Author's Note: So this is a bit of an experiment. This is my first attempt at writing something for this fandom, and this prologue is tentative. Meaning, if there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in having this continue, then I'm just going to take the fic down and pretend it never happened, haha. So we'll see how it goes.

Disclaimer: CSI:Miami and its characters are not mine. If I owned the series and the network on which they aired, then I would have never allowed the show to get canceled when it did and would given it a more proper conclusion.

Warning: This is an Eric/Ryan slash story. If that's not your cup of tea, then do not read on.

Dedicated to Andorian Ice Princess-AiP, who is not only a fantastic writer, she is also the main reason I was finally able to plug out something. Fans of my slash fics have her and her muse to thank for kicking mine out of its bed. Funny enough, she's not into the genre so it's not likely she'll be reading this. We met under the most unlikely of circumstances, and I must say I'm terribly grateful for it.

Anyway, here goes...!


Prologue

This is the last moment of them together that Eric remembers.

Eric watched Ryan with mild amusement as the other man rummaged somewhat frantically through the dressers in the room. The taller CSI chuckled and shook his head as he sprawled out lazily on his side of their shared bed. His lover didn't look back at him, but he harrumphed while continuing to search through various drawers.

"Really, Eric, this isn't funny. I have no idea where I put my watch."

Eric half-groaned, half-laughed as he leaned his head back into one of the pillows before rolling onto his side again. He clutched one of the pillows in his arms and rested his head on it.

"Come on, Ry, you probably just misplaced it. It could happen to anyone."

Ryan's shoulders became tight and Eric let out a sigh—it was the wrong thing to say and he knew it, what with Ryan being OCD and all, but Eric hadn't meant any harm by it. He had been hoping that for once, his lover would calm down. Apparently that was way too wishful thinking on his part.

Ryan turned around to look at him. "It could happen to anyone? Sure. You're right, I guess it could."

The younger CSI ran a hand frustratedly through his brown hair which was currently a light brown for the summer; during winter months his hair tended to grow in a darker shade. He gave Eric what he probably thought was a well-deserved glare.

"Stuff like this doesn't just happen to me though, you know better than that. I don't misplace things. Ever."

"All right, all right, sorry," Eric said as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I just don't get why you have to look for it now, like right this minute. You've got a few other watches you could wear, don't you?"

"Okay, first of all," Ryan said, holding up a finger. "It's the cheapest watch I own, which is important, because in case I happen to lose anything while traveling, I want to make sure it's all stuff I don't care too much about. I don't know if you'll recall, but I'm headed to that conference in Chicago today."

"Oh yeah, that's right. The one where you said I can't take you to the airport," Eric said with a slight frown. "Tell me again, why is that?"

This caused Ryan to give a slight pause. Eric raised an eyebrow.

"Well?"

Ryan's lips pressed into a thin line and he appeared uncomfortable, shifting his weight on his feet. "Look, I know it's not the usual way we do things..."

"Yeah, you've got that right, it's not. I don't think you've gone on a trip by yourself since we started dating," Eric said, shaking his head as well as giving the slight shrug of a shoulder. "And even when you did back then, you never had a problem with me taking you to the airport before. So I'll admit it, I've just been curious. Why now?"

Ryan averted his eyes. "Well, I—oh, I don't know..."

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one of his hands. "I guess I thought it would just be better this way, that's all."

Eric's frown deepened. "Better? How do you figure?"

He waited for an explanation. He was sure Ryan would give him a plausible one, like always. It worried him though, because usually Eric had at least a general idea of what his lover's thought process might have been regarding a decision. He would like to think he knew his lover, especially since they'd been seeing each other for roughly three years now. To find that Ryan could still surprise him—in this particular instance, Eric wasn't sure he considered that a good thing.

The truth of the matter was, something had been bothering him ever since Ryan mentioned he planned on going to a conference in Chicago, supposedly with a bunch of old pals from his time serving with Miami-Dade's patrol unit. Never mind the fact that he wouldn't even tell Eric which conference—there were at least three going on in the city that weekend—and since Ryan wouldn't tell him, Eric thought he should at least do some digging on the Internet to see if his searches would bear any fruit. He ended up deciding that either Ryan was lying—a thought which not only disturbed him, it was highly uncharacteristic of his boyfriend—or he was too embarrassed to let Eric know of his plans to attend a cooking conference. Eric had come to the latter conclusion because various links to information regarding the event had already been in Ryan's browsing history on his laptop. Part of him hoped Ryan will just come out and confirm his theory. For the most part though, Eric wished Ryan would just be up front with him like he was with just about everything else, because really, what disturbed him the most about all this was the idea that his lover seemed to be just starting to develop a habit of keeping secrets from him. That, Eric most certainly doesn't like. To his dismay, Ryan decided to dance around the question.

"Mm...I guess...change of pace, you know?" Ryan mumbled, still not really looking at Eric. "I mean, don't all couples need that after a while? To like...keep things interesting or something like that?"

Eric felt annoyance rising from within himself. "What? What are you even saying, Ryan? That's ridiculous."

He got up from the bed then and walked over to the other man. He frowned even more deeply, if that were even possible, and Ryan took a slight step back. Eric grabbed the other man by the wrists and pulled him in for a close embrace. With one arm wrapped around Ryan's waist, he used his other hand to lift the brunette's chin, forcing him to look Eric in the eyes. Eric peered into his lover's hazel depths, searching.

"What's going on with you lately, really?" he asked softly. "You've been acting all jittery and insecure again like you were when we first started dating..."

When Ryan doesn't answer him, Eric began to pepper the side of his lover's face with light kisses trailing from his temple to the base of his neck. He smiled against the other man's skin when he felt Ryan shudder in his arms. He worked his way back up to the other man's ear, then hovered his mouth over it as he whispered.

"Come on, Ry, talk to me, baby. Tell me what's on your mind," he said. "Are you worried about us for some reason? Did someone say something? Did I do something?"

The laugh that passed through Ryan's lips was one of exasperation. Eric felt more than saw the action of Ryan shaking his head. He could hear the frown in the other man's voice.

"No, no," said Ryan. "It's nothing like that. Nothing like that at all."

He pulled back from Eric and for the first time since the start of their conversation, he was able to look Eric square in the eye. This allowed Eric to relax a little. He knew this cue; it meant Ryan was finally going to be straight with him.

"Look, the truth is, I..." Ryan trailed off briefly, his jaw becoming slightly taut.

Eric looked at him in confusion, which quickly transformed to concern upon seeing the tears forming in his lover's eyes. He quickly brought his hands up to cup the brunette's face.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Eric said, a little frantically. "Look, if it's that hard to tell me, you don't have to. I'm not angry, I swear."

"No, Eric, I'm sorry," Ryan said, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. "It's just...hang on. Just give me a minute."

"Yeah, all right, okay," Eric said softly, still a little unsure how to react to his lover going through a roller coaster of emotions. "Take your time."

He didn't have to wait long. In a few seconds, Ryan was able to compose himself. When he again opened his eyes, they were no longer glassy and his facial expression was as calm as it was on most normal days. In fact, he seemed so much like himself again that Eric almost completely forgot his earlier sense of alarm over Ryan's uncharacteristic behavior.

It's Ryan's still somewhat shaky voice that reminded him things weren't really all right. "Honestly? Part of me just doesn't want to go..."

Before Eric could respond, the brunette had buried his face in the Latino's chest. As a result, his next words came through somewhat muffled.

"...I really don't want to leave you."

Eric couldn't help but chuckle a little at this, but soon he was frowning again while tousling a bit of Ryan's hair. "So then...don't?"

He felt Ryan laugh against him before pulling back to face him again. Ryan's hands rose to his back, pressing against him. He gave Eric a half-smile and a slight shrug.

"But I have to," he said. "They're all expecting me, you know."

"Okay...well, that reminds me, actually," said Eric. "Who are they? I know you've told me you're going with people from Miami-Dade, but you never actually told me who. Specifically, I mean."

"Bobby, Nate, and Darin," Ryan said so quickly, it almost seemed automatic. "Three of my oldest friends on the force."

Eric frowned, trying to place them. "Names don't really ring a bell...have I met them?"

"Maybe, but I doubt it," Ryan half-murmured. "Even I hadn't heard from them in a while...we all kind of lost touch after I switched departments."

Eric blinked, somewhat surprised. "Oh geez...I'm sorry, Ry...that kind of thought never even once crossed my mind."

"Huh? What kind of thought?" Ryan asked, looking at him, confusion evident in his eyes.

Eric laughed. "Well, I mean, we weren't exactly on the best terms when you first joined our team. I mean, I was so mad H seemed so quick to replace Speed that I..."

He trailed off for a minute there Ryan waited patiently, knowing Eric will eventually finish his thought. It still wasn't easy for Eric to talk or think about his late friend, Timothy Speedle, even after all these years. Sure enough, Eric was able to continue a second or two later, as if he never got distracted.

"Well, honestly I think I might have totally forgot that you were an officer before you became a crime scene investigator. Like it never occurred to me that you probably had people before you changed teams...people you were close to...for some reason," Eric finished with a sheepish shrug.

Ryan's lips twitched involuntarily upward at the corners. "Gee, thanks, E. Glad to hear you thought I was such a winner back then."

"Aw, c'mon, that's not fair," Eric said with a laugh. "I mean, look, it all turned out right in the end, didn't it?"

Ryan shook his head and gave Eric a warm smile. "Yeah...yeah, I guess it did."

Eric half-smiled. "Well, I know we don't have that much time now, but...tell me about them later? Maybe I could even meet them sometime?"

"Hm, yeah, sure," Ryan said with a nod. "Maybe."

The brunette sighed then and once again Eric was right back to frowning. "All right, now what?"

"Time..." Ryan said at first, and then shook his head. "I mean, you're right. We're running out of time. I've got to get to the airport."

"Sure you don't want me to give you a lift?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Ryan said, reluctantly pulling away from Eric and making his way to their walk-in closet to pack a few last-minute. "It's all arranged anyhow. Don't want to mess up the order, you know?"

Eric resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Oh yeah, believe me, I know."

He failed miserably at suppressing his smile when Ryan playfully snapped at him from within the closet. "Now what's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what you think it does, babe," Eric tossed lightly back.

He ducked the ball of sock that Ryan chucked at his head before the brunette walked back out of the closet with his rolling suitcase and a tie hung around his neck. He could tell Ryan was trying his hardest not to laugh while his fingers worked on his tie.

"And here I was about to tell you how much I'm going to miss you," Ryan said. "Asshole."

"But you still love me," Eric said with a cocky grin.

His lover's fingers hesitated, but only for the briefest of moments. Eric noticed but thought nothing of it. Ryan's eyes grew serious.

"I do," he said, in a tone that's very matter-of-fact. "I love you."

"...I love you too, Ry," Eric said, a little hesitant in his response only because he was once again somewhat thrown by Ryan's sudden change in mood.

In a minute, Ryan walked over and threw his arms around Eric's neck and in the next moment, their lips were locked together. Ryan was the first to pull away.

"I've got to go," he said.

"You sure you don't want me there?" Eric asked. "Not even just to send you off? I can drive separately, you know, if it bothers you so much for me to take you there. Though again, I'll admit I'm still finding it difficult to understand why that's such a problem for you right now."

"I know," Ryan said. "I'm sorry...it's just, I know that if you're there, I'm probably just going to change my mind and not go through with this."

"Then don't go," said Eric. "Stay."

"I want to," said Ryan. "Believe me, I do, but they're waiting for me."

Eric sighed. "Yeah, okay. All right. I get it."

He couldn't help but laugh a little. "Geez, look at us. Since when did we start having such separation anxiety issues."

Ryan laughed along with him and shook his head. "Yeah, I know right? Look at us, we're such a mess. Maybe this little short break might be a good thing after all."

Eric smile turned into a frown. "This isn't a break."

Ryan winced and held up his hands defensively. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. Bad choice of words. You know I was never good with 'em."

"I know," Eric said.

He pressed one last kiss to Ryan's forehead. Ryan lifted a hand to cup the left side of Eric's face and he smiled up at the older man.

"I'll be going now, then," he said before turning to grab the handle of his suitcase.

"All right," said Eric. "I'll watch you from the window."

Ryan stopped just before walking completely out their bedroom door. "Sure. Actually, hey...Eric?"

"Yeah?"

Eric raised an eyebrow and Ryan turned to look at him for a second. "Listen...leave the blinds the way they are right now, okay? Down to the bottom rail and slats tilted all the way up, just like when we're sleeping. You should still be able to see me."

"Uh...all right," Eric said. "Any particular reason?"

"Yeah," Ryan said with a half-smile. "So it doesn't bother me while I'm away."

Eric's eyebrow lowered and he laughed. "Oh, is that all? You're impossible, you know that, Ry?"

"So you tell me every chance you get," Ryan said, chuckling softly. "Also..."

"Yes, Your Highness," said Eric. "What else can I do for you? Your every wish is my command."

Ryan shook his head and laughed. "Oh, stop it. Be serious for a second, will you?"

"I am being serious," Eric said, pretending to look hurt. "You just never take me seriously."

"And how can I?" Ryan asked, smiling still. "What, with your track record and all."

"Hey! Come on!"

"Just being honest here," said Ryan. "Anyway, listen...since I know you're going to miss me, why don't you hang out at Calleigh's for a few days?"

"What?" Eric asked. "You mean like, stay over at Calleigh's?"

Ryan shrugged. "If you want to."

Eric frowned. "I mean, yeah, sure, Calleigh and I are good friends and all, but that's kind of a random suggestion still, don't you think? I mean, why would I want to do all that? I'm going to miss you, sure, Ry, but I'm not a little kid. I can handle being by myself for a couple days."

"Ugh, all right, fine," Ryan grumbled. "I guess it was a little too wishful of me to think you'd agree to the arrangement quietly."

"What are you talking about?" Eric asked. "What arrangement?"

"The one where Calleigh has the first piece to the puzzle of a little game I thought up for us," Ryan said with a sigh.

"A game?" Eric asked, not bothering to hide his confusion.

"You know," Ryan said. "Like the one we did on Valentine's Day this year?"

"Wha...oh!" Eric said, brightening suddenly; he remembered exactly what Ryan was talking about. "You mean the one that led me right back to you on the bed completely—"

"Yes, Eric," Ryan said, seemingly unable to choose between looking amused or exasperated with the older man.

If Eric didn't know any better too, he would also say that he almost saw a flicker of something close to relief in the other man's expression as well, though he couldn't imagine why that would be. Perhaps this was one of those tests, like the kind most women liked to throw at men. A test, to see if one could recall a certain conversation or special moment; something along those lines. Judging from Ryan's reaction, Eric wanted to say it was probably safe to assume that he just passed.

"All right, so go to Calleigh's," he said. "Then what?"

"Then she'll give you what you need to get started," said Ryan. "Don't worry, she's been informed. She'll know what it is you're looking for when you ask her."

"Okay, but she's not like...a key player in this game, is she?" Eric asked.

Ryan frowned. "What? Augh! No! Not at all!"

Eric laughed a little at this. "Okay, good. For a minute there I wasn't sure if this was going to be going in a weird direction or something."

"You're a piece of work sometimes, you know that?"

Eric smiled. "Sure I do, not that you ever let me forget it."

"All right," said Ryan. "That's it. Seriously, I'm going now, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Eric said with a nod. "Love you."

"Love you too."

It was probably the most they'd said the phrase to each other in a single day, not that either of them were really keeping track. Finally, Ryan really did leave. Soon he was down the stairs and out the door; Eric knew it because he heard the familiar sound of their front door opening and clapping shut. He made his way to the window, making sure to leave the blinds closed with the slats in their upward tilt, as tight as can be, just the way Ryan had asked him to. He watched as a taxi cab pulled up as close as it could to where Ryan was standing; watched as Ryan approached the car. Fortunately, he could still see out well enough, though the thought eventually occurred to him that the other man probably would not be able to see him. And with that thought, several other little observations his mind had apparently taken inventory of subconsciously suddenly rose to the surface, pestering him more than they had during his conversation with Ryan.

The watch Ryan didn't keep looking for. The tie he never finish tightening. Certain details of his trip he had forgotten to tell Eric, only doing so when Eric prodded him for answers. All so unusual and very unlike Ryan, even on his worst day. Ryan was the type who didn't stop looking for something that he thought was lost or misplaced, oftentimes disrupting the flow of the rest of his schedule just so he could track the item down. He didn't forget to finish getting ready and looking presentable, nor had he ever withheld information from Eric or failed to go over every little detail. If anything, Ryan was usually more than happy to tell Eric pretty much everything, even if Eric wasn't entirely interested in knowing anything beyond what he considered most important, which was Ryan's state of health, happiness, and overall well-being.

What bothered Eric the most was how Ryan never once turned to look up in his direction—he just threw his suitcase in the taxi's trunk and then getting into the rear passenger seat of the car before allowing himself to be driven away, not even giving Eric so much as a smile or a wave. Perhaps it shouldn't have bothered Eric so much, but it did, even hours after Ryan had gone.

It was because, Eric realized at some point while lying on their bed and staring at the ceiling, that Ryan's body language seemed an awful lot like he was saying good-bye. As if he wasn't planning on ever coming back. The idea was so strange, so foreign and very out of place for Eric. Surely, he thought, Ryan wasn't walking out of his life forever. The very idea disturbed Eric enough though that he found himself jumping for his phone, which was on the nightstand next to his side of the bed.

He sent Ryan a text. "When did you say you're coming back?"

The ping came back almost immediately, and Eric let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, relieved; Ryan wasn't planning on leaving him after all. "The conference goes for about three days."

Eric quickly typed back his response. "Want me to pick you up from the airport?"

The reply came back again instantly. "Won't be necessary."

Eric sighed. Ryan was being more difficult than usual. Eric started to really wonder if perhaps he had done something recently to upset the other man after all, but he decided not to worry about that for now; they could deal with it when Ryan returned from his trip.

He sent another message. "Well, at least text me once a day or give me a call while you're there?"

There was a long pause between this message and Ryan's response—about five minutes, at the very least. The somewhat unexpected delay agitated Eric enough that he spent those minutes pacing back and forth the room while he waited. Finally though, Ryan's text came through and Eric practically pounced on his phone to read what was written there. Much to his disappointment, there were only two words.

"I'll try."


A/N: So what do you all think? Shall I continue? Or should I just let this story go poof? Cast your votes now! Hahaha.