Summary: Another collection of short stories about Bella, Edward and Jacob. Bella is blinded by both men, their charm and what seems like love for her and each other. Poor stupid little Bella. If only she knew what was really going on… Lots of Bella bashing people and hot Edward/Jacob sex!
Bella Is Still A Moron
It was a dark, dreary day in Forks, but then again when wasn't it? Bella was laying next to Edward in their meadow whinny about something earning her the occasional eye roll from her undead love. It wasn't that he wasn't listening to her. He just really didn't give a shit about anything she was saying.
The truth was that the seemingly friendly and protective vampire didn't want anyone to come between him and his version of a coke or pepsi. Bella's blood was intoxicating and he wasn't about to share his food with any other vampire, family or not. So to throw her off, he pretended to be in love with the clumsy girl and was patiently waiting for the day where he could finally drain every drop of blood from her body and store it in his basement for future consumption.
"Wouldn't that be a good idea, love of my life who I would die without even though I've only known him three months? Wow, when you put it that way I'm kind of a crazy stalker bitch, but then again you do like to sneak into my bedroom and watch me sleep at night so…I guess crazy attracts crazy."
She giggled.
No it's called making sure the food is still in the refrigerator bitch. Edward thought to himself before turning to the breathing vegetable with a fake smile.
"Sure, why not? Invite this friend of yours. He can't possibly be more of a pain in my undead ass than you are."
Bella smiled for a moment before Edward's words actually sunk in.
"Hey! Did you just insult me?"
"No Bella dear. I was merely complementing you in a dumbed down way that only you could understand. We both know how you get those headaches when you think too hard. You know, on those rare days where you have any brain activity all."
"Oh you're so sweet Eddie." She says staring at him with her mouth hanging open, choking as a fly enters it. "What would I do without you?"
Live a long pointless life filled with unfortunate accidents that land you in the hospital every other day. Maybe I'm doing you a favor after all.
Bella pulls out her phone and dials Jacob's number.
"Hey Jake it's Bells. Umm, hello?"
Edward sighs and turns the phone around in Bella's hand.
"I feel like such an idiot."
Edward laughs.
That's because you are one.
"Hey Jake, it's Bella…no…what? Jake that was one time I am not going to let you give me a pap smear with your Mr. Winky. Besides, my Mom says that it's supposed to be done by a doctor not my sexy ass friend. You know, I don't know why she said that or felt the need to take a shower after. It was really odd now that I think about it. Anyway Edward says that you can meet us in the meadow. He's so sweet. What do you mean what does he look like? What does that have to do with anything? Well…yeah he's hot. Umm, he has a pretty nice one. What? I will not take a picture and send it to you. Jakey, you're starting to weird me out. Just get here, ok. Bye"
Edward raised an eyebrow at Bella.
A pap smear with Mr. Winky? She couldn't possibly be that stupid? Ok, this was Bella so yeah, she was.
"Jakey said that he'll come. I can't wait for you two to meet. The love of my life and my best friend. This is going to be so much fun. I can tell, you guys are just going to love each other."
"Anything for you love. Now what does this friend of yours look like?"
Bella eyed him suspiciously.
"Umm, Jake's a Native and he's pretty good looking. I guess."
"Interesting."
"Why?"
"I'm just curious. Go on, tell me about him."
"Well he's like 6'0" with long dark hair, big dark eyes, a killer smile, with lots of muscles. He is totally ripped for a sixteen year old."
Edward's smile widened.
"Is he…into…guys?"
Bella gasped in shock.
"I don't know Eddie. I don't think so…wait why would you even ask?"
"Because I like to know the kind of person that my Bella is hanging around."
Hopefully the kind that likes hot, pale vampires who know how to work a joy stick and this Jake sure as hell sounds something that I would just love to slip into.
Repeatedly.
"Ok, that sound reasonable."
"Hey guys what's up?"
A rough, deep voice calls out.
Edward looked up to see the hottest guy ever standing above him, smiling down.
"Jake!" Screamed Bella as she jumped to her feet and embraced the God like creature.
The ebony haired male gave him a wink and smile that sent shock waves through him.
Damn if he could do that with a smile, imagine what he could do with his…
The vampire immediately sprang to his feet, pulling Bella away from the young stud and shoving her off to the side.
"Edward no fighting over me. Please I couldn't take it."
Completely ignoring her, the vampire licked his lips at the younger boy in front of him.
"Hey there handsome. I'm Edward, Edward Cullen." He said caressing Jacob's face with the back of his hand.
"Edward, what are you doing to Jake? It looks like pretty weird space invasion." Asked Bella not understanding why her boyfriend was undressing her best friend with his eyes.
"Relax Bella, Edward is just being friendly. After all you've only been in Forks for like three months. You have no idea how certain men say hello to each other. By the way I'm Jacob, Jacob Black."
"Very nice to meet you Mr. Black. I have to say that you are one beautiful creature."
Jacob smiled and brought his hand to rest on Edward's shoulder.
"Thank you Mr. Cullen. You're mighty fine looking yourself."
Both men continue to stare deeply into each other's eyes before locking lips and groping each other, deepening their kiss.
"Guys, is this part of the tradition of saying hello? Guys…hello?"
Jacob pulled back speaking to Bella without looking at her as him and Edward sank down onto the blanket.
"Here" he said pushing a container of food her way. "You should eat something while me and Edward become more acquainted with each other."
However the girl wasn't sure why Jacob was rubbing her boyfriends crotch as he spoke.
"My, my Mr. Cullen. Aren't you a big boy."
"Yes I am and I can't wait to…" he trailed off whispering something into Jacob's ear that made the young man bit his lower lips and breath erratically.
"Oh really? Well I have no problem letting you. Let's see what you got sexy."
The boys instantly fell into a full on make out session.
Bella wasn't buying it.
"I know that you two want to be friends and all but I don't get it? Why are you making out and…oh my…hey, you NEVER do that with me! I didn't even know you knew how? Virgin my ass Edward Cullen!"
Edward sighed in frustration before yelling "Oh look Bella, a butterfly. You should go chase it. You know, keep busy and give me and Jacob some alone time for some really fucking hot…"
"Guy time. You know, to bond." Jacob finished just as Edward tackled him.
"Ok I love butterflies. Here butterfly. Come here pretty little butterfly. I want to pin you to the my wall by your wings. You'd make a lovely decoration. Please don't be afraid, come back." The girl said running off.
"We're finally alone." Edward spoke as he kissed his way down Jacob's hot body.
Within seconds both men were naked.
"Do you think that she'll realize we're totally fucking each other right now?" Questioned Edward as he slid inside of Jacob's hot entrance.
"No, she's too stupid. She'll probably think we're playing…"
Before Jacob could finish Bella screamed.
"Naked Twister! Yay. I've got next!" A second later the girl was out of sight running after a butterfly with her hair brush.
Jacob laughed before moaning as Edward's thrust increased.
"What a dumb bitch."
Edward giggled capturing Jacob's lips once again.
She sure was.
