him physical pain to register the news he'd been dreading for the past 30 seconds.

"I just found out yesterday or I swear I would have told you sooner. I was unconscious after the accident so I don't know if you were exposed or anything. I mean I know Oliver carried me but he had on all that leather was wasn't really hurt. When I woke up and later found out that I had fallen on top of you during the crash I started freaking out. I mean, when I got shot I was awake, I was lucid and I could control everything that was going on and secretly make sure Sara or one of you guys didn't touch any blood or anything, but the accident I wasn't sure. Even though all of my tests so far had come up negative I knew there was a small chance that my final 6 month test would show something and I guess…I don't know…I guess my luck just ran out. I'm so sorry John, I didn't mean to put you at risk, it all just happened so fast..." Felicity was near in hysterics now, worried that Diggle would turn away from her, or be angry for not telling him there was a possibility.

Digg just stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time in months. He was still holding her head in his hands in front of him, crouched down to meet her at eye level as she rambled and cried. After everything that had happened, she was strong for Oliver, for the team. She had been harboring this terrifying, deadly secret alone. Carrying the weight of the possibility on her shoulders silently in the background, with no one to talk to about it. How did she do it for this long? Six months?

"Hey, first of all, I love you. And I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're not alone anymore ok? Second, of all, your HIV status is your business. Unless you knowingly have it and don't do anything to prevent others from being infected, then you had no obligation to tell me before now. I appreciate the head's up, but I'm almost certain I didn't come into contact with any of your blood that night." She let out a choked sob of relief at that statement. "Six months Felicity?" She just nodded her head and removed herself from his hands to turn away from that question, she knew what was coming next. But he had responded so well so far, and it was such a relief to tell him that she thought she'd be able to find the courage to get through the next part as well.

"Yeah, it was ummm…it was pretty intense. I'm almost relieved now that it's over, even though it was the worst possible outcome. I mean, the waiting, not knowing was the hardest part. OK I guess finding out that I'm HIV Positive was the worst part, immediately replaced by the terror that I might have infected you or even Lyla. I mean um…I guess I'm just glad it's over." She rambled nervously again, trying to avoid his next question.

"It's not over though Felicity, I mean, your life isn't over." He walked back over to her, turning her around to face him again. Her head was in a million different places right now and he needed her to understand that this wasn't the end for her and that he'd always be there for her.

"You don't have to change your life because of this, millions of people live long, healthy lives every day with this virus. It isn't a death sentence anymore. Do you understand? I'll help you. You're not alone." He reiterated. It seemed like she needed to hear it. She nodded and faced the ground, suddenly very interested in the stray piece of wire that was sitting on the cement. As he looked closer, he saw she was crying, but she wasn't as terrified looking as before. Maybe he was getting through.

His mind wandered to 6 months ago, even though it was none of his business, his mind automatically tried to figure out when she had been infected. How this could have happened to the smartest girl he knew. Digg was aware she wasn't always careful when it came to missions and impulse control in the field, but he had been there for most of the events that she was injured, or that….Then finally it hit him. Like a lightning strike, the revelation almost physically knocked him down. Felicity saw the shift in his expression, knowing he'd figured out when she was most likely exposed.

"Count Vertigo." He said simply. Answering the unspoken question.

She nodded her head silently. He was learning to immediately hate that nod of her head, it always meant that he was right about whatever terrible thing he was thinking. He assumed The Count must have used a dirty needle on her at some point during the kidnapping. But then…

"Wait, I thought you had Oliver had said that he hadn't had a chance to inject you with anything. Did I still have a fever, did I get my facts wrong?" Digg was momentarily confused at this line of thinking. Maybe he had forgotten something? He was pretty out of it that whole day.

"No, you didn't miss anything. We told you the truth." Felicity said, removing herself from his grasp once more uncomfortably. She'd hope he'd put it together himself. He had mercifully figured everything else out up to this point without her having to explain too much. But he just stood there, furrowed brow, and she couldn't take it anymore.

-Flashback-

Felicity sat in Oliver's office. She was tied to a chair and gagged, Count Vertigo had found her and figured her out. Her hair was a mess, she had been crying, and she felt like an idiot, a stupid idiot for going out unprotected. Her wrists were hurting where they were bound tightly to the chair, but she still struggled out of desperation. She was in the hands of a lunatic. She had know way of knowing what he would do with her. He was rambling on about something, something about Oliver. He had clearly figured everything out. It was her fault that he did. Why did she keep her stupid badge on her when she knew there was a risk of getting caught? She had been so desperate to help Diggle that she wasn't thinking straight.

"Felicity Smoak."

She jerked her head up at her name. The way he said it would haunt her nightmares for months, maybe years, she thought.

"I have a clear, and decisive plan, Ms. Smoak. I hold you here, I torture you a little, you know, no big deal, then I call up Oliver Queen, a.k.a. The Hood or The Arrow, or whatever he's calling himself these days. After I call him he does whatever I say, he never knows about what is about to happen and then I kill him. If he doesn't do what I say, we go to Plan B. Which is I tell him about everything I'm about to do to you here, then I kill you in front of him, then I kill him. I'm assuming he's going to resist, so I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing his face when he learns about our…little time together. So, are you just his assistant? Or are you his assistant with benefits? Or, hopefully the best option, does he love you? I mean, he obviously cares enough about you to keep you involved in BOTH of his little businesses. Oh? So quiet?"

He ripped of her gag and she spit on him, earning a gun to her forehead.

"Oh girly, from now on you'll be real complacent. We don't wanna go to Plan B without Oliver here to witness it do we? I mean, I will kill you, and I'll leave you body here for him to find. Maybe I'll even wait til he comes into work tomorrow. Won't even call, won't write. Just let him walk through those elevator doors and see you still tied to this god forsaken chair, head blown off. Nice and messy." He was circling her, contemplating her premature death, all the while running the gun along her head.

Felicity just stayed quiet, she didn't want to say anything to set him off. He was crazy, how was she to know what his crazy person triggers were.

"That's right, nice and quiet. Now you're learning. If I want you to shut up, you shut up, if I want you to scream, you better scream. If I want you to say my name…you get my drift?"

Felicity gulped and just looked at his eyes. He wasn't bluffing. Oliver didn't even know she was missing yet. She didn' t have enough time for him to figure it out and come rescue her. Diggle was down. She had no one. It was her, and him. He could do with her what he wanted. If she wanted to stay alive she'd have to get through this. Although she didn't know how.

"Are you paying attention Ms. Smoak? I said open your mouth. We are doing a little obedience training."

She hesitated, but only for a moment, doing what he said. He slowly slid the nozzle of the gun inside her mouth and moved it around to make her open it wider. Her breaths were rapid and shallow. She was definitely having a panic attack, she just hoped that she'd be able to calm herself enough to do as she was told.

"Gooooood. Very nice. Now for the fun part." He warned, slowly removing the gun from her mouth and moving it across her skin down to her breasts. With one hand he undid her back zipper, keeping the other hand with the gun square at her chest. As the zipper was undone, he brought the top of her dress down to her elbows to uncover her bra and the top of her torso. Felicity felt every touch like it was acid burning her skin. She flinched every time he exposed another part of her bare skin and wanted to vomit by the sheer fact that he could see her in her bra, let alone what he could do to her still.

It seemed like he could read her mind.

"Oh this is nothing yet. The fun is just beginning. You are perfect, it's a wonder he hasn't tried to get in on this yet. Or has he?"

Felicity was angry at his implications, but suddenly whimpered at his hand on her breast. He grabbed it softly,rolling her nipple in one hand, gun pointed at her throat with the other. As she whimpered, he shoved the gun under her neck harder and squeezed her breast painfully.

"What did we say about noise Ms. Smoak? You talk when I want you to talk!" His voice was different this time. Angry, loud. It startled her along with the rough squeeze of her breast. She kept quiet, clamping her lips shut, but shed one tear from the pain and fear. It was happening. This was actually happening to her right now. How? Vertigo seemed to calm as she started the cry silently. He liked that he could keep her under control through the pain he was causing her. Finally letting go of her breast, Felicity huffed out a breath. He moved the gun down her torso as far as it would go pointing it downward in between her legs. She could fell the cold steel of the gun tight in between her skin and the fabric of her dress. It was low enough to cause her abs to tighten and flinch from the sensation. Normally, she would like someone touching her bare skin there, but right now, it just felt like a nauseating violation. She had to try her best to keep from flinching as he pushed as far down as he could go with her dress still bunched at her elbows. It went down far enough. She closed her eyes as the nozzle of the gun touched her panties at the waist.

Felicity wanted to cry out. She wanted to scream at him to stop, but she knew that would mean a quick and humiliating death on the floor of her and Oliver's office. She bit her lip, almost drawing blood as his other hand suddenly reaching her knee and slid slowly up her inner thigh towards it's inevitable destination. He was waiting for her to open her eyes intently. As soon as he reach her warm panties and place a finger inside them touching her, she popped her eyes open in horror. Vertigo put on a wicked grin that she would remember forever. He was crouched in front of her, one hand on a gun inside her dress, the other running the length of her clit and surrounding area softly. She looked up at the ceiling, wanting to disappear. The last thing she wanted right now would be for Oliver to walk in to rescue her and see this. She'd rather Vertigo kill her right there. She was glad he was going to wait to call Oliver now. It had gone to far. She would never be the same, and she would never be able to tell him what happened here. It would kill him. If he knew she wouldn't be able to look him in the face.

As the inevitable moisture grew between her legs, she shed more tears. Vertigo now pulled the gun out from her dress, she sighed in relief. But he immediately put it back to her chin. Letting out a breath as he mercifully broke contact with his other hand, she grew pale again as he removed her panties all together. He smiled again as he pushed her dress all the way up, to where it rumpled at her waist. She was fully exposed from her waist down and he pulled her closer to the edge of the chair. The position itself was painful for her, as her arms were still bound and now bent at an awkward angle.

Felicity dared to lower her head again, she didn't want to see herself, or Vertigo. On the other hand, she felt like if she could see what he was about to do, then she could brace herself. It was as bad as she could have feared. She was horrified see the bulge in his pants as he was rubbing his dick over his jeans right in front of her face. She wanted to be sick again. She would never be able to think about sleeping soundly again. The gun was under her chin so she could move too much without angering him. Though he seemed to be losing himself a little in his ecstasy. She turned her head to the side, knowing exactly where this was going. Unfortunately, that was the wrong move, he took his hand from his crotch and grabbed her face turning it back towards him.

"You will WATCH! And you will ENJOY IT! Trust me girl, you've never had anything like this. Sex without a gun to your head, it takes all the fun out of it! You'll never be able to do it any other way!"

At this point, Felicity was inclined to agree, she could imagine ever having sex again after this night. It would HAVE to be at gun point.

Vertigo, now satisfied that he had her attention, started unzipping his pants and pulling them completely off, switching his gun hand to facilitate his movements. Felicity had only been with two other men previous to this. Her college boyfriend, and one guy that she dated for a short time just after moving to Starling. Neither of them too impressive when it came to size. Though Vertigo was only average, he was still bigger than they had been, which means she knew it would hurt her more than she wanted to think about. She was broken from her gaze when he suddenly touched her again, roughly shoving two fingers inside of her. Felicity opened her mouth to scream, but didn't let anything come out through fear. Being satisfied with the look of shock and pain on her face, he grew even harder. His grin grew even sicker and wider. If she could comprehend anything at that point, she would have registered a short, disgusting laugh that emerged from his lips.

Felicity's mind went blank, like her body and brain where no longer connected, as she no longer had any desire to control any part of this situation any longer. He noticed the switch flip and didn't let it.

"Hey Felicity, may I call you Felicity, I feel like we know each other pretty well by this point wouldn't you say? You may answer."

"No."

"No? No I may not call you Felicity? Oh, you are fiery aren't you. Open your mouth." Vertigo said, panting through the excursion he was putting forth moving in and out of Felicity with his fingers. She didn't comply right away, overcome by pain and sensations that were making her ill.

"I SAID OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH!" He yelled in her face, gun pushing hard under her chin. Felicity had no choice but to do as he said. She opened her mouth slightly, apprehensive about what was about the happen.

"Open wider, and stick out your pretty little tongue." She complied again, horrified as to where this could go. Suddenly he roughly pulled his fingers out of her and wiped them on her tongue so she could taste herself. She gagged and almost threw up immediately when she glanced down after the shock, and saw blood mixed in on his fingers. He must have cut her at some point with his nails as he roughly assaulted her.

"Ah ah ahhh…We are all enjoying this remember? Speaking of enjoyment, let's get this show on the road, you've had your fun, Felicity." Her eyes widened as he reached down and grabbed his hard member, bringing it up to her face. She involuntarily brought her tongue back into her mouth and closed it.

"NO! Stick you tongue out, like the obedient, bitch dog that I taught you to be!" He spit in her face as he yelled, but she uncertainly did as she was told. He had moved the gun to her forehead, right between her eyes. He brought the head of his dick up to her face and rubbed it up and down her tongue.

"Lick it. Do you like that, you like how I taste? Lick it like you would lick Oliver Queen." He taunted. That was the worst possible thing he could have said. Any possibility of a sexual relationship between her and Oliver, however unlikely it was, had already gone down the tubes when this began. But with those words, she would never be able to perform any type of sex act like this without hearing Vertigo's voice in her head, calling her by her name, and calling her out on her embarrassing crush on her boss and the city's hero.

She did the best she could to flatten her tongue and lick his head as he held it in place, rubbing up and down. He moaned at the sensation, but more for the fact that she was bending to his will. After a number of strokes, he began speaking again. This time ragged and breathy. 'God I hope he's getting close to ending this.' Felicity thought. As he spoke he pulled his cock away from her face and moving his mouth just inches from her.

"Because I like fiery, rambunctious women, and because this is a 38 story building that is currently empty of all humans. I shall allow you to speak, scream, yell, cry and make all the noise you want for the time being. Actually, the louder the better, I stay hard longer with encouragement."

Felicity, thinking about the implications of what he had just said, didn't make a peep. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction, not to mention keep him going longer than he needed. He only snarled into a sick laugh at her attempt to stay quiet.

He put the gun at her chest again, grabbing her ass with his other hand and pulling her closer to him. She could feel him stroking her clit and her entrance with the head of his cock as head ground up and down slightly. When he had her in the position he wanted her he jammed himself inside of her violently and without warning. She could hold back to scream that she let out right then. It was much more painful than she had anticipated. He must have really hurt her while he was using his fingers earlier. If just the one trust was that painful, she could only imagine what the rest would be like. She only had to wait a moment. Once he had buried himself inside her as far as he could go, he grunted and held the position around her as she screamed, feeling himself get harder from the tortured cry. He grunted as she felt tighter because if it. Moaning, then regaining his composure for a few seconds, he thrusted backwards, and then into her again even harder. Felicity screamed again, the pain getting more intense. She was crying again now. Maybe she hadn't stopped. She couldn't tell anymore.

As he started to build a hard rhythm, she could tell he was enjoying himself even more by the second. She started to feel blinded by the pain, not being able to see properly, she took it as a blessing. She was breathing rapidly, somewhere along the line she had stopped screaming, realizing subconsciously it was prolonging her agony. As her thoughts strayed to Oliver, she immediately them away. She didn't want to be thinking about him as this was happening. Everything hurt and felt like it was on fire from her abs down to her toes. Hurt wrists were throbbing and she realized she had been tugging violently against her restraints without thinking about it. Something that had been causing her so much pain earlier, was now a mere afterthought.

Thankfully as she had stopped screaming a few minutes before and was now concentrating on breathing in and out, Vertigo started to slow. He had realized he gotten all the screaming and "encouragement" he was going to get, and decided it was time to let go and finish quick. His merciful slowing ended as fast as it had begun when he began pounding toward his release. This was the worst part by far. Felicity ground her teeth and grunted through, trying not to scream and knowing it would be over soon and she could crawl under a rock and die. Maybe he would be merciful and he would just shoot her. At this point she couldn't think about Oliver and his feelings, or her dignity. That was gone. She just wanted it to be over.

Finally, with a few jerky thrusts and moans, she felt his warm release inside of her, stinging her internal injuries. She sighed in mutual disgust and relief that it was over. She would never be able to shower this off of her. She would feel him inside her forever. He stayed in his position for a minute getting his bearings. Still inside her. She had closed her eyes when she felt him stop, she didn't want to see his face. He moved the gun from her forehead to her throat and roughly pulled out. Felicity groaned at the uncomfortable feeling.

"Good job dog. My next dig I'm going to name 'Felicity'. Hopefully she's as quiet and obedient as you. You really didn't put up any fight did you." He was pulling up his pants, not even bothering to wipe himself off. She almost vomited again when she open her eyes at his words and saw blood on his dick from her injuries he'd caused. He left her there, half naked, crying, tied to a chair, and bleeding. When he came back he had a towel from the executive bathroom. He wiped her off, any pressure being painful on her right now.

"We don't wanna give away our little Plan B reveal when he comes in, do we? What's the fun in that? I want to be the one to tell him, to see the realization in his eyes that because if him, you got to enjoy our time together that much more."

After cleaning her and the chair, he pulled her panties back on, pulled her skirt down and fixed the top of her dress hiding the bruises he'd caused.

To add insult to injury, he walked over to her desk and picked up the name plate looking at her name. He took the towel and locked it in her top drawer with her keys so only she would be able to find it later. A painful, disgusting reminder of that night. Like she needed one. He then took her phone, and called Oliver.

"He didn't use any needles on me, John." She stated flatly. Felicity would refuse to say the word, she hated the word more than anything. It made her feel dirty, useless, and like a victim. She HATED feeling like a victim. She REALLY HATED the idea of others seeing her as a victim once this came out. That's why she had been so guarded. Enough people had let her down in her life, she didn't need her Arrow family thinking less of her. Or worse, coddling her like she couldn't take care of herself. She's taken care of this situation just fine without their help so far.

Diggle took about one second to figure out what her statement meant. A horrifying truth that see hadn't told them about. A secret that has clearly been tearing her apart by the look on her face right now. She had no more secrets left. She looked exposed, but strangely stronger. He had seen all the emotions cross her face after she said the words and it was like reading an open book. A book that he had read a million times before, but all the sudden the ending changed. The characters were different. The entire plot of her life in the past 6 months was something entirely different than he had thought it was. Diggle thought back on all the expressions and moments over the course of that time and reevaluated all of her faces, her movements, her decisions.

"Stop overanalyzing me John, I'm still me." Felicity said, clearly on the defensive already.

"I'm just…I'm stunned, I'm trying to figure out what you've been through and I can't possibly imagine." He said, fairly ineloquently.

Felicity just looked to the side breaking his gaze again and put her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She was sick of crying today. It was a very stressful week and she just wanted to be through this and back to normal. Or what she guessed would be her new normal. Tiptoeing around John because he knew her secret, and hiding the rest from Oliver and Roy. Trying not to seem like the fractured soul that she had become. Diggle saw this all on her face. She was done for the day. She couldn't take any more. He didn't want to press her anymore than she had just pressed herself.

"Felicity?" Diggle said breaking the quiet.

She opened one of her squinted eyes and looked at him wearily over her glasses in response. Her fingers still pinching the bridge of her nose willing her stress headache away.

"Thank you for telling me, and for worrying about me. I love you for it." Diggle said, getting a little of his articulateness back, thankfully.

"Well, you're the only one I felt comfortable telling. Plus, you needed to know. Not only because of the accident, but because you do most of the medical stuff, and you know…because you're my best friend. I don't know how much longer I'd have been able to keep it from you without losing my mind." She could finally rest easy and just be honest. She huffed out a tired, exasperated sigh.

"I don't know about you…but I need a drink. Or five." Diggle joked. He felt like she needed him just to be him right now. Not to be the only guy that knew she was raped and was now HIV Positive. She definitely appreciated it though.

"Or 9? Yes, please." She smiled for the first time that day. She relaxed into his arm as he placed it around her shoulders.

"Fix your hat, you look like a little kid." Diggle said teasingly.

"Shut up! I like it like this, it says out of my face!" Felicity responded as they headed towards the door.

"Hey we should go to some fancy pants joint all decked out in our 'lair building' clothes." Digg joked.

"Do you think they'll appreciate the dirt on my pants? Maybe they'll be able to tell I've been sitting on a cement floor for 6 hours?" Felicity immediately hit back.

"Oh yeah, and the sweat on my back? I probably smell like roses. Lyla is going to love it later."

"Ew, tell me you're going to shower before you go to bed, because you really do smell gross."

"Ok Miss 'Let's Go To The Park And Skateboard After School And Then We Can Go Listen To Some Hip Indie Vinyls At My Mom's House'."

Felicity just burst out laughing, the most sincere, belly laugh he'd heard from her in months. It made Diggle smile. He'd cry at home. She didn't need that from him. She had her own despair and heartache to deal with right now. She was right, everything was going to change. But he thought, maybe it doesn't have to change or the worse. Maybe now they'll start appreciating each other more, and making sure they live everyday enjoying the company of the people they love.