AN: I don't use Dialects. After trying to read through my Brit Lit class, it became evident that I will never use dialect. I'm sorry if that makes it less believable.

PS: This is a parody. =D

Daddy Says I'm Special

The wind was strong, the sun was bright, and the waves were crashing against the bow of the ship. To Captain Jack Sparrow, this would be a normal day. To any other pirate, this would be a normal day. But the fact still remains that this isn't just any pirate, this was Captain Jack Sparrow, and his memorial crew of bandits. The Captains quarters were tossed with empty bottles of Rum, and clothes, and there was a small indication that there may have been a woman involved at some point. There were various lipstick impressions on the shirt that Jack preferred to wear. Other than that, there was very little notification that the pirate himself had ever been there.

The sails were high and the decks were dry, but somewhere in his mind, Jack couldn't help but think that things were amiss aboard the Black Pearl. Jack was many things; a thief, a pirate, a con artist, a joke, and a complete baffoon. To say that he was a drunk would be the understatement of the century. Words could not express just how inebriated he had to be for today to be normal compared to most.

Jack was, to put it in simplest terms, a jack of all trades. He could do many things; kidnap a royal daughter, lie his way through the royal navy, take down an armada of ships, plan something and not follow through, and escape an island with back hair and sea turtles. But even now, staring at the slim figure in the sunlight, he could not figure out why there was a blonde haired man at the helm of his ship.

"Aye," Jack shouted up to the man at the helm. Even now, he couldn't help but wonder if the ship had been compromised again. "Who in bloody hell do you think you are?"

"Jack," came the inquiry from the tall blonde haired man. He looked like William…sounded like him, too. But oddly enough, he didn't act like him. This was truly baffling to Jack. He had to be drunk. Licking his hand, he waited a second, and then sniffed it. Ok, there was an obvious hint of rum, but not enough to make him a drunkard. "It's me, William."

Now he knew he was crazy, had that man just said he was the whelp? Jack shook his head in disbelief. "If you're William, then why is your hair blonde? And what's with the bloody quiver?"

"I'm coos-playing." Will answered as he looked at Jack. He seemed so sure of his response, but Jack wasn't nearly as sure of his next words. "You know, Costume Playing?"

"Aye, but why a bloody elf? That's not very manly." Jack cried as he began his slow climb into the ships helm. "In fact, it makes you look like a…a…very confused whelp. How do you fight like that, lassie?"

"Don't call me that. And arrows are more effective than swords. It's common law." William was quiet a second as he pondered his next words. They came to his mind, but wouldn't release. "Common law says that the arrow is faster than the sword."

"Lass." Jack responded as he handed him a powder puff. "You missed a spot, luv."

In the instant it took him to insult William on his obvious lack of fashion sense (as well as his lack of creativity), Elizabeth came bounding onto deck with her boots clomping with each step. Her hair was visibly shorter, almost ear length, and there was a long metallic item hanging off the side of her denim jeans? As if Will's attire wasn't interesting enough, Izzie carried with her guns that weren't even invented yet!

"Luv," Jack asked swaying around as he pointed at the item at her hip. "What is that?"

"It's a gun." She responded hesitantly. "Haven't you ever seen one before?" That's when he noticed the necklace adorning her neck; a domino with a 2-6. He failed to see the significance of the domino with anything else.

"Am I the only one who isn't bloody crazy?" Jack shouted throwing his hands in the air in defeat. As if that wasn't enough, Elizabeth's words hadn't shocked him much at all. She kicked around a soccer ball, which he didn't even question. "Bloody hell, Mr. Turner! How do you plan to fight in a dress? Can you use a sword?"

"Uh, yeah. I was in the first two movies, you know! I made all the swords we're using now, thank you very much! I was in Lord of the Rings, you know!"

(ref to the commentary in the first one)

"This day…could not make less sense." Deciding it wasn't worth it to argue, he went back to his quarters. Days like these were not meant to be questioned; and the old adage was that if you can't beat them, then join them. Not even an hour later, Jack reappeared from his quarters in what looked like a dark black straight jacket, greasy black hair that looked like he'd licked an electrical socket, pasty white skin with black lipstick and eyes that looked like he got punched in the face, followed by long sword like features sticking from his fingers. "Much better."

"You ruined my swords!" Will shouted from his position.

"Aye! And what have you done to my makeup?" Elizabeth shouted from beside Will.

"You wanted to play dress-up…so I dressed up! What? Too fancy?" Jack asked as he looked at his attire. He was quite pleased with his choice. "By the way, Mr. Turner, that outfit makes you look gay." Then he turned to Elizabeth. "And that one makes you look like…you do normally."

"Aye? Well that outfit makes you look psycho!" Both Will and Liz shouted at the same time.

"Perfect!" came Jack's perfectly formulated response. "There'll be no more dressup on board of the Pearl. Savvy?"


Short, oneshot, drabble thingy. I thought of this and I was like…ok, people have referenced Leggo in POTC, but has anyone done Edward Scissorhands? =O And thus, Looking in the Face of…a Fairy? Was born! R&R Pretty please!