Never Going Home

I heard the Staind song (which I don't owe by the way) on the radio while I was showering (more then you needed to know, huh?) and INSISTENTLY the muses kicked me in the behind (my dupa) and told me to write this. I decided against pissing them off... So here it is. Staind owns 'Home' which is a very, bittersweet rock and roller missing his girlfriend/wife song... Vince owns the characters... Felicia is going to own Jeffie one day... But until then... I own nothing... Please don't sue.... I'm a cripple! *is trying not to use her thumb while typing* *Ow* R&R please! And I'll love ya forever! Rock oN!


~*~ Force myself through another day ~*~

Yet another worthless day. I really don't know how I've been going on like this. It's like the song from the Buffy musical, 'I'm going through the motions.' Lately, my days haven't been very good, or worthwhile. I've really have to force myself to contine on.


~*~ Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything Right in my face ~*~


I don't know how to explain what happened between us. The two of us were so close. We were inseparable. Nothing could hurt us. We were invincible. The three of us, together. Then this. This all just kinda fell apart. I watched it fall into a billion empty, broken pieces crashing on to the cold, hard ground. It all happened right in my face.


~*~ And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you
I've had to walk away
From everything ~*~


Because of him. Because of that self-center jerk, Matthew Moore Hardy. It's all his fault. I can't accept any of this blame. He's the reason we've spilt. I had to stop this shit. I had to walk away. From everything. Him. Our goals. Our plans. Everything.


~*~ I'm afraid to be alone..... ~*~

I don't want to be like this. I never wanted it to be like this. I'm all alone. No one. Who could I turn too? Trish? She's practically in Matts pants. Edge? Naw. He's Matts best friend. I have no one to turn too. I'm so afraid. I am all alone.

~*~ I'm afraid to come back home ~*~

I don't want to go back to that cold, cold house in South Carolina. When I get a break off God--erm Vince--willing, I'm not going to that house. I'm not going to Matts. I'll find someone else's house to crash at. I don't want to go home.

~*~ Another sleepless night again
Hotel rooms my only friend
And friends like that just don't add up
To anything ~*~


I can't sleep right now. It's a quarter to 3. I'm restless. I've come to realize the only sense of reality and normalcy I have anymore, is the hotel rooms. Matt is gone. They're all gone. The only thing I have left is this hotel room, that I had to ask Jackie for. She went and bunked with Trish. Here I am, alone in some hotel room and I feel safe and secure. Yeah here. At some dirty, disgusting hotel room in the middle of nowhere. Yet, I find it to be better here, then it would be at home.


~*~I cannot forget
I live with regret
I cannot forget
I live with...

I'll live through this
I can't see through this
I can't do this anymore

I'm afraid to be alone.....
I'm afraid to come back home ~*~


I'll never be able to forget him. Or forgive him. I could never. I don't know what I'm doing to do, but I know I'll live through this. Or I'll die trying. This is hurting me so bad. I don't know if I can do it anymore. Because... I'm afraid, being all alone. I'm afraid to go back to my own home.


"Jeff? Your on in 5" A nameless stage hand calls to me.


I nod and take a breath. I may be afraid, but I know if I show it, he'll win. And I know I can't go back home.