"So you came like a missile
Leaving me the whole world in exile
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

Like the drunk you convinced was sober
You keep me falling over
In the daylight
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away."

— "Missile" by IAMX.

I. Summer, Year One

His summer in Salem begins with a photograph.

"Hey, take a picture of me and Sonny."

Sonny's head is swimming pleasantly when T's bare arm falls warm and heavy across his shoulders. He holds himself very still.

When he left for his morning jog, it was mostly to clear his head of fears and doubts about the unknown, and then his afternoon became about new friends playing like fawns and sprites in the water.

Loneliness and the hiding belong in the past. And these beautiful new friends have come so easily, as if they were just waiting for him, like a reward for finally being brave. It's so easy to feel optimistic.

Kinsey holds up her camera phone.

They smile.

The camera flash leaves spots in his eyes.


Sonny never gets the chance to come out to his new friends.

He's been back in Salem all of two minutes before he's outed. Supposedly, a friend- of-a-friend who knows about Sonny recognizes him from the picture on T's facebook. All it takes is one snide posted comment, and then the information goes viral.

The fallout could have been worse. Most of his new friends stay. He even makes a few new ones within the Salem gay community once they reach out to him. Most embrace him.

Chad stuns them all when he puts his arm around Sonny and practically snarls, "Now, listen, Sonny. If you don't want to screw up your zen like you said, I would be happy to deck this bitch for you."

T is clearly hurt by this betrayal. "Chad," he says. "I'm your friend. I'm just trying to warn you that—"

Chad isn't having it. His arm squeezes Sonny's shoulders so tight he thinks there might be a bruise later.

"You and I both know that's a bunch of bull. You're trying to hassle my friend Sonny here. After the last week of Dimera family fun, I am not in a place of zen, so I would be more than happy to pound the political incorrectness out of you. Now, get the hell out of here."

Chad has known him all of five minutes. Yet, he's clearly claimed Sonny as one of his own even though he was just sizing him up for a Kiriakis spy. Their families are feuding apparently.

But at a threat from someone else, he's instantly protective and territorial— all not in my town, Homophobe! It's like a fantasy Sonny used to have in high school, when the hot popular boy would stand up for him against the bullies. Except this time it's actually happening.

Sonny doesn't have to do anything to earn Chad's allegiance. He just gives it.

That's… new.

At least he now knows who his real friends are, who can handle knowing the real him. It spares everyone a lot of potentially wasted time and pain.

As for T… Well, Sonny does his best to smile through the waves. It's nothing he hasn't experienced before.


A truth: Sonny never meant to push T out of the group. He wanted all of them, with their easy smiles and their sun-kissed shoulders. For a brief moment, he had thought he would get to be the missing piece, seamlessly inserting into his rightful place.

Sonny still sees T around campus sometimes. When their paths cross, T's stare is sharp as knives. His resentment runs just as hot as ever. Sonny tries not to make eye-contact. As long as T keeps his distance, they don't have a problem. He really doesn't want to have a problem.

Sonny will never tell anyone about the time T came to him while drunk out of his mind. He doesn't want anyone to ever know that T grabbed his face and pushed the same tongue into his mouth that he used to call Sonny a "fag." He ran his tongue along Sonny's teeth once, and then he pushed Sonny away, hard.

"You're a disease."

A lie: what he knows about T changes everything.

Sonny thinks that if he were the bigger person people seem to think he is, then he would try reaching out to T as he did for Will. He thinks that he would want to.

He doesn't, he isn't, and he won't.


II. Summer Heat

Sonny doesn't think that he will ever get used to Salem's weather.

He spent his formative years in Texas, and then his parents had packed up the family and moved them all to Dubai. Once of age, he had run off to Africa to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro and find himself. None of those places are known for their cold weather.

His brothers are still in Dubai. Some mornings, before he's fully awake, Sonny thinks he's still there, too.

Dubai is heat. He grew used to seeing the world through a sepia-toned filter. Heat was in everything, in his very skin. Wherever he went, he carried it with him. Even the nights in Dubai meant open windows and warm, sticky sheets.

In Salem, people wear long coats with scarves and gloves on days they praise for being temperate. He's always cold here.

On the hottest day of the year in Salem, Will finds Sonny and his laptop huddled beneath a blanket on his parent's couch. "You realize people are heading to the lake today, right?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Sonny shrugs. Will's pot can kiss his kettle. Here with what passes for a lazy summer day, and Will is dressed in a tie and blazer. He looks as if he's just come from a board meeting. He might have. The designer sunglasses perched on his head must have cost a fortune. EJ's fortune. He doesn't remember Will dressing like this before he started working for EJ.

Will drops his keys into the ceramic bowl on the coffee table before throwing his blazer over the back of the nearest chair. Next, he's going to take off his shoes and leave them in the middle of the room. Sonny waits for it, aaaaand yup. There he goes. Sonny hides a smile behind his hand.

Their shoulders bump when Will drops onto the couch beside him. It amuses him that his friend has no concept of personal space. Any space that he wants to be in becomes his space. Just as how when he wants your attention, he puts his hand firmly on your shoulder and stands in close just in case someone else might want your attention before he's done with it.

He drops a fat envelope onto Sonny's lap. "Hey, you got mail. It was on your doorstep."

Sonny recognizes the stamps and their meaning immediately, and his heart starts to race. His hands are shaking as he rips open the manila paper.

A flood of photographs fall onto his lap, some spilling onto the floor. Recognition flairs before he even really looks at them. Glimpses of sun and clay, and Sonny can feel wind and sand on his face again. Instead of picking the photographs up, he slides down the couch to join them on the floor.

Joey isn't really the type to communicate through letters, but these pictures say so much. He was just getting into photography when Sonny left Dubai. The evidence of Joey's continued passion is spread out across his parent's living room floor. His brother has managed to capture everything in the mundane: their old house, the twin's favorite restaurant, and the stray dog that used to follow Vic around.

Sonny runs his hands reverently over his memories as if he could absorb them into the present.

He pauses over a picture of Alex.

"Who's that?" Will asks, leaning over his shoulder.

Sonny has three older brothers. He loves them as a collective whole and as individuals. But while growing up, the twins had no time for an annoying little brother. Vic and Joey had each other first, and that meant they had their own language, their own games and pursuits. Joey surprised him by being his first and most eager supporter in the family. He'd thought it would be Alex. It always had been before.

He used to follow Alex around without any pride or reason. It wasn't that their father wasn't around— sure he was— but there was only so much of him to go around between a wife, four boys, and a demanding job in a foreign country. When he had a scraped knee or a bruise, he went running to big brother Alex first.

When they still lived in Texas, it was Alex who taught him how to throw a football. He went to every pee wee game Sonny ever played, even the ones Dad had to miss. He was always there with a high-five or a shoulder slap.

He took Sonny to his first R-rated movie— some skin flick that Alex chose. Sonny remembers sinking low in his seat, mortified beyond belief, and Alex nudging his arm with a big grin on his face. He'll never forget how Alex laughed at him on the walk home.

Things were different in Dubai because Sonny was different. He had to be when the punishment for being gay in Dubai could be as extreme as the death penalty. He doesn't blame his parents for bringing him there— he doesn't— because they didn't know. Sonny doesn't think he can be blamed either if he became more withdrawn— "Independent," Alex had said with a conspiratorial wink— in Dubai. He was afraid, always.

Alex grew away from him in Dubai, suddenly busy the way the twins were always busy. And for Sonny's part, he never really knew what to say because anything could give him away. Alex was big, bright, and open. Sonny was… not.

Alex was the only member of his family Sonny didn't come out to in person. He took the cowardly option once he was back in the states, and he did it through an email. It was a long email, full of embarrassing platitudes, pleas, and all the things he had been bottling up inside for years and years.

"That's my brother Alex," he tells Will. "He… I think he still lives in Dubai."

Alex never responded to his email.

"You think?"

He still occasionally receives the superficial "hey, how are you?" emails, but… Alex doesn't really want to know.

"We aren't really that close."

He can feel Will watching at him. He does that sometimes. He searches for clues in Sonny and his experiences that he can use to solve his own uncertainties, as if Sonny holds all the answers.

One photograph in particular catches his eye: lapis lazuli curtains caught billowing in the breeze. He holds the photo up over half of Will's face and, yes, the blues are the same. Beautiful.

Will pushes his hand away with a laugh. "Weirdo."

In his bedroom, Sonny tapes up Joey's photographs so that they form a mosaic of home around his vanity mirror. Because, for all its flaws, Dubai was home, and Sonny thinks he might have left a piece of himself there and it's the piece that misses the heat.

The photo of Alex he keeps in his wallet.


III. Summer Job

He had such high hopes for the website.

But just because his first business venture with the website went south doesn't mean that he gives up. No way. His ideas are legion. His next idea is better.

A café. A café that is more than a café because it is a place where people of all shapes, sizes, colors, persuasions, and identities can feel as if they belong. His very own safe zone. His offering to the ever-more-progressive people of Salem.

It might mean having to take some time off from Salem U, but school will always be there later. Business opportunities don't come along every day.

His first and second thoughts had been to do this together with Will. Will had been so passionate about the website. Also, it would be his safe zone, too, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

But Will isn't ready. Or he just isn't interested. Working for EJ instead means fancy clothes, fancy cars, and a fancy apartment. An upstart café coming up in a bad economy can't offer him those things yet (if ever). Maybe if he took Uncle Vic up on his offer of a hefty investment, but… he doesn't want to do that because it would kind of mean sacrificing his goal of being his own man. Not even for Will, thank you very much.

Either way, Will is out.

Chad is a much easier sell. Maybe because he gets what it's like to want to establish himself honestly and independently of an already-established dynasty. Chad also has no reason to feel threatened by the concept of a gay-is-okay-café.

He and Will still end up doing their respective homework together at the Brady Pub. For the sake of a peaceful afternoon, he chooses not to ask what Will is digging up for EJ.

Sonny is looking over permit applications when Will lightly bumps his arm against his. They're sitting too close again in a secluded booth in the back of the restaurant.

"You look so serious," Will teases. "It's weird."

Help me, Sonny nearly says. He thinks this latest venture is pretty special, and he wishes Will was comfortable enough in his own skin that he could be a part of it. He knows Will is interested because he's caught him glancing over his notes more than once. Will just laughs off Sonny's careful prodding as if it's all in his mind, but he doesn't think so.

Sonny wants Will's help because he thinks it would be good for Will but also because he could really use the help. Chad is awesome in many ways, but being able to sit down and focus on the minutia is not one of his many gifts.

He smiles tiredly and says, "Not everyone was blessed with both looks and genius intellect." He nudges Will's laptop. "Those of us who only got the looks have to work a little harder."

Will's whole face lights up when he smiles— even when he's simultaneously rolling his eyes at Sonny. He glows from within. Golden boy.

Sonny's chest tightens. He goes back to his permits.


Will doesn't come to the grand opening.


When Will finally rolls in (a week later), Sonny can't help a little bit of snark at his expense. "Hey, thought you'd never make it here."

"Yeah, sorry. I wanted to make it to the opening, but my car battery died."

It's such a weak and obvious lie that Sonny can barely keep a straight face. "Really. In your new ride?"

Will can't even take himself seriously right now, grinning sheepishly even as he says, "Yeah. It sucked. Yeah." He goes for a diversion. "This place looks great!"

Sonny isn't quite ready to let him off the hook yet. "I've been trying to tell you that since we opened." People were asking after Will the whole day, constantly reminding him that Will should have been there. He thought he would be, until he finally realized that he wouldn't.

At the trapped look on Will's face, Sonny relents and takes the sting out of his teasing. What's the point, really? Soon, they're horsing around again just like always, until he abruptly realizes that Will is way into his personal space, and his arms are around Sonny's waist, trying to reach the coupon card Sonny is hiding behind his back, that thousand watt smile too close— and how did that happen? Sonny's smile slips.

Thankfully, Will's dad makes a well-timed appearance, and Sonny gets to be the coward this time. He escapes to the back room, leaving Will to deal with Lucas and the obvious tension he's left behind.

Sonny thinks he should still be angry. He kind of is, but it's hard to be mad at Will.

That doesn't mean he isn't disappointed.


IV. Summer Storms

Sonny's coming out process happened over a long period of time.

There was a lot of quiet angsting on his part and careful selection of confidantes that were approached one by one until he had cautiously worked his way up to the big dogs (Mom, Dad, Alex, Uncle Vic). Some people freaked. His parents went running to therapy. Uncle Vic was confused. Alex was silent. Alex is still silent, but overall, Sonny considers himself lucky.

Will's coming out process is painful, involving sweat, blood, tears, murder charges, and public outing via the media. He comes out of the closet kicking and screaming.

His sheer determination to be straight would have been a wonder to behold if it didn't make Sonny want to cry.

The denial can't last, though, because while Will may well be the most stubborn person Sonny has ever met, he is also one of the most emotional. He feels everything at high volume in a way that must be exhausting. When Will wants something, he wants it with his entire being. And when he finally snaps, he nearly comes apart at the seams and ends up pawing a cute guy in an ally.

In retrospect, Sonny should have seen it coming. He shouldn't have been so shocked to find Will with Neil because Will at the time was a train wreck, lashing out in every direction to deflect his pain. It should have been obvious, and probably would have been if he hadn't been too distracted by the forest to see the trees.

It's just that... he initially took Will for a really bad liar. He kind of forgot to reevaluate that along the way. Too often, Will gives himself away when his eyes go too wide and he forgets to blink. As in when Sonny asks him if he really believes that EJ is innocent of those pesky murder charges. Things like that and, yes, Will is a bad liar.

But Sonny didn't know Will was gay. He had no idea.

When Sonny first arrived in town, Will was with Gabby. He was with Gabby. They were attached at the hip (and the mouth) in the same way that Chad was with Abigail. Their connection seemed natural. Will's eyes glowed when he looked at her. He was that convincing. And it was all a lie.

Sonny has experience with living in the closet. He isn't proud of it, but he has dated his share of girls (beards). But he wasn't as convincing as he liked to think.

One girl, who later became a friend, once told him, "I always knew there was something off with you. I just didn't know what." Thankfully, she could laugh about it later, but she tipped him off that he left clues that the identity he wore was a lie, probably because he was so unhappy with the false persona.

But he never suspected Will. Not until he started acting all nervous and jumpy around Sonny's friends any time someone looked at him too long. Sonny wasn't even a hundred percent sure right up until he saw with his own eyes Will kissing Neil as if his life depended on it.

Sonny would never say that he doesn't trust Will. Of course not. They're friends. Will might even be his best friend.

But sometimes he remembers the way Will used to get around Gabby, how convincing he was, and he just wonders how well you can ever really know someone.


V. Summer Home

Sonny's first apartment in Salem is supposed to be a cheap bachelor pad.

His parents understand that his ultimate goal is to be completely self-sufficient even (especially) if it means living less than ideally for a while. They can respect that.

Uncle Vic is a different story.

Sonny had envisioned a one-bedroom with cheap, assemble-it-yourself furniture, maybe a futon and some bean bag chairs to start off. Aware of Uncle Vic's disapproval, he planned not to reveal his chosen space until after it was already set and done. And yet, somehow, on moving day, he had found his brand new apartment fully furnished to the nines.

Chad takes one look at Sonny's face and bursts out laughing. He had graciously volunteered to help with the move, but now there's nothing to move. Nowhere to fit his crappy futon.

Though disappointed, Sonny doesn't have the heart to throw a fit at this show of blatant generosity; however, he decides to put his foot down in the case of the giant dining table that takes up half his apartment.

The cheap fold-out table he replaces it with is his only rebellion and really only because his face burns at the thought of anyone else seeing that glass and marble monster.

Chad gets it only too well. He can't resist the dig, though. "Poor little rich boy," he says, smirking.

"Quiet, you. Help me get rid of it?"

Together, they load it up and take it to the nearest women's shelter and leave it as a donation. It will look just as absurd there, but at least it won't be absurd in Sonny's apartment.


Sonny throws a housewarming party.

His place is full of people and laughter. Margaritas are flowing like water. He swiftly moves in and takes the drink out of Will's hand before he can imbibe. "Sorry, youngin'. You're underage."

Neil is just as swift to put another drink in Will's hand. "Come on, Sonny. He's a big boy. Right, Will?"

Will smiles guiltily at him.

Sonny must look just as concerned as he feels because Neil laughs in his face. "He'll be fine, Dad."

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Will takes a rebellious gulp of margarita.

There's no way to challenge further without embarrassing himself. Defeated, Sonny slinks away with his tail between his legs. It doesn't take a genius to guess why Neil is so interested in being the cool, older friend to Will. Neil doesn't care that Will has been drunk more often than not lately, plenty of people more than willing to give him alcohol.

An arm goes around his shoulder, and Chad's voice is right in his ear. "I'll watch him."

Sonny smiles gratefully. "Who invited that guy anyway?"

"Will did. I think."

Will isn't the only one who needs a drink.


Will ends up sleeping it off at Sonny's place.

A month later, he's still there.


Sonny gets in the habit of waking up a little earlier so he can make Will breakfast.

He tries his hand at pancakes once with the thought that he might later work his way up to crepes. Having someone to cook for gives him an excuse for putting more effort into meals than his typical power bars (and for getting a cable subscription that includes the Food Network).

But usually, breakfast is just coffee. Will looks delighted and surprised every time to find even just a steaming mug waiting for him.

Sharing their mornings starts to feel like a ritual.

Sonny is glancing over the business section of his newspaper when Will says, apropos of nothing, "We have a cousin in common. Do you think that's weird?"

"In this town? Not really."

Will smiles sleepily at him over his cappuccino.

He doesn't want to get too used to this, but it's nice.


It really doesn't occur to him to worry until he finds Will's clothes in his laundry.


Admittedly, he is a little slow on the uptake.

But after a month, it does eventually click for him that Will has more or less moved into his apartment.

Will uses Sonny's spare key on nights when he has too much to drink (almost every night). His persistent presence may very well be owed to the convenience of his apartment's proximity to the bars. He knows Will is having issues with his mom. He's in high avoidance mode, but Will does have his own shiny new apartment courtesy of EJ. Sonny's couch must be more comfortable than he thinks it is.

Despite himself, he does get used to finding Will snoring on his couch in the morning. Sonny does his best not to stare as Will wanders around his apartment in his boxers.

It isn't that he minds. He doesn't. Wherever Sonny is, there's a place for Will. It's just that there have been some subtle changes to his apartment that he thinks they probably should have discussed first seeing as how Will doesn't technically live there. Like the luxurious cappuccino maker sitting innocuously on his counter. Will must have bought it because Sonny knows he didn't. Also, Will's shaving cream is in his bathroom. And the boxers. He doesn't… he really doesn't… but. But.

Despite the awkwardness, it really isn't a problem. Until it is.