So good to see you again
It was all fake. My "ménage a… What's French for twelve?" This idle lifestyle… But he knew me. The only person, angel in this bloody hell world who really knew me.
Long time ago there was no miracles that he became friends with me. Cause believe me or not, long time ago I was ever nerdier than this naïve pure innocent angel in trenchcoat. So long time ago…
Oh, it was my words that could confuse you, my effective appearance with a glass of some expensive wine. But when I first met Cassie I had no need to be someone who I really wasn't. I was myself, just another soldier of our Father, silly soldier who truly believed that what he was doing was the only right way. And he was the same, angel who believed so much in all this sweet lies. We really fought together too many times to count. And even if it was not such a bad time, I still feel grief most of the time, looking at the past. Because all these endless wars were the main reason why I act my death. Though I knew that it would hurt one angel who really care about little old me…who I cared about, but… Just not angels could be so strong.
It was a bright sunny morning when I first met him. "Castiel, don't step on this fish…" I immediately looked at the angel Michael was speaking to. And this angel was…how could angel describe another angel? We're not human. We don't have skin, clearly seen bodies… But he was bright, little Cassie was too bright and full of pure love to this world. My little brother was perfect. He felt my look and smiled, rising his head my way. Some days after he said for the first time that my light was beautiful. It was really unexpected and wonderful compliment someone has ever told me. And yeah, I felt myself betrayed enough when he began telling his new obsession, this hairless ape Winchester about his "beautiful soul". And no, it wasn't jealous. Cause…it just wasn't.
He grieved my death. I seriously can't get it sometimes. How did he go from that to killing me? I know, I know he had reasons and this battle with Raphael really affects his sanity, but holly hell…I gave him all the weapons I've stolen. Him. Not anyone else. I was always with him, by his side. I cared about him so much. And it was really good to see him every time. So forgive me if I cared too much. And yeah, I was dump enough but for a little-little moment I really hoped that this monkeys could help for once. How stupid of me. I was such a fool.
I knew he was gonna kill me that day. I hoped I'd survive but I knew, believe me or not. And I had some seconds when I could excuse myself and run with some stupid "oh gosh I think I left my cooker on" but…yeah, my dramatic theatrical "Cas" in the end. Elder Winchester brother wasn't the first who called him like that. It was me. And Castiel's last words "Yes, I'll always have you"…it was painful.
Speaking about the last… Even after my death, here, I still saw him, watched him becoming a monster. I saw the death of his vessel… Innocent naïve Cassie who always wanted to help everyone, all creations of his Father…
- Balthazar? – his voice is unsure. Yeah, who could predict that we'll see each other here in Purgatory?
I turn to him and smile. And it seems like a bit déjà vu for me.
- Cas, it's so good to see you again.
