The Life and Crimes of well, Jacob Black
I will NOT trap Edward in a tubberware container because he can't get and again and I will noy pay people to come and see 'The Vamp in the tub'
I will NOT go round screaming 'Now I'm truly a woman!' when I see Edward
I will NOT scream 'I've found a perfect person to play the dog in the dog food advert' and point at Sam
I will NOT run round screaming 'I WILL RULE THE WORLD SOME DAY SUCKERS!' and poke them and leg it...mainly Edward
I will NOT go round telling young kids that the tooth fairy is their parents dressed in fake fairy wings, pink tights and a crown made from hobbycraft cardboard
I will NOT open the changing room curtain of random people's rooms because it makes them hit me with giant sticks!
I will NOT tell younger kids that there's a massive monster under their bed and tie Sam under their beds to scare them
I will NOT try to shave Rosalie's hair off because she can and will kill me next time
I will NOT kidnapp Santa and try and steal everyone's presents and blame it on Edward
I will NOT go around saying 'Wanna go jack someone's house!' it's NOT big and its NOT clever
I will NOT stalk random people and when they turn round yell 'PEADO!' and run off
I will NOT run round kicking people yelling 'DEAD LEG!'
I will NOT go up to random people saying do you want to join sam's new reproduction class
I will NOT write fake notes excusing Seth from P.E when it says 'Please excuse Seth for being absent. He was sick, and I had him shot' or Seth won't be in school a week from Friday. He had to attend his funeral'
I will NOT run up to random gingers and yell 'ARGH stay still your head is on fire' and grab a bottle of water over their head and run (I will not do this to Rosalie because she isn't ginger
I will NOT run up to Alice and go 'It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you'
Getting your head stuck in something doesn't mean you can get it out.
I will not force Rosalie to create me a throne and fan me with leaves.
I will not start randomly rolling around on the floor laughing.
I will not run through the streets screaming with a straight jacket on saying "Edward Cullen tried to have SEXY TIME with me"
I will not go into the beetle position and whimper.
I will not draw stick vampires dying in various and malicious ways, I then will NOT label them 'Edward', 'Rosalie' or any other person
Once someone asks me what's wrong I will not respond with "Drugs? DRUGS? What drugs? No I haven't had any drugs, not me. No not at all no drugs for me! No Why would you think that?"
I will not sell maps to where Edwards house is
I will not attempt to add "Rosalie" and "Blonde" at least three times in every sentence
I will not film Edward in the shower and put it on youtube cause he has a small _
I will NOT poke random people, mainly not in the *****
I will NOT run round yelling 'MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!'
I will NOT break into people's diary' ...not that I will or have...I didn't even read bella's diary
I will NOT try and rape bella
I will NOT say words that are considered a 'no, no'!
I will not sit in front of Seth and laugh when he gets himself stuck in a Tupperware container
Taking spherical objects and throwing them at Paul when he phases does not mean he will turn into a Pokemon "Even if you say "Paulkachu! I choose you!"
Signed
Jacob black
