Heaven is a place on Earth
A sequel to You are my God-Given Solace
Dean recognized the vertigo that was hitting him at that moment. It was the kind of time travel jolt that he had always felt when Cas transported him somewhere only this time it wasn't Cas who was doing the transporting. Dean looked around him and, at first, didn't recognize where he was. He then heard laughter, children's laughter and he turned towards the sound. There, he saw Lisa and Ben. She was sitting on a bench watching Ben play with his friends. He felt an overwhelming need to run over there, but hesitated. The last time he had seen Lisa was to tell her that whenever he had imagined being happy she had been there, she and Ben. It had been the truth. He had also scared her then and though now, things were different, he wondered if she would be glad to see him or stay fearful.
As he stared at her, she moved as if sensing him watching her and turned. When their eyes met, hers filled with tears and a small smile came to her lovely face. Relief washed over Dean's body and he found his own eyes welling as well then he, too, felt a smile come to his own face. At first, it seemed his feet were rooted to the ground, but he finally took a tentative step, more followed as he walked towards her and she walked to meet him halfway. Just as they were close enough to reach for each other, she lunged into his arms and the feeling of her embrace felt like a warm blanket enveloping him. He returned the embrace with his own and he heard her sob into his ear.
"Dean," Lisa uttered softly. "You're okay."
He let out a sigh then pulled her away gently. He caressed her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. He then slowly moved in to kiss her, ready to retract if she moved away, but she met him halfway again and greeted him with her soft lips. It was a gentle and chaste kiss, but it felt liberating and meant everything. Dean had kissed many women and many had stirred his desire, but none had filled him with security and a feeling of belonging as Lisa did.
When they parted, they both just smiled.
"Hey," Dean whispered, still caressing her cheek, his finger following the line of her jaw.
"I'm so glad to see you. I was so worried when you left the last time. What happened?"
"I didn't do it," Dean said simply.
Lisa understood immediately and hugged him again.
"Thank God," she said.
"You have no idea," Dean said with a smile. "I'm sorry for just showing up and scaring you. I was in pretty bad shape and I just needed to tell you how I felt."
"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I was just scared that it would be the last time I'd see you."
Lisa's expression softened as she remembered watching him leave to do something she knew would be bad. Dean saw it and touched her cheek.
"Lisa, I still can't go into details about what's happening, but I want you to know that I'm in a better place now and that what I said then, I still mean. I hope that I can give you more than just a promise, but I will do my best to make sure that you and Ben stay safe."
"I know you will, Dean. Even back when we hooked up, I knew that you weren't the kind of guy who'd hurt anyone on purpose. It just wasn't who you were…who you are," she corrected. "We were both kind of wild then," she paused then saw the seriousness on Dean's face. "It's not over, is it?"
Dean looked away for a second.
"No, but if things go the way I hope it will and if there's any way I can get back to you and if you'll have me, I want a life with you and Ben, to be a family."
Lisa smiled and stroked his jawline.
"I'll be here. We both will."
Dean smiled, his eyes welling up at the certainty he saw in Lisa's eyes.
It was then that Ben ran up to them.
"Dean!" Ben yelled out as he then hugged Dean.
"Hey there, sport!" Dean said, a wide smile coming to his face.
"Are you here for good?"
Dean swallowed hard. He didn't want to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. He had learned from his own childhood that he would never do to any kid what their father had done to them, break promises. He bent down to be face to face with Ben.
"I want to be and I hope that I can be if it's okay with you and your mom," Dean looked up at Lisa winked and smiled, "but I have to do something first, something important and I won't lie to you, something dangerous, so I need you to promise me something."
"Sure, Dean anything."
"I want you to take care of your mom and I will do everything I can to protect you and to come back," Dean said then paused for a moment, "but if I don't, I want you to know that I tried, that I wanted to be with you and your mom more than anything in the world. You believe me, right?"
"Yeh, Dean. I do," Ben said sadly, but with a brave face.
"I want you to promise me that no matter what happens, you'll be brave for you and for your mom, okay?"
"Okay, I promise," Ben said hesitantly.
Dean nodded and hugged him, feeling satisfied that he had done all he could to prepare Ben as best as he could, to leave him a better legacy than their father had left them. Dean had come to peace with his life and their dad's choices, but was determined to do better for Ben.
He stood up and gave Lisa one last gentle kiss.
"I gotta go," Dean said.
Lisa nodded and Dean walked away, their clasped hands slowly parting, resisting the inevitable disconnect the further he walked away. Then the dizziness hit him again and he braced himself against a tree. He watched the world blur in front of him as he looked again at Lisa and Ben. They became worried and almost rushed over, but Dean shook his head and smiled, assuring them that he was okay. They looked sad at seeing him leave, but had small smiles on their faces. He would hold that image frozen in his memory. He had another reason to live through this and hoped that he would. Much as he loved Sam and would die for him, it was nice to have something else to fight for.
Dean clenched his eyes and felt the world go black again.
oooo
When Dean felt solid ground below him again, he found himself in front of a house he never thought he would ever see again. He was back in Lawrence and in front of him was Missouri's house. She had helped them exorcise their house a few years back. These Sam Beckett-ish leaps he was making were so random to him. Maybe he had to learn how to control them, but for now, he had no idea why he had ended up at Missouri's. Lisa and Ben he got, but showing up at Missouri's house didn't make any sense to him. He was ashamed to say that he had never checked back with her since that exorcism. Just as he was thinking that, her front door opened and there stood Missouri, older, but still as intimidating as ever.
"Well? You just going to stand there or are you coming in?" She said as if she had been expecting him.
Dean willed his legs to move and walked into the house. When he was inside, she gave him a bear hug, which, at first, startled him, but then comforted him. He then hugged her back.
"Boy, you've been through so much," She said, her voice sounding sympathetic as she let go then head slapped him. "Did it ever occur to you to use a phone?"
Dean couldn't help, but smile. She had always been a constant in their lives when they were younger. He felt badly that all he had wanted to do was escape Lawrence and its bad memories, Missouri being the collateral damage to that choice.
"I'm sorry, I know I should have, but –"
"I understand. It's just that I felt so helpless."
Dean looked at her shocked.
"Do you know everything?"
"Just about. Like it or not, I'm connected to you boys," Missouri smiled as he touched Dean's cheek. "Sit down."
Dean complied.
"Coffee, black, right?"
"Yeh, thanks."
Missouri went to her kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. She brought it out and placed it on the table. She took Dean's hands into hers and her eyes welled up.
"When you went to Hell, I felt everything. During those 4 months, I was confined to a hospital with so much pain. The doctors couldn't figure it out, but I knew."
Dean's eyes widened with shock. He had never expected anyone to feel what he had in Hell.
"God, Missouri, I'm sorry," Dean apologized.
"Nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault. You did it for love, I felt that through it all and that was good enough for me. Soon as that Castiel fella pulled you out, I was fine."
Dean could only nod his head, still amazed that he had inadvertently caused someone he had cared about and who he had treated so badly so much pain.
"You mean you've been through everything?"
"Yes. I've traveled through your grief, your sadness, your resurrection, all of it."
"Sam's too?"
"Yes, Sam's too and I don't regret a single moment because I've never been so proud of you as I am now."
"I don't know, Missouri. What I did in Hell…" Dean said, his regret apparent.
Missouri squeezed his hands tighter.
"I know you're not a religious man. Profession you and your family were in, it's not hard to understand why, all the evil you've seen, but I am and you are the most righteous man I know. Just because someone goes to church, it doesn't make him a righteous man, a good man. A good man makes mistakes, suffers for those mistakes, but he also learns from them. A good man also forgives and Dean, you have forgiven all your family's shortcomings your whole life. Make no mistake, no man could have endured Hell like you did and still be able to forgive."
"I didn't always forgive, Missouri. If I had, Sam would never have –"
"Only flaw you possess is your blindness to your brother. I love Sam as a son like I do you, but that boy has always been quick to anger and too fast to act without thinking. You don't want to see it, but I do. You made every choice from love. When Sam died, you didn't seek vengeance, you just wanted Sam back, to give Sam life. The only person you hurt was yourself. When you died, yes, Sam wanted you back, but he did things from anger and for revenge. His pursuit of Lillith was proof of that. It was that need for revenge that brought Lucifer forward."
Dean looked down at her hands holding his and could only think of his mother, how much he needed her now.
"In those 4 months, I not only felt you, but Sam too. He was hurting bad and it made him do terrible things like trying to bargain his soul, but the more he failed to save you, the angrier he got, ripe for the picking for that Ruby. He began to hunt to release that anger and not only was he reckless, but he was brutal."
"He's not that Sam anymore, Missouri."
"No, Dean, we humans, we may work to change, but what's deep within us, what comes out from instinct, it doesn't change. Sam is a good man, but within him is a darkness that can be called upon without much effort. Lucifer is counting on bringing that out in him. It's not far from the surface. I fear for him, Dean. He is on the edge as the Apocalypse grows closer."
"But he risked everything to trust me that I wouldn't say yes to Michael."
Missouri took in a breath, unsure about whether to tell Dean the next thing.
"Yes, Dean, he did entrust you to make the right choice, but it wasn't just for you or the world. It was for him. He is desperate to redeem himself and he doesn't understand that redemption doesn't come from desperation, but from a true belief that it can be achieved from within. He didn't want you to say yes to Michael because that meant he would lose, not only you, but the world. He wanted to lift blame from himself."
Dean let go of Missouri's hands and walked to the window.
"I don't know what to do, Missouri."
"You're already doing it. You're with Sam, giving him all you can. The rest is up to him."
Missouri stood up to join Dean at the window and touched his cheek.
"You are not your brother's keeper, Dean. You have been for a long time and Sam is only here because you were there for him. Any failings aren't of your making."
"I don't want the world to end on my watch."
She looked at him and smiled.
"I have faith in you, Dean. There is no better man for the job. Believe that."
Dean felt the dizziness come on again. Missouri braced him against her and kissed his forehead.
"I believe in you, Dean. Believe in yourself. That will carry you and Sam both."
Dean then slipped from her arms and vanished. Missouri looked out the window and sighed. She couldn't see the future, never could, but her gut feelings, they were always right. That boy was meant for great things from the moment she had laid eyes on him. She glanced skyward then closed her eyes in silent prayer. It was easy to entrust her future to him. It was instinct for her.
FIN. Another sequel is in the works. Hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading!
