Chapter 1:

So I sat there in algebra class thinking of you. Wondering can you love someone so much that it hurts. That thought made me sad, knowing that just any moment I can just be a memory. Tears started running down my cheek. I got up and walked up to my friend and asked "Can you love someone so much that it hurts?" sad down on the floor hugging my knees looking at her. She said "I know who you're thinking of... I know you like him but I didn't think you loved him that much..." and awkward silence lasted and she took a deep breath. "Yes, yes you can love sooo much that it hurts but remember you know him, you meet him, he's your friend, you're lucky because you get to talk to him." I looked out the window and saw it was raining and said without even looking at her. "I know I'm lucky I'm lucky to live on the same earth as him and breath the same air as him but I don't have him I don't know if I can have him I want him so much I have dreams of him I want to hug him every day and kiss him every second.." She cuts me off and says "I know what you mean..." "No you don't" she waited... "You don't know how much I love him and how much I want him I'll do anything for him... I... id... I'd lose my virgity to him!" I yelled. The whole class looked at me. Tears ran don my face even more and I ran out of the class hoping someone will follow but no one did. I ran to the second floor and sat in the corner hugging my knees hiding my face. I sat there crying thinking what would happen if I killed myself but I knew it won't be any help id make things harder for me cause then I won't see him. It was oddly silence in the hall way and then Ii heard footsteps. I hoped it wasn't a teacher, I didn't have any passes and I won't know what to say. I sat quietly with my head on my knees hoping they passed. Then I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I look up and there he was looking at me with his beautiful brown eyes. Kenny. He sat down next to me and looked into my eyes. I didn't want to look away from him he was so handsome my heart was going 100mph and I felt butterflies in my stomach but then he turned away and looked down the long empty hallway. Finally he asked me "What's wrong? Why are you here all alone crying when you should be upstairs in algebra? "I wanted to tell him the truth but I knew it was too risky and I didn't want to lie to him so I just took a deep breath put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. He put his arm around me and that's when I felt warm and safe and I actually smiled. I looked up at him and he softly brushed my tears away. I was hoping he'd kiss me but that wasn't going to happen I was wishing for too much and my heart dropped. Then I looked into his eyes "I wish I could tell you I really do but I don't think Ii can. It's nothing bad it's just I don't want things to get worse." And he smiled "if it isn't bad then nothing can get worse. "I wish you were right." I said "but this ... this reason can change me and a special person… I don't want to lose them because... well... because I love them." I looked at him and he was studying my face. I turned away so he won't figure out i was talking about HIM. He said "If he loves you or likes you he should tell you and if he loses you it's his fault not yours because you're amazing." I laughed a fake laugh and he could tell it was fake "if only it was that easy. If only he ACTUALLY did that then say things like that. It would make my world so much better… easier" He took my hand and said "tell me who it is i can talk to him if you want." "Yeah right Ii said if only it was that easy. I don't know if he likes me but i do know we are friends and I've known him for a while and I'm in love with him... I love him so much it hurts me." I look at him shyly. He study's me again and something pops up in my mind that I said to much and he knows he knows who I'm talking about that I'm talking about him. He brings my hand up to his face and I feel his warm and soft cheek brush against him he kisses my hand slowly and looks at me "come on the bells going to ring we should go someplace where no one will find us. We walk around school and we find an unlocked door that leads to the auditorium. We walk in and he locked the door so no one dares to enter. I go by the stage and sit down. He comes and sits next to me. When I'm with him i feel happy and safe. He takes my hand again and I look at our hands and wish I was with him to I can kiss him nonstop. He takes of his sweater and hands me it. "Why are you giving me it?" i asked and he simply said "you look cold you got goose bumps. I took his sweater and pulled it over us it was warm and smelled like him. I smiled and said "thanks." I wasn't really cold I was just nervous to be in here with the boy of my dreams missing class. "Why did you leave class?" I asked and he replied "I always leave early. I say I have to go to my locker and the bathroom and my teachers always let me go." I giggle. "20 minutes early?" I asked and he smiles "yea why not they don't know what I do in the bathroom and how long it takes to get to my locker." A long time passed without a talking when he finally said "so you never answered my question why where you out there all alone crying?" I looked at the stage and then our hands, "I was sitting in class wondering can you love someone so much that it hurts? and then when I kept thing about it I started crying because I'm deeply in love with a person I've known forever not knowing if he likes me or not and wanted to be with him and hold him and kiss him.." he cuts me off "Shhh, yes, yes you can love them that much you love them more than your heart can handle and that hurts you. If you want to know if that guy you deeply love doesn't love you he's a jerk and he doesn't deserve you... if you want to know the truth ... I love you as a friend and more." I smile and came closer to him so close I can feel his warmth and I whisper "do you know who that guy is I'm talking about?" I ask with a serious tone. "I think I have a pretty good idea." he says looking into my eyes and then lips. I turn away and ask "who?" it takes him a while to proses my question then he finally starts "I don't know exactly and I'm just guessing but... me?" I sit in silence shocked of how he knew I was talking about him all this time. Can he read my mind? I thought I sat there looking at the stage everything seemed to stop. Not one of us made a sound we just sat there I felt his eyes on me waiting for me to answer but he knows it's him he understands my facial expression he understands what I'm thinking… he knows. I felt him move and let go of my hand. My heart dropped shit I thought I just missed my chance and I quickly look at him. He wasn't getting ready to leave at all he just fixed his shirt and hair and smiled at me "I hope you know that I understand your silence and that it's me… And that's okay I'm not mad or anything and I'm not going anywhere I'm right by your side." He says and he lays down putting his head on my lap looking up right at me. I blush, I see his eyes sparkle and I smile "I didn't think you'd be mad i just thought you'd leave and our friendship would be over." "Are you kidding me" he says "I can never lose you I love you too much to be an ass like that to you." he says. My foot fell asleep and he understood i wasn't conferrable so he got up I wanted to yell no but I was too scared. Then he picked me up hugged me really tightly and sat down with me in his lap he turned me around and smiled, leaned in closer and kissed me on the lips. I smile shyly and kiss him back. "Does this mean where dating" he asked me smiling and i responded "I don't know you tell me." "Yes" he said and kissed me again. "This all feels like a dream this can't be real how can this be real." i say and he laughs "life is un-expecting and you have to live in the moment because you can become a memory really fast." I sit up and face him "I was thing of that in algebra witch made me sad and cry because I thought I'll never have you." "But you have me know so there's nothing to worry about." he says. I closed my eye and I guess I fell asleep because the moment I opened my eyes i wasn't home nor at school. I was in a bed tucked in with all my stuff on a coach next to the bed. I sat up looking around but i couldn't see anything I rubbed my eyes to get my vision back and I looked around again and that's when I saw a picture next to the bed of him. There he was sitting and smiling I smiled and took the picture in my hands admiring the picture when I heard a noise. Shit I thought did anyone no I was here do his parents know? I hide under the covers trying not to breath but it was a fail and i coughed slightly. BAMMM someone jumped on the bed laughing "if you play dead you can't cough sleeping beauty" it was him he was here I was in his room in his house… but why? He pulled the covers off and smiled "how was your sleep?" "Alright I guess how did i get here and when?" "uhh maybe 2 hours. You look pretty when you sleep" he kisses me on my lips. "you fell asleep on me and i didn't want to wake you nor did I want to take you home so I took you to my place my parents are out of town for a while so I'm all alone and it gets lonely here so i thought you'd like to stay here with me if you want for a while...I mean if you want too…" I hugged him and said "of course I'll stay but only for your safety." I winked and he laughed "well if it's for my safety its best you go home" he lays on me and pokes my nose. I smile and try to bite his finger but miss and then I say "yea you know cause I'm a freak." and I bite his bottom lip.