A/N Chips: Hello. This is our collab of crackness. ^-^

A/N XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Yay! The insanity!

Chips: Umum... I like pickles. And chocolate. BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME! ^-^;

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Ewww, pickles.

Chips: OHCRAP! PICKLE-HATER ALERT! D=

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS SOAKED IN *EVIL*!!!!!!!!!!

Chips: Well... well... blueberries are cherries that are painted BLUE! HA!

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: LE GASP! you take that back!!

Chips: NEVARRRR! *runs away*

XXforget-x-me-x-notXX: Well, she's gone... Enjoy the crazy story! And review, or we'll come out of this screen and get you! ^_^

NOTE: The italics is Narrator # 1 (ChipsAhoyPup) and the bold is Narrator # 2 (Xxforgetx-x-me-x-notXX)

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Mel is bored.

Charlotte was also bored.

Mel turned to Charlotte. "WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!"

Charlotte nodded. "Yeah! But what?"

"Something involving Fruits Basket since this is a Fruits Basket fanfic," Said Mel, feeling intelligent.

"Ohmygod, you're right, it is!!" Charlotte replied, having a revelation.

"But, hmmm.... where are the Fruits Basket characters anyways?" Mel asked. The closet was bulging but she didn't notice anyways.

Oh, and also, just so people out there know, the closet is bulging because the Fruits Basket characters are in there.

"The Fruits Basket characters are in the closet?" Crap, Mel's on to me. Even though she is me. Wait... what?

Charlotte turned to the closet. "Hey, the Fruits Basket characters should definitely come out of the closet now."

"Ahaha, come out of the closet," Mel said, using horrible references. And then the closet collapsed. Yay.

"What were we doing in there??" Kyo asked, quite annoyed.

"Oh, we wrote you into the closet, Kyo!" Charlotte said very happily.

And Kyo was confused, and very unaware that he is not real.

"What? I'm not real?"

Forget I said anything.

Poor Kyo. And everyone else. And me. And Charlotte. Long list. Crap.

"...What's with the voice?" Hiro asked.

Oh crap. Hiro's here.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means no one likes you," Mel said happily.

"I like him," Kisa said in an annoyingly sweet voice with a sickeningly cute smile.

"Ugh, gag me with a spoon!" Charlotte groaned, throwing popcorn at Kisa.

Wait, where did you get the popcorn?

"Oh, I stole it from Haru!"

"HEY!!!" Haru is now going black. He REALLY likes his popcorn.

"Yay, popcorn," Cried out Mel, ignoring Haru's blacknessness.

But blackness doesn't have another ness. So that's just too bad.

"Wait, what?" Haru said, going white again.

"No one knows," Said Mel, eating some of the popcorn. "Yum."

Yuki sighed. "What on Earth is going on?"

Charlotte shrugged. "Who knows, who cares. It's not like this is any weirder than your normal life."

Yuki considered this. "That's true."

Wait, why don't I get any popcorn?

"You're the narrator, can't you make some appear?" Charlotte asked.

Oh, true... And it started raining popcorn!

Actually, technically, there are TWO narrators switching back and forth.

"Wait, does that really matter?" Mel asked. Too bad it did.

Then it rained chocolate bars.

"OW! They're hitting me on the head," Mel whined.

"Yay, chocolate!" Momiji cried out, catching them out of the air like the bunny he is.

"I HATE CHOCOLATE!" Kyo shouted, taking cover under the bed.

However, Rin was next to him. "Oh, hi Kyo."

"What the..." Kyo tried to say.

Kyo is completely in love with Rin.

"WHAT!?!? I'LL KILL YOU, KYO!!!" Haru shouted.

Don't shout, Haru, I have a headache.

"Sorry, Narrator #2," Haru said.

"I'm not in love with Rin!"

Now you are, Kyo.

Wait, we can make random stuff happen?

"Duh, Narrator #1," Said Hiro.

Shut up, Hiro. I still hate you.

"Fine," Growled Hiro.

And then Kureno fell off a cliff and died.

"No I didn't," Kureno said.

YES YOU DID! YOU TOTALLY DID!

And Mel pushed him off the cliff. So I was right.

Where did the cliff come from?

"From Narrator #1's imagination, duh, Narrator #2," Charlotte explained to herself. What?

I get it now.

Oh, I want to kill someone! Can I, please? Please??

"Of course you can, you don't have to ask, you're one of the NARRATORS," Rin said, rolling her eyes.

Just for that, Rin...

Rin then all of a sudden was electrocuted by Yuki's minions. And she died. So ha.

"Why my minions?"

Why not, Yuki? Why not?

"Nooo!!! Rin, my love!" Haru sobbed. Aw, poor Haru, now you're in love with Kagura, because she's not dead.

"Wait, what?" Kagura said, very confused, and somehow dragged into the plotline.

AND THEN YUKI AND KYO FELL IN LOVE!

"You did NOT just go there," Growled Yuki.

Oh, yes I did, Yuki. Yes I did.

Mel came back from where she'd pushed Kureno off a cliff. "I feel happy now," Said Mel.

So then another chocolate bar hit her on the head. "WHY AM I BEATING MYSELF UP?" Mel asked.

No one understood this. Not even me.

"I'M SORRY THAT EVERYONE'S GETTING HURT AND DYING AND FALLING IN LOVE!" Ritsu suddenly screamed.

GRAWR, RITSU IS HURTING MY HEAD! So I made dogs tear him to pieces. Yay.

"When will the madness end??" Hatori said.

Wow, Hatori, you're stupid. It'll never end. NEVER.

"Yay!" Ayame cheered happily.

Oh, that reminds me...

"I love you, Ayame!" Yuki said, all heartfelt.

"I did not say that! Stop it!" Yuki was very annoyed with me for giving away his true feelings.

"THEY AREN'T MY TRUE FEELINGS!!" Yuki shouted.

Wow, touchy! Calm down, Yun~Yun.

"Grr..."

"Get me out of here!" Akito groaned, hitting her head against the wall.

"HER head??" Kyo asked.

Oh, yeah. Akito's a girl.

"Since when?" Yuki asked.

Since birth, stupid Yuki. STUPID STUPID YUKI!

"SHUT UP!" Snapped Yuki, even though he secretly loved that I was teasing him.

"I DO NOT!" But Yuki was in denial.

Then Kureno came back from the dead as a zombie.

"WHAT?!" Shouted Kyo, extremley terrified of the dumb Kureno zombie.

"I'M NOT TERRIFIED!" Kyo was in denial too.

No! Kureno can't come back! Someone kill him again!

"Idiot, that won't do any good!" Hatori snapped. "He's a zombie, he's already dead."

Shut up, Hatori. You aren't supposed to contradict either narrator.

And suddenly Hatori was suspended over a tank of bloodthirsty sharks.

Hatori then screamed like a little girl.

"No, I didn't!"

Oh, you're right, you screamed like a baby girl.

"..." Hatori didn't like the fact that I was right, so he didn't say anything.

And then Kureno zombie killed Tohru.

Hey, thanks, zombie Kureno!

Awesome, Tohru's dead!

Then Barney appeared and sang, "I love you, you love me!"

So Kureno died again. Because love kills zombies, of course.

But I hate Barney, so I killed him.

"Why is Barney here anyways? He's not part of Fruits Basket!" Shouted Kyo, angry that I had killed his idol.

"BARNEY IS NOT MY IDOL!" Kyo's STILL in denial. "Grr..." Kyo stormed away, still angry that I had killed his role-model. Poor Kyo.

Hm, I don't think the fruits Basket characters are miserable enough...

"YES, WE ARE!!!" Hatori shouted.

No, no, I disagree.

Suddenly, Hiro was tied to a pole, with duct tape over his mouth, so he could talk all.

"Mff gnnn mff!!" Hiro said.

Sorry, I can't understand you.

Ritsu and Kisa randomly turned into their animals and they were both put into a zoo.

"MFF GNN MFF!!!" Hiro shouted, clearly worried about Ritsu, his lover.

"MFF HNNN FFF FFGMMM!!!!"

Hiro, I still don't know what you're saying.

And then Hatori fell into the shark tank.

Oops.

Still not miserable enough...

"YOU'RE KILLING US!" Shouted Kyo.

So Kyo turned into a cat and was given to a little girl, who took him away and put bows in his ears and on his tail.

"What?" Said Yuki, scared that Kyo might now be a girl, since Yuki was gay.

"I'M NOT GAY!" Yuki shouted. But he was. And so was Ayame.

"I don't go in denial," Ayame said happily.

Wow... that was easy.

"Hey, Shigure, come watch the torturing with us!" Charlotte said, offering some popcorn and a chair.

"Okay!" Shigure replied, not at all affected by his family being tortured.

Who haven't we made completely miserable, Narrator #1? OH, I KNOW!

Then all of a sudden Machi was tied to a chair, forced to watch a movie full of things that are perfect.

"Leave her alone!" Yuki protested.

No, Yuki, I don't want to.

Wow. Then Kimi was suddenly forced to speak in first person.

"But Kimi doesn't want to," Said Kimi.

So then she was drowned in a lake full of pihranas. That wasn't ironic at all!

"Actually, it wasn't!" Shouted Yuki.

Okay, Yuki's getting on my nerves now.

So Yuki turned into a mouse and there was a huge mouse trap next to him with a HUGE piece of cheese. Yuki jumped at the cheese and got caught in the mouse trap.

"Yay!" Shouted Mel, happy at Yuki's dispair.

Charlotte munched on the popcorn with Shigure. "This has to be the best non-movie I've ever seen," she declared.

And then a meteor crashed into Arisa and Saki. They both died!

"You didn't have to add that they both died!" Hatori said.

Didn't I kill you?

"Yes, you did."

Then why aren't you dead?

"..."

And the Hatori was killed by a pack of rabid badgers.

"Badgers? Seriously?" Charlotte sighed, annoyed with herself.

Yes, badgers!!

"Cool, I want to argue with myself!" Mel shouted.

Too bad, Mel. You suck at comebacks, I'd never argue with you.

"YEAH, WELL... YOUR MOM!" Mel yelled at me.

You did not just go there. To take out my rage, I killed a bunny.

"YOU KILLED MY COUSIN," Sobbed Momiji. Sorry, Momiji. You're still cute.

"What the crap?" Asked Mel.

I dig deep, Mel.

"..."

And now I'm speechless at myself. Awesome.

"MFF, MFF GNN NN!!!" Hiro shouted.

Stop speaking Gibberish, Hiro!!!

And then everyone in Fruits Basket got hit by a giant magical school bus.

What the crap? The Magic School Bus? There needs to be a better death then that.

"I'm still alive!" Shouted Mel.

But then the biggest chocolate bar in the world crushed her. How sad. What she loved had killed her.

"What? I'm the only one left?" Charlotte asked.

Yes, but I will kill you momentarily.

"Is this suicide or homicide?"

Good question. One that I refuse to answer.

Charlotte then exploded. Randomly. For no reason at all.

Is that the end? No.

Barney had come back to life.

But too bad for him, because teddy bears hate Barney.

A LARGE ARMY OF TEDDY BEARS TACKLED BARNEY AND KILLED HIM!

And then a dog came up and ate the teddy bears.

And the dog lived happily ever after.

THE END