A/N: Welp. Those page breakers officially hate me. I had an author's note already, and I put a page break, then I wanted to put one on the bottom and it was like NOYOUCAN'TIMMABALEETEVERYTHING. Sooo yeah. New author's note! Whoo! (Yeah, I don't remember what I wrote before. Cool right?)

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and even if I did it wouldn't update, anyway.

Warning! YOU HAVE JUST BOUGHT HOT POCK... I mean, human OCs, XTREME swearing, awesome!Prussia, and several combinations thereof!


Prologue

He was a hero. Normally he didn't need to go to anyone for help, but Prussia had gone too far. If Prussia had been sober, he never would have gone to Switzerland, he never would have said those things in front of Liechtenstein, and he never would have removed his pants. (Well, not if Switzerland was as armed to the teeth as he was, anyway. How he managed to flee in the first place was still a mystery to the hero.)

He knew that had he not found him before Switzerland, the trigger-happy boy would have sent him off with his next shipment of Swiss cheese.

So he knocked the Prussian out and tied him up and went to one of his few good friends. The best way to keep everyone happy (well, with the exception of Prussia, perhaps) was to spirit him away, and his friend was glad to do it.

One problem: "It would appear that this spell needs a virgin girl of Prussian descent as a sacrifice..."

"You have to kill a chick?" That would not sit well.

"No, you git. By 'sacrifice' I simply mean 'someone to send Prussia to'. Why the person must be a virgin and a girl, I haven't the slightest clue. Possibly because this spell was originally for sending dragons away..."

Prussia snored loudly, the very image of a sleeping dragon. Or at least something with the capacity to be quite scary when not sleeping and drooling one-hundred-fifty-proof beer.

"Um, okay. No objections then."

"Hmm... well, why waste time looking things up? Give me a German-sounding name, quick!"

"UM UM UM HILDEGARD SCH-" A nasally hacking could be heard, even though it added nothing to the name. There was no phlegm in the pronunciation. "-MELING!"

"Really? That's the first thing you think of when I say 'German-sounding name'?" He sighed and shook his head, but tried the spell nonetheless.

Prussia disappeared.

"Wot'ya know? Hildegard Schmeling is a real person! Good for us."

"Bad for Hildegard."

"Better her than the rest of Europe."

"...Hey. Where'd you send him?"

His friend shrugged.

"Can't you find out?"

"Yes, but whyever would I want to?"

"So... that... we can... tell people to avoid that area! It's only the heroic thing to do."

The other considered this and shrugged again. Then he shortly burst out laughing.

"WHAT WHAT WHERE IS HE?"

The hero feared he was missing out on some great joke.

He was.

"HE'S. IN. YOUR. PENIS! HAAHAHAHA!"

"What. YOU. SENT. HIM. TO. FLORIDA?"

"YOU picked the name! Twit! Hahahaha!"

"I hate you, jeeerk."

The other just kept laughing.

"Clearly the feeling is mutual!"

He stormed out to drown both his brain and penis in bleach, never to unsee the image of Prussia in his penis again.


I am probably one of the few authors I have read who honestly do not care whether or not you review. I don't normally post this stuff; I only send 'em to a friend or two, who usually spoil the hell out of me 'cause "they're sooo awesome you're suuuch a geniuuus". Big fat liars, but whatev. Do what you want. Oh, and if you send me punctuation/grammar/spelling corrections, I WILL fix them ASAP. Unless I think you're stupid. ;D And yes. Caps and one word sentences are CLASSY. Don't worry, it's not a common occurrence, I pwomise.