Hello, merry readers. This is just a short little piece I wrote. Presea's reflection leads her to reflect on the recent past. If you'd like, feel free to review. I don't really care either way; I wrote this for my own personal entertainment, and just decided to share it. I'm thinking of making a more... story-like Preloyd based off of this. Wonder if you people would like to read it? You could give your opinion on that, too, if you like. I might end up doing that even if you wouldn't like that idea. Welp, thanks for reading and whatnot.
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As I look into the mirror, it's difficult to believe that the reflection that looks back is me. I see a young girl, with her hair pulled into two, unruly pigtails at the sides of her head. Bright blue eyes stare out from her face. She looks as though she should be playing with dolls, or jumping in puddles, or whatever it is young children do. I hardly remember that time any more. I'm a twenty-eight year old woman. Yet, I'm a twelve year old girl. Pain and confusion make up my life.
It wasn't long ago that I helped strike down the organization known as Cruxis. Now that the battle was over, the group I had traveled with was moving on to new lives. It seemed that the fight against Cruxis had presented all of them with new opportunities, ways to continue changing the world. I did not get such a chance. My old life has been destroyed, and my new life is still unclear. I cannot move on to a new destiny yet.
A boy named Genis in the group had a crush on me; feelings I couldn't return. Genis is only twelve; very young, especially for a half-elf like him, and I don't believe he was old enough to truly love. Genis had wanted me to travel with him and his sister. The two half-elves were going to try and lessen discrimination against their race. When he came to me with that request, I realized I had to tell him how I didn't feel the same for him as he did for me. I had been putting it off for some time, though I'm not positive why. Perhaps it was, in part, because he is a friend, and I didn't want to hurt him – but I believe it was mainly because I'm afraid of being told something similar.
I have fallen in love with a member of the group which defeated Cruxis. I suppose you could say he was our leader, though decisions were made by the group as a whole. Lloyd saved me from the project which stranded me outside of time for sixteen years, even though I had caused him pain, and he never asked for anything in return. I admired him for his kindness, and his strength, his ideals. When admiration became something more, I didn't know what it was. I was only just relearning emotions as basic as happiness and anger at the time. When I figured out just what it was that I felt for Lloyd, I was frightened... and angry. The anger I felt was directed towards myself, though.
Anger... ever since I regained myself, that emotion has been the most common I've felt. Anger at Rodyle and Vharley for their use of me, anger at Cruxis for destroying Ozette, anger at Kate and Altessa for stealing away my time in their project, anger at Regal for killing my sister. The anger I feel towards myself, though, is different. It's not for anything I've done. It's because I'm too weak to face my feelings. I hate this feeling of helplessness they give me. Yet, if I tell Lloyd, I'm afraid he'll leave me behind, and I'll be alone again.
Sometimes I feel as though it would be better if I just returned to that state of emotionlessness I once had, but I know that's ridiculous. That was a fate worse than death, which I'm glad to be free from. So, I suppose I'll have to just continue as I have, until the day when I am finally strong enough to confront Lloyd with this. Until then... at least I won't be alone.
