Hey, everybody! It's Mama Alex, and this is the second installment in the Lily Joy universe :) If you followed me here from part one, then well done. However, if you are brand new to the series, I am speaking to you as the author and saying to turn around right now to read Lily Joy revised first, otherwise, you will be very lost. Don't say I didn't warn you…
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Castle (or make money off it, for that matter) because Andrew Marlowe and the others thought of it first, but maybe, given the success of the previous story, perhaps I should mail the stories into him when everything is said and done… Maybe he'll let me on the writing team then. Yeah, that's it…
…Moving on the start of the story now…
Oh, dear God… I am so lucky to be alive right now. After being kidnapped in front of my son a crowded Manhattan subway platform, and then spending almost nine months in that hellhole where I was tortured day in and day out just for resisting—despite my condition—I am still alive.
A voice jarred me from my thoughts. "Excuse me? Agent Shaw?"
Turning, I saw a nurse in the doorway, and I did my best to smile at her.
"Yes?"
"I was just informed that your husband is on his way to see you."
I felt all of the color drain from my face at once as I shook my head furiously while ignoring my pounding headache.
"No!" I cried, and the nurse immediately had a perplexed look on my face, because she probably couldn't quite understand why I didn't want to see my husband after such a long time away from him. "No! Rafferty can't come in here! I can't let him see me like this! No!"
The nurse was about to respond when my loving husband appeared next to her in the doorway at that moment, and he was panting slightly, as if he had run to my room from the elevators. As much as it hurt me to do so, physically and emotionally, I turned my back on him as he edged closer to my bed while the nurse made a quiet exit.
"Jordan?" my heart clenched as Rafferty's voice became pleading. "Please turn around, love. I want to see you."
"No!" I repeated, shaking my head once more. "I don't even know how to talk to you right now. You won't believe me, and you won't want me. You'll be wanting a divorce after you'll see what's become of me."
My husband tried again, still calm, even though I knew my words had hurt him slightly.
"Come on, Jordan. It's been almost nine whole months, and I've been going out of my mind with worry about you." Even though he was obviously distressed underneath his calmness, his warm voice and familiar Irish accent made me want to turn around, especially when he gently rested a hand on my hip. "I love you so much, and I always have and always will. You know that I fell in love with you when we were five years old and I brought you back to my house to ask Ma to clean you up after the O'Sullivan boys shoved you around in the mud pit." His hands travelled from my hip to my face where he brushed my hair back and placed a very tender and loving kiss on my cheek, making me turn to mush on the inside. "When we said 'for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish' at the altar all those years ago, that was a promise made that's meant to be kept forever. I'm telling you something now that I told you on our wedding day and on the first day that we met: I'll always be at your side, no matter how much you hurt, and always means forever."
Tears were pouring down my face at Rafferty's words because all of my crazy pregnancy hormones, along with the feelings of how much I had missed everything about him, and the weight of the memories of the upsetting circumstances of our first meeting were hitting me hard and it was all coming back like a flood. I remember all of it clearly, particularly the details of our first meeting, even though we were barely five then, and just over forty years old now.
Unable to bear the thought of having my back turned to my husband any longer, I turned towards him slowly, biting my lip as I did so because the pain from my broken ankle was agonizing. As I sat up—and looked away, so as to avoid eye contact with him—the blankets fell away from me to reveal my bulging and very pregnant belly. Movement from the inside caused me to trace shapes over that spot, and I just couldn't bring myself to face my husband until the pain had subsided altogether.
"Jordan," Rafferty's voice was soft as he sat next to me on the bed. "You're pregnant."
His words were more of a statement than an observation, and I nodded mutely.
"I am." I replied with a nod, voice just as soft as his. "It happened on the first night." Absently, I ran a hand over my belly, feeling small comfort when a tiny hand followed mine and came to rest where I rested my own hand. "I was violated, and now I'm pregnant from another man." My voice was filled with shame. "I'm so sorry, Raff. I understand if you want to divorce me, and I'll accept that, but there is no way that I'm going to part with the babies—"
Rafferty put a finger to my lips to silence me and it worked.
"Jordan," he spoke my name again when he took his finger away. "Did you just imply that you're having more than one baby?"
"The doctors performed an ultrasound on me when I was brought in, and it was established that I'm carrying twins!" I confirmed. "I just can't part with them, Rafferty. I can't. I won't. The babies were my reasons to live when I became so miserable that I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I want to be able to watch them be born and grow up, and fall in love and get married, and even have babies of their own."
"Sweetheart," his voice was still calm, but had a firm edge about it. "It's okay. What happened to you that night was not your fault. There isn't anything in this world that could ever make me stop loving you or want to be with you. You are my wife, but you've been my friend longer, and I know you remember the words that my Ma told us both, all the way back on Day One."
I nodded, remembering Rafferty's kind and loving mother and all of the words of wisdom that she had imparted on us over the years. Taking my calloused and beaten hands in his warm and soft ones, I recited the words with him.
"Friends are the family you choose."
…Those words normally apply to very close friends, but in this case, it went a little farther because Rafferty and I can both say with lots of love and pride that we married our best friend…
I eventually got tired from sitting up, so Rafferty helped ease me back onto the bed. When I was comfortable, he smoothed my hair away from my face again.
"I'm not going to divorce you, love. I'm not." He told me seriously. "I believe you when you say that you were violated because after decades of knowing you, I can be rest assured that you are the most loyal and the most faithful person I have ever met in my life. You wouldn't betray me by going out and having an affair, and I know what wouldn't, either." I was crying again at this point because my pregnancy hormones were sending me on a very unpleasant rollercoaster. "I want to be there, too. I want to see out babies be born and grow up and fall in love, too."
The sweetness and sincerity of his words, as well of the use of the word 'our' made me dissolve into a huge puddle of tears.
"Baby, d-did you just use the word 'our' in the same sentence mentioning the twins?" I stuttered through my sobs. "It sure sounded like it."
"That's because you heard right, love." His voice was reassuring as he held my face in his hands and brought it to his own so we were looking each other in the eye. "I don't know who that man was who violated you and caused you so much agony, and I'm not sure if I even want to know, but the babies are part of the family now, and guess what?"
I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "What?"
"Even though you've had almost nine months to get used to them growing inside you, and I've only known about your pregnancy for probably twenty minutes or so, I already love them like any father should love their children."
"Even if I told you that they're identical girls?" I choked out, voice thick with emotion.
"Yes," he answered sweetly. "And since they're both girls, that means that there's more of a chance that they're going to look just like you."
I smiled at his words, finally feeling safe and secure for the first time in months. Most people would deem Rafferty's quick acceptance of my pregnancy as unrealistic, I knew him inside and out, it all made perfect sense to me. I felt stability coming back, too.
"We can make this work, Jordan." Rafferty told me, putting a hand on top of one of mine. "We can make this work."
I took my husband's hand and placed it on top of my belly, right on the spot where both of my daughters were stretching out in what little space they had left in my womb. Rafferty proceeded to lean forward to talk to the babies, and all was well until a new thought jolted my system altogether.
"Rafferty," my voice was stern as I pushed him back so he was sitting up. "I remember everything the night I was taken, including the fact that someone died, and that Calvin was stabbed and shot. Where is he now? Where is my boy?"
The smile immediately left his face as he became concerned. In turn, this made me tearful.
My husband dried my eyes for me, but when he spoke, his words were chilling.
"Calvin is here, in this very hospital, and his injuries are healing up nicely, although he is definitely going to need physical therapy…" his voice died as he ended his sentence in a sigh.
"Finish that sentence." I ordered.
He sighed again, but the sigh was heavier this time. "Calvin is in this hospital, but he's lying comatose in the pediatrics wing as we speak."
Disbelief, grief and bewilderment filled my whole body, making one of the babies jab me sharply with an elbow as she reacted to my sudden mood change.
"What?" I gasped as I massaged the spot. "C-comatose? Our son is comatose?"
Rafferty nodded grimly, but his voice was full of guilt because he hadn't been there the night that everything went down. "According to the doctors, Calvin must have hit his head on the platform during the struggle, and that's what caused the coma in the first place. He was comatose for a month, but he did wake up briefly."
"What happened?"
"He…remembered what happened and when he realized that you were still gone, he became so upset that his health declined and he slipped into a coma ag—Jordan, what are you doing?"
I spoke defiantly. "Going to see Calvin."
I was sitting up again and was now attempting to get out of my bed, even though my broken left ankle was in a plaster cast and the pain was only second compared to the pain I'd endured when I was in labor with Calvin. (I was on Morphine, but I wasn't allowed to be on anything else because of my condition) Bless Rafferty's heart, he didn't fuss with me too much about it and eventually got permission from my doctor to leave my room, so long as I was in a wheelchair at all times and toed my IV pole with me, seeing as I was on an IV drip. Agreeing to these terms at once, I let my husband take me up to Calvin's room.
My heart broke into a million tiny pieces when I saw Calvin lying in the bed, hooked up to all those tubes and wires. (As was standard for comatose patients, he was hooked up to a breathing machine) Calvin has always been tall—it's the Irish blood in him—but now he looked small and vulnerable with all of the color gone from his face, making him look like a ghost. The pale color of his skin made his flaming red hair and freckles even brighter than ever.
I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I realized that we weren't alone. A younger woman was sitting in a chair next to Calvin's bed and three boys—a young teenager and twin boys whom I guessed to be about four years old—were sitting on a nearby window seat. The boys had been talking with each other, but they stopped when we entered and were now watching us curiously. The younger woman, who appeared to be of Asian descent, had been knitting something, but when she saw us, she smiled and put her project away in a bag at her feet. As she bent over, I couldn't help but notice that she was heavily pregnant, too, and I was pretty sure that her belly was as big as mine.
When the woman straightened up, Rafferty pushed me a little closer to her.
"Hello, there. My name is Amaya Serizawa." The woman's tone was cheerful. "You must be Jordan. I'm so glad that you're okay."
Amaya, who appeared to be about ten years younger than me, had a likeable quality about her.
"Yes," I nodded, realizing that Rafferty must have told her about me. "I'm Jordan."
I wanted to ask her what she and her kids were doing in here and how they met Rafferty, but how to ask her without being rude…?
"I'm a midwife here at the hospital." She explained, as if reading my mind, but her voice became solemn for a minute as she continued. "I was there in the subway the night that you were taken."
I was surprised by this. "Really?"
"Really," She nodded, still solemn. "But it was my husband who died that night."
Guilt surged through me. "I'm sorry, Amaya."
She patted my hand absently. "I miss Tatsuya every day, and nothing is ever going to change that. One of the hardest things in the world to deal with is the pain of losing your spouse, but…he died helping someone, and Tatsuya always went out of his way to help someone in need." Amaya was silent for a minute and the phrase 'quiet grace' popped into my head when I thought of a way to describe her. She suddenly came back to her senses, blinking hard. "But it in a way, Tatsuya didn't leave the boys and me altogether because he still gave me one of the best presents ever shortly before…that night." Her hand came to rest on her bulging belly. "Granted, I didn't find out about them afterwards, but I found out that I'm having twin girls!"
My heart skipped a beat. "So am I!"
Amaya opened her mouth to say something, but Rafferty stepped in, clearing his throat.
"Amaya, before you and my wife wander too far down the rabbit trail together, you might want to tell her exactly why you and the boys have been here everyday since that night."
I looked at Amaya with even more curiosity. She and her boys have been in here every day?
Amaya smiled pleasantly. "I wanted to make sure that Calvin always had company so he isn't lonely. Kiyoshi talks to him sometimes, but Tokutaro and Mitsunobu always tell him about their day, and they always look forward to Calvin…even if he doesn't talk back."
Glancing over at them briefly, I deduced that Kiyoshi was the older one because he had opened up a comic book at the mention of his name. From there, it was obvious that Tokutaro and Mitsunobu were the younger ones. (But which twin was which? They're completely identical…)
I turned back to Amaya and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Amaya. Thank you for everything."
She returned the gesture and held on for a minute. As she did so, two thoughts crossed my mind that I was sure were on her mind, as well: the first one was that since the two of us were now bound together by a tragic event, we understand the other person's pain more than anyone else. The second thought was that because we were bound together by tragedy and since she had become friends with my husband, we were definitely going to be around in each other's lives for many years to come.
Amaya gave my friend one more squeeze and then turned to speak to her boys in what I realized was Japanese. The boys immediately began packing their things away.
She switched back to English when she turned back to me. "It's been lovely meeting you, Jordan, although I sincerely wish that it could've been under nicer circumstances."
"Likewise." I agreed with a nod.
Kiyoshi, Tokutaro and Mitsunobu walked over to her at that point. Kiyoshi, never talking, busied himself with helping Amaya to her feet and helping her regain her balance to keep her from toppling over, while the twins made a collective effort to pick up their mother's knitting bag and give it to her. When they all had their things together, they bowed slightly to us, and I remembered reading somewhere that such a gesture is customary in Japanese culture because it shows respect for your friend or acquaintance. (The deeper the bow is, the more respect is conveyed, is what I read) Some habits die hard, or some just carry on through the generations, I suppose.
Amaya's voice broke through my thoughts. "I have to go now, tomodachi."
"What does that word mean?"
"It's the Japanese word for friend."
I smiled, touched that she considered me a friend. "Will we see you later?"
She laughed merrily. "That depends."
"On what?"
Amaya gave her belly a quick pet. "On whether or not the little ones make an appearance today or not. Shinju and Nozomi are a week overdue, and I'm going to be induced tomorrow if they don't come soon."
"I'm sorry." I sympathized. "I know what that's like because Calvin gave me lots of grief when I was pregnant with him, and he was a week overdue, too."
She smiled, too. "Glad to know I'm not the only one…"
My friend bowed again, and her boys followed her example before all four of them filed out, leaving Rafferty and I alone. When they were gone, there were so many things that I wanted to say in regards to Amaya's kindness and beautiful heart, but I only had eyes for Calvin. Rafferty understood that because he pushed my wheelchair closer to the bed and backed away.
I held one of my son's hands in my own and felt relief sweep through my body when I realized that his hand was still warm.
"Calvin, it's your mother." I whispered to him, caressing his face with my free hand. "I'm back."
He didn't respond, of course. The only sounds were the machines he was hooked up to.
…The machines that were keeping him alive…
"Please wake up, sweetheart. I've missed you so much, and I just want to see your smile again." My voice broke as I began to cry again. One of Calvin's most endearing qualities has always been his fantastic smile. "Your father needs you, I need you, and…"
My voice died because I was going to tell Calvin about the twins, but I suddenly lost the courage to. I felt someone giving me a comforting backrub and I didn't have to look back to know that Rafferty was doing his best to comfort. Drawing strength from that, I started speaking to Calvin again.
"We all need you to wake up, Calvin." I whispered again, trying not to feel too anguished. "Your father and I both need you to, and your baby sisters do, as well."
I maneuvered my chair closer to his bed and placed one of his hands on top of my belly. Both of the babies kicked his hand hard, as if they knew what an important occasion this was. Their movements made me smile.
"You're finally going to be a big brother, Calvin, and I just know that you're going to love the babies…" I paused, thinking of how best to phrase my next words, even if he couldn't hear me. "I just know that you're going to love the babies, even when you find out the truth about where they came from. I—Oh, my God!"
A powerful contraction suddenly shot through my body and I dropped my son's hand unceremoniously to clutch my belly. Rafferty was at my side in the blink of an eye, and rubbed my back soothingly until the pain was gone.
"Something tell me that that wasn't your first contraction." He observed.
"You're right about that one." I sat back in my wheelchair, trying to soothe my daughters, as they had become very restless and were doing an excellent job of letting me know it. "It's the third?"
Rafferty was incredulous. "The third?"
"Yes, I had the first one in the ambu—"
Again, I was interrupted with pain from my belly, but this time it was coupled with a wet feeling in between my legs. I gave my husband an alarmed look, and it went without saying that I was in labor.
The next half hour was a blur because as much as I didn't want to leave Calvin's bedside, I knew it, I knew it was necessary, so I didn't put up too much of an argument with Rafferty. When I was brought into an examination room and the doctor performed an ultrasound, we saw that the babies were going to need be delivered right that very minute, because even for twins, they were exceptionally big and running out of room inside me. At the end of that half hour, I was beside myself with joy to be holding both of my perfect little miracles to my chest.
"What are the girls' names?" Rafferty asked as he admired the two new hand-knit blankets that Amaya had an intern—Queller, I think—bring down a few minutes before. "I want to know so I can tell the nurses what to put down on their birth certificates."
"Promise you won't judge or laugh?" I was anxious. "I've been holding onto these names ever since I first realized that they were on the way."
Rafferty kissed me on the forehead. "I promise I won't judge or laugh. Any name that you could come up with our daughters would probably be extraordinary."
…Again, some people might deem Rafferty's actions with his word choice as unrealistic, but yet again, it made perfect sense to me. Rafferty and I had tired to give Calvin another sibling when he was younger, but we found out that I was barren, and I was heartbroken when I received the news. Despite the fact that the babies had been conceived against my will, extraordinary was the right word in this context because their presences alone already prove to the world that miracles really can happen…
His reassurances bolstered my confidence and I told him, indicating the baby on the left first. "This little girl is named Justice because justice was served today when we were rescued today by one of my colleagues. Justice's sister, here—" the second baby chose that moment to give a huge yawn that seemed to take up all of her strength. She gave a contented sigh and laid her tiny head against my shoulder. "This is Justice's sister, Jubilation. Even if Calvin is still in a coma and he's on another floor right now, we're all together and that's what matters. I think there's jubilation hidden somewhere in there."
Rafferty kissed me again. "Those names are quite extraordinary. I love them, Jordan."
SIX-AND-A-HALF YEARS LATER
SHAW HOUSE
ASTORIA, QUEENS
"Mommy, mommy!"
A tiny voice brought me back to reality as the last images of my flashback melted away, and I turned just in time to see Justice and Jubilation hurrying towards me, dressed in matching fancy blue party dresses and white ballet flats. Happy grins were plastered on their faces.
"Hi, babies." I smiled down at them. "What's up?"
"Do we look all right?" Justice wanted to know as she twirled around in her dress. "We need to look good for Tía Missy's birthday party."
Today is dear Melissa's twentieth birthday, and we were supposed to be heading over to the Álvarez house to celebrate. Calvin was already there, seeing as he had already been spending the whole day with his girlfriend and their best friends.
"You two look absolutely perfect," I assured them, suppressing a smile when both girls heaved visible sighs of relief. "But do you really have to call her that?"
The twins exchanged looks with each other for a moment, holding a silent conversation with just expressions in their eyes. When they looked back at me, I took a step back, feeling uneasy because their looks were penetrating.
"Lily Joy calls her that." Jubilation reasoned.
"LJ is five, and you two are nearly seven." I pointed out.
"Tía Missy told Jubes and me that since LJ calls her that, we can, too." Justice responded as she picked up the wrapped present they planned on giving to Melissa later. "We like Tía Lexie and Tía Jessie, too, but Calvin says that Tía Missy is the best."
"Not as best as Raja, though." Jubilation sighed dreamily at the mention of her best friend. "I have to look extra good for him…"
"That's 'cause you love your Raja! He loves you 'cause he told me that." She teased her twin in a singsong voice. "I can spell it, too: L-O-V-E! That spells love!"
Jubilation gave a roar of frustration and launched herself at her sister. I stepped in between the two of them and them both an arm's length away from my body.
"Jubilation Amaya! Justice Leila! Behave yourselves! Otherwise, we might have to leave the party early." I warned. "You don't want that, do you?"
Alarmed by having been middle named, the twins shook their heads, eyes as round as tea saucers. Upon my encouragement, they apologized to each other just as Rafferty walked into the room.
"Why did I just walk in during an apology?" he asked warily.
"Justice was getting on Jubilation's nerves again." I explained, laughing lightly. "Nothing to worry about, baby."
"Good." Rafferty shooed the twins out to the front hallway to wait for us before speaking quietly to me. "Jordan, are you okay?"
"Yes." I nodded. "Why?"
"You just seem a little out of it."
"I was just thinking about the day the twins were born, is all." I answered honestly. "I promise you that I'm perfectly okay." A sudden seductive smile crossed my face. "Will you please let me show you?"
"Yes, please." He answered quickly, knowing what was coming next.
I smirked and stood on my tiptoes to kiss my husband full on the lips. When I pulled away, my smirk grew even more when I saw that I had sent Rafferty's mind reeling by just the magnitude of the kiss alone. He was acting like a horny teenager, and it was very satisfying to know that I still had that affect on him after all of these decades together.
Rafferty looked like he wanted to make a clever quip about what just happened, but a shriek of disgust from Jubilation interrupted him.
"EW! MOMMY AND DADDY ARE KISSING!"
Rafferty and I pulled apart to see that the twins had snuck back in the room. Jubilation had a look of utmost disgust on her face, but Justice just looked amused.
"But Jubee!" she used her sister's pet name. "If you love Raja, that means you're going to have to kiss him when you're married 'cause that's what married people do." A devilish twinkle appeared in her eyes and Jubilation flushed bright red, as if she already knew what Justice was going to say. "And you know what, Jubee? Mommy and Daddy say that when two people really love each other, they make a baby. You and Raja will have a baby, and then I'll be Tía Justice…"
Jubilation gave a shriek of anger this time and ran to chase after Justice, who was already out of the room, laughing like a little maniac. Rafferty and I stared after them in amusement.
"They fought like that, even in the womb." I sighed, gathering my things up. "I'm pretty sure that it was Justice who kicked the crap out of Jubilation just because she could. Poor Jubilation just kicked back in retaliation."
"Some days I wonder about the strength and depth of their relationship…especially since I was an only child growing up," Rafferty mused. "But in this crazy thing called family, I'm sure that Justice's bothering the hell out of Jubilation like that is just her twisted way of showing love."
I nodded in agreement with his words, but an angry voice suddenly filled the air.
"JUBEE, I SAID NO! LET GO OF MY PIGTAIL NOW!"
Rafferty and I sighed and headed off to separate the girls before Justice throttled Jubilation.
What do you think of the first chapter? Review and let me know!
