Bella was frustrated. It was that same argument again. Edward was refusing to change her and just expecting her to accept his order. The rest of the family looked on, all too used to their argument.
Bella glared at Edward, determined that he would finally see reason. "Edward, why don't you want to change me?" She asked calmly.
Edward sighed, exasperated, "Love, I've told you. I won't damn you to this existence because of my selfishness."
Bella felt a rush of triumph at his words; "Because you think you have lost your soul?" she asked hoping he would take the bait.
Edward glared at her, wary of her tone, "Yes, Bella. I've told you, my kind are monsters."
Bella grinned, "So you think Esme is a soulless monster?"
Edward gaped at her. "What—no, that's different!"
Bella glared at him defiantly, "No it isn't! You said that all vampires are soulless monsters; that makes Esme and Carlisle soulless monsters."
Edward, recovering from his shock, glared. "That is different—"
"How?" Bella interrupted. "They are vampires and therefore abominations according to you. If there is some difference I would suppose it would be how they live. Because of the way they live they have souls? If that is your logic than you have no reason not to change me. I would be living like them so I would also have a soul."
The entire family was staring at Bella now, surprised and impressed by her argument. Emmett looked very excited at the idea of Bella lecturing Edward and could not stop snickering. Carlisle looked at Bella with approval and vaguely wondered if she would finally be able to convince Edward.
Edward floundered for a moment. He seemed to be trying to counter her argument but thus far had come up with nothing. Bella decided to continue, "And even if there is a chance I could lose my soul, if you really and truly believe it, you still don't have a right to interfere."
Edward started at that, and shouted, "You will not be changed! I will not allow it." He immediately realized that that was not the right thing to say as he saw the look of murderous rage on Bella's face.
Bella snarled at him before gritting out from clenched teeth, "And why do I need you to allow it? You may be ninety years older than me, but I am not a child. I am a grown woman capable of making my own decisions. I am the only person who can decide what I can and cannot do. If I wanted to go out and get drunk right now I could and you have no right to stop me. The only person you are in control of is you.
"You have assumed way too much. You have tried to control way too much of my life. I told you I did not want to go to the prom and you blatantly ignored me. You made me go even as I protested the entire way there. You assumed you knew better and forced me to do want you thought best. And don't say you know I secretly wanted it, because I hated every second that I was there. Tonight is another fine example. I told you I wanted to pretend it wasn't my birthday. You not only ignored that you also ignored that I didn't want presents and you also forced me to have a party. I really don't appreciate you trying to force your will on me. And you know what, I looked it up and what you do falls under the category of an abusive relationship."
Her words rand through the house which had become completely silent. Every single one of the Cullens were staring at her in shock. Edward could hardly believe his ears. "I am not abusive!" He cried, "I just want to keep you safe."
Bella took a deep breath and tried not to lose her nerve. "You tell me what to eat because you want me healthy. You won't let me drive because you think you would do better. You try to force me to accept a new car because you think it would be better. You have Alice keep an eye on my future so you know what I'm doing and where I am. You notice a common theme? You are imposing your will on my life without and care for what I want."
Alice looked like she had been slapped. Had she been controlling Bella and making her feel as though she were a captive? Edward also looked shocked. He had never considered that he had been making Bella so unhappy.
Bella glanced over at Rosalie for a moment before saying, "My life is not up for debate. I get to decide what I want for myself. No one else has a right to interfere or judge me for it. I am a different person that all of you. Rosalie," Rosalie looked up sharply, surprised at being addressed, "Edward told me you are jealous of me because I am human and you are not. There are only so many reasons I can think of that being human is better than being a vampire. The only differences I can think of are growing old or having children."
The look on Rosalie's face told Bella she had been right. "I can't imagine what you want so badly is to be an old woman so I will assume that you want children. I don't have any siblings and truthfully I never really wanted any. If I had wanted any I would have wanted an older sibling. My mother is a child that never really grew up. I spent most of my life taking care of her. After taking care of my mother for seventeen years, why would I want a child? I don't hate children, but I also have never wanted any. I've spent so much time raising my mother and now caring for Charlie I would never be happy raising a baby that is totally dependent on me. I don't mind giving up the ability to have children because even if I stayed human, I would not have any."
Rosalie, Esme and even Edward looked at Bella in shock. Rosalie scowled at her and said, "That's what you think now. How can you be sure you won't change your mind down the road?"
Bella looked at Rosalie, perfectly calm. "I don't. Maybe twenty years from now I'll regret never having children. And at the point it could be dangerous to have a child because of the risk with older mothers. But that is my mistake to make if I want to make it. And what makes you think I won't spend all eternity still not wanting children? There are many women who never have children and still are perfectly happy."
Rosalie looked at Bella thoughtfully. "And you would not blame Edward if you regret your choice?" She asked, honestly curious.
"I would not blame anybody. It is not up to Edward if I change. Like you said, it is my choice. And if I do come to regret my choice I will know that you all tried to give me enough information to make an informed decision. And if that's all you and Edward were doing I would not be upset. You aren't trying to make me think about what I would be giving up, you are trying to make me do it." She turned to Edward, "I don't want all these supposedly important human experiences. And just because you think it's important doesn't mean you can force them on me."
Edward looked at her sadly, "Love, I just want you to experience the humanity you seem so ready to give up."
Bella stroked his cheek, "I appreciate that. And if it means a lot to you, you should discuss it with me. You can't just force it on me. That isn't how a relationship works. I am not your child, you cannot tell me what to do. You also cannot stop me from doing what I want to. You don't want to change me; you have every right to not do it. I do not have the right to force you. But you are not the only one capable. If I ask Carlisle and he agrees you have no right to stop him."
Edward looked at her and said, quietly, "I don't want to damn you."
Bella gritted her teeth, "I don't believe in souls and God like you do. I don't believe for a second that I would be damned and it isn't up to you. I want this. Obviously it can't be now. The timing would be horrible, we can't all just disappear, Charlie would be after your family and never rest until her finds out what happened to me. But after graduation I will be changed, whether you like it or not. This isn't just about you. I do love you and it would kill me if you hated me for being changed but I also love this family. Alice is my best friend. Emmett is like the big brother I always wanted when I was little. Esme is the mother I should have had growing up. And Carlisle is like a second father to me. Even if it would mean damnation for me, how could I let all of you feel the pain of losing me?"
Esme, Carlisle and Emmett looked at Bella all very touched at her words. The whole family turned to look at Edward to see his response. Carlisle quietly said, "Bella, I think of you as my daughter and I would be more than willing to change you after graduation if that is your wish."
Edward looked at Carlisle sharply before deflating, "Bella, if you are sure than I will not stand in your way. But I will not help. I want you to know that while I would love to have you by my side for the rest of eternity I want more for you. I won't get in the way of your wishes."
Bella smiled, elated at her success. "Thank you. I want this. And I have given this a great deal more thought than you think. I will be happy with this family. And there will never be anything I ever want more than I want you."
And with that Bella and Edward kissed. Although their problems were far from over, they were finally moving in the right direction, and they would find their solutions together, equally and as a team.
