Boy's night out.
Warnings: drinking, and all the things that can go along with it.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Small men with half of their limbs being metal and alcohol don't mix very well.
This was something Roy Mustang and his loyal group found out the hard way.
At the office
"So Ed, we all figured we needed to celebrate you and Al being home and all. So how about McDavey's Pub after work tonight?" Havoc asked the shorter blonde around the ever present cigarette in his mouth.
Edward's lips twisted up in a wry smile. "So in other words, our home coming is an excuse to go out drinking."
"Pretty much." Havoc grinned wide, the cigarette amazingly holding its place on the lt.'s lower lip.
"Sounds good to me."
At the Pub
"Okay fellas!" Lt. Havoc crowed. "Tonight calls for a drinking game! You have to order the dirtiest sounding drinks you know and only have those for the rest of the night! And to start of the festivities I will have a screaming orgasm!"
"And this is the only way you can get one too that's not from your own right hand!"
"Shut up Breda!" Havoc pouted as the rest of the men at the table had a good laugh at his expense.
"All right then." Falman was the next to speak, "Give me a screw driver."
"Oh come on that's tame." Breda said with a snort. "Give me a red-headed slut."
"I'll have a one-balled dictator" Furey chimed in. The rest of the men at the table gave him a look and shuddered at the thought.
Ed didn't really known to many drinks, but one he had heard of stuck in his head and he couldn't get it out not matter how many times he told him self not to say it he found it slipping out when his turn came around.
"I'll have a flaming blue mustang!" He shouted a little too loudly. He cheeks almost instantly turning red as his comrades busts out laughing.
"I really don't think the colonel will go for that Ed, But well it is Mustang so I guess you could give it a shot." Breda said to the embarrassed alchemist, grinning from ear to ear.
Ed merely whined and slid lower in his seat. Al looked over at his brother in pity and decided to save his erstwhile brother once again and draw the teasing barbs his way. He really was a great brother, wasn't Ed just so lucky?
"I'll have a hairy virgin!" And with out missing a beat the rest of the crew, Edward included, chimed in.
"You are a hairy virgin!'
Later that night
Roy Mustang Entered McDavey's pub to find his crew already hammered out of their gourds.
"Guys I'm hurt, is it really necessary to get wasted to spend an evening with me?" His customary smirk betraying his mock indignation. That smirk faded quickly as his ears were assaulted by a very slurred shriek of "Colonel!" even though he was a General now. And before he knew it he had an arm full of drunken Full Metal.
"Colonel! I missssses ew sooooo muck!" and to emphasis his point FullMetal squeezed his commanding officers with all the strength in his limbs which was a considerable amount. The General found him self struggling for air and glanced around the table pleadingly but to no avail. The rest of his crew was to far gone to be of any help.
"Yer the best RoOy!" And apparently Ed didn't feel his hug was enough to get his admiration for his commanding officer across because he proceeded to wrap both legs around the man's waist and squeeze with those as well.
"Edward," Mustang began while trying to pry the blonde off, "Though I'm thrilled you have finally come to realize just how wonderful I am I would like to sit down and have a drink."
"Okay!" The diminutive alchemist shouted right in the other alchemist ear before letting go and almost falling on the floor, if it hadn't been for the quick reflexes of his commander.
Edward smiled up at Roy in utter adoration and absolute drunkenness. "See Roy, this is why you are the best!"
"Uh yes well, thanks." The older man replied and guided his drunken subordinate back over to the table were with a little negotiation he got him to sit in a chair next to him.
"I'm a redheaded slut!' Breda suddenly shouted out of no where, raising one finger in the air trying to signal some one over as he weaved back and forth in his chair.
"No you mean you want a red headed slut." Alphonse corrected him, a look of bliss on his face that can only be achieved through mass amounts of liquor.
"Yeah that too." The red headed and oblivious Lt. replied.
Roy nursed his beer and just shook his head in amusement. Furey had informed him, or at least tried too, that they were playing a drinking game. Though he had actually said "slutting a drinking game" but Mustang got the point.
"I want a flaming blue mustang!" Ed cried out, and Roy had a feeling this did not bode well for him. His prediction turned out to be accurate as he soon found himself with a lap full of cooing Full Metal.
The small blonde rubbed his face back and forth across Roy's chest like a kitten might. All the while cooing things like "Roy you're so great" and what suspiciously sounded like "Roy I love you."
Again the General tried to gain his freedom by prying the blonde off, but with little success. So instead he turned to the tactic of persuasion.
"Ed?" He spoke to him like one would a child and with as drunk as Full Metal was that was probably the mental capacity he had right now.
"Huh?" Was the reply as the blonde continued his imitation of a lap cat.
"If you get off my lap I will buy you a nice big piece of chocolate cake."
"YAY!" The blonde shouted and leapt form the Generals lap. He began chanting "Chocolate cake! Chocolate cake!" while bouncing form one foot to the other.
While his foe was distracted the General beat a hasty retreat to the counter to order the desired dessert food that was his unwitting savior.
He returned with the treat in hand to find an eager Edward watching him, bouncing up and down in his chair, his OWN chair like a little kid would.
"As promised chocolate cake!" Mustang plopped the treat down in front of Ed with a flourish, and took his own seat.
"Yippie!" The blonde crowed, and promptly placed himself back on his commanding officers lap to happily wolf down his chocolaty treat.
Mustang tapped Edward on the back, which only got him a grunt in response. "Um, Ed I though we agreed that if I got you chocolate cake you would get off of me."
"And I did." The petit blond got out between bites.
Mustang told him self if this ever happened again to remember to be very specific with Ed when he was drunk. The General reached around the alchemist in his lap to snag his beer and leaned back into his chair resigned to what fate, or stupidity he wasn't sure which, had dealt him that night.
A loud belch signaled the cake was finished, at which Edward turned around, looked his fellow alchemist in the eye and said, "I need a sloe comfortable screw."
The only response to this Mustang could manage was to spit the mouth full of beer he had out and all over the young man in his lap.
The blonde blinked dazedly at him a few times, and gave his human beer shower the most precious pout he had ever seen.
"No I said I wanted a sloe comfortable screw, not beer!" The diminutive blonde pouted even cuter if that was possible and crossed his arms over his chest reminding his captive audience of a three year old who hasn't gotten his way.
It was with a great amount of relief that Mustang realized what Ed was asking for was the name of a drink.
Before he could signal the waitress over, he was interrupted by a loud booming voice.
"Gentlemen, it is so wonderful to see you all here!" Alex Armstrong spread his arms wide in a grand gesture as he faced his former comrades.
"ARMSTRONG I WANNA HUG!" The blonde alchemist bolted from his seat on the Generals lap and took a flying leap at the hulking man.
"Wow, Ed wants a hug from Armstrong? Now that is wasted!" Roy thought to himself as he watched the scene unfold. Armstrong happily accepted the smaller blonde into his arms and squeezed him merrily, in response to which Ed proceeded to spew chocolate cake all over the front of the confused former Major.
Laughter erupted from the table of military men as Armstrong, looking confused, held Ed at arms length, the blonde's feet dangling off the floor.
Roy couldn't take it, it was just too much. He laughed so hard he fell out of his chair. "Guess you squeezed him to hard Alex!" The General managed to get out in between fits of laughter.
The Strong Arm alchemist still just stood there in shock as the blonde he was holding grinned happily.
"I guess that's a sign we should get Full Metal home." Mustang said as he pushed up off the floor. "Go get yourself cleaned up Alex and see to the rest of this lot, I'll take care of Full Metal."
Armstrong gingerly sat the grinning blonde down. Mustang had to place his hands on the smaller mans shoulders to keep him up right as the hulking form of the former major turned on his heels to head for the bathroom.
"Let's get you home Edward." Roy smiled down at his subordinate, who looked up and back at him with that adoring look in his eyes he had received earlier.
"Okay." Was the happy reply. Roy steered his drunken subordinate to bar where he had the bartender call a cab, then took him out in to the cool night air to wait.
The cab arrived and Mustang all but lifted Edward into it, before scooting in next to him. After directing the cabbie to his place the General leaned back into his seat to find him self being cuddled once again. Ed had wiggled under his left arm and wrapped his own mismatched limbs around the General's chest.
Ed was fast asleep by the time they made it to Mustang's place. It took some negotiating to get the sleeping blonde out of the cab. After tipping the cabby well, Mustang carried Ed up the steps of his town home. After a bit of a struggle to get his keys out of his pocket he managed to get the door open and both he and Ed inside, shutting the door again and locking it.
Roy looked down at the blonde sleeping in his arms, a sweet smile creeping across his face.
"He really is beautiful." Roy thought and carried the subject of his thoughts down the hall and to his own bedroom. Setting the sleeping blonde down carefully he walked around to the end of the bed and stripped off Ed's boots.
Roy sat down on the bed and worked the rest of Ed's attire off till he was clad only in his boxers. Taking a few moments to admire the smaller man's sculpted body; Roy then wiggled the covers from under said body and pulled them up and over the sleeping form of his subordinate.
He stopped at the doorway, turning around to look at the sleeping blonde once more before clicking off the light.
"Goodnight Edward, sleep well." He murmured not really intending to be heard. But obviously he was as he got a sleepy reply.
"'night Roy, love you."
"Yeah Ed, I love you too." Mustang quietly shut the door behind him as he made his way down the hall and too his couch to find his own rest that would not come.
A/N This is just a little something that wouldn't leave me alone for the past few days. I'm workign on the next chapter of just won't do thanks for being patient guys and for all the reviews.
