Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, The Titans or the Justice League...

This...will make you fear for your life... My own characters scared me...

I was bored, a tiny idea in my mind grew into an 8-page story that never fails to make me laugh or 'Awwww!' at it...Enjoy!^^


~*Dispelling the Fanfics...*~

~)0(~

Giggles echoed up and down the exceptionally empty metal corridors of the Watchtower, closing his eyes in tired frustration; would they never leave him alone?

Long hours of battle with strange, mutated creatures from a world not even of their own Universe had worn down his usually jovial outlook at the antics of the younger heroes...especially the ones who followed even now...oh, what wouldn't give for another giant blazing orange shark-lizard-pterodactyl things from planet whatever-it-was-called... He sighed softly and rubbing at the mask that hid his features; a deep breath allowed himself to calm down the roiling emotions that buzzed like swarms of angered bees in his mind...instilling Patience where his calm temperate was fraying...

This was all Oracle's fault! Barbara Gordan, former Batgirl -now consigned to a wheelchair by one of Joker's bullets- had been left in charge of several of the younger female heroes for a few days during the latest Crisis of Worlds...what were they up to, ten?

-They should really start naming them, they couldn't all be referred to as the 'Crisis of Worlds' it would get pretty awkward after a while, especially for future generations trying to fill out History exams... Then again, if they left it up to Wally or Gar, Earth would no doubt be stuck with "The Time Something Big, Bad and Scary Shot Out of a Portal And Tried To Kill Us All...Again!" Which was why Beast Boy and The Flash were no longer allowed to name things...said so in the Justice League Rules...and those of the Titans, Teen or otherwise...-

That aside, his current predicament was solely the responsibility of Oracle; having taken the current Batgirl, Supergirl, Miss Martian, Speedy, Bumble Bee and a handful of young human females saved during the Crisis and, as yet, unclaimed by the confused and bewildered populace of the world. Barbara had always had a flair for writing...that much he knew, she used to recite some of her stories to him during patrol way back when-...he shook his head and continued down the Hallway, objective in mind.

Maybe he should have backed down...last time they'd seen one another...there had been a fight, the other former Titans backing his side...and unfortunately, though he had won, it had been a hollow victory, simply for the crushing defeat it had brought upon Barbara...well, it had forced the Technological Goddess of Gotham, to Evil...

~)0(~

As her fingers had flown across the keyboard, so had her fan-base grown...not just amongst the awed girls -super and otherwise- who sheltered under her care, but also that of teens all over America and many other countries... At first, he'd been glad she'd found a hobby...and then it was revealed what she'd been writing... It wasn't that he wasn't particularly open to the advances of either gender...but, seriously, some of the stuff she'd written would make full-fledged porn stars blush!

Next time they fought, he was getting down on his knees, whether in costume, out, surrounded by flocking crowds or completely alone with one another, and begging -groveling, even- for her forgiveness...for, slowly but surely, she had drawn the girls into her frightening world of imagination and brought them into the firm conviction that most of the former Teen Titans were with the wrong partners... Oh, and couldn't he just wait to mention to Donna and Koriand'r what Barbara thought they should be up to in their shared flat...

It probably didn't help that, as Oracle and a former hero herself, she had a significant amount of intel on their personal lives...though he feared for her life should Cyborg ever find out about how she paired him with the often-annoying green changeling, Beast Boy...Gar could be fun and throw out quips reminiscent of his own, it was just...sometimes he went too far. Usually with Vic, who never appreciated the fact he wasn't human being thrown in his face...oh god...he shouldn't have thought that... The horrifying lines of a story she had written regarding the pair scrolled past his eyes, he shuddered and resolved to never ask either of them to 'lubricate his engines'...as in EVER, even if he had to crawl out of his deathbed to attend to his Nightcycle...

~)0(~

Then a thought struck him as exceptionally amusing, he felt autopilot take over and the pattering whoosh of a dozen girls alternately running and flying behind him fade into the background, he turned left towards his objective... Even now, he could imagine the scene, Barbara found inexplicably dead of drowning in the Gotham clock tower...questions would be raised and never answered, only he would know the truth. Or, if the other found out first, a small note attached to the arrow pinning some part of her corpse to the wheelchair...no, he definitely did not want to tell Tempest or Red Arrow what she had written about them...it would be hazardous to her health...and mostly likely, his, should they find out the source.

Oh, it wasn't that Atlanteans had an issue with the gender thing, it would be more out of trying to remove the slight to his honour that came from being paired with such a brash, arrogant -oft frustratingly sarcastic and pessimistic- human known as Roy...Garth would never stand for it. Indeed, many others out there in cyberspace had reciprocated with fictions of their own detailing the clashes the pair would have...even creating their own mini-pairings...the amount of time he, himself was paired with Tempest...it near fried his brain to comprehend it all... Something twitched under the right side of his mask as his mind strayed that millimeter too far into the repressed thoughts regarding that same subject...

A right this way, nearly there; the feet were closer, though; should he turn right now...they would be exposed and their game ruined, so he did not. Supergirl at least, should know or simply realise he knew of their presence... Without conscious thought, his eyes sought out the only door within the heavily-shielded corridor, dead in the center of the Watchtower...he only hoped they would stop trailing him after this... Exactly whose genius idea had it been to send them all up here?

Sure, they were a bunch of teens who needed supervision...at least, until their parents had been identified -and where better to start than the Watchtower computer, capable of hacking through any firewall on Earth?- and the others, Supergirl, Miss Martian, Speedy, Bumble Bee and, heck, even Batgirl was in on this little crusade...hopefully this would dispel them.

~)0(~

It had started only a few days ago, they followed any member of the former Titans team anywhere and everywhere, wholly disconcerting their 'prey' with sharp, calculating eyes. Like a lion before it pounces, they followed them with their eyes...then their bodies; now Tempest downright refused to beam up until they left, Wally could usually avoid them with superspeed and he was pretty certain Roy had threatened to put an arrow through the next one to invade his personal space... A reasonable request...could have been phrased better, though; Red Arrow had looked like a crazed, bow-wielding madman at the time...who wouldn't after being incapable of ditching their entourage of super-powered [and otherwise]...dare he use the terrifying phrase?...Fangirls!

Donna had left the Watchtower citing inhumane practices, and Starfire had disappeared to live solely in Titans Tower, not even visiting for missions; and himself? He'd steadfastly avoided the group of addled girls by putting his knowledge of the construction to good use, taking detours around them and asking the computer to warn them if they were on parallel or intersecting paths... Not to mention fading into the shadows, a neat little trick his...father...had taught him, a long time ago... A smile caressed his lips momentarily, then faded away...for they still followed. It had been his carelessness that had allowed them to scent him; to be fair...he had taken more than one spine-shattering blow in the battle...speaking of which, he thought as something warm trickled down his arm, I should probably do something about that...don't want to worry anyone...

Something twitched behind his mask, he could hear them breathing...

~)0(~

Worse than anything they'd ever faced before, and yet, so much more deadly...how could you fight them off without bringing harm to a bunch of innocent teenagers? Creepy, strange-minded teenagers...but teenagers none the less...he stopped cold in his tracks by the doors as a terrifying thought struck him...what if there had been Fan-boys? Someone behind him giggled and made an exaggerated 'Awwwwww!' noise...ah, they must have gotten it... To borrow one of Koriand'r's favourite phrases, For the Love of X'hal!

He drew in a deep breath, allowing a surreptitious glance to make sure the girls were close enough to slip inside after him; he pressed his spandex-covered hand to the small console that jutted out from the wall. It made a small chirruping beep of approval and hissed open...he stepped in, drawing focus as he felt numerous bodies whoosh in behind him. Something on Superman's face twitched, but he let the matter rest...for now.

The Justice League seemed to be in various stages of the Meeting. Green Lantern was obviously caught in mid-argument with Hawkgirl, seated by his side; also exchanging glances with the Martian Manhunter, who was deep in conversation with both Wonder Woman and Superman. The former leaning over her chair in a dangerously seductive pose...not that Batman seemed to be acknowledging her efforts in any way...simply continuing to type on the console before him. He allowed himself a small grin, he knew for a fact that, had you asked him, Batman could recite -word for word- any of the conversations going on around him...he could do it too.

Stretched lazily over a chair, feet on the table, was the one he was after...his 'perfect partner' if the disturbing writings of a slighted techno-queen were to believed; in a blur of motion, the other was upright, behind his chair and had wide-eyes under his red cowl.

There was a definite pause as the 'older' heroes took in his appearance, "I take it...you and the others have dealt with the Incursion in our Universe?" came the cool voice of Batman, to which he smirked and crossed his arms, feeling up to playing a word-game with his old mentor... "Well, yes and no...we did stop it from destroying the city...but Starfire wanted to keep it and Cyborg revoked the whole 'No Pets' rule at the Tower, so..." Hawkgirl and Martian Manhunter drew in breath in synchrony, eyes splayed wide in surprise; he kept his face neutral. Just to throw a little salt on the wound, he added, "...She's already called it Fluffy..."

~)0(~

"He isn't serious, get a hold of yourself, Superman," stated Batman, glaring at the...well, right now, with his complexion, it would more likely be, "Man of Tinfoil" at the moment. He grinned slightly at his former mentor, Green Lantern cleared his throat in the interlude and nudged Hawkgirl and Manhunter; Wonder Woman, who had slipped off the precarious balance of the chair and slid half-way into the chair, required -a recovered- Superman's assistance.

The youngest member of the League stayed where he was, peering deep into the shadows with suspicion... Because, unless darkness had suddenly learned to giggle in a high-pitch, innane way, something was definitely going on here...and if it involved those...creatures he had every right to be wary... "Di- Nightwing, shouldn't you be elsewhere? I mean, maybe you should get that looked at..." the speedster pointed at the freely bleeding wound on his arm, and the gash to his opposite side, but he continued as if the Flash hadn't even spoken...

Flickering his eyes to both sides, noting how the shadows flitted about them with ominous giggles...they sensed something was up...like sharks to blood in the water...

"Actually, I'm here to borrow Wally..." he wrangled the question into a casual question, seeing the knowledgeable suspicion written all over Batman's fa- ...cowl...Superman seemed oblivious and smiled, Wonder Woman turned back to speak to them both; the other members dissolved into conversation, all surreptitiously straining to hear what was so important...

Wally beamed, as he strode across the room towards the Speedster "Hey, what's u-mmph!"

And then he kissed him...

~)0(~

The reaction was immediate, Green Lantern and Superman gaped like beached fish, likewise Wonder Woman fell off the chair over which she had carefully re-draped herself; J'onzz blinked and filed it under 'Humans are Strange' in his memory and Shayera rolled her eyes at their showmanship. Only Batman, it seemed, remained unfazed by the proceedings. The projected calm did buckle, and indeed, threatened to shatter completely as an ear-splittingly high squeal of joy was echoed all over the room...

~)0(~

Pulling back from a completely stunned, but not-exactly-resisting Flash, he turned to stare into the darkness, "Now will you leave us alone?" he demanded, the Justice League clearly thinking he'd probably taken a building to the head at some point...until a dozen teenage girls, some of them well-known Heroes, stepped forth, nodding avidly with ridiculously creepy looks on their faces. "And tell Oracle to stop writing those stories...or at least, stop pairing me with him, seriously?" he grinned. Batgirl looked to be smiling under her encasing mask and nodded once before submerging in shadow and disappearing...not swift enough to stop him noticing the tiny camera she was secreting away for Barbara to look at...

~)0(~

"Kara...what are you doing here?" inquired Superman of the blushing blonde hovering a foot off the floor, "Uh...research...on...Human...Beha-vi-our?" she dragged out of memory, trying to come up with something that sounded better than, 'Chasing the former Titans around and hoping for what just happened because Oracle wrote some really juicy fiction about just that...' Batman, on the other hand, looked rather bemused...

Bumble Bee shrunk herself and made for the door...too late, a giant green transparent mug had encased her tiny person...Miss Martian looked for disapproval from her 'uncle' and received none, so smiled shyly at the collection of Human Heroes facing her. Speedy, frankly, looked relieved no parental figure she knew was hiding anywhere in the vicinity...wiping her brow and slinking back into the shadows, only to run into the rather encumbering line of girls behind her...

Hawkgirl turned to Batman and simply stated, "I think...we should keep them somewhere more secure...you think?" He nodded, as did Wonder Woman, and both the female heroes began to herd the seemingly dazed and foolishly grinning herd of Fangirls from the room...

~)0(~

Obviously noticing the way blood fell over his hand, Wally grabbed him about the waist and pushed back his red hood to reveal frightened looking green eyes, "Di- Nightwing, maybe we should go to the Sick Bay...like-" there was a blur of motion, "-now." He glared balefully at the red-head and removed his mask so his newly-perfected 'bat-glare' had greater potency, "Now, how can I argue with that?" and then he laughed...

~)0(~

There was silence for a time after the Fangirls had been shepherded out, closely followed by the teen heroes, all sheepish of expression and demeanor...then Flash had taken their leave, forcibly making certain Nightwing was seen to by using his superspeed to move them both elsewhere...Infirmary, most likely. Green Lantern cleared his throat and simply made vague, sideways glances at Batman; if the man knew more, he wasn't telling...J'onzz felt tempted to just find out for himself what that little display had been all about, but respected the privacy of another's mind.

Superman was exceptionally quiet for a long time before letting out a chuckle and turning to Batman, "Oracle?" he asked in a voice that denoted they were missing a crucial piece of information in this conversation; Batman nodded back, "Oracle." he confirmed in that deep, foreboding tone of his. Then the corner of his mouth twitched up for a second...and Superman burst out laughing, leaving the other members in the dark...then Batman spoke directly to the other, "Well, it was certainly...more entertaining...than the time she insinuated that...we...were together..."

~)0(~

The sip of coffee he'd been attempting to take sprayed all over the table and missed J'onzz by inches, eyes wide; a giant green cloth sopped up the mess as he watched the pair from the corner of glowing green eyes...

There was a thoughtful silence before the blue-spandex-clad Kryptonian posed the question, "You simply fried the system files and corrupted the others with a laser pulse, why do you think he chose to be so...physical...in his dispersion of the Fangirls?" There was an involuntary shudder, he remembered being hounded and why...that thought tormented him at nights...

Batman smiled for real this time, steepling his fingers together as he leant forwards on the hard table, half-rising, and said in a low voice, "Well, he has always preferred the...'hands on'...approach." and strode out of the room.

~)0(~

Tight bandages were now wrapped about his abdomen and upper arm; firm but not unnecessarily so...the only casualty here had been his uniform, the top half now shredded. With a blur, Wally had left and was now proffering one of the spare uniforms he always kept on the Watchtower...in Wally's room; indeed, all the former Titans had uniforms stashed away...nothing more awkward than wandering around naked on a satellite full of heroes...

"If you wouldn't mind?" he questioned, and Wally dutifully turned away he swiftly slipped into the outfit and clipped on the spare belt and gauntlets. "I'm good..." The red-head turned back with a scathing glare, "You know you really should have warned me about...you know...scared the Hell out of me back there!" he admonished, face flushing as red as his hair. Nightwing clapped him on the back gently and grinned quietly, wincing slightly.

~)0(~

Like a heat-seeking missile, Wally's green eyes narrowed as they looked to the arm so recently bandaged...he pressed firmly against the skin and took note of how the other made no sound, but his body went rigid. Aloud, the speedster stated, "Oh, well, that's fine, what if I just press..." his red-clad hand snapped out to push at the other wound...only for it to be arrested mid-air, "I...I wouldn't if I were you," practically growled Nightwing. Being who he was, Wally tried again...only to find himself flat on the ground with his arms over his head, "Yield?" asked a suddenly playful voice...but was drowned out by a loud 'Squee' noise that made the ears bleed...

Supergirl and Speedy gazed in through the doorway looking like Christmas had come early, and their mobiles went off with tiny mechanical clicks and whirs...Oh, this was bad; he gently pushed Nightwing from him and zoomed across to slam the door firmly shut and bolt it. Then, as an afterthought, grabbed hold of a nearby bed and leant it against the door...for safety...and because there was a certain amount of lead shielding in it... Little Miss X-Ray Pervert wasn't going to get any more ludicrous shots out of them...

He turned away from the door to note the other hadn't gotten up from the floor and was leaning against the leg stand of one of the nearest beds, he was by his side in an instant, "Nightw- look, can I just call you Dick, I mean, the only ones with access to the Security tapes are Superman, Wonder Woman and...you know, Batma-"

"My Dad, got it...sure, I mean, the others in the League are going to work it out eventually...I think they've worked out who the newest Robin is, it's only a matter of time...Ugh, no, don't..." he protested as Flash tried to lift him straight up, and deigned to be assisted upright in a slower manner... "C'mon, just...look, you should take some of these," he proffered some pain meds at the other, who refused with a shake of his head, "I...no...if I did, then I'd be too tired to do this!" He grabbed the other about the waist and drew him close and they kissed again, but this time, Wally wasn't in fear for his safety, surrounded by -up-until-that-point- oblivious colleagues and vicious Fangirls...if he admitted it to himself, he was kind of glad Dick didn't want to sleep right now...

"Could you imagine their faces...if they knew?" he giggled childishly, pulling away to glance at the door; Nightwing, all business, pulled out a small 'birdarang' and tossed it carelessly at the camera mounted high above on the far wall...it fell to the floor with a tiny clatter, the weapon -having sheared the camera in two halves- swooped a low arc and back into his hand. Wally blinked, "Wait, ...here? But you're...you're hurt...are you sure you aren't delirious...or maybe you did take a building to the head..." he muttered the last bit, earning him a smart thwack over the back of the head.

"Where's your sense of adventure, West?" half the Watchtower will think it was a giant ruse to foil those pesky Fangirls, and I won't tell them about us if you won't...Come here, look, I should have warned you about it in advance, next time..." he laughed as Wally felt his face express the pure mortification of that thought. "I mean, after all this has settled -and I've gotten Oracle to erase those damn candid shots...- we should tell them that they were right and just handle the gloating..." Dick smiled, he was beautiful when he smiled, realised Wally; as he did every single time the other did...

"Yeah...alright, someone should know..." he replied, hesitantly, Dick smirked, "What?" The other paused, seemingly wondering how to best phrase it, then spat out, "Batman knows..." he blinked the brilliant blue eyes, free of the mask, and they stared into his own, worrying at the reaction he would give. Instead, Wally simply laughed, "Of course he does, he's the Goddamn Batman! Remember?"

There was a pause, Wally leant closer and surreptitiously assisted Nightwing to move a little where he sat on the bed, trying not to be obviously helpful...the Bat-Clan had a pride-complex-thing going on that was pretty hard to decipher...then leant in to make the other assume that was what he was doing to start with. "Wally, I'm not an idiot...but thanks...I'm...tired." Wally blinked. Well, that was new...he'd never admitted that before...to anyone. He tried to move away, "That didn't mean go...just as a generalised notice...that meant, you're probably going to have to get up here because I am not getting down there again..." he grinned in a not-quite-PG manner. Wally blinked faster than the eye could see and saw the split-second where the other winced and clutched at his side...

He moved closer on the bed, "Fine...but you should know, I'm still angry with you!" Dick blinked, suddenly taken aback...mouth agape; being the Flash, Wally took the second of opportunity and stretched it into ample time, forcing one of the nearby collection of pills and some water down the other's throat before he even had a chance to protest. "You...fight dirty," glared Nightwing, he just beamed, pushing the other down and sliding up to sit cross-legged on the bed. Close enough to touch... "So do you...I would have preferred you told me about the Ambush...now the entire League thinks that we're- you know...and know I have to go and tell them that!"

"Does it really matter?" asked the other, sleepily, "And...why does it matter? If I had told you, the shock wouldn't have been real and they wouldn't have gotten the message..." Wally blinked, bits of the cunning plan piecing together in his mind...Cue Light-bulb Moment... "Oh..." he sighed, getting it and sliding down to lie close to the other as the breathing slowly drifted into the patterns of sleep, "Well, if you'd told me..." he whispered softly so as not to wake the other and feeling sleep steal over him too, "we could've put on one heck of a show..." and then he too, was fast asleep, an arm draped across the other, who shifted to accommodate...

~)0(~

Phasing carefully through the floor, Miss Martian withheld her excitement in order to gently move the offending bed from the door with her telekinesis; Supergirl, Speedy, Batgirl, Bumble Bee and a handful of the others who had slipped past their otherwise occupied watch-wardens, cautiously peered through the door and made tiny exclamations of 'Awww!' and 'Aren't they adorable?' All hastily hushed by Miss Martian, she sensed at least one of them truly needed this rest...but did not feel obliged to point out their discomfort at having their photographs taken together...

Small cameras flashed and mobiles whirred, Batgirl was using come high-tech item that she had smuggled aboard when she returned from Oracle's lair; just as quietly, the girls left the room, proving that Fangirls could be courteous after all...

~)0(~

Later that same day, many things happened in great accordance to the Universal will about the order of things seen and unseen. Oracle near had a heart-attack as her e-mail filled quickly with thousands of photos of her (secret) favourite pairing...and subsequently fell out of her chair with astonishment as she went through them...a true Fangirl at heart. Superman and Batman surreptitiously came across the pair in the Infirmary and beamed them to Wally's own quarters; Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl had to physically restrain the Fangirls with shackles of iron...

Green Lantern spent the afternoon with J'onzz, drilling the Teen Heroes involved in the caper, as punishment...and Flash and Nightwing slept on, unaware as for now, of the tiny pulse-beam device planted to the side of Oracle's 'fanfiction and photos' hard-drive...it blinked quietly, a blue light that beat like a heart, innocuously awaiting the moment it would be triggered to completely wipe clean all the ...incriminating shots and stories...waiting for the trigger...

Thousands of miles above Gotham, a cool smile twisted up the corners of his mouth; his eyes on the surveillance image of Dick and Wally laying wrapped in one another's arms, to his left...the smile grew a little wider... And then...Batman pushed the detonator...

Flash and Nightwing slept on, unaware just how much they were loved...


The End


For your Own Safety I have Constructed a:

|||FANGIRL FREE ZONE!|||

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