It was Monday, the Overdrive Rangers' least favorite day of the week. As with the rest of the world, their fun weekend was over and a long, boring week ensued. Will, Ronnie, Dax and Rose met in the hall at their high school.
"Hey, guys." Ronnie said wearily.
"Hey," Said Will.
Dax groaned. "I friggin' hate Mondays."
"You sound like friggin' Garfeild." Will said.
Ronnie sighed. "Guys, please. It's too early."
Rose looked around. "Hey, does anyone know where Mack is?"
"I haven't seen him." Dax said.
Right on cue, Mack came running down the hall. "Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. I overslept because I stayed up until five this morning reading Ruroni Kenshin."
Will sighed. "Great. You show up late and looking like hell because you were nerding it up late last night. Yeah. Way to go."
Mack pouted at him. "Oh yeah, Will? Well guess what? I've got a little poem for you. Roses are red, lightbulbs are glass, shut up before I kick your ass!"
A collective 'Ohhhhh' rose from the other Rangers. That was definitely a challenge.
"Oh, you want to play that way, huh?" Will pointed his ass right at Mack. "Take this!" He let out a long, labored fart, sounding not at all unlike a mating water buffalo in a thorn bush, and emitting a stench so foul that it could permeate lead.
Mack gaped at him. "Oh, that you foist upon me a stench most foul! You shall pay for this, William. YOU SHALL PAY!" And with that, Mack stalked off.
"Mack, wait!" Rose called as she ran after him.
Will smirked. He turned to Ronnie and Dax. "Guess I showed him, huh, guys?"
Dax stared at him, mouth agape, unable to speak upon the immaturity that he had witnessed. Ronnie was considerably less subtle.
"Go wipe your ass, Will." She said. "Come on, Dax, let's go." And she and Dax left Will to sit in his shit.
"Guys?" He said weakly.
Later, at lunch, Mack, Rose, Dax and Ronnie were eating together. Will spotted them together and approached them with his tray. After all, they'd forgotten about before, he figured.
"Hey, guys, mind if I sit here?" He asked.
Mack turned to him coldly and said, "Yes, we do mind if you shit here."
"Bu-but, I said sit, not shit!"
"Go away, Will." Rose said. "I don't want to have to smell you while I'm trying to eat my lunch."
"It was just a joke! Lighten up." Will said. "C'mon, you're not gonna shun me for the rest of the day, are you?"
This time, all the Rangers turned to face him. It was, once again, Ronnie who spoke.
"Get lost, shit spitter." She said. Everyone picked up their trays and left.
"Awww, dammit," Will muttered to himself. At that moment Will realized that he needed to fart. He put all his might into it, only when the fart came out, it wasn't just a fart. Sick, chunky, foamy ass barf splattered both his legs.
He gasped as the horrific realization dawned on him. "I . . . I really am a . . . shit spitter!" Will burst into tears.
Suddenly, all of the other Rangers returned, bearing huge grins.
Will stopped crying and slowly turned to face them. "You just saw all of that, didn't you?" he asked.
"No, of course not," Dax said. "Unless, of course, you're referring to the fact that you just shit yourself like a baby and then started bawling like another baby, because we did see that."
"It serves you right for being an ass earlier," said Mack.
Will hung his head. "I guess I've learned my lesson. Blowing ass is blowing it, and I blew it with you guys."
"Will," Ronnie said. "Everyone shits themselves sometimes. It's what makes us human."
"Yeah, we don't think you're lame." Rose said. "Well, not that lame."
"Does that mean you guys forgive me?" Will asked.
"Yes," Ronnie said.
"It's all good," said Dax.
"What the hell," Mack agreed.
"Now that we've solved our relationship issues, what am I going to do about this? I'll be the only high school student with a pantfull of shit."
"Oh, we can fix that," said Ronnie. "You ready, guys?"
"Ready," the others confirmed. Mack, Rose, Dax and Ronnie each sucked in a deep breath and grunted with all their strength. Four chain-saw decibel level farts went off in unison, followed by the sounds of four teenagers each filling their respected undergarments with a pile of shit.
"There. Now you won't be the only one," Ronnie said.
Will smiled. "Thanks, you guys. Now I won't feel like such a loser walking around with shit pants all day."
"That's because we'll all be doing it," said Mack. Then he got a whiff of himself.
The other Rangers got whiffs of themselves, too. "Ugh!" Rose exclaimed. "Um, guys, maybe we should all just change our pants."
"Yeah, probably," Will, Ronnie and Mack muttered in unison. Dax had no such sentiments.
"Well, you guys can do what you want, but personally, I like this new trend. It's so . . . liberating. In fact, I'm gonna do it again." Dax summoned all his remaining power and grunted hard.
"Dax, no," Mack warned. "With your super jumping abilities, it might . . ."
"Go!" Dax cried. And with that, he shot out of his bowel a turbulent blast of fermented shit of such massive caliber, he was launched upward with great force, causing him to blast through the roof and out of the school.
The other Rangers stared at the hole in the roof in speechless shock
Finally Rose said, "We should go help him."
"We should help him," Mack said. "But that doesn't mean we're going to help him. I say we go change ourselves, then meet back here for Twinkies."
"Agreed!" Will said eagerly.
"I'm in," said Ronnie.
"What the hell? I could go for a Twinkie," Rose said.
The Rangers took off in the direction of the nearest bathroom, eagerly awaiting the sweet taste of clean pants, and the sweeter taste of Twinkies.
The end.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
