An AU fic in which Shizuo might be considered a little bit homophobic at times(though later he wouldn't really allow himself to be), Kadota is a bit more talkative than usual and Izaya actually has something resembling a heart! Oh, and the three of them are best friends. . . . . Or are they? ! ?

But yeah, they are. Anyway, I've had this chapter written for like 3 months, during one of those days in which I spontaneously decided I could actually write! Well, I can't really do a good job but there have been many times when I've just started typing whenever a story popped up in my head and I always wondered if I could actually pull through writing a full one. Guess I'll find out now. As far as this story, I still haven't really figured out how it will progress but if I wake up my brain from it's couple-o-years-long slumber I hope something will come up. :)

Hope you enjoy!

"Can't you go even one minute without a damn cigarette in your mouth, Shizuo?" Kadota snarled as he waved the smoke out of his face.

"Ah, Shizu-chan has been smoking quite a lot recently. But I guess your girlfriend dumping you could leave you unsatisfied in certain ways." Izaya, of course, added with one of his nasty smirks.

"You find if funny, Izaya-kun? Maybe I should kill you?" I returned with a smirk of my own, my hand slowly moving towards Izaya's throat. He quickly moved his chair further from me and closer to Kadota and waved his left hand disagreeingly, adding a polite "No, thank you!".

"Lke hell I can't. But why should I?"

Upon hearing that Izaya bowed his head and hummed loudly, tapping his finger on the table repeatedly. He did this long enough to start pissing me off.

"Oi, bastard, stop it al-"

"Because we're challenging you!" He interrupted as he suddenly rose from his chair, pointing his bony index finger at me. Be careful bastard or I might bite it off.

"Huh?" Kadota looked questioningly at him.

"Yes, yes! We're challenging you to go a whole day without smoking!" He announced as he patted Kadota's shoulder, who apparently got his drift and turned to me with quite the evil look.

I glared at them for a few moments. What, they thought I'm that weak?

"And what do I gain from something like this?" I asked as I took a deep drag, exhaling right in their general direction. Kadota cursed as he tried to get rid of the smoke yet again. Serves him right.

"Whatever you want." was Izaya's response as he sat back down, sipping on his coffee, seemingly confident that it didn't matter since he was sure I was going to fail.

"I don't think that-"

"Relax, Dotachin!" he interrupted again as he slung his arm over a now slightly worried Kadota. "What's the worst he can come up with?"

I pondered for a moment and after coming up with something I considered a suitable reward for a depravation such as this I took out my cig and turned to them with an expression that they knew meant trouble. For them, that is.

"Let's see... Fine then, if I do it I want to have a fight with you. And do note that I'm saying "a fight" only cause you probably have a slight chance of landing a hit or two on me out of desperation" I mused, "Yeah, you know how sometimes I just need to let it out. Since I can hardly control myself, I always hate it when some random innocent soul gets it from me, but since it's you two it's fine. I might even go easy on you." Might. Probably won't, though.

Ah, the faces of two desperate idiots. Nothing better in the morning. For them I guess something like this would be equivalent to agreeing to stand in front of an elephant herd while someone releases a mouse at their feet. Yeah, in these eight years they've definitely come to know the power I'm capable of displaying, even if the reason we met and became friends was because they were of the few idiots in school who hadn't heard about me and my "super strenght" as many referred to it.

"Hmm, well, fine." Izaya agreed half-heartedly while Kadota sighed heavily. Regretting it already? Not so amusing anymore, huh? "Then," he continued, "we have to think of something really bad as well... Any ideas, Dotachin?"

"Yeah, Dotachin, has some great idea illuminated your mind?" I mocked, quite amused by now. If I only knew what was coming.

"You have to come with us to a gay bar." I froze. Well played, asshole. You sure managed to top me.

"But..." Hm? What's that? Izaya's making a pretty weird face. "Don't joke around, Dotachin. Even we haven't been to one-"

"Even we haven't been at one recently, right? Cause since we're gay, we're there all the time, y'know?" Hmm, Izaya got quiet all of a sudden. And why is Kadota suddenly acting like an idiot? I mean, yeah, I know those two are on the other side of the road. They came to me one day after school, it was about two months after we started hanging out, and declared all serious, "Shizuo, we're gay! You can accept it and continue to be our friend or end it right here!" Well, Kadota did. Izaya just stood there all tense, probably prepared for a beating. I was quite surprised, they relly didn't look the type but for them to come out and tell me like that...

"Whatever. Who you go out with is none of my concern. As long as you don't try anything funny on me, that is."

"Who would do something like that, idiot? You're not our type!" Kadota squealed as gayly as he could. He sure managed to convince me then. Though later it turned out he was bi. Quite the greedy bastard.

The atmosphere sure got weird, though. What's with them?

I stood up, putting the cups in the sink and getting my stuff ready.

"Even if I accepted you and your gayness, it's not like I'm gonna let myself get dragged into your world of flowers and pink dresses." I responded while going for my jacket.

"It's just a bar, Shizuo. It's not like the moment your set foot in there you're gonna start craving the co-"

"Shut up! Idiot! Of course I won't!" Damn it! How can he even think of such shit? But he does...crave it, so... Ah, what am I thinking? This is disgusting! I can't-

"Shizuo!" Huh? Ahh, I just broke my door, didn't I?

"It's your fault, Kadota. You're paying for it." I explained, as I tried to calm myself down while putting the door back on it's hinges.

"What? Why the hell is it my fault?" Because you say stupid things.

I ignored him as we made our way to my car while he continued to mutter some stuff about all the times he's had to cover up after my anger fits. Well, that was true, but he was getting annoying. One deadly glare was enough to shut him up.

"Today I'm sitting in the back with Izaya!" He sulked as he shut the door of the car loudly. The door of my car. Quite loudly. Man, Kadota, you'd been playing with fire all morning.

As I adjusted my mirror I noticed Izaya again. He was still pretty quiet. What the hell happened with him? Was he afraid of what I'll see? Are those bars that bad? Oh, our eyes met... Huh?

"Izaya-kun, I hope you stuck that disgusting tongue of yours out at me as a silent plea for me to cut it off?" I asked politely as my eyebrow twitched quite violently.

"Ahaha. Well, you asked for it, staring at people like that." I'll kill him one day, I swear!

At least he's back to normal.

We reached the spot where I always drop them off and after the usual arrangements for lunch they took off, Izaya only stopping to inform me that "If you take even one drag we'll know Shizu-channn. So be careful." He didn't leave me a chance to reply as he quickly caught up to Kadota. They'll see! I'll even make it for two days. Just to rub it in their faces!

Four hours later and wasn't as bad as I thought. Those two kept staring at me as though the moment they looked away I was gonna stuff my mouth with a whole pack.

"Stop staring and start eating or you'll be looking for that food of yours in weird places." I grunted as I took a bite of my sandwhich.

"Hmm, he sure is irritated." Izaya pointed out to Kadota, completely ignoring my threat.

"He always is." Kadota rolled his eyes, as if that was the stupidest thing Izaya could have said.

"I feel just fine. Just accept your defeat and prepare yourselves for the beating of your life so we can move on." I let out an annoyed sigh as I leaned back into my seat, closing my eyes. Yeah, it really wasn't that bad, I could-

I snapped my eyes open as I shot back up when something familiar passed by my nose. A shiver ran through my body as I realised that it was something I hadn't encountered in...four hours. Four long, long hours. Man, and it was going so well. Whoever you asshole are, this would be a sad day in your life.

"Who..." I started as I slowly rose up from my chair, anger beginning to flood my body.

"...the hell..."

"Shizuo?" Kadota's concerned voice barely reached me as he slowly began to rise with me from the other side of the table, obviously sensing that trouble was coming.

"...SMOKES AT A DINER?" With one swift turn I had the bastard by the collar of his shirt, waving him around in the air.

"WHO DOES THAT, HUH? THIS IS A PLACE TO EAT! GOT THAT, YOU FUCKING-" I waved him around some more, the cigarette falling from his mouth as a look of pure horror made it's way on his face, before Kadota made it to where we were and somehow managed to snatch him out of my grasp. After an annoying amount of minutes spent apologizing, where he even forced me to say I was sorry, which I muttered under my nose, we left the diner since we were "nicely" asked to by the staff.

"'Who the hell smokes at a diner'? You do! All the time, idiot! What the hell was that?" Kadota spat at me as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Shizu-chan must have gotten angry because the reason for his upcoming demise reached his senses and unleashed in him the beast that is a deprived drug addict! Isn't that...right? Wow, you're fast." he sighed when upon turning to me he saw an already half-finished cigarette hanging from my lips.

"Shut up, this is the only thing that can calm me down. Or do you want me flinging people all over the place?"

An uncomfortable moment of silence followed, in which I anticipated what I knew was coming. I bit on the butt of the cigarette as an evil laugh reached me from my right.

"Damn, well, even if you did manage to cause me trouble for the upteenth time, I think this time I might be able to forgive you. Yeah, yeah, because tonight is going to be fun. Isn't that right, Izaya? Well, we gotta go now. Make sure that you're ready by nine and don't wear anything too flashy for, you know." He gave me a look that managed to freak out even me as he passed by, Izaya as well giving me one of his twisted smirks, though it faded quicker than normal as he moved on. What was that again?

I watched them as they got further away, finishing my smoke, when I noticed Kadota suddenly stopping and turning back towards me. What, did he forget something?

"THE GAY BAR, was what I was trying to say." I choked on the smoke as those damn words came flying out of his damn mouth from the other end of the sidewalk, averting my gaze as a number of people gave me funny looks. Someone was going to pay for this.


It was somewhere around 9:25 and by now we were entering that place. I don't really know if any gay bar can be called "normal" but this sure as hell wasn't one. Or at least I figured not tonight as I found myself standing next to a large poster that read "TONIGHT ONLY COME AND WITNESS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE CONTEST! IT'S GONNA BE HOT AND IT'S GONNA BE WILD!" What. The. Hell.

I was surprised to see Kadota and Izaya looking just as schocked as me at the sight before us. At least half of the bar's customers were dressed as whatever wild animal comes to mind. Well, by dressed I mostly mean they were wearing thongs with different animal patterns, plus tails and ears. There was a huge stage where several "animals" such as tigers, lions, monkeys, girrafes, oh god, I don't even want to talk about those giraffes, were placed in their respectful habitat cages for display... They just had to make it as bad as possible, didn't they?

Grabbing the two morons by their collars I quickly dragged them to the most secluded table I could spot, shoving them in the chairs so hard I heard them crack, though they managed to stay whole. I sat myslef across from them, with a blank expression, trying my best to stay still because I just knew that if I allowed myself to move all hell would break loose. I was sure Kadota wouldn't be able to cover up for that much damage.

"Well, this is, um...interesting." I was snapped out of my trance to see the idiots shifting uncomfortably in their seats, laughing nervously while still observing the place. They honestly looked like it was their first time. But it wasn't, of course. I remembered all the stories I unwillingly had to listen to so many times about Kadota's encounters and...Now that I think about it I've never really heard anything from Izaya. He rarely speaks about his love life and I've only ever heard of one man he supposedly went out with some time ago though I've never seen him or anyone else from his...partners. Glancing over to him he seemed to have already regained his composure and was now looking at the menu. Well, I guess he's just considerate 'cause he knows I wouldn't really want to listen to stuff like that. Kadota on the other hand...

"How come you didn't bring your boyfriend along?"

That had both of them looking at me questioningly as I grabbed a menu myself and started looking over the ridiculously perverted names they had for most of their drinks before looking at Kadota and raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, I didn't tell you? We broke up. Now I'm with this girl. She's really cute, and hot, of course. I gotta introduce you sometime, you'll-"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you break up?" The question seemed to have caught him off guard, judging by his surprised expression. He threw a quick glance at Izaya before turning to me with an obviously fake and gay grin.

"Trivial reasons, really. We just didn't get along."

He then quickly turned and waved at a fox-looking waiter to come to our table. Was he trying to hide something? Maybe he just didn't want to talk about it. It could've been painful for him, or something. I decided not to press any further and burried my face in the menu as I ordered the most normal drink I found, too embarassed to look that guy in the face. What if I saw him on the street some day? Who knows what I'd do.

Most of the time was spent in drinking and commenting on which outfit was more obscene after I finally had the courage to actually look up. At this point both of them seemed to be pretty wasted, laughing loudly and pointing at people like a bunch of drunk cheerleaders. I guess it wasn't far from the truth.

Annoyed at them I turned to my left and was surprised to find a pair of green eyes locked on me seductively as a tall man dressed in black entered the bar and passed by our table. Following my dumbfounded gaze they were able to catch him just before he moved on and apparently it was my turn to be pointed and laughed at.

"Haa, looks like Shizuo's got himself a fan!"

"I guess Shizu-chan won't be going home alone toni-Owowowowow!"

Ah, I wonder how far I can twist these not-cute not-little fingers. I gave one last tug before releasing them and watched as the idiots blew and waved at them as if that would make it better. They got off easy.

"Shut up. That was so disgusting. Having some fa-man look at you like that is completely sick!" I spat as a shudder presentably ran through me. "He better not make himself visible to me again or the only thing he'll be seeing is his own ass!" Growling I downed another glass of my preferred drink for the night.

"...that much?"

"Hm?"

I turned to Izaya and found that his stupid grin had suddenly disappeared. Glaring at me he repeated.

"You really hate it that much?"

What the hell? What's his problem, it's not like I'm saying anything new.

"Of course. Some random guy having such nasty thoughts about you, anyone would hate it, regardless of being a guy or girl. Unless they're just as nasty."

"...Then what if it was a guy you knew?"

"Hey, Izaya, stop it."

..."That would be even worse."

"Why?"

"Because that would mean he'd only pretended to be my friend while just thinking of how to get in my pants, the sick bastard."

I watched as his body trembled with what seemed to be anger for a moment, though he quickly covered it with a cold smile.

"Haha... Then I guess I'm not really your friend."

"Izaya!"

"...What?"

TBC

I would love to hear your thoughts of it so far~