Okay, let's clear a few things up before we get this little ditty started. First off: I AM a fan of this show; I thought it would be a kick just to write parodies of the episodes. If this isn't your cup of tea, too bad. I'm going full speed ahead with this, and not a single flame is going to stop me.

Second: "Arthur's Eyes," the first episode of the show, is going to be the first episode parodied. But I cannot say as to whether I'll go in the order the episodes aired after that, or just pick random episodes.

Third: doing a parody of the intro was a tad bit difficult. I had to watch a clip of the intro on Youtube just to try and get some ideas for what to do. With any luck, you can sing this version to the original.

Fourth: I'm in college now, so I'm going to be quite busy getting schoolwork done. But I'll be able to write when I get the chance.

Please do not take this seriously, readers. It's meant to be a humorous (yet affectionate) parody of Arthur.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. Not the characters, not the locations, not even the fictional merchandise. They're all owned by Marc Brown and WTTW Kids.

Enjoy.

Update Nov. 14, 2018: Realized this opening chapter is missing a couple sections, so I went back and redid it. tweaked a verse in the song.


Arthur Read and his stupid, smelly dog Pal were happily walking down the street of a run-down neighborhood. Arthur does a little skip for some reason.

It turns out Arthur and Pal are on the cover of either a comic book or a hussy magazine. The cover is turned over by Arthur's bratty sister D.W., which causes Arthur—but not Pal, to somehow teleport through the cover and onto the next page. Arthur lands on his face, then looks up and glares at D.W.

D.W. laughs cruelly before flipping to the next page.

Ev'ry day when you walkin' down de street,

And ev'rybodeh datcha meet,

Has an original idea to keel you!

The page she'd turned to featured a tacky orange-and-green-striped couch (would anyone actually have something like that in their home nowadays?) in a room with hideous maroon wallpaper. Arthur enters the room through the door and jumps up, aiming to land on the couch, but his landing was off; his feet make contact with the arm and he falls and lands right on his butt. The lamp falls and hits him square in the face.

And ah say hey! (HEY!)

What da hell is wrong with chu, I say,

Don't kill me, bruddah, I don't wanna die today,

Cuz dere's so mooch to leeve for.

Arthur and his friend Francine are riding their bikes on a psychedelic polka-dotted background, when Francine's bike suddenly transforms into a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and zooms off. Cursing under his breath, Arthur pedals after her.

You gotta listen with your heart,

Or think with your head,

Better with your head,

Or you'll end up dead.

Open up your eyes,

Open up your ears or, dear Lord,

You'll wind up like my bruddah George!

Arthur's parents, grandparents, dog, and bratty sister all sit together on the same couch Arthur tried to jump on earlier. Camera in hand, Arthur motions for his mother and grandfather to move in closer. They oblige as the grandfather takes a swig of vodka.

The family soon ends up outside, sitting on a bench at a park. Arthur motions for his father and grandmother to move in closer as a shootout between the police and a gang takes place behind him. Arthur's grandpa and D.W. start to look a little bit pissed off. Grandpa takes a longer drink of his vodka.

At a beach, Arthur motions for the family to scooch down on their ragged old beach towels. Clearly deciding that he wasn't going to take the picture anytime soon, the whole family (minus the baby, the dog, and the grandpa, who is still swigging vodka) whip out their own cameras and begin to snap pictures à la paparazzi. From how he is scowling and folding his arms in the picture, Arthur is clearly pissed off.

It's a seemple message,

and it smells like a fart!

Joost believe in yo'self (leesen to yo'self),

Cuz you de only one you can trust!

Arthur and his family (minus the grandparents) are now sitting together on the couch once again. Arthur's mom, who was wearing a tube top and a miniskirt the whole time, looks to her son and spreads her arms wide for him, anticipating a hug. Arthur looks at her disgustedly and springs away. His mother responds to this by giving him the finger, very much pissed.

Arthur teleports in front of a brick wall. As Buster rides by him on his bike, Arthur shoves him and sends him flying into the street.

And I say hey! (HEY!)

Put down your guns and play

You don't need to keel today,

Cuz you can always keel another day!

Hey!

Arthur dives head-first into a pool. He swims past The Brain and Muffy, the latter who is wearing a bikini. As Muffy takes a sip of her soda, The Brain spots the dorsal fin of a shark and shrieks like a little girl, causing Muffy to spill her soda all over herself.

The shark swims up to the two children and grins at them before eating them.

Then, after having his head surrounded by the circling heads of several characters that can't be named here right now, Arthur stomps across a globe of the Earth like a T-Rex, crushing cities and leaving devastation in his wake.

Ohhhh, what a wonderful kind o' day!

Hey!

A wonderful kind o' day to leeve!

HEY!


D.W. has now closed the comic book she'd been reading.

"Hey, stupid sister!" a voice yelled. "Look here!"

D.W. did a double take as she looked up at the TV. Her jaw drops as she sees Arthur in a circle, waving happily to her. His name appears in big, bold letters above him.

"HOLY SHIT!" she screamed.

Arthur was startled by his sister's screams so much that he toppled backward through the hole, screaming. The sound of glass shattering is heard. The letters fall down.


Thus ends my pathetic attempt to write my version of the theme song. :/

Review, please, and have a nice day.