Sixth year is beginning and Lily Evans is coming to terms with the fact that she might just well love James Potter. But has James moved on? And what is Sirius up to?
So I've decided to edit this a little bit. Things may have changed with later chapters.
ROCKS and HARD PLACES
It shouldn't be me.
It never occurred to me that it could happen to me. I was always a firm believer that there was somebody out there who we were all destined for. A world of 6 billion people. Any one of them could have been the one. But no. Was there some being that wanted to ruin my life? There must have been otherwise this wouldn't happen to me. Would it?
I was never one for breaking hearts. I say hearts plural because I probably broke his, albeit unintentionally. I put it down to a very rational hatred. I was never really popular or fantastically pretty. I had a temper but I blamed that on the colour of my hair. I had my friends. I'd had boyfriends. I had boys who were friends. There was always one anomaly to this. I was friends with his friends. He was friends with mine. But with me? Nothing but pure hatred. His friends assured me he liked me. Mine assured him that I hated him. Did I? I honestly can't remember. Perhaps it was the one too many times he asked me out. Or maybe that he often pulled pranks at my expense. We didn't get along well. Quips here, arguments there. Me shouting at him, him asking me out, me getting more angry than anyone thought possible. I thought it was natural. Not everybody can get on with everybody else right? There is always somebody out there who you'll hate right? They say there is a fine line between love and hate. I didn't realise just how fine that line was. I didn't realise that I didn't actually hate him until it was too late.
My friends assured me that it was just a fling. Not that I cared obviously. That train ride back to school they were all wary of me as I sat in the corner staring out of the window. I don't know how the topic got onto him. Probably because Mary was mooning over Remus again. They were whispering away so quietly that they thought I couldn't hear them. Then I heard it. "James is going out with..." They caught me looking.
"Carry on. You can mention his name you know. It's not like I'm going to fall over and die!" I said.
Jenny was the first to speak up, "Sirius was telling me the other day how bored he was." I sat listening to her intently, "I bumped into him in Diagon Alley so we went to Fortesques." The other girls didn't know whether to hang on to Jenny's words or watch my reaction, "James has been seeing that Megan girl from Ravenclaw so Sirius has been either on his own or with Remus and Peter."
Megan. She was a 6th year prefect. I knew her of course through being a prefect. Long brown hair, pretty face, deep blue eyes. She was quite short though. Quite the opposite of me I think. I got on with her quite well. We'd often studied charms together in the library. She was nice. Not James's sort at all. But then, who was I to know who James did or did not like. I guess if she was my opposite then she was better for him than I could ever be. He obviously hated me and made good on his promise never to come near me again. Thank Merlin for that. Just one problem. I never meant to say what I did to him last year. I went further than I ever had done. But it wasn't my fault. Not entirely anyway. In my defence he provoked me. Picking on Severus was the second to last straw. The last one was having the cheek to ask me out whilst doing it.
My friends had continued chatting after my "Poor Sirius, I hope that his holiday was alright. He didn't say much in his letters but I heard he bought a motorbike." This sent the girls off in a frenzy. I'd tried my best not to even think of James. He'd apologised so much since the incident but I'd had enough. I'd lost all my respect for him, what little of it there was anyway. I had. I kept saying to myself that I'd had enough with his behaviour. Who was I trying to kid though? Myself? I'd had a lot of time over the summer to re-evaluate my relationship with James. We'd been getting on quite a bit before the huge scene he'd made. Contrary to popular belief, I don't think I hated him at all. Just found him supremely annoying. I'd actually begun to like him shortly before our OWLS. He'd been extremely useful when studying for Transfiguration. Stop it! Stop thinking about him!
I'd just changed into my uniform when a flash of black hair wound its head round the compartment door.
"Sirius! A minute sooner and you would have caught us changing you little git!" Mary cried.
A crooked smile appeared on his handsome face and his eyes lit up at the chance of provoking some unrest, "Well that was what I was aiming for Mary my dear but unfortunately I missed. I'll just have to try harder next time!" he grinned and earned himself a swipe from Mary and a few blushes from Jenny and Elizabeth. "Guys, they're here." He called back outside of the compartment. He turned back to face us still with the same mischievous grin. He caught my eye and winked causing me to roll my eyes at him with a friendly smile. "Remus and Pete will be here in a minute. Peter wanted to get some more pumpkin pasties."
"What about James?" Lizzie asked, "Will he be gifting us with his company?" She laughed.
"Nah, he's somewhat occupied." Did I sense a hint of irritation in Sirius's voice? It seemed that he was less than thrilled that his partner in crime had other activities. I tried not to think about it.
"Hey guys." Remus I saw, had not changed one bit through the summer. Peter looked a little more overweight but so would anyone when they were stuffing their face. They were greeted with a chorus of "hello's", "great to see you's" and "how were your summers". It was pleasant seeing the marauders again. Well three of them anyway. It was fun with the marauders. They always had exploding snap cards and interesting pranks being planned. A few games of exploding snap and a couple of singed eyebrows was all it took for time to go whizzing by. This was home for me. Being with my friends. Going to school. Playing ridiculous games and generally having fun. We all took turns chatting about our holidays and OWL results. It was nice to be in some company who understood my life. My parents tried but they would never get used to magic. It was alright though, they loved me and they very much understood that straight O's was fantastic.
"Red, can I borrow you for a second?" Red was Sirius's name for me. He was the only one who could get away with it. I was generally so embarrassed by the bright colour of my hair but from him it was just a friendly thing. Most of the girls in school were probably jealous that I had a nickname and they didn't. What could I say? I was a marauders girl! I chuckled and looked up from my book to see him standing by the door beckoning me with his finger.
A chorus of whistles came from the girls as I stood up. "Shut up you guys, it might be something serious."
"Yes it is me. Clever Lily!" he said patting me on the head like a puppy. I scowled laughingly at him and pushed my way out while the others burst into laughter. If I could get on with Sirius so well, why couldn't I get on with James? I turned to look at him as he closed the compartment door.
"Come on then, spit it out Blacky boy. Why are you singling me out?"
"I just wanted to make sure you're OK." My jaw dropped. Did I hear correctly? I must have done because he was looking at me quite solemnly. "Lils, I know you don't hate him and I was wondering all summer if you were as OK as you were making out to be. It's been a long time to put a face on." I must be hallucinating. He reached out to stroke my hair and looked at me with what appeared to be love in his eyes. "Lils. This might not be quite appropriate, but I really care about you." His hand was still playing with my hair wrapping it around his finger. He was watching his action very carefully as I was standing shocked like a statue. His face was torn. I couldn't tell what he was thinking I just knew that this wasn't a chance for joking. He locked his grey eyes with mine again. "You have the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen." Still I watched, "You're probably the most important thing in my life, with the exception of my bike." I snorted, he smiled. I could feel the heat coming from his body and I was mesmerised.
"So this is how you get all those girls." I choked with a hint of laughter. I'd thought my voice was beyond me. He laughed at me and brought his hand up to caress my shoulder.
"This shouldn't be me." He whispered. He was so close now. I could feel his breath tingling on my lips. Our noses touched. His eyes were closed and his fist was clenched around my hair. My breathing hitched. I understood what he meant. But why me? My arms seemed to have a mind of their own as my hands reached for his hair.
"Sirius." I whispered. He looked at me. Our lips touched. Softly at first as a tender caress built up. Why me? I didn't understand why me? Where had it come from. He pulled away quickly.
"Lily, I..." I looked up at him with wide eyes, "I shouldn't have done that.' He turned on his heel and left through to the next carriage. I was completely bewildered. What had just happened? I was trying to get my head around it when I heard footsteps approaching.
"Evans." I knew that voice. I looked up and there he was. Complete with messy hair and rimed glasses. My heart tore as I saw the look of disdain on his face. I drew myself up from my leaning post against the wall.
"Potter." I said as cordially as I could putting all thought of what had just happened out of my head. "What can I help you with?" I asked as kindly as possible. He seemed shocked by my question.
"I was looking for the guys." He was still tall. Nearly a head taller than me and I'm tall.
"They're in there." I said pointing to the compartment. "I was about to go in myself, I could get them for you."
"I don't want you to go to any trouble." He slid past me trying not to touch me. I slinked back against the wall. He smelled good. Why was I even thinking like that? I closed my eyes trying to block out every thought about James and Sirius. It was difficult trying to compose myself. He walked into the compartment and I followed oblivious to the stares at me and the greetings to James. As I sat back down and resumed my book. "Where's Padfoot?" James asked everyone.
"He was talking with Lily." Mary replied when I didn't reply for myself. Hmm, what to say? What to say indeed. Everyone was staring at me now waiting for an answer.
"He went to see a man about a dog." I looked at James with a faint smile. My smile was returned as he understood that I knew.
"Which way did he go?"
"The way you didn't arrive because then you would have seen him." I quipped. I heard a lot of sighs from my friends. Oops. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so harsh. "Sorry, I mean, he went in the direction of the sweet lady. Something about bogey flavoured beans."
"Thanks."
"No Problem."
"I'll be off then. You coming guys?" he obviously meant Remus and Peter.
"We're alright mate." Remus said.
"Yeah, we were just about to start another game of snap." Peter continued while Mary, Lizzie and Jenny rolled their eyes.
"Alright, catch up at the feast then. Ladies." He mock saluted as he shut the compartment door. I released the breath that I didn't realise I'd been holding. Everyone turned to look at me.
"What?" I asked, "Just because we don't always see eye to eye, doesn't mean I can't be civil."
"I knew you liked him really." Lizzie said under her breath.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now, what are the terms this game? Loser does a dare?" All focus was back on the pack of cards that Remus was now dealing very carefully. We were nearly at school now. I could hear the beginnings of my stomach grumbling. I was looking forward to enjoying the Hogwarts House elves first feast of the year. Roast beef and Cherry pie.
"SNAP!"
"OUCH! Pete that hurt!"
School hadn't even started but it was already an interesting year.
