[AN] I'm so good at depressing you. I didn't really have a character in mind while I wrote this. I just did. I'm a Cedric lover. God, what a release of feelings.

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Thoughts Of A Child [HP]

I look towards the front of the hall, where Dumbledore stands. I take a sharp intake of breath and shiver. My eyes itch with lack of sleep and the purple bags under my eyes are obvious signs of my depression. I look down and touch my head, the slow annoying pain the obvious beginnings of headache.

I want this to be over, right now, I want him alive.

-8MonthesEarlier-

Of all the girls to pick, he likes Cho. But I can't hate him for it - she is the prettiest and skinniest and probably a lovely girl. But I have to think, don't I, that it is going to make me look like a snail sitting next to the most elegant peacock, and I hate that! I hate that I am never going to match up to anyone that is his 'type'.

But he isn't even my 'type' either.

Does it even matter?

-

I want him now. Please God, just let he stand up from the breakfast table and walk over to me. Please let him smile at me and make my chest explode with excitement. Please let him take my hand and hold it softly and tell me he wants to try. Please God, let him be mine.

-

I saw him kiss her today. I feel sick, horrible, horrible sick. I want her to die. I want him to die.

I want to die.

-

He looked at me, straight at me. Lord, what on Earth are you doing to me? I feel so naked. I'm just sitting here, gawping like a stupid immature little child. And he just glanced at me, right at me. My God, does he make me feel special. I want to smile but my face has gone all funny, I can't control myself.

No. He's looked away. Stop it. I feel like crying. Make this go away, Lord, I beg you. You either make him mine or you tell Cupid to leave me alone.

-

How long has it been? Monthes, and he still makes me feel like this? It's stupid. And he's dating Cho! I make a point of not going for boys who are already engaged in romantic affairs with someone else. and I get over them as soon as I do. I managed to last time, didn't I?

I can fucking well, do it again then.

-

Potter is a joke. Cedric can beat his fu'cking ar'se any day of the week. Stupid boy, he didn't even get hurt. Poor Cedric; he's got a fu'cking burn all over his handsome face. Go die Potter. Cedric for the win.

Potter can go die in the next challenge.

-

I'm so pissed off. He pulled the bitch from the fucking lake. He should have left her to drown. I cheered, nevertheless. He looks too handsome with wet hair. Potter isn't back yet. I hope he drowns. Does this mean that my Cedric is now winning? I'm so thrilled, my brain can't do the maths.

Fuck it. I know Cedric will win. He's beaten Potter before. This is just a bigger Quiditch game.

-

I can't believe it's June already. He's drawing with Potter in points. I can't even see him in the maze. Everyone is so quiet, I wonder how long it will take before Cedric will bring the cup and I'll be able to cheer and smile and look at him.

And maybe he'll see me through the crowds. Maybe he'll smile back. Maybe, he'll realise I want him. Haha, I hope so. Stupid to think it though.

He's going to win. But I'm not.

-

Oh my god. He's dead.

But I loved him. I love Cedric Diggory. I want to die.