Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion isn't mine... it's the creation of the twisted mind of Hideaki Anno n' the Gainax people. However, this story is mine so it would be nice if you read it, especially if you are a melancholic soul in this huge, dark world of strange creatures and lost dreamers looking for a moment to weep like me...

This story, I must say, is not happy or exciting... it is merely the reflection of someone that thought up a more devastating end for those who fought against the angels... I really hope you enjoy this story, written in a moment of pure and absolute sadness...

Nara Starr

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Dreams of Reality

Part I: Rei

"I can't stand this any longer"

She stared silently at the blade of the kitchen knife... it's gleam dancing in front of her eyes like a ghost inviting her to death... She pressed the smooth, cold object against her wrist in a diagonal way and waited just a few seconds...

"I'm sorry Ikari-kun... I know I meant something for you in the past, but now I only cause you pain..."

She pulled hard on the blade and closed her eyes as the sudden pain invaded her arm... She stared at the blood for just a second, then she placed the blade under the first cut and prepared...

"I'm sorry Asuka... I know I said or made something that depressed you.... And now, you can't even talk... I'm sorry"

She bit her lip as the blade glided through her arm and prepared itself for a new cut...

"I'm sorry Mayor Katsuragi, Doctor Akagi... Professor Fuyutsuki... I know I am the cause of many problems you have had... I didn't mean it..."

Another cut... she heard the sound of the drops as they fallen on to the floor and became little puddles of pain... Finally, the last cut had come...

"I'm sorry Nagisa-kun... I'm sorry I didn't recognize you sooner... I'm sorry I didn't help you... I'm sorry I deceived you... I'm sorry I ignored you... I'm sorry"

The tears flowed on her face, warm and lively as she made the last cut and dropped the knife to the floor... Silently she stood up and just laid on the bed as the steady dripping of her wrists became a dull sound to her ears. Opening her eyes, she contemplated the full moon as it glowed on her pale and thin body...

"This will be the last time that I stare at the moon... such a wonderful satellite, almost like a dream."

Her eyes closed and more tears started to flow on to her face....

"I wish I'd seen this moon with him, before he died... I abandoned him... I left him to die, and I wasn't even able to say anything as he smiled at me... I always deceive everyone... I make me sick"

Her eyes opened and the moon was no longer there... deep clouds of rain had come and covered the blue glow from her... she started crying again...

"Even the moon has abandoned me... I have nothing now... nothing..."

She closed here eyes once again and fell into an uneasy sleep as she slowly died. In her last dream, she was a puppet being moved by a man in the shadows... She stared at him silently and then at the other puppets around her... Ikari-kun and Asuka... Doctor Akagi, Mayor Katsuragi, Professor Fuyutsuki ... Nagisa-kun... The man that controlled her made her attack them, even though she didn't want to... Slowly she crushed all the puppets around her, crying with every sound of broken wood and falling cord... But when she got to the last puppet, she was not able to attack him... The ropes disappeared form her body and she fell to her knees sobbing, while the last puppet stared at her silently...

"I'm sorry... I didn't meant to... I'm sorry ..."

A hand slipped silently and helped her up as she looked into the eyes of the last angel... He smiled at her and evolved her in a hug...

"Ka... Kaworu..."

When she opened her eyes, dawn was coming and the rain was still falling... the rubbed her eyes but she had no more tears to cry... darkness started to fall around her once more... It was the end...

"Too late to change my mind... I don't exist anymore..."

"Hey Rei!"

She opened her eyes and stared at a smiling fifth child as the sun shone brightly into her bedroom...

"Nagisa-kun?"

"Nagisa? What's up with the formality? Do you have a fever or something? C'mon, we have to get to school early or else we'll get grounded"

She stood up and stared at her room silently... just a normal girl's room... Her wrist had no cuts on and the smell of coffee and waffles came from the kitchen...

"Hey... are you ok? Rei?"

"Am I dead?"

He laughed and helped out of bed as she stared at him amazed

"You are going to be dead if we don't go NOW! Come on now, get up! I made breakfast for the two of us... come on now"

Suddenly she smiled and hugged him so hard he fell to the floor surprised...

"Woah! Wait a sec... what's wrong with you today Rei? Are you feeling fine?"

A grin crossed his face as she looked into his eyes and ran her fingers through his messy gray hair...

"Yes, everything's perfectly fine... after all, it was all a dream... just a nightmare..."

"...A nightmare, just an awful nightmare..."

The lifeless body of Rei Ayanami was found on her flat the next morning... no explanation, just two words written on the wall with her blood...

I'm sorry

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Nara: Ok... what do you think???

Trunks: O-o

Lyserg: T-T Poor Rei...

Bakura: O-OU mmmmmm.....

Kaworu: (looks at her) you have been feeling a little blue lately haven't you Nara?

Nara: Maybe... I don't know anymore...

Part 2 coming up, please review...

Nara Starr