Chapter One

Usagi bounced into the arcade, she had a rough Friday that began with her being late again. This time she hadn't overslept, but had to battle a Youma right before school. Of course, Ami, Minako, and Makato were late as well. They all had served detention together. Despite it being a Friday, each girl had an excuse as to why they couldn't come to the arcade and hang out with Usagi. Makato said that she had to shop for groceries, Ami had to study, and Minako said she was grounded from her mother for sneaking out and had to rush home. Usagi thought about calling Rei, but quickly decided against it. The Pyro would probably make some snippy remark towards her clumsiness or her grade point average and they would spend most of the Friday night arguing. Usagi glanced around for a certain dark haired man. She didn't' feel like sparring with Rei, but she could sure go a few rounds with Chiba Mamoru! There was something about that man that caused her heart rate to increase, her skin to flush, her blood to boil, and her insides to churn. Not dissimilar to the symptoms of a heart attack! He infuriated her so much, and her body's response to him infuriated her even more. He shouldn't affect her like he did. She didn't even care for the man, even if he was gorgeous. Despite her "not caring," Usagi couldn't explain why she was disappointed when she saw that he was not there. Shrugging off the feeling, Usagi slipped into the first booth to order a milk shake, before she planned on blowing her allowance on Sailor V. It didn't look like she was getting waited on anytime soon, however as Motoki was extremely busy. Usagi sat back and signed when she felt her foot kick something underneath the table. She ducked under the table it to investigate. In the corner, she found a small, beat up looking, brown book. She slid the book over with her foot until she could grab it out from underneath the table.

Usagi stared at the simple brown leather book in her hand, wondering whose it could be. It was underneath the booth, so it must have fallen out of someone's back pack or book stack, she mused. 'I wonder if there is a name inside'. She questioned herself as she undid the buckle and opened the cover. Her hopes fell as she realized that there was no name, but a whole lot of writing. 'it's a journal!' Usagi thought to herself, surprised that she potentially held a complete strangers life's story in her hand. 'I am sure they would want it back, but there isn't a name…' she thought again as she quickly flipped through the pages. 'Maybe I know this person and can guess who it is by the context!' Usagi thought excitedly. After all, she knew most of the patrons that frequented the establishment! It wouldn't be prying if she was simply trying to do a good deed and return it to it's owner, right? 'Of course I'm right!' She finally concluded before shoving the book into her own backpack and hurrying home, all previous thoughts of milkshakes and playing Sailor V forgotten.

Usagi walked the familiar path home, thinking about her newest mystery sitting in her backpack. She couldn't wait to get home, fix her a snack, and curl up to read the potentially interesting literary article! Usagi was wondering whose it could be, secretly hoping it was someone she knew, when she collided with a hard mass, causing her to fall backwards. Bracing for impact on her bottom, Usagi closed her eyes. She never hit as she felt two strong arms encircle her waste, catching her and righting her at the same time. The hands slid back, but rested on her hips. Usagi felt the familiar twisting in her gut, and heart pounding as her body recognized who held her. Usagi didn't have to open her eyes to know who it was, but when she did, she was met with the sexy smirk of one Chiba Mamoru. 'God! Why does he have to look so damn good all of the time!' Usagi mentally wailed at herself.

"Geez, Odango Atama, watch where your going! These 'spaced out' episodes you keep having are going to cause someone serious harm someday!" Mamoru teased Usagi, still holding on to her small form. Usagi fumed at his crude nickname for her. No matter how much she would like to have a civilized conversation with the gorgeous man, he always found a way to insult her. It hurt that someone could hate Usagi as much as Mamoru seemed to.

"Ugggggh! How many times do I have to tell you, Baka, not to call me by that NAME?!" Usagi whined at him!

"I'll stop calling you Odango Atama when you stop calling me Baka!" Mamoru retorted, secretly enjoying their arguments. Usagi knocked his hands off of her hips and jabbed him in his chest before continuing.

"I'll stop calling you Baka, when YOU STOP ACTING LIKE ONE, BAKA!" Usagi screeched at him. Mamoru grabbed her hand that was attached to the jabbing finger before casually flinging it away.

"Usagi, please don't put your hands on me, there is no telling what left over food particles from pigging out that you might stain my shirt with!" Mamoru retorted while casually brushing off the place where Usagi's finger had been. "Oh, I think I see some chocolate…" He murmured, as he further inspected his shirt, knowing he was inciting her rage, waiting on her to snap. He may have taken it a bit too far this time, and his suspicions were confirmed when…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? YOU ARE SOOOOO MEAN TO ME MAMORU-BAKA!" Usagi wailed. "For your information, I am NOT that messy of an eater, and I do know how to wash my hands!" She tried to defend. "You know what Mamoru?" Usagi asked, somewhat deflated, "I may be a crybaby, and what not, but I must not be too bad because I have a lot of friends who love me! That's more than what you can say about yourself! I never see you with any friends, probably because your such a Baka that nobody wants to hang around you! One of these days, you are going to regret being so mean to me all of the time." She finished with a sadness to her voice, before walking around Mamoru and continuing home. She wished things were different between them.
She didn't hear Mamoru's reply,

"I already do Usako…."

Usagi got out of the shower and ran downstairs to grab some cookies and milk. She rushed back up to her room with her snack and retrieved the book from her bag. Curling up on the padded window seal, Usagi cracked the book to the first page and began reading.

Tuesday February 2nd
Dear Journal,
Is that what I write? 'Dear Diary' seems so girlish. Anyway, I decided to give this a try since it was suggested to me by my shrink. His moving to America has left me with no one to share my troubles or talk to. Hell, it took nearly 12 years of talking to that man to finally open up to him and start telling him about me. Now he is moving away, and I voiced my concern to him that I would not be able to let my emotions out with anyone anymore, as I did not want to visit a whole new Doctor and start the process all over. After his ridiculous suggestion that I maybe get a girlfriend or a close friend, he finally came to this. I have to say, writing this out, does feel a little better. Almost like I am talking to someone. However, now that I am thinking about it, I do not want to write 'Dear Journal' either, so how about I pretend that you are someone that I wish I had the courage to talk to? I will call you Usako from now on. Until later then, my Usako.

Usagi stopped reading the page, a little shocked and definitely intrigued. So far, she concluded that the owner of this book was a man and he depressingly seemed very lonely. Usagi couldn't help but feel her heart breaking for the man. She also felt a shudder run through her when she read the name, "Usako." 'Could he be talking about me?' She wondered. It was very close to her name and even her dad called her his bunny while she was younger. Also, seeing is how she frequented the arcade so much, it very well could be her! Usagi dunked a cookie in her milk and crammed it in her mouth before continuing to read.

Thursday, February 4th
Usako,
As I sit here writing to you, I am looking at you from across the room. You are as usual, engulfed in your Sailor V game, and I can't help but to watch your cute facial expressions as you attempt to beat the high score. You didn't see me when you walked in. That is probably a good thing seeing is how if you had, we would have most likely have just argued. Or I would have had to endure you ignoring me on purpose, which is worse. I wish I had the nerve to tell you in person that I don't dislike you, that it's quite the opposite in fact. You are my sole purpose for even coming to this arcade in the first place. I don't know why, but instead of me telling you how beautiful you are, or how much I have grown to love you, all that comes out of my mouth are insults. Probably because I am not very good with other people. I have always been a loner, well I can't say that with conviction, because I do not know who I am, or what I was like before the age of 6. You see, I lost all of my memories in a terrible car crash when I was 6, along with my parents. I don't even remember who my parents are. What kind of a person forgets his own parents? The Doctors and shrinks tried to reassure me that I was lucky to be alive, and the massive head injury I suffered was a very good reason not to remember, but I still feel the guilt of not being able to cherish any of their memories. You, however, cherish everything and everyone around you. You have such a passion for life! That is probably why I am drawn to you so much, why everyone seems to be drawn to you. I know I could never match your passion with the dull, lifeless existence I live, and that is why I do not tell you how I feel. I do not deserve such a vibrant ray of sunshine in my gloomy world, and you do not deserve any clouds to dampen your shine. I couldn't live with myself if I dimmed your spirit, I hate myself when our arguments go too far and your feelings get hurt. Well, goodnight my dearest Usako, maybe you will visit me in my dreams, at least in them I can have you all to myself. Until then….

Usagi stopped when the words got blurry and she realized that she was crying. His words were breaking her heart and she was beginning to hope that she was his Usako so that when she found out who he was, she could comfort him. Wiping her eyes, she continued reading.

Friday February 12th
Usako,
As I walked through town today, I noticed all of the stores had their Valentine's day merchandise on display. Oh how I wish that you were mine for Valentines. I would take you on a romantic picnic, just the two of us. Then after we ate all of your favorite foods, I would simply just hold you and have you tell me everything about yourself. Your hopes, your dreams…We would then go back to my apartment and I would show you how much I loved you. We would be one, inseparable and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be so empty inside. It wouldn't just be sex, I could have sex if I wanted to, because I have girls throwing themselves at me constantly. I never take them up on it, because it would be shallow, not meaning anything. What we would have would be more….it would be true love, the kind that books are written about, and songs are sung for. What dreams are made of….sadly, That is what it will have to remain…a dream.

Usagi sadly glanced at her wall calendar. It was April. She wouldn't be able to surprise this poor man for Valentine's Day. 'Not that it mattered,' Usagi thought with dread, 'I had a date on Valentine's with a boy from school.' It wasn't anything serious, but she remembered that they met at the arcade before going to dinner. He was a cute, nice boy, but the kiss at the end of the night held no passion or feelings for her. Not to mention, the end of the night came sooner than expected because of a Youma attack. Nothing else came of that relationship. She was sure she would have felt something for the mystery man, however. He wrote about not having any passion, but the way he spoke to her with his words was so full of love and passion that she was slightly overwhelmed. She was already picturing herself as his Usako. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she just KNEW he was speaking to her. His description of what their Valentine's date would have been like nearly melted her already swelling heart for him. Not hungry for the cookies anymore, Usagi put her plate on her nightstand before picking up the journal and continuing to read.

Saturday, February 20th

My Dearest Usako,
I am sorry that I have not written to you. I could make up a bunch of excuses, but the truth was, I was in a funk. As if Valentine's Day was not hard enough, I had to watch the woman I love, you, in the arms of another man. Sure this boy seemed nice and polite, paying for your shake and getting the door for you, but the rage I felt watching him lead you out of the arcade with his hands on your hips nearly blinded me. I cannot begin to describe to you the irrational thoughts that crossed my mind at that moment. I stumbled home that night in a daze. I spent hours on my balcony thinking about you. I had almost talked myself into revealing my feelings for you the very next day, for fear of losing you to another and I probably would have; had we not had a Youma attack later that night. Oh? I forgot to mention earlier that another reason for my existence was to save a certain blonde heroine from being killed or seriously injured from this evil force that keeps attacking Tokyo. I am Tuxedo Kamen. At first, I was glad I had another purpose, that is until I realized that Sailor Moon was yet another bright, ray in my life that I would never be able to get close to. She is a lot like you in a way, the way her Senshi protect and love her shows me that her capacity for love of others almost rivals your own. The way she carelessly throws herself into battle with little regard to herself to save perfect strangers is truly remarkable. I began looking forward to saving her in battle as the majority of the time, she would end up in my arms. I could pretend that for one second, I had someone that cared for me to love and cherish. I guess I craved the human contact so much, that I almost liked when the Negaverse would attack. I liked when you and I would argue as well, because you would almost always touch me in some way. Poke my chest, grab my arm, fall into my arms. In fact, you end up on top of me so often, I was beginning to wonder if there's some ulterior motive. Anyway, after saving Sailor Moon for the hundredth time, and nearly getting killed myself, I realized that bringing another person into this life of constant fighting and near death experiences was not what I wanted for you. My Dearest Usako, I love you too much to put you through that. The worry over whether or not I would come home, the constant disappearances into battle, interrupting everyday life, and the threat of the Negaverse using you to get to me if they ever found out my secret identity. So I will continue to love you from afar, all be it the small sparring matches we may have with each other, and I will continue to do my duty to Sailor Moon, and the Moon Princess. Then Moon Princess, yet another bright spot in my life that is seemingly unattainable. I will talk about her tomorrow as it is late and I must go to sleep. Until tomorrow, my love.

"Wow." Usagi mouthed as she finished the page. She closed the book and stared hard at the cover, trying to picture Tuxedo Kamen sitting down to write in it. 'I'm holding Tuxedo Kamen's Journal!' Usagi thought to herself, 'And he is a very deep and complex man.' she concluded. "Who's in love with me…" she said out loud as realization hit her. Tuxedo Kamen wasn't in love with Sailor Moon, but with Usagi! That of course, means that he knew her and she him. She quickly reread the last page about the arguments with herself. There was only one person besides Rei that she argued with. 'Chiba Mamoru.' Usagi thought in surprise. It had to be him! She realized that even as she read it, she was picturing Mamoru. Who else was alone all of the time? Usagi blanched as she remembered what she had said to him just a few hours earlier about him not having any friends. 'That was really cruel…' Usagi thought miserably. Here she was acting like she was hurting for this man, and his lonely life, when she had insulted him not hours earlier. She was the biggest Hypocrite there was! How could she relate so strongly to his written words, yet verbally abuse him in person? Granted, she didn't realize his feelings before now, but Usagi had never made anyone feel bad about themselves before, until Mamoru. 'He's Tuxedo Kamen too!' Usagi thought, picturing Mamoru in a tux and cape easily. 'I wonder why I didn't realize it before?' she wondered, It seemed so obvious now. All of a sudden, Usagi felt as if she had to see Mamoru. Now that she knew who the journal belonged to, she could use that as an excuse to go see him, and return it. She did not have to read anymore of it, or invade any more of his privacy. She did want to continue reading it, but felt conflicted. 'Although, he is technically writing to me.' She tried to rationalize to herself. 'Maybe I will read one more entry about the moon princess!' Usagi thought, using her Senshi duties as an excuse to further pry into Mamoru's life. 'After all, any information I can obtain about the Princess' whereabouts will be beneficial to the scouts!' Usagi opened the book after almost convincing herself to the next page and began reading, this time easily picturing Mamoru writing.

Sunday February 21st

Dear Usagi,
It is a beautiful Sunday in the park, and I couldn't think of a more perfect setting to right this tale about my dream princess. You see, I call her my dream princess, because that is all I know her as…a dream.

Usagi couldn't go further as she kept re-reading her name at the top. She knew that he was writing to her, but seeing her real name made it all the more realistic. Shaking off the butterflies in her stomach, Usagi continued reading.

This Princess began visiting my dreams not long after I became Tuxedo Kamen. I can never make out her face, but she is wearing a long white, flowing gown and has long, blonde hair. She is reaching for me in the dream pleading for me to rescue her and to find and awaken her. No matter how much I try, I am unable to do so in the dream and I wake up with her fading pleas in my ears and the helpless feeling that I have failed her yet again. I have a feeling that, once I find her, she can help me remember who I really am. Hmm…It's interesting, isn't it? All of the women that are most prominent in my life are blonde. While the other two are important to me, neither are to me what you are to me Usako. I hope I get to see you today, until then….

Usagi closed the book one last and final time. There were more entries, but she could not bring herself to read them at the moment. She was trying to think of what to do next regarding this issue. She could put the book back and hope that he found it, but she did not want to risk someone else finding it first. There was a lot of information in the book about the sailor scouts and Tuxedo Kamen, and if that fell into the wrong hands… God forbid the negaverse got ahold of it. His sheer love for her would make her their prime target. "Hah!," Usagi laughed out loud bitterly, "That wouldn't be anything new!" Except her family would be in danger then as well. "I can't have that!" She said, determined. She didn't think she could hand it back to him in person, he would know that she read it. Plus, she was sure she would want to grab him and hold him, tell I'm she was there for him and that she would love him if he would only let her. He would think that she was just doing it out of pity for him. She realized that she didn't pity him. Sure she felt sorry for his troubles and the mean things she said to him, but she didn't want to offer him her pity. She wanted nothing more than to offer him herself, and offer him her love. Lying on her bed, clutching Mamoru's journal to her chest, Usagi finally admitted her feelings for the dark-haired man. She was in love with him as well. The butterflies in her stomach when she was near him, the racing of her heart, the flushing of her skin. That was the desire that came from her wanting the man she loved and probably had loved all along. Now that she finally knew and admitted exactly what her feelings were, Usagi needed to come up with a plan to express them.

"I KNOW!" Usagi yelled, before covering her mouth, realizing that she was being too loud. "I will start being nice to him, maybe even flirt a little bit. Somehow, I will get him to invite me to his apartment, and then…before I try and seduce him and give him everything he's ever wanted, I will shove the book in his couch cushion or something while he isn't looking!" Usagi finished. Excited that she seemed to have a decent plan of action. She put the book in her subspace pocket for safe keeping, before turning out her light and pulling the covers up. As she lay in bed, she wondered how many days it would take before she was able to get into his apartment. Being the impatient teenager she was, she was hoping just one!