Friend or Foe
A figure sat in front of a computer, typing away at whatever they were working on. They then noticed that a camera was focused on them and turned around in their chair, revealing that it was a girl with long red hair, and a Jolteon rested on her lap.
"Hey, everyone. This is Latias 4.5 here, and I'm here to give you an important announcement, but before I get to that, I've got some other news to tell you all. If you have been wondering why I haven't updated in a while, it's because I have recently opened and account on Archive of Our Own, and I've been publishing some of my stories that I have already published on this site, as well as some original stories that I will be posting just on that site due to...well, you know. I go by the name of Latias425 on the archive. Now onto the main point. I am proud to announce that Super SpongeBob Bros. has reached an amazing 10,000 views. That's a giant milestone for me, and I would like to thank you all for the support over the course of these last nine months. So, in honor of this, I'm doing a really special episode for you all. So just sit back and enjoy."
"Hmmm, something ain't right." Mario muttered as a cart rolled into the Smash Burger with a birthday cake on it. "For me?"
"Don't you find this a tad suspicious?" Dark Pit asked.
"Suspicion doesn't hold a candle to birthday wishing." Before Mario could blow out the candle, Mewtwo popped out of the cake.
"Surprise!" Mewtwo took out the candle and released the balloons. The balloons started to pop, causing everyone to become blinded. Mewtwo flew on a jetpack to the kitchen and placed the bottom part of the cake on the safe. The cake exploded and he flew away with the formula.
"My secret formula!"
"Happy Birthday Mario!"
"Don't forget your condiments, Mewtwo." Pit called out as he began to squirt ketchup and mustard at him.
"Attaboy, Pit!" Mario turned on the ceiling fan, causing Mewtwo to bounce off it and crash to the ground and Pit took the formula.
"Safe."
"You'll rue the day we were born, Mario. I'll be back." Mewtwo activated his jetpack, but ended up falling into the floor. "Oh, crud."
"Why, Mr. Mario? Why does he hate us so?" Pit asked as he started to cry.
"You might as well blame me, Pit. There was a time when Mewtwo and I were best friends."
"Best friends?" Pit asked as everyone else went over to hear the story.
"Friends at birth, you might say. Even as wee ones."
The scene then flashed back to when Mario and Mewtwo were babies, and everyone awed.
"Things were all peaches and creams, until we hit grade school."
"Hey, Mewtwo, whatcha doing?" Mario asked.
"Oh, just a little something I thought I'd try out." Out of nowhere, a spitball hit Mewtwo in the back of the head, and the class started laughing. "Idiots! I'll show you with science! This concotion is going to blow everyone away." There was a muffled explosion from inside, and Mewtwo's container blew up all over the table, causing the classmates to laugh again.
"How's this for a science experiment, Mr. Brainatron 5000?" A Koopa kid asked as he threw another spitball at Mewtwo.
"They'll pay for this one day, Mario!"
"Darn tootin'. Hey, turtle brain, I think you owe Mewtwo an apology."
"You're right. Mewtwo, I'm sorry. Sorry you have to hang out with Rag Boy." The class started laughing again.
"Yeah. Where'd you do your clothes shopping? The trash can?"
"'Twas true. I did get my clothes from the trash. You see, when I was growing up, times were tough. My mother had to fasion my clothes from rags."
"There you go, son. You're outfit's all finished. It's a good thing Old Man Tortimer was kind enough to spare his last washcloth."
"Oops." Tortimer ripped off Mario's clothes to dry his car. "I missed a spot."
"Then one day, as Mewtwo and I were plotting our revenge, I met the love of my life."
"What in the name of Zeus is that?" Mario picked up a penny off the ground. "It's the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen! What is it?!"
"It's money."
"Money?"
"Yeah. You can buy things with it."
"Buy things?"
"So, I spent it on a gift for my best pal Mewtwo."
"Wow!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Got your secret recipe, Mr. Mario. You have no idea what that went through to get here." Pit said.
"I've got a pretty good idea, yeah." Mario pushed the formula away with a pencil.
"So, if you guys were such great friends, what happened?" Fox asked.
"Yeah, Mr. Mario. What did happen next?"
"Yeah, I really wanna know."
"Listen up, Dark Pit! Because this is where it gets juicy. It all started in a place called Crusty Sean's. It was the only place to get a burger. Kids loved Crusty. And Crusty loved the kids."
"Now, what can I do for you young 'uns?"
"Uh, Mr. Crusty? I'll have one Crusty Burger, please!" The Koopa kid said.
"Me, too, Crusty!" A Goomba kid added.
"Oh, now, now, kids. There's plenty of burgers for everyone."
"That's why we always like you so much, Crusty. You always deliver the goods."
"We don't like Crusty, we respect him."
"Well, which one is it, kids? Do you like me or respect me?"
"Like!"
"Respect!"
"Like!"
"Respect!"
"Ok, let's just meet in the middle and say you li-spect me."
"Excuse us!"
"Valuable customers coming through."
"What are those dorks doing here?"
"Two Crusty Burgers, please."
Crusty Sean gave them a weird look. "Did your brains dribble out all over the sidewalk you slept on last night? If it's burgers you want, go around back."
"Yeah, Crusty!" The kids cheered.
"Thanks for keeping the nerds out."
"You're the best, Crusty."
"Ok, that's enough, kids. Gather around, children. There's something I want to tell you. What I have to say is very important. If you remember one thing for the rest of your life, remember that without your kind patronage, I'd be a penniless loser like Rag Boy." Mario then started knocking on the back door.
"Do you two have fish for brains? Don't you understand? If you two yahoos come around, you'll drive away all the normal customers. I've worked too long and too hard to make this li-spectable business. As it is, I can barely afford the essential things in li-" Crusty Sean's watch started ringing. "Is it quitting time already? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to enjoy some of life's essentials."
"Did you hear that, Mario? By flipping burgers for those cretins, he was able to gain their li-spect."
"Did you see that fat stack of loot? I bet if we made a better burger, we'd make a fatter sack of loot. But who has the ability to make such a burger? Who has the skill?"
"Skill, schmill, Mario, baby. Who needs skill when science is on your side? We'll make that burger, and when we do, we will rule the school!" Mewtwo laughed.
"So we went back to our secret hideaway, the dump, to prove to those thunder heads that a burger could be semi-edible and easy to swallow. We made sure to keep careful record of our progress."
"Gently. Gently."
"We finally emerged the best-looking burger in the world. We went back to Crusty's to rub our burger in those kid's greasy faces. But Crusty's had been shut down by order of the Health Department. So we seized the opportunity and converted our hideout into a restaurant. Our adventure into capitalisim began."
"One dollar, please."
"There you are, sir."
"T'was my first dollar I ever earned, and was also the start of a beautiful, romantic relationship with money."
"Hey! Your burger's even worse than Crusty's. We can barely keep them down. And if it weren't for Crusty's shutting down, no one would eat here. So give me a burger. I'm starving."
"Just look at them, Mario. The very people who ridiculed me are now feasting on my recipe."
"I thought it was our recipe."
"I'm ruling their stomachs, and soon I'll be ruling their minds!"
"But what about satisfying the customer?"
"Forget about the customer, I'm talking about ruling the world!" Mewtwo laughed. "And with this secret recipe, nothing will stop me!"
"Give me that!"
"Stop! You're gonna bust it!"
"Burgers aren't for ruling worlds!"
"I'm terrible sorry, Mario, I couldn't hear you. Could you come closer? Maybe stand on the tile in front of you?"
"Which one? The one that says 'Eject' or the one that says 'Trap Door'?"
"Oh, either one will do."
"What I was saying was..." Mewtwo pulled a string and Mario was sent out the restaurant. "You'll regret this one day!"
"And he always did."
"Lies!"
Pit was about to swallow the formula when Mario stopped him. "Hold on there, my boy. We don't need to go through that again."
"Very touching, but completely false."
"Don't know what you mean."
"Why don't you tell them the truth?"
"It did happen that way, didn't it, Mr. ?"
"Most of it's true, except for what really happened. We had created the tastiest burger. That's when things became unsavory."
"First, I'll rule their stomachs and then...their money!"
"But what about satisfying the customers?"
"Forget about the customers!" Mewtwo gasped. "I'm talking about coins, cash, wallets, bank accounts! And with this secret recipe, nothing will stop me!"
"Gimme that!"
"Stop, you're gonna bust it."
"This isn't about money, Mario."
"Malarkey." Mario replied as he launced Mewtwo out of the restaurant.
"You'll regret this one day!" Mewtwo yelled as he landed in a pile of trash. "Ouch."
"Our little squabble only got me part of the recipe."
"Gosh, Mr. Mewtwo, that doesn't sound like the Mr. Mario story at all."
"That's because it isn't."
"Mother Brain?!" Pit, Mario, and Mewtwo asked in shock.
"You're both liars. That's not how it happened at all. In those days, I was just starting out as a monitor. Mewtwo and I met when he found me."
"It was only our third date."
"Anyways, I had recorded the whole thing."
"Now that's a handsome looking burger."
"You said it, old chum. Attention! Get your Mewtwo and Mario burgers right here!" There was a long silence. "Do you think it was a good idea to open in the dump?"
"What's that music?"
"I'd know that theme song anywhere. It's Old Man Tortimer. Old Man Tortimer!"
"I just been looking for some new shoes for Ol' Bessie."
"You've helped my mom and me through some tough times. It would be an honor if you'd be the first to try our delicious burgers."
"Why, I'd be happy to!"
"Yeah!" Mario and Mewtwo cheered, when Tortimer suddenly fell over.
"'Flab Burger KO's Old Man T'. I can't believe we poisoned that sweet old guy."
"Well, he is old."
"Hey, that guy is like family to me."
"Well, it was your fault the burger was tainted."
"You're the one who put too much sauce in the burger."
"You let it sit out too long. That's what did it! I'm taking the recipe and fixing it."
"No way, that recipe's mine!"
"Stop, you're gonna..." The recipe ripped in half, causing Mewtwo to walk out of the restaurant. "You wanna fight over this recipe, I'll give ya a fight you'll never forget!"
"Well, that's ruined. But, no use letting this go to waste. These kids'll eat anything." Mario tasted some of the mix. "I've done it. I've discovered the perfect burger batter."
"Meanwhile, Mewtwo was back at the elementary school. But this time, he was going it alone."
"Oh, no you don't! This is my turf."
"I think not, Rag Boy."
"What? Why I oughta smash you right now, you little..."
"Get out of my face!" Mario and Mewtwo began to growl at each other.
"Hey, look! Nerd fight."
"I bet five bucks on Rag Boy."
"Aha! We'll let the customers decide whose burger is better. Step right up, gents. Get a delicious Chum Burger right here."
"Big Johnny will eat anything."
"Have a Chum Burger, Johnny, sir."
"Mewtwo had pieced together his own creation using memory and science."
"Go on, sir! Tell your buddies what you think!" Big Johnny spit out the burger onto his friends.
"I'm gonna try one of Rag Boy's burgers."
"Here ya are, sir. You are the first to taste a Smash Burger."
"Flavor!"
"Edible!"
"We can actually hold it down!"
"This is the most flavortastic sensation my still-developing taste buds had ever experienced!"
"Yay, Rag Boy!" Everyone cheered.
"I'll show you, Mario! I'll steal that cursed recipe from you one day, and I won't stop until I do!"
"Woo-hoo! My recipe was, is, and always will be the best!"
"You wouldn't have that recipe if it weren't for me."
"You callin' me a liar?"
"Will you men stop yelling at each other? I can't believe you let a recipe ruin such a wonderful friendship."
Mario started to tear up. "You were my only true friend that didn't have a president printed on him. But money doesn't hug back."
"My life has been nothing but a long line of disappointments since we became enemies. All these years I've been trying to steal your formula, but I was really trying to steal back our friendship."
"Really?"
"It's all I ever really wanted. To get back to the way it used to be. You and me against the world! How about a hug, Mario, old pal?"
"I'd like that, Mewtwo, old chum." Mario and Mewtwo began to cry and hug.
"Doesn't it warm your heart, Mother Brain?" Pit asked.
"I suppose it would. If I had one."
"I'm sorry, Mario, old buddy."
"Me, too. Me, too."
Mewtwo then grabbed the formula from Mario's back pocket. "Now, Mother Brain! Back off, Rag Boy."
Pit gasped. "Sabotage!"
"Go, Mother Brain!" Mewtwo yelled as everyone began to chase each other outside.
"And there you have it, folks. That was Friend or Foe, and I hoped you all enjoyed it. Before I go, I just have to say that Smash SpongeBob will be returning next month in July, but I only have about 10 more episodes planned for the series. But with that said, I really looking foreward to writing these episodes and I'll see you all next time. Latias 4.5, over and out."
