I read the letter once more before crumpling it up and throwing it across the room. My father, who thinks I will just forgive him for leaving us, decided to send me a letter :
Megan,
I know I've made mistakes in my life, and I probably could have been with you more, and I'm sorry. I hope you forgive me and will forget about what I've done to you, and to your mother.
Love,
Dad
Wow, Dad, very touching. Isn't he a loving person? Running off on my mom in the middle of her fighting cancer? How about how he drank himself stupid every night, hitting me, and trying to touch me? If you still aren't convinced that he's a roll model dad, how about him crashing the car and killing my brother? He sends me a letter six years later asking me to forget it all.
How am I supposed to forget a cemetery holding my mother and baby brother? I hop in the car and drive to the grave yard, parking across the street and walking around each stone, averting my eyes from the information carved into each rock, all of the tragedy and sorrow permanently etched in this land of the dead. I sit in front of my mother's stone and read what it says:
Michelle Brown
1967-2004
A great friend, mother,
wife, child, and sister
She really had been all of those things. She was a great mother to me and my brothers, and definitely a fantastic wife. She'd bent over backwards, even on her death bed, trying to please my horrible father. I never understood why. I also never knew if it was really the cancer that killed her. In my own opinion, it was my dad. He'd never really done anything good in his life, barely even keeping any money coming. While my mother was dying, he didn't do anything for her, not until the night he left. Every day, she would sit crippling, folding the laundry, rolling around the kitchen making dinner. My older brother was too depressed to come out of his room, and my baby brother was too small to help, so it was up to me. I would make her relax, and help her when she was in pain. There were even a few times when I drove her to the hospital. At eleven years old, I was above my head in responsibilities. I was drowning on my own, and for a long time, I hated everything. I hated my mother for getting cancer, my brothers for not being able to help, and my father for not caring. But, one night, everything changed.
I was biking home from school after going to the hospital for my mother's medication, when my dad pulled up next to me, smiling brightly. "Need a ride?" He asked. Shrugging, I got off my bike and lifted it into the truck bed. Coming around the truck and getting in, I found a neatly wrapped gift on the seat. Smiling, he told me to open it. Inside was my very own cell phone. I gave him a small smile, hiding my joy, and thanked him. On our way home, he told me he had cleaned the house already and made dinner. Deciding he was probably just sober for once, I shrugged again.
At dinner that night, which was macaroni and bread rolls, all we could afford, he spoke to all of us. "I gave all of you a gift today, and I have two more to give. My first is that I promise never to have you guys deal with my drunk attitude and bad behavior again. The second," He said excitedly. "Is that tonight, your mother and I are going to go out for a couple of hours so that she can have a little fun. Ronny, you're in charge. Mike, Megan, you two be good."
Two hours later, the house was quiet. Mike, who was only two, was playing with his new building blocks, while Ronny and I messed around with our new phones. "What's wrong with Dad?" I asked. Ronny sighed. "I don't know, but maybe it's a good thing." At seventeen, Ronny was at least six feet tall, and skinny. He had muscles, for sure, and bright blue eyes like me and Mike. His curly black hair was the same as ours, too, but I was always much tanner than either of them. "I have a bad feeling about this. I don't think this is a good thing." I'd replied back, hoping I was wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn't.
My mom and dad came home at around midnight, laughing. My mom was in my father's arms, and he carried her to the bedroom, coming out quietly twenty minutes later. "She's asleep." He whispered. "Let's go for a night drive to the park." He didn't smell like alcohol to me, so I piled into the back seats with Mike and Ronny.
At the park, we ran around and played night tag, screeching and laughing. The wet grass stained our knees and pajamas, and made us slip and fall all over the place. I was starting to think that maybe life would get better, when a drunk driver ruined everything. We were driving down the freeway, tired and ready for bed, when a car next to us swerved, crashing into us and slamming us into the wall of the freeway. I heard the metal crunching, and the deafening cry of my brother's last breath.
When I woke up in the hospital the next morning, I was greeted with horrible news. "Mike's dead." It was Ronny, crying at the foot of the bed. "They couldn't save little Mikey." At first, these words didn't process in my head. But then, the memories of the night before flooded back. I remembered the crash, The sound of Mike's scream. I cried out. "No! How could they let Mike die? He's my baby brother! God is killing my family!" Of course now, I've come to realize that there is no god.
Ronny drove me back home where Mom lay staring at nothing, ready to die, and wanting it now. "Where's Dad?" I asked, looking around the room. "He left. He's not coming back. He- he left us." For some reason, my body could process this too easily. "Finally." I whispered under my breath, silently relieved. Three days had gone by since my baby brother's death, and there was a funeral. People talked about him and praised his short life. I had to leave the room. I couldn't handle the funeral. But I quickly learned that his funeral was not the last of the month. My mom died hours after my brother's funeral, in the middle of the night. Her funeral was longer, and more people came. I felt angry at the people I didn't know, upset that they thought they could intrude on such a private event.
It's been six years since that dreadful time. Six years since my mother and brother died, and my father walked out, leaving only my older brother and I to care for each other. Walking across the room to where the letter lay crumpled on the floor, I pick it up. "Why? Why are you doing this!" I shout to the air. Ronny's footsteps come pounding down the hall and my door open. "Megan! Are you okay? What's wrong?" He walks over to me and I hug him, my head resting against his chest. "Dad. I hate him. Look." I give him the crumpled up paper and he carefully unfolds it, only to smash it again moments later. "You don't have to have anything to do with him. Just ignore him." I nod and fall backwards, landing on my bed with a soft thump. Ronny joins me and his arm lies across my stomach. "You're a really smart girl, sis. You'll figure out what to do. Besides, he has no right coming here without our permission." Then, I say something I haven't said in a really long time "I miss Mom." Ronny rolls over and wraps his arms around me. "I'm trying, I promise. I'm finally working again. You know how bad the economy sucks." Automatically, I regret my words. "That's not what I meant! You're a great guardian! I just meant that I'm lonely." sighing, Ronny pulled me in tighter. "Then make some friends. I want you to bring somebody home from school tomorrow. I don't care who they are, or what gender, just make a buddy." And with that, Ronny gets up and leaves.
The next day at school, I am sitting in math class when the teacher clears her throat. "Attention, Class. We have a new student. This here is Daniel. He just moved from New York, so he'd probably like it if somebody made friends with him." I look up into the eyes of a socially hopeless human being and smirk. Standing in the front of the room hunched over is a tall, scrawny, pale kid with emo written all over him. He's wearing black skinny jeans, a leather jacket, and black boots. His jet black hair looks suspiciously dyed, and lays loosely in front of his eyes. From where I sit in the back of the room, it also looks like he's in need of some proactive. I sigh, looking at a male version of myself.
Daniel is put in the front of the class for everyone to stare at, judge, and whisper about. It seems like with every noise, he shrinks lower and lower into his seat until he's lost about 3 feet from his original height, which I'm guessing is around six feet tall. Finally, the bell rings, excusing me for lunch, and I wait at the door for him to stop talking to the teacher. I hope somebody else takes the liberty to speak to him, but when they don't, I decide this could be that friend Ronny thinks I need so badly.
Daniel turns away from the teacher with a slip in his hand, walks toward the door, and stops when he sees me. I extend my palm, leaning against the wall behind me. "Megan." I say. Daniel smirks and shakes my hand. "Hey. Are you going to be that kid that I end up being friends with? Because so far, everybody hates me." I shrug. "Yeah, I share that problem. Whatever. Want to go eat?" He nods and I lead him first to my locker, where I drop off all of my stuff, then on to the cafeteria.
Inside, it's like there are bees flying around everywhere, ready to bite. Hundreds of students sit around, laughing and gossiping. I walk past all of them to a lonely table in the corner of the huge room. This is where I sit, every single day. I sit down with a sigh. "So….. Why did you come here?" After the words are out of my mouth, I realize I sound like I'm threatening him to move back. "My parents died. I moved here to live with my aunt until I'm eighteen. I don't know what I'm doing after that." I stare blankly for a minute, not really knowing what to say to that when this annoying little voice in my head speaks up. "Say 'that's too bad' and stop looking like a dumbass.". Instead of listening to the voice, I drop my head to the table and groan. "Uhh….. Are you okay?". I sit up quickly, hoping I'm not blushing. "Mine did, too." His eyes, which I can see through his hair are dark brown, grow wide. "What?" "When I was eleven. Cancer killed my mother, and my dad left right before he killed my baby brother." Daniel sighs and reaches across the table to touch my hand, but I pull away nervously. "I'm really sorry, that's horrible. So, who do you live with?" "My older brother, Ronny. He's a positive person. If it wasn't for him I'd probably have killed myself already." "Life's a bitch and then you die." Tears well up in my eyes, and he sees them. "Why not a happier topic? I have a car. Let's go somewhere after school, do something fun." I shrug and wipe my hand across my eyes. "Okay, but I need to call my brother."
After that, school goes by really quickly. I call Ronny, and unsurprisingly, he's thrilled about me going off with a guy he's never met before. Daniel drives a Mazda that has to be as old as me. It's got chipped black paint, and those fuzzy seats that they don't even make anymore. "It's a piece of shit, but it runs." I give a small smile and hop in the car, which smells musty. When the engine comes to life, it makes a purr-gurgle-splat- bud ump bud ump noise. After awhile, it just goes bum bum bum bum bum. As we drive down the highway, I realize where we're going. "The boardwalk? I haven't been there for years." "Neither have I. I'm paying, and the next thing we do is on you." I shake my head. "Tickets on you, food on me." "Sounds like a plan."
The boardwalk is just the way I remembered it. The faded out circus colors, annoying tourists, laughter, and obnoxious music. "It hasn't changed at all." "Nope.". We go to a ticket booth and find out it's that night where every ride costs one ticket. Daniel asks how many rides there are. The guy says twenty, so he buys forty tickets. "Do you really think we're going to make it onto every ride at the boardwalk?" He laughs a deep, awkward laugh. "Yes, of course I do. I'm not wasting forty tickets." After some planning, we first go on the rides that will make us puke. Fortunately, there is no hurling. Then, we eat. Waiting in line for cheeseburgers, I decide that the silence has gone on for too long. "Why are you so open to people?" He sighs. "I wasn't for a long time, you know? It's all just hard to deal with. But I learned that people come and go so that you can make room to love more." I roll this around in my head and shrug. "Okay, who was the last girlfriend you had?" He shakes his head "I've never dated." I smirk, finally I'm not alone. "Same here. Nobody ever seemed to like me." He gives me a sympathetic smile and again tries to rest his hand on mine. This time I don't pull away, even when every fiber of my being tells me to. Close contact is definitely not something I'm used to.
As we sit down in the log ride, my stomach flips. Water, I can't swim. I remember that we won't go under water and relax. Smiling, I lean slowly against Daniel and put my hands on his arms so that I don't fall out of the log. He laughs when he sees how tightly I'm clutching him. "You okay?" he asks, wrapping my hands in his. I smile "Oh totally, I love unpredictably old machinery. He chuckles, "It's okay, nothing will happen to you. Just relax." His thumb caresses my hand and with a start, I realize I've missed people. We reach the spot and suddenly I'm back in the car, 6 years ago, flying and screaming until there is no more to scream about and I realize I am not witnessing death, but the fun of a theme park. Sighing with relief, we step off of the ride and Daniel chuckles. "You have a huge set of lungs. You okay?" I nod shakily and drag him to another ride, trying to get as far from the nightmares as possible.
We make it onto every single ride. I can't believe it. I also can't believe how full my bladder is. Grabbing Daniel's hand, I haul him across the boardwalk to the nearest bathroom. I run down the hallway, past two guys leaned against the wall, and into the bathroom where I pee for a record two minutes. Walking out of the bathroom, I find the two guys I'd run past still standing against the wall. "You know, it's late. This is a bad part of town. Why are you all alone?" He takes a step toward me and I back up a step. "Leave me alone." I growl, trying to squeeze past them. The other guy puts his arm up, blocking my way. "Good choice, Leo. This one's a fighter. I like it when they struggle." I weigh my options as quickly as I can. On the one hand, I can try to fight them myself and hope I win. On the other, I can scream for Daniel, who I'm sure can't be far away. I decide to take my chances, after all, I have a huge set of lungs.
"DANIEL!" I scream his name and as quickly a it's left my lips, the first guy has his hands on me, traveling up my shirt and pinning my back against the wall. His buddy unzips my jeans and suddenly, there are hands on me everywhere and I scream for Daniel again. This time there's a response. His feet pound against the concrete, and one of the guys splits, leaving his partner to take the heat. Fighting off one guy is easier than fighting off two, and I try desperately to push away. But alone or not, this guy wants me bad. His knee slams against my stomach and I gag, falling to the ground.
I see Daniel jump up behind the guy and smash his fist to his face, hitting him again and this time knocking him out. I moan and try to get up. "Christ, Megan!" He bends down to help me up but I find myself unable to hold my own weight so he lifts me into his arms and carries me out of the nearly abandoned boardwalk and to my car. He slides me into the passenger seat and goes around to start off toward home. "Do you need to go to the hospital?" I shake my head. "He just punched me, I'm fine. Drive me home, okay? If you want you can stay the night." He nods "Sounds good." and I give him my address.
we reach my house, I have the energy to walk. Okay, so maybe he hit me a few times while trying to rape me, but I'll survive. He stands close incase I stumble, hands on my arms. I'll never admit that he's keeping me balanced, and he never asks so I tell myself that I'm strong again. I open the door and Daniel slams it behind me. "Ronny!" I yell hoarsely, clearing my voice. Ronny walks drowsily to where I sit in the living room, and immediately wakes up when he sees my condition.
"Hell! What happened to you!" He glares at Daniel, and I shake my head "Daniel beat the shit out of him. The other guy, he was trying to-" I stopped short, unable to speak my thoughts. After a moment, Ronny's face changed from confusion to shock. "Oh no. Megan, no. Please, please tell me he didn't rape you." Tears start to run down my face and I shake my head "No. But he tried. He….He touched me. Daniel stopped him." My voice shakes as I speak and Ronny wraps his arms around me. "Are you okay?" Again, I shake my head. "He punched me a few times, but I'll live." My tears cease and I stand up, only to suck in a breath and sit back down. "Just relax, Megan. Sleep now, baby girl. It's a Friday, just rest." I close my eyes, laying back on the couch and feel Ronny lift me up and carry me to my room.
"Thank you." I hear Ronny toss a blanket on the couch and slap Daniel on the shoulder. "This means a lot to me, man. She's my baby sister, you know?" And with that, I fall asleep thinking about how much I love my brother, and how hot Daniel looked tonight.
I open my eyes with a yawn, looking around my room. Grunting, I sit up and roll out of bed. My stomach is sore from taking the hits, and as I walk, I refrain from clutching it. I find Daniel laying passed out on the couch, and realize maybe he's shorter than I though. Maybe more like 5ft10. I smile softly to myself and go sit on him. I rest myself on his stomach and after a few moments, his eyes flutter open. He looks at me questioningly and I grin. He smiles softly and touches my stomach, making it throb. "Ouch." I push his hand softly away. His eyes meet mine a second, then he pushes my shirt up to reveal a large blue bruise on my abdomen. "What did he punch you with?"
"Brass knuckles." His eyes fly back to mine again
. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, it's my fault-"
"No, it's not. This is their fault, okay? I had a lot of fun yesterday." Sighing, I push his hand away from my stomach again and stand up, walking to the kitchen to grab some food. I find Ronny already in there hovering over the hot stove, cooking eggs. "Mmmmmmmm. Did you make some for your baby sister?" I tease, walking up and hugging him. "Yep, and your friend." I smile, a little surprised. "Oh. Thanks Ronny."
He turns around and smiles to me. "Show me the bruise." I groan "I'm fine Ron-" "Now." Sighing, I lift my shirt up and once again, it throbs when he touches it. "That's gonna take awhile to heal. I'll write you a P.E note." I nod "Okay thanks" and walk quickly away. I sit down next to Daniel, who is stretching out. I sit back and think about the night before, about how afraid I'd been, about how Daniel had come and rescued me. But they still touched me, slipped their hands everywhere. Shuttering, I fight back the tears, but they win. Before anyone can see me, I stand up and walk to the bathroom, "I'm taking a shower." I call over my shoulder, slamming the bathroom door behind me. The hot water runs down my body and I sigh, relaxing. But the water is not the only thing falling to the floor, acquainted with the shower drops are my tears, falling down my face, escaping with shudders. I imagine they can hear me crying, but I don't care. Sitting down, the white porcelain beneath me, I succumb to the sadness and my cries echo throughout the bathroom. I hear the door open, and to my shock, Daniel walks in. "My eyes are closed, your brother wrapped a tie over them." I giggle a little, then begin to cry again. He feels his way over to me and sits down, his hand reaching out. I grab it and bring it to my cheek, leaning against it. He turns it around and caresses my face.
"I'm sorry, Megan. I know. I know they touched you, and hurt you. I'd kill them if I could. But you won't get hurt again, I promise. Not as long as I'm around." I'd stopped crying long enough to hear him, but I still shudder almost madly. "Breathe Megan. Just relax. Wash him off." I feel the water rinse down my body, and with it his fingertips. I shiver once and look back at Daniel, who's staring randomly into place, his hair veiling both his eyes, and the tie wrapped around them. "Thank you, Daniel. So much." Smiling, I lean out of the water and kiss him on the cheek. He flushes bright red and grins. Turning off the water, I grab my towel and walk out of the bathroom behind Daniel.
I walk straight into my bedroom, get dressed, and instead of going back outside, I lay down on my bed and text Daniel.
come in here
Why? Are you okay?
Please, just come here ;)
Ronny wants to know if you have clothes on
Yes! I'm a virgin. FUCK YOU RONNY
There's laughter outside as I open my phone
Ok fine J
Laughing, I shut my phone and a moment later, Daniel walks in. "You couldn't just walk out and get me?" I shake my head and gesture him over. He snorts and walks over to the bed, sitting down. I sit up and his smile falters. "What's wrong?" I smile, lean in, and kiss him. He immediately kisses me back and pushes me flat on my bed, laying on top of me.
As I kiss him, I wonder why I'm doing it. Why have I fallen for this boy that I met only hours ago? Then it dawns on me, it's simply because I was supposed to. Grinning into the kiss, my hands press against his chest and I clutch his the fabric of his shirt to me, pulling him closer until we are touching. He leans back, gasping for breath, and looks at me. "I'm sorry." I try to get up and he stops me. "No, it's okay. I like you Megan." Blushing, I smile and kiss him again. He chuckles and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry about last night." Sighing, I make space for him to lay down and rest my heard on his chest. "It's….. okay. I'm okay. It was scary, but I'm fine." I can feel him shaking his head and tilt to look at him. "You aren't okay. He bruised you and he fucked with your mind. That isn't fine."
I have the strength to fight the tears off this time and close my eyes, letting Daniel fight off the images. He rests his hand on my head and
