Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by midnight.
A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine.
A/N: I could have sworn I'd already posted this. shrug I think I'm loosing my mind in my old age.
A/N: As this fic progresses Cath and Greg become really good friends, now when I first posted this over on the yahoo group it was pointed out that that's a little OOC. Which now I've thought about it I kinda agree with. But it worked for me when writing this hand I like to think I explain how and why as the fic goes on. Whether I did or not really is up to the you once you've read it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Bedtime Thoughts
"So, how long have you been in love with Sara?"
My head snaps immediately in Greg's direction. "Excuse me?"
We'd all decided to go for a drink after work, all except Gill that is, as usual. Unfortunately for Nick and Warrick they we're on call and didn't even have chance for a beer before being called back.
I'd almost finished what I believe is my third beer when I heard Sara say she'll go get the next round, leaving me alone with Greg. She was barely out of earshot when he shocked the hell out of me with his question.
"I said, how long have you been in love with Sara?"
Looking at Greg I see no trace of the usual juvenile glint in his eyes, just understanding mixed with sorrow. I contemplate lying to him, denying everything yet again. But what would be the point? I thought I was hiding my feelings well.
"Am I that obvious?" There's a hint of panic in my voice, if Greg's noticed; surely everyone else has, they're paid to notice things.
He chuckles a little. "Don't panic, I'm pretty sure nobody but me has noticed, Nick and Warrick think you hate her and Grissom wouldn't notice if he walked in on you two making out. I only noticed because you look at her the same way I do."
I knew he had a crush on her, but love?
"Hay, you think we should start a club?" He says laughing.
I laugh despite the situation; Greg has that affect on people, plus the ability to lighten almost any mood, something I'm grateful for right now.
I laugh before replying. "Yeah, but I get to be club leader."
"Griss is a total idiot, I could punch him sometimes."
I wasn't expecting that, or the heartbroken look that momentarily crosses his face.
"I agree Greggo. He's a fool, how could anyone in their right mind turn her down. And what's worse is I know he has feelings for her, he just thinks it would be inappropriate to do anything about it. The stupid man. And here's us two, moping around, pining over something that will never happen. Have you told her how you feel? I figure you have a better chance than me, being male and all."
He laughs again, and I fail to see what's funny. "Yeah I have, she was flattered, sees me as a little brother though, to into Griss to even think about it." He can't hide the sadness in his voice. "I want to let you in on a little secret though."
I ponder for a second what it could be, the mischievous look on his face intriguing me.
"I'm all ears Greggo."
"She's dated women before." He watches closely for my reaction, smiling when my eyes widen in shock and my mouth falls open.
"Are you serious, how do you know?"
"We're really good friends Catherine. She talks to me a lot; she's actually a really open person when you get to know her. She just keeps herself guarded in work. She feels for each of those victims, guarding herself is her way of coping."
"I know she does Greg, give me some credit, I'm not Gill, I do pay attention, you think I'd have fallen for her if I didn't know the real Sara? Although it seems my knowledge was lacking somewhat."
I'm stuck on the part where he said she dated women, my brain running overtime with possibilities, a tiny voice at the back of my mind starts screaming 'maybe you have a chance'
"So maybe you should tell her, you never know..."
I haven't even had chance to think about this information and he's suggesting I tell her I'm in love with her.
"Greg, she doesn't even like me and I'm pretty sure 'hey Sara, I know I've been the personification of bitch since we met, but I'm kind of in love with you, fancy a date?' wouldn't work."
"Sure she likes you, she talks about you a lot, has allot of respect for you too, she doesn't even think you hate her, just thinks there's a personality clash."
"She seriously doesn't hate me, why the hell not, I'd hate anyone who'd been as bitchy to me as I have to her."
"So would I..." He says seriously, letting me know he thinks I've been out if line, and I agree. "But she doesn't, I know she wishes you were friends, she's just not sure how to go about it."
"I can't be friends with her Greg. It kills me being around her, not being able to tell her how I feel, wrap my arms around her or kiss away the pain I see on her face after every rough case. I couldn't be just her friend." I look at him helplessly, hoping he'll understand. "I want to, more than I've wanted anything in a very long time, to have her be part of my life in any capacity would be fantastic. I guess I'm just too much of a coward."
He puts his hand over mine; I find the gesture oddly calming, it's refreshing to talk to someone who knows exactly how I feel.
"I know it's hard, but you slowly learn to cope with it, maybe even get over her, but trust me, it's worth it, she's worth it."
I'm about to reply when the object of our conversation places another beer in front of me, sliding into the booth we're occupying directly across from me
"Ooh what's with the serious faces, what did I miss?"
"Ah, nothing important, work stuff." Greg offers.
"Well change the subject; we're here to forget about work."
As she finishes talking she's tapped on the shoulder by some well-built blonde guy who asks her to dance. She takes his offered hand with a. "Why not." As she stands and follows him, telling us she'll be back in few.
I watch them make their way to the dance floor, his hands going to her waist, hers around his neck. He moves closer to her and she offers no objections, even laughing when he leans over to say something to her.
I bury my face in my hands; I'm starting to feel some serious jealousy over a stranger dancing with her.
"Tell me that isn't killing you Greg, I want to break a chair over his head and all they're doing is dancing."
"Like I said, you learn to cope, she doesn't want me, I still want to see her happy, even if it is with someone else."
Tonight has changed my opinion of Greg quite a bit, he's far more mature than any of us give him credit for, he's sensitive as well as kind, and he genuinely cares about everyone on the team.
"Well, I'm done with coping for tonight, I'm gonna head home, before I make good on that chair shot." I offer him a smile before standing to leave. "See you at work Greggo, have fun."
I'm about to just walk out, but decided to say bye to Sara first, we'd all been having a good night before I decided to become the green eyed monster.
I find her still dancing with the blonde guy and tap her on the shoulder, she turns to face me. "I'm gonna head home, I'm getting a headache." Lame excuse I know but 'I'm so jealous you're dancing with him and not me that I want to throw up' doesn't seem appropriate given the circumstances.
She looks a little confused, pointing to her ears, signalling she can't hear me over the music; she places a hand on my waist, steadying herself then leans into me. "What?" She says directly into my ear.
I quickly lose my train of thought, the heat something as simple as her hand on my waist can cause astounds me, and she smells fantastic as well. I manage to regain enough composure to repeat myself. She has no trouble hearing me this time, our position placing my mouth right next to her ear; I have to fight the sudden urge to run my tongue along it.
She pulls back a little, making eye contact before leaning back in. "You want me to drive you? I've only been drinking coke."
I want to say yes, anything to get her away from whatshisname here, but instead I say. "No, its ok, you stay and have fun." Waving my hand in her dance partner's general direction. "Thanks for offering though, I'll see you tomorrow." She says bye and I walk away, leaving her to dance.
I jump into the first cab I see, the driver tries to make small talk but I can't concentrate. My mind going between Greg telling me Sara likes women and the immense jealousy I felt at her simply dancing with someone.
I get home and collapse on my bed, curling myself up in a ball; I've been there less than a minute when my phone bleeps with a text message.
'Just wanted to make sure you got home ok. See you tomorrow, Sara x'
I can't help smile at her thoughtfulness, feeling some of the jealousy still settled in the pit of my stomach dissipate, I hit reply.
'Just got in now. Thanks. :) we should go out again soon, see you tomorrow, Cat x'
Feeling a little better I shower and change, taking myself back to bed. I lie awake pondering my conversation with Greg, trying not to think about Sara and whatshisname, and if she stayed with him.
I keep thinking about Greg's suggestion to get to know her better. I have to do something. I start reasoning that with this new revelation of her liking women, if I got to know her better and we became friends, at some point I could tell her how I feel, just like Greg did. She'd tell me she's not interested then the voice at the back of my mind saying 'well, you never know' will have to shut up. I'll have closure and I'll then be able to move on, to get over her.
It's a great theory. And of course if I can manage to get her to be friends with me, not act like a bitch whenever were together, not jump her whenever were together. And actually find the courage to tell her how I feel; it should work out just fine.
It seems I've made my decision, come hell or high water; I'll do whatever it takes to get to know her better, to actually be her friend.
With that running around my head, I finally drift off to sleep.
Thanks for reading.
Sam
