Fire Emblem: The random sword that is supposed to hurt dragons but doesn't do crap against them. (Lyn's Story) By Andrzejewski

Prologue: The Horny Swordswoman

Once, dragons and men tolerated each other.

They shared a peace forged in blood,

a peace that lasted nearly two hours.

All was lost when mankind slaughtered

this balance when they found out that an

evil dragon ate Sir Arnold's burger.

Man engaged dragon in a horrific orgy

that shook the foundations of their world.

This orgy was called The Big Boner.

Horny and satisfied,

dragons vanished from the realm.

In time, man got horny again

and spread his

legs across the land and

started humping sheep.

A millennium has passed

since those dark days ended.

"Are you awake? I found you unconscious on the plains. I am Lyn, of the Lorca tribe. You're hot when you're sleeping. Who are you? Can you remember your name?"

I told her my name.

"Your name is Cephus? What an odd-sounding name... Eh. I can live with it. I see by your short dick that you are insecure."

I looked around. I had no idea who this chick was. And she had sex with me in my sleep? Weird.

"What brings you to the Sacae Plains? What was that noise? I'll go see what's happening. As you can see, I have ADHD. Nice shoes. I like cake. Oh, no! Bandits! They must have come down to steal the golden Dubliner! They must be planning on raiding the local villages. I... I have to stop them! If that's all of them, I think I can handle them on my own. You'll be safe in here, Cephus! What? You want to help? Well, can you use a weapon?"

And I told her, I said, "I can't fight. I smoke weed and tell YOU to fight. I'm a tactician."

"Ah, I see... So you're a strategist? What the hell kind of job is that? Over here! If you want to help, Cephus, Stay out of my way. I'll even carry you. Hey! Just because I'm giving you a piggyback ride doesn't mean you can touch my tits while I fight! Save that for later!"

The Next Morning

"Good morning, Cephus! Are you awake yet? That party yesterday must have taken a lot out of you. Say, Cephus... I want to talk to you about something. You have some experience in the ways of sex, I can see. "

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to be accused of rape. "Are you even old enough?"

"What? You want me to get permission from my parents? My mother and my

father... left me to work at a crack house in Pherae. I am so young, and my parents are old. They wouldn't follow the tribe slut.

Sniff...I've been alone for so long. Sniff... Thank you. I'm better now. Cephus, tell me you'll train me, that you'll let me travel with you! You will? That's wonderful! Thank you! Oh, thank you! We'll be better off working together, I know it. You'll be my fuck buddy, and I'll be your drug dealer! We can do it! Right?"

We do it.

Travel with Lyn, Cephus. Give her your aid, and you'll get a nice reward in your pants. Complete the tasks set out in each chapter, and help Lyn in her quest.

A/N: Sorry about the first chapter, but I'll make Lyn less perverted, because that's Sain's job, and less random, that's Brammimond's (I think that's how it's spelled) job.