Title: One Unable
Author: Sekiseishi
Rating: M
Pairing: Hatake Kakashi x Umino Iruka
Theme: Unable
c. Masashi Kishimoto
Hatake Kakashi was not a man of companionship. He was not a man of fluff and love and heartfelt apologies. Nor was he a man of sharing when it came to situations outside of missions. Hatake Kakashi was, like all ninja, a serious man. A man with a purpose. A man with a disturbed past that haunted him if he dwelled on it.
He spent his days reading questionable material, training his students, and sometimes lazing about when he could think of nothing better to do. He spent his evenings cleaning his small apartment, keeping up with the savings earned on missions, restocking medical kits, cleaning his weapons, and being alone. Nights were rarely spent sleeping, as he felt the security of the village was more important. He spent them watching over the sleeping citizens of the Konohagakure, making sure their peaceful bodies were still breathing, even if there was already a night watch on duty. His mornings, after no sleep or fitful sleep filled with the horrors he'd encountered during his time as a shinobi, were spent mourning at the memorial stone, talking to the dead who could do nothing to comfort him in all his troubles.
It was one on such morning that he had met Umino Iruka. Of course they knew each other. Naruto had seen to that. Kakashi had immediately judged the younger man to be nothing more than a doting, protective, weak chuunin who just-so-happened to serve as Naruto's surrogate father-figure. Nothing but a hindrance to the young genin's advance in training. He and Iruka had been on bad terms since the infamous chuunin exams and their argument over whether or not Team 7 was ready. Kakashi had felt that his first impression of the chuunin had been justified after the display and didn't bother thinking of the other for almost a month.
He stood there, hidden from view, watching the young chuunin pay his respects to the dead, and he realized he knew as much about Iruka as the other probably knew about him. Next to nothing. His mind went to Naruto and he couldn't help but wonder /why/ Iruka was so close to the boy, why he was so protective. Surely he wasn't stupid enough to not know that Naruto housed Kyuubi. No, the incident with Mizuki showed that Iruka knew exactly what Naruto played vessel to. Then there was the question of family. Did Iruka have a family besides Naruto? Did he have a mother and father, maybe some siblings? A cousin? Did his family have a special technic like most of the other shinobi families had? Did he have a girlfriend? A son? A daughter? Maybe a boyfriend? A special someone? Did he have anyone besides Naruto?
Kakashi scoffed at the last part. Of course Iruka would have friends or something. Even Naruto had friends. But, what if he didn't? He looked harder at the chuunin, the way he kneeled so stiffly before the great onyx stone engraved with so many names. How many people on that stone had Iruka been friends with? How many were family or special someones? How many were the parents of Iruka's students? Or the students themselves? How many did he know on that ominous stone?
Thinking back, Kakashi realized he'd never seen Iruka out with anyone besides Naruto before. He'd only ever seen him converse in the Missions Office, and even then barely. Iruka never invited anyone over for dinner that he was aware of. There were no rumors of him having children, a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. In fact, there were really no rumors at all. No one wondered about the chuunin and Kakashi realized that maybe, just maybe, there was someone who was just as lonely as he was.
He'd focused on the other after that, following him discreetly to and from his house, around the academy and the Missions Office. Weeks passed and Iruka showed no interest in anyone besides Naruto, and only whenever the young boy was free. Kakashi had taken his team on maybe two missions in eight weeks, both being low ranking D missions, so it had been relatively easy to keep an eye on the younger man. Sitting outside of the other's apartment in the cooling air, watching as he graded papers and sipped some sort of brew from a little grey mug, Kakashi scratched at his head, confused. Iruka was cheery, always smiling, open and welcoming and only harsh when the situation called for it. He seemed like he didn't have a care in the world, yet here he was, sitting alone for the fifty-sixth night in a row, slowly grading papers.
Iruka turned to the window that night and looked outside for maybe two seconds before he stood and opened the door to the balcony of his tiny three roomed apartment. Kakashi knew it was an invitation for him to go inside, and who was he to refuse? This man that was probably just as mysterious as himself, but who no body cared to figure out, to even visit on these lonely nights nearing winter.
They talked for a few hours and eventually began laughing as their conversations grew more bold, more friendly. For once, Kakashi felt warm and full, like the pieces that had gone missing when Obito, Rin, and his sensei died found him again.
There were several more nights like that one, Kakashi waiting on the roof of the building next to Iruka's, Iruka opening the back door, and the copy-nin entering quietly. After almost two weeks, Kakashi found the nerve to simply knock and be admitted personally by the other. Another two weeks found him bringing small surprises, like dinner for the most part, then a bottle of sake, then two bottles when he discovered Iruka had a taste for the stuff, three bottles after that and they got completely smashed. Kakashi remembered lips and hands and hot breath before he woke up with his shirt around his forehead, his pants half undone, and Iruka on top of him, completely knocked out in a similar state of undress. That night Kakashi found himself at Iruka's doorstep again, apologizing and giving the other man eight bottles of sake, a stuffed dolphin, and a stuffed fox. Iruka had simply dragged him inside, put the stuff on the counter, and shoved him on the couch, where they proceeded to undress each other with a little more coordination than the night before. It hadn't been love-making, it had been sex. Needy and wanting and clingy, desperate, rough, and fast. Nevertheless, it had been wonderful. Ironically, Kakashi was called off on a mission the next day and when he returned, dirty and smelly after reporting to the Hokage, Iruka welcomed him back with open arms and a warm bath, and it was more than Kakashi could ever ask for.
Hatake Kakashi was not a man of companionship. He was not a man of fluff and love and heartfelt apologies. But at that moment, he wished so hard he could be.
Hatake Kakashi was a man who could not say the words he wanted to. He couldn't express himself the way his lover could, he could not manage a gentle touch when he was still in need of so much reassurance. Hatake Kakashi was a man unable.
A/N: Kind of a long drabble. It's my first, and really low rated. I'm doing the whole: 'open a dictionary and blindly point to a word' thing. I write what comes to me.
