The Way You Smile
I watched him walk away. His soft red hair just tickling the collar of his beige blazer. I used to love the way he would always have some of his white shirt peeking over the top of that blazer. Even his warm red-checkered vest. I loved those buttons. When one fell off when he was planting Nori sewed it back on. I can't remember how mad I was that day. I made her teach me how to sew just so I could rip off that button again and sew it back on just for him.
I loved him like how we used to sit on his roof till the sun would set and the sky would slowly turn the blacks of the pond he had just built. He used to say that the sky beautiful. And then he'd say that so was my hair.
I used to sit at his house sometimes just staring at his animals, for hours I could stand there not caring. I counted them so many times how could I forget. Six cows, five sheep, and four alpacas. He had so many chickens that my eyes would cross and make me dizzy. One time, how could I forget, I almost passed out and he caught me. Brought me to Ayame, and waited till I woke. He didn't even leave after that. He took my hand, smiled; how could I forget that smile, it was better than any fruit that Mako picked; and walked me home.
I love him. How could I not? He was my everything. Until he stopped walking me home. And stopped sitting with me on his roof. And stopped letting me count his animals. What could I say? He wasn't living in Konohana any longer. He didn't need seeds anymore. And Kana wasn't his main man. He didn't need us and more. But we still need him. Or at least I still need him.
I watched him walk away. That gorgeous red hair just touching the back of his blazer. He used to walk me home. He used to wait for me. He used to watch the stars with me. But now he does those things with someone else.
I remember one time when he walked right past me holding her hand. I used to hate the way he smiled with her. Her ugly bright blond hair. That was the day he left. That was the day I first felt jealously.
I'd still go over his house. But it wasn't the same. Her smell was everywhere. She wore a horribly smelly perfume. Just like the rest of the girls in Bluebell. I even think they went as far as to call the perfume Bluebell.
He cut his hair shorter. He bought new clothes. And got new animals. He planted flowers, and grew beehives. We didn't stay up late into the night. He had dates.
I watched him walk away. Away from me. Away from…
"Philip! Wait!" He turned around. I love his eyes. There the color of the morning sky we could watch together.
"What is it Reina? Do you want to just tell me off some more, or just prosecute my girlfriend?" He looked mad. I hated seeing him mad. His hair would flare a little and his eyes would tense up.
"Don't go. I need you." I hated my voice. Whenever I wanted to sound bold or mad, it would shrink and become weak.
He lost the anger in his eyes and walked over to me. I love the way he walks. It's not filled with poise or grace. It's just perfect, one step at a time. He even runs just right. He's not perfect, and that's what I love about him.
He took me into his arms. I let the dam break and the water to flow. I felt like a faucet. My head wasn't even to his shoulder; I had it tucked in the crock of his neck. He rested his head on top of mind and just ran his long fingers through my midnight black hair. He used to call it raven. I'd call it crow.
"Reina…" I looked up. There was a scar on his left cheek. Right under his left eye. I remember that night. He told me he was leaving and had gotten a girlfriend in Bluebell. I threw a pot at him. It was my birthday, and he had given me a magic blue flower plant. I hated that plant. But in the end, when he had left and Mako was cooking dinner I still put that plant into a pot and watered it.
"Philip. I'm sorry. For everything! But please don't leave me! I can't take it! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I crumpled to the floor and held my face in my hands. I couldn't face him again. He had found his love and I had lost mine. There was a soft crunch of dirt and I knew he left. The sun was setting and there wasn't much left to do except leave.
He found a newer and better life and I was the one who needed to move on.
I stood, with my legs shaking and my head down to the floor. I couldn't raise my eyes. I just want to keep his sweet blue eyes, those happy blue eyes, and the way I used to remember them. They way they should be.
I started back up the mountain, lost in my thoughts.
…
It couldn't have been more than two or three seasons since I last saw Philip. I have become worse. What I mean is I've always been quiet, but I just don't find the need to talk anymore. I never smile. And my plants seem withered even though I water them each day. Some days it seems like there's no point to live. But every morning that blue magic flower sits on my windowsill and watches me. And you know what my love for Philip just won't go.
I love to watch him sometimes walk down the streets of Bluebell with that blonde on his arm. Or watch his converse with his new bros. Or even when I sit at the Harvest Goddess' pond and watch some flowers, he always stops by and drops a red magic flower into the water. Always ignoring me.
At first I thought it was for the best, now I'm not so sure.
Sometimes I can't help think what happened between us. Where did I go wrong? Was there something I could have done to stop him? Is it because of the drift in the towns that we couldn't be together? I… just don't know anymore.
Sometimes when I sit in one of Mako's trees I can't help but watch the sunset into the horizon.
…
I woke up this morning and saw the blue magic flower. I guess it symbolized our love. Only today it drooped. The blue petals had began to collect at the base and its leaves where wilted. I guess that was it. Our love or whatever we had was over. There was no helping it. We were done. And I don't think I can handle it.
So I walked. I climbed to the top of the mountain. It was where we held the cocking festivals. I walked past the Goddess' pond and past the two torches. There was a rickety wooden fence placed just on the edge of the cliff to stop people from falling. But, I just stepped right over it.
I stood on the edge and looked down. A small rockslide down the side of the mountain. This place was high. It was so high it went way past even where Bluebell and Konohana were. Small foliage was growing in small patched, but not enough to make a forest.
Slowly I looked up at the sky. It was sunrise. Insomnia had taken me since that day. And sunrise was now more of a friend than sunset. The dark midnight blues were fading into the lights of the day. It was going to be a clear one. Maybe my plants might finally grow back. Or not.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Instead of my family or anyone else coming to mind, all I could see was that smile. His lips part just enough to show the tips of his teeth and his scar crinkles together. Even his eyes squint just a little. He's just perfect.
I take a step forward and feel the cool dawn air lift my braids, till- Someone catches my wrist. I open my eyes and stare at him. He looks beautiful. His hair is wet and parted out of his eyes. He isn't wearing his blazer, and his white shit sleeves are rolled up.
"Hey." He said those words like we spoke every day.
"Hey." Was all I could say. How could I not talk to him.
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Oh you know hanging around." I said.
"Look hold out your other hand and let me pull you up." That was where I draw the line.
"No." His hand began to get sweaty.
"Look Reina. Let's just talk about this ok?"
"No. Now let me go!" I could feel the tears prickling my eyes. I hate them.
"Reina please." He's begun to plead. Oh Goddess what should I do?
My words were gone as I lifted up my other hand to him. He grabbed it quickly. I love the way he toughs you. Slowly he pulls me back up and over to the fence.
I sit with my back to the fence and he with his to a near tree. He's panting and sweating. "Why? Why would you do that Reina?"
He could barely speak and he was asking me why?
You. My voice. I hate it.
"Why?"
Because…because…because…
"Because why? Reina why do you want to die? Please tell me." He sounds desperate. I love him too much to tell him the truth.
Because…
"Philly!" That blond comes running up the path from Bluebell. His head doesn't turn to look at her. Only mine does.
She hesitates then walks over to Philip. "Philly! Where did you go? I thought we were picking strawberries for the cake tonight? Howard wants them by sundown." Sundown? Who says sundown. It's sunset.
"I'll be right there Lanely." Philip breathes. He looks tired.
"Alright. But I want this night to be special. All the couples are going to be there and I want you to propose to me in front of them. Ok?" What?
"What?" I spoke.
Both of their heads turn to me. I haven't spoken in three seasons and …
"Reina?" Philip stares at me. The blond just scowls in disgust.
"Ugh. Philly lets go before this drag actually says anything worth while hearing." The blond tugs on his arm.
"No! Stop Lanely! Reina?"
"Phillllllllyyyyyy!"
"Shut up Lanely! I'm not going ok! Don't ever call me 'Philly' ever again! So just leave!"
The blond releases Philip's arm and takes a step back. Serves that bitch right.
"Fine! We're over and I'm gonna tell Howard!" The blond runs back the way she came in tears.
I stared at Philip as he slowly walks over to me. He bends down and takes my hands in his. His thumbs slowly make small circles on the top of my skin.
"Reina?"
"I love you." I hate my voice. And I hate myself. I can't believe I told him. I stand up and begin to run home; or really as far as the Goddess' pond. Philip catches me on the wrist and turns me around to face him.
"Reina?"
"I'm sorry Philip! I love you! Is that such a crime!" The tears again. I hate myself. I wish he would just let go.
Only he didn't. He pulled me into a hug. My head fits into the crock of his neck and he rests his on the top of mine. I love his body so much.
I try to pull away, when he suddenly kisses my forehead.
"Philip?"
"I love you too Reina." He smiles his perfect smile. His small scar slightly scrunches together and the tips of his teeth show. I can't help but smile back. He's too contagious.
