Disclaimer: Star Trek: Enterprise is the property of Paramount; I am just borrowing the characters and setting for a little while.
I am new to the Star Trek Enterprise universe, having been without a television since the year 2000. The Dvd's were a recent acquisition and have inspired me to rewrite canon.
This takes place at the middle of the 3rd series, the beginning with Harbinger and on into E2. My series departs from canon and is admittedly AU… as many are. Just a different take on the events of the time.
By the way, this hasn't been beta'd, this is my fifth submission after being away from writing for 15 years. Reviews are welcome.
It was the 24th of December on the Enterprise by Earth reckoning. There was a lull in ship's routine as they traveled at high warp between the stars. With the coordinates for Azati Prime entered into the helm the ship's crew felt there would soon be an end of their 8 month quest to save Earth. Being away from home during an important holiday was hard for the crew and Captain Archer gave the order to celebrate the holiday in as lavish a manner as possible with a formal party. It was time to dust off dress uniforms, tuxedos and party dresses that had been stored away so carefully.
The mess hall was decorated with red and green in honor of Christmas Eve. Flowers from botany decorated the room. The buffet tables were filled with the foods of 9 countries as Chef clucked and fussed over the presentations. Chef had pulled many of the delicacies he stored in stasis in honor of the event. It had been a long time since the ship had anything to celebrate and he wanted it to be memorable. He had his doubts they would return from the expanse at all. It made his efforts a melancholy duty. He kept his doubts to himself so as not to alarm the other members of his staff.
It was early evening. There was a skeleton crew in all departments allowing the majority to attend the event. Many had made deals with their replacements to split the shift so that everyone could at least attend some part of the party. Captain Archer was one of the first to arrive. A group of amateur musicians from among the crew were jamming in the corner. It never ceased to amaze him how many hidden talents his crew had.
Archer perused the tables with interest. He noted all the foods he remembered from his youth. He passed Chef, patted him one the back and thanked him for his kindness in preparing the dishes he had suggested. Chef blushed and nodded.
The Captain was a solitary man these days. Few saw him in the mess hall; he preferred to remain out of sight, out of mind. Since the episode involving the chief engineer, Archer felt that any intrusion into their private times would add insult to injury. He felt that being intrusive was throwing his decision into their faces.
Many on the crew had voiced the opinion that allowing a clone to grow to adulthood only to use his tissue at a certain age was unethical. The crew had embraced Sim as an extension of their Floridian Commander. To hear that he had willingly allowed his life to be terminated had shaken everyone. The realization that Sim's memories were now part of Trips had removed much of the sting of his loss. But it was cold comfort.
Archer still struggled with his decision… and probably would to his dying day. Trip was his best friend and he couldn't discount that as part of his decision. He watched for his engineer's entrance. This would be the first ship wide event that he would attend since Sim's funeral.
The room slowly filled with dress uniforms, formal tuxedos and ball gowns in various forms. Trip arrived in full tux and tennis shoes and he sauntered over to pound Archer on the back with a big grin.
"Thanks for the party, this is great. I've never seen crew this excited about anything. Has anyone seen T'Pol yet? She said she was coming with Hoshi."
"No sign of them yet." Archer paused for a moment. "How are you two getting along?"
Trip shrugged. "It's hard to say. I haven't seen much of her since the surgery. She's been avoiding me… I think she's embarrassed about something. A lot went on between her and Sim. I have tried to get her to talk to me but she's closed herself off. It's that damn Vulcan calm she retreats into when she is really upset. I learned a long time ago there's nothing you can do until she opens up on her own."
"You're more patient with her than I am. Whoever said Vulcans don't show emotions never worked closely with one for years at a time. You can tell when she's happy or depressed just by her body language."
"Then again maybe it's us that have changed, Jon. We are more attuned to her moods." But somehow Trip doubted that was the case. He returned to filling a plate from the buffet deep in thought.
* * * *
Trip found a hypo-spray 2 weeks ago in the trash next to the distiller. There were traces of trellium still left on its surface. He believed there was a reason T'Pol was easier to read… she was the only crew member that would benefit by using the mineral as a drug. It had no medicinal effect on humans. He thought back two months to the T'Pol that came back from the Selaya, strapped down in Sickbay screaming in rage. It had taken days to return her to some semblance of normal. She was uncharacteristically emotional for weeks and jumped at every noise and movement. She talked of the long lasting hallucinations of the Seleya crew. He treated her with as much patience and kindness as he could muster. She never returned to any sort of baseline. Her emotions were just under the surface. He wondered if she was using trellium the same way he used bourbon… to numb the pain and make trauma recede.
But being numb to emotions was Vulcan. He also knew from his own experience that alcohol removed inhibitions. From the descriptions, trellium had done the same for the Seleya crew. He thought of T'Pol when she was raging and threatening the crew. Loosening her inhibitions had allowed her underlying anger with the crew to emerge. This was the power of the emotions she constantly suppressed. She had been embarrassed at this loss of control… but obviously it had been an important experience or she wouldn't be injecting a neurotoxin on a regular basis.
Trip reminded himself that T'Pol did feel emotion, powerful emotion.
It was an epiphany.
It made the events of the last 3 years fall into place… meeting on the pier in San Francisco, her becoming involved with the Warp 5 project, her constant presence on the Enterprise. He had seen her nearly every day since their first meeting during the storm. Something was driving her to be near him defying any kind of logic. He cursed himself for a fool for not recognizing it before.
Trip's mind returned to the hypo-spray. He knew from the briefing by Phlox that the effects would be cumulative for T'Pol just as it was for the Selaya's crew. He worried about the possibility of addiction to this new found freedom. He would have to keep closer eye on her just in case she strayed into uncharted territory. She wasn't thinking logically… and logic kept her alive. She had no experience with combining emotion and rational thought. And she would be in the command chair if anything happened to the Captain.
It sent a shudder down Trip's spine. He thought back to his conversation with the Captain regarding placing the ships command in T'Pol's hands.
He began to fear for the future of the ship.
* * * *
The party food was marvelous and disappeared rapidly only to be replenished from the kitchen. Filled plates were distributed to any crew members unable to leave their posts. Alcohol was rationed carefully in case they were needed in an emergency. The lights were dimmed and the band began playing jazz softly. A few couples ventured out on the impromptu dance floor.
A hush fell over the crew as one by one they turned to look toward the doorway. Archer turned as well.
Hoshi had entered the room arm in arm with Commander T'Pol. The communication officer was dressed in a beautiful skin tight floor length dark red satin gown that set off her features like a spotlight. She wore a red poinsettia in her long dark hair.
The center of everyone's attention was her companion. The Vulcan was dressed in a strapless floor length dark emerald satin gown with a slit up the side to her knee. It was skin tight all the way down and simple with no adornment. She wore a sparkling teardrop emerald necklace and matching earrings. She wore low heeled pointed shoes matching her gown. Her hair was brushed upwards and a white poinsettia graced the side of her face. Her makeup was exotic and perfect. Hoshi stepped away from T'Pol, releasing the grip on her arm and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. She watched her friend bask in the attention of the crew and a blush traveled up T'Pol's shoulders, neck and face
The effect was stunning and the room fell silent.
Archer turned and tapped Trip on the shoulder motioning him to turn around. Trip turned and froze when he saw the woman in the doorway. Archer was delighted to see the Commander was at a total loss for words. It wasn't often that Trip was caught by surprise.
Hoshi grinned at Malcolm across the room. She giggled and put her hand over the smile on her face trying to stifle her mirth. She had convinced T'Pol to wear one of the gowns she had taken from storage after the Xindi attack. Luckily they wore nearly the same size clothing and shoes so she had everything necessary to have the desired effect.
Everyone's attention was focused on the silent conversation between the two Commanders. Trip was standing frozen in place, mouth open, staring seemingly unaware of anyone else in the room but T'Pol.
Malcolm walked over to Trip and whispered in his ear. "Merry Christmas."
Malcolm grinned at his friend's discomfiture. T'Pol was equally distracted by the intensity of the returning gaze. No one moved while they watched the two in their reverie.
Archer was thinking back to the story of the night on the pier when the two met. It must have been a moment like this. A lump rose in his throat. He suddenly understood the level of attraction between his two best friends. He suddenly missed Erica causing a deep ache in his well shuttered heart. He turned away unable to bear it because he felt he'd probably never see her again. It made this moment that much more painful. He felt heat rise up his neck at the thought of her.
Malcolm stepped back leaving Trip standing alone. Malcolm had conspired with Hoshi to make sure that Trip would in the mess hall and the lights turned down before she and T'Pol stepped into the room. It had been so worth the effort. Though Malcolm had seen T'Pol during her transformation, the full effect here under the dim flickering lights was astounding. He understood why she fascinated the chief engineer. Here was an exceptionally beautiful woman with the intelligence to keep up with his highs and lows. If only they could overcome their reservations about their future together.
Malcolm knew that neither thought they would survive to return to Earth. He had spent hours trying to convince Trip to cross the barrier that had been built between them. He believed they had so little time left, it was best to make the most of their lives together. He knew that Archer had spoken with Trip about the complexities of command if it ever fell to the Vulcan. It made things complicated for the two officers before him that everyone knew were in love.
Hoshi came over and put her arms around Malcolm who in turn gathered her in against him. She put her head on his shoulder and snuggled in under his chin. She wanted to demonstrate to the crew that Malcolm was no longer free and was now her territory. Malcolm grinned down at her, aware of her intentions. He shrugged when Archer glanced over. It no longer mattered who knew of their relationship. Time was too precious. They never knew when their lives would come to an end. It could be tomorrow for all they knew.
The two had finally overcome the hurdles in their relationship and admitted their feelings to one another. It had happened while Trip lay in a coma and they were running through their usual martial arts routine alone in the gym. Malcolm had misjudged one of Hoshi's moves and fell backwards onto the mat. Hoshi's momentum hadn't been redirected by Malcolm's riposte and she lost her footing carrying her over on top of him. She looked down at him nose to nose, belly to belly. She decided it was time to end the game they were playing and tentatively kissed him. He responded enthusiastically. Eventually the two returned to his quarters to discuss their future. Hoshi had not spent a night alone since.
****
When rational thought finally returned, Trip found himself standing toe to toe with T'Pol. He had crossed the room with no awareness of what he was doing. He looked down into her eyes. Neither one wanted to ruin this moment. Her eyes softened into a smile and she tilted her head. Trip focused on one distinct thought.
If you were anyone else I would be kissing you right now.
A thought surfaced that didn't belong to him. It was clear and compelling.
No one's stopping you.
Trip lowered his head and softly kissed the woman he loved, his hand caressing her throat. She remained where she was and returned the kiss. He straightened and looked into her eyes. She smiled fleetingly; the first time he had seen a clear expression cross her face since her mating cycle. She turned, took his arm and led him into the room interrupting the moment. Her silent delight in her companion seemed to radiate to everyone around them. They all turned away and conversation returned.
The two were back together and everyone knew that the love both the Commander and Sim shared for the Vulcan was something that would eventually triumph over their stubbornness. It gave everyone a sense of rightness in a world with no hope for the future.
****
Later that night Trip muttered to himself as he stood under the showerhead in his quarters, his forehead leaning against the cool tile wall. He was working hard at sobering up before going to bed.
"Ohhh, what am I thinkin'… She's so beautiful and I just keep seeing her naked." Try as he might, he couldn't stop the smile from creeping across his face at the thought of her body under his, of the heat that surrounded him, of her lips when they kissed. Trip's body began to respond and blood rushed from his brain to his crotch. He stood looking down at his body feeling more than a bit betrayed, but he reached for the soap and lathered up instead. As Phlox says 'good for the endocrine system.' At least his body received pleasure from his constant obsession… it satisfied his ache for her until the next time his thoughts strayed to his favorite Vulcan… which should be in about another 10 minutes.
"God, get your mind out of that gutter, Tucker!" He banged his forehead against the wall yet again.
He finally shut off the cold water and reached for his towel. In the quiet he could hear jazz playing in the background from some other cabin nearby as it traveled down the ducting.
At least they have good taste in music… 21st century unless I miss my guess.
After drying off he crawled into bed and thought back on the party. He had been taken aback at T'Pol's obvious attempt to get his attention. He began to feel more hope for their future. Perhaps his misgivings about her use of Trellium were misplaced. Time would tell. He rolled over on his side and buried his nose in the pillow.
T'Pol's scent on the linen was beginning to fade.
He continued to be torn between his duty to his ship and his desire for his XO. They had finally returned to their practice of thrice weekly neuro-pressure sessions and he had promised Corporal Cole that he would demonstrate his newly acquired skills on her. She had been persistent and had hounded him until he relented. He had no idea how T'Pol would react if she found out but was hoping that Cole kept this to her self and he wouldn't have to deal with a confrontation.
He turned out the light.
****
The day after Christmas T'Pol bustled around in her quarters trying to avoid the elephant in the room. For some reason Amanda Cole's face and body kept surfacing in T'Pol's mind's eye.
She is just so disgustingly cute.
Her nose wrinkled as she remembered the scent of Amanda's body during their neuro-pressure session before shift change that morning. She wiped her fingers off on the wet towel in the bathroom. She couldn't get the smell of Amanda's hormones off her skin or clothing.
Returning to her bedroom she lit the sandalwood candles and waved a lit stick of incense around. She changed the bedding to remove any sign that the Corporal had ever been there. It's best to be rid of her stench so she wouldn't be reminded of that woman who had been stalking Trip day and night. It just made her nauseous.
Best not to give vent to this.
Why would a red blooded human male like Trip want me when he could have hot blooded ecstasy in the guise of Corporal Cole.
She slammed her PADD down on the desk. T'Pol froze for a moment. This was all too distressing. She felt….agitated.
****
Stripping out relay after relay while lying in the Jeffries tube for hours at a time wasn't Trip's idea of fun but it passed the time. His shoulders hurt and the tension down his back was murder. But it was a mindless tedium that allowed him to think. He had given in and had done neuro-pressure on Amanda Cole, a comely female MACO. To his surprise she made a pass at him during their session as a "warning for next time".
I can't let this go anywhere.
T'Pol was too important to him. There was almost a sense of relief when T'Pol told him to stop after Amanda had gone to Phlox complaining of headaches. It had given him the excuse to tell Amanda no more sessions. T'Pol had complained that she had noticed Amanda patted him inappropriately on two occasions.
Why were her cheeks so green when she said it?
And why did he know she was jealous as all get out?
Underneath it all Trip doubted the headaches were due to neuro-pressure, perhaps they could be more easily attributed to Amanda's overactive hormones. They hadn't done the pressure points that might cause a headache even indirectly. Amanda just didn't have the mental discipline or experience to deny her body's agenda. And that translated into headaches. He started to wonder if there was anyone in engineering he could hand her off to just to be rid of her.
"Listen to this…" he talked to himself as he worked. "I'm the last person to be judgmental about an overactive sex drive." He had fantasies constantly of a sort that even now made him blush down his neck into the collar of his uniform. He thought back to the gown T'Pol filled so wonderfully on Christmas Eve.
"Get yer mind outta the gutter, Tucker."
****
Recently T'Pol's thoughts had been more and more on the Commander, the muscles of his arms and back, the way his lips moved when he talked, the fit of his uniform …she realized her internal conversation had taken an alarming turn. He had looked so handsome in his tuxedo. She had goose bumps at the image.
It was her lunch hour and she required relief. She returned to her quarters. She walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, setting the faucet to cold. She removed her catsuit and rushed into the cold water with a sudden intake of air through her teeth. It wasn't the first cold shower she had taken that day… or that week …or that month for that matter.
She knew of Trip's feelings for her even from the first time she touched him. His seemingly obstinent refusal to agree to the sessions with her had nothing to do with stubbornness. He feared releasing his rage over his sister's death on her and valued her too much to hurt her. He hadn't wanted her be reminded of his passion that he felt he had barely under control. She knew how she aroused him just through her nearness. He was still shy around her and embarrassed by his rather obvious bodily reaction to her touch. He went to great lengths to keep a pillow in his lap. It had nearly made her giggle… if she could giggle. It was really very sweet.
She shut off the water and emerged dripping wet. The cold water had done nothing to quell her thoughts of the Commander. She reached for a towel.
This was going to be a very long day.
****
Trip seemed to have to reorient often these days. Trip had no clue why he was even bothering with Amanda when he had a warm blooded neuro-pressure partner to be close to. He got to touch her intimately 3 times a week. It fueled his dreams and he woke repeatedly with a racing heart and wet sheets. They worked hard at keeping their relationship platonic but his sexuality kept driving him to distraction.
She became his favorite fantasy. Those silk pajamas… naked under that thin layer, she made no attempt to hide her assets. He even thought once she was deliberately being a tease. Memories of the accidental exposures of her body weren't helping him keep his mind on his work.
"She must think I'm a freaking monk." She seemed to have no clue of her effect on him. Her expression was always impassive with little indication she thought anything of his arousal. But that's the Vulcan thing. He never knew where he stood.
Amanda had told him over lunch that she had had a neuro-pressure session just before shift. She had described how T'Pol had accidentally pinched her when she talked of admiring Trip's arms. T'Pol had been very business like otherwise. No silk pajamas. No incense and candles. She said the look on T'Pol's face when she talked about his feelings of loss for his sister … like T'Pol had lost her best friend. He realized he had talked to Amanda when he should be talking to T'Pol. He hadn't trusted himself not to blurt out his feelings as he had in the past. Amanda had been safe to talk to.
Archer had asked him to concentrate on his command duties and attempt to put their relationship on hold. Distancing hadn't worked as he had hoped. He just wound up miserable and even more at odds with himself. He thought suddenly maybe he was reading too much into it and it was all just wishful thinking. He'd have to work harder in order to get any kind of objectivity back.
"Yer in denial, Tucker." Trip sighed. He figured at some point he would have to man up to his emotions with T'Pol. His inner caveman was roaring and he wanted to drag her off by her hair.
His hands paused in their work. He felt a flush going up the back of his neck and his body began to distract him.
"Dammit, get yer mind outta that gutter, Tucker."
****
T'Pol leaned against the shower wall once again under cold water. So much for suppression…she had just enough time for a shower and an hour of meditation before the arrival of the Commander for their thrice weekly neuro-pressure session. She still wanted to touch and to taste him; she still reveled in the kiss at the party. She allowed herself the luxury of feeling a small amount of guilt. She rationalized that it was better if he was kept away from such women as Amanda and she wanted to be sure he had no desire for anyone but her. He would see the logic of her decision some day. But she doubted he would thank her for it.
She reached over to shut off the water, grabbing her towel from over the railing and wrapping it around her. Amanda's body seemed to hang in the air in front of her. T'Pol dug her fingernails into her palm and tensed.
Vulcans don't feel… no, that wasn't true, we do.
We just hide it better.
Meditation wasn't helping any longer… she now felt Trip's presence near her each time she closed her eyes. He was just down the hallway in the adjoining quarters. Goosebumps rose and fell on her body even though the room wasn't cold. She dried herself off just a bit harder than necessary. She threw the towel in a heap in the corner under the sink.
T'Pol reached for her silk robe and put it on over her bare skin. She knew her silk pajamas would afford Trip the best view of her body as she leaned over him for the intermediate postures. Somehow the robe seemed more appropriate at this moment. It was form fitting and hid none of her assets.
I have no idea why I bother.
Even as she said it she knew precisely why she bothered…and gave that ghost of a smile. She could see Trip laid on the floor in front of her, waiting for the postures to begin. Hmm…a picture from one of Hoshi's magazines came to mind of a man on a silver platter. Somehow she knew she had a need to stake her territory just as Hoshi had marked Malcolm as hers.
There will be no more Amanda Coles.
She sat on a pillow and lit a candle. It wasn't long before T'Pol gave in to her nervousness and gave up on attempting meditation. She admitted to herself she wanted to deepen her addiction to Mr. Tucker. And at the moment the object of her addiction was preparing for their exploration of the postures. She smiled enigmatically. She looked in the mirror and was reminded of a painting she saw in the Louvre Museum… the Mona Lisa.
She crossed her arms and struck a strong pose.
The comm rang.
Mr. Tucker… you have no idea what you're in for.
*****
Trip walked down the hallway from his door to the door of T'Pol's quarters. When he was sure no one was watching he walked up and pressed the buzzer. The door opened within seconds and he walked inside for their usual neuro-pressure session. The door slid shut. He gawked at T'Pol clad only in her robe.
"Ahh… did I interrupt something? You're not dressed."
"Please disrobe, Commander, and lie down. This is as appropriate dress as anything else I would wear. I appreciate your concern… now, disrobe."
Trip pulled off his shirt, laid down on the matt and they began the first posture. She seemed to know the robe showed more than every curve of her body. He shuddered, put his head down, closed his eyes and tried hard to think about water polo.
*****
Their encounter had started innocently enough. As they were face to face with T'Pol working on his shoulders, he had tried to needle her about being jealous of Amanda. He thought he could start a fight so she would talk about what happened between her and Sim. It backfired and she turned the tables, accusing him of being jealous. He thought about that moment Sim told her he had feelings for her. He remembered how he had put it all out there and seen the tears in her eyes. He finally admitted to her that he really was jealous and had memories of her shared kiss with another man. She had given him this intense look as if she was thinking about something. She moved in close and kissed him.
Then smooth as silk she rose to her knees, untied the tie of her silk robe and let it drop to the floor and began passionately kissing him.
What was he supposed to do, ignore the woman he was head over heels in love with? But for Christ's sake she was his commanding officer and Jon had asked him to try to be objective. He felt so many conflicting thoughts and emotions… and his body had no conflicts whatsoever about what it was going to do.
T'Pol had no second thoughts about seducing her second and was driven by the biological imperative that demanded she mark him as hers. At that point their encounter turned into something from his dreams.
*****
In the middle of the night Trip woke up naked and alone in T'Pol's quarters with a klaxon blaring and a call for all hands to stations. T'Pol's side of the bed was still warm but she nowhere to be seen.
No rest for the wicked.
He found his discarded clothing thrown in various corners of the room, dressed hurriedly and ran for the bridge.
*****
The next morning Trip shut off the chronometer on the nightstand in his quarters. He ignored the persistent buzzing and had gone back to sleep. He called down to engineering and notified them he would be late.
After a shower and a change of clothes he stopped in the mess hall for his morning coffee. He ran into T'Pol and asked to discuss just where their relationship was going. T'Pol was acting oddly and dismissed their night together as just exploration. He knew his disappointment showed on his face. She had minimized their lovemaking and distanced herself. He asked that she not say anything to anyone about their night together.
This was maddening.
And it hurt terribly.
Painfully he remembered the many times that he had minimized sexual encounters in the past. Trip understood how insensitive he had been the morning after and felt empathy for the women he had hurt.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
He felt like a knife had been driven through his heart. But this was becoming a familiar sensation when T'Pol was concerned. It just kept on happening.
I have been such a heel.
What goes around, comes around I suppose.
Trip kept wracking his brain. What would have brought him back after a one night stand? It all boiled down to one thing when it came to this one Vulcan. He was head over heels in love with her and he had told her time and again of his feelings. At the moment she was running from him for everything she was worth. He knew deep down that she returned his level of feeling.
He could think of joke after joke about explorations. He had permanent bite marks of T'Pol's on his pecs to show it was more serious than just a chance encounter. He went to Phlox and asked for something to ease the pain of the bite. Phlox had been smug but had reminded him of the salve he had given him. He knew he had left his mark on her too. He had never marked anyone before and had no idea why he had bitten her so seriously… it had to mean something, didn't it?
I am not forgetting last night.
This has just made me that much more determined.
You aren't driving me away.
T'Pol, I'm going to marry you so be warned.
Prepare to be boarded.
T'Pol lifted her head from her science station and her eyes narrowed.
Is that so Mr. Tucker?
Commander Tucker just smiled.
*****
T'Pol's fingers flew across the keypad at her bridge station. Her eyes unfocused as she thought back to the passion of the evening. Her knees felt weak at the thought of the engineer and she rubbed one leg against the other. Why had she told him such a bald faced lie in the mess hall? It hadn't been just an experiment. She had no idea where the words had come from.
Here she stood, doing her job as if he hadn't touched her heart the night before. A shiver ran up her spine. Stray thoughts drifted into her mind that weren't hers.
I am not forgetting last night.
This has just made me that much more determined.
You aren't driving me away.
T'Pol, I'm going to marry you so be warned.
Prepare to be boarded.
Her nose wrinkled, her jaw tightened and she became… agitated. She knew precisely who the source of her agitation was.
Is that so Mr. Tucker?
Her fingers flew that much faster across the keyboard.
*****
T'Pol had only herself to blame for their current situation but she felt no guilt about her actions. After Trip was past the rage from his sister's death she had begun adding the more intimate pressure points to their sessions. He had no idea how neuro-pressure was customarily used to create a mating bond between newly wed couples. She was driving him insane… and she knew it. He had responded better than she could have imagined and it delighted her. She was careful to relieve the tension at the end of the session that she had so carefully built so he wouldn't be too uncomfortable.
Just because she suppressed her emotions and kept a benign facial presentation didn't mean underneath she wasn't a seething inferno. Trip still treated her as if she was fragile… or delicate. She could play the part. It was best for his ego to think that he was the aggressor. She had seen a few bondings between Vulcans and humans at the San Francisco compound where she lived which resulted in successful pairings. She had been repulsed at the time but now she admitted the idea was now compelling her to act in a bolder manner. It wasn't unnatural for her to feel… her father had shown his emotions at home when he was alone with family. The free expression of emotion wasn't as repellant as all that to her. She just had to overcome her childhood training and loosen her controls. Her use of trellium had been instrumental in helping her let down her inhibitions.
The only question on her mind was what was she going to do now that she had the Commander right where he wanted her?
*****
The shift was over and Trip was back under a shower head soaking out the pain in his muscles. T'Pol had agreed to keep on doing neuro-pressure 3 nights a week… to his delight. He thought back to his experience with Natalie and how he had overcome her resistance.
Okay, bad example. There had been no resistance.
Trip knew this had been more than just sex… it was tender and sweet and he had tears running down his face as he made love to her. He knew, he just KNEW what pleased her and could feel how she deeply she felt for him. The warmth took his breath away. He wanted to hold her and kiss away any fear, to protect her and tell her it would all be alright. It was just as good, just as sweet as the first 2 days together had been. He wanted more... but how could he convince her of the logic of marrying him?
It worried him that he was this deeply in love with her… with a freaking Vulcan ice princess…and his first officer, no less…. he pounded his head against the wall. It went counter to every survival instinct he had.
How could he say he knew how she felt?
Why did he have this thing running through his head?
Something about this obsession was damned familiar.
Trip ran though everything he had read on Vulcan psychology and marriage. He had started to learn to read Vulcan with help from Hoshi in their spare time on Saturdays. She was a wealth of information and provided a feminine perspective… and she was discreet. She had gotten to know T'Pol pretty well and was providing the necessary feedback that Trip needed.
T'Pol was jealous at first but soon settled down to a low simmer. He could tell she was jealous from the way she kept clenching and unclenching her fists when she saw him go into Hoshi's cabin. She couldn't understand why he would want to spend time with the communications officer.
All he could do was smile back at her as he left with Hoshi. Sometimes Malcolm joined in their sessions and discussed his and Hoshi's relationship as well.
It really bothered T'Pol that Trip had a secret.
All Trip's research had convinced him that Vulcans went about love ass backwards. They were strict monogamists. They married, courted and coupled with only one person until death parted them. The pairing could either begin with a mind meld by the priest, or on its own between 2 people that felt drawn to each other on a either a conscious or subconscious level.
For most there wasn't any choice involved. It's like biology and proximity created a connection that in turn created feelings of attachment. The phrasing was always vague and hard to understand but it always referred to the same thing, a mating bond as a precursor to or as a result of marriage. It was like this mating bond would act unilaterally to drive 2 people together. The bond would then force them to consummate their relationship physically or it surfaced during pon farr if the couple abhorred each other. If resisted the mating bond would aggressively use images, instincts, emotions and thoughts to fulfill its agenda and drive the pair together, even against their will. It sounded as if it was futile to resist it. Numerous writers spoke of the bond as if it was a separate entity. And they spoke of bonded individuals being considered as already married simply by virtue of the bond's existence.
"Motherf-------." He hit the wall with his fist. It finally dawned on him what was happening. Phlox had said as much. Trip and T'Pol were bonding in the time honored Vulcan tradition in a process that was totally alien. His mind went back to the scans and Phlox's concerns about that area of his brain becoming active right after her mating cycle. He thought about T'Pol's need to mark his body as territory last night… and his having thoughts that weren't his. There was her odd behavior, one minute seductive, the next minute distanced. He saw constant images of her. Clothes had disappeared from his locker and only she and Jonathan had the command codes. Vulcans didn't sleep around before marriage like humans; they got one shot at it. He had totally missed the implication. Vulcans had only one sexual partner in life, their bond mate. He realized he had been that one mate for T'Pol. She had said as much and he totally missed it.
T'Pol had dismissed their couplings as accidents but he knew he had felt love, joy and caring between them. She hadn't had a true pon farr yet, he knew she was too young. He straightened up and shifted under the showerhead. He had put himself out there… and she had shut him down just as any Vulcan would because biology always trumped choice. She had no clue about the "falling in love" thing the way a human would, the way he had with her. Her biology had determined the course of action… and that course had already led straight to Trip. He just hadn't put it together before.
Trip realized he wouldn't have to manipulate her into coming back to him… the bond would do it for him… just as it had been driving him towards her. All he had to do was wait it out. He had no idea how long this approach avoidance dance would last before she finally gave in and consented to marriage.
He thought back to finding the hypo-spray of trellium. Her drug use suddenly made a grim kind of sense. She had become driven by their bond to loosen her controls, to magnify her access to her emotions. He revised his attitude about something he had considered to be innocuous. It was a ruthless, heartless act of biology. You either played along or were driven to even greater measures. He'd have to act soon to defuse any further escalation of its influence on her. He didn't want to think of what she might try next. At least with him it limited itself to influencing his desire for her. He could only imagine the conflict it caused in T'Pol.
Soon his mind brought forth his favorite fantasy. He realized this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. He drifted back idly to their sexual encounter the night before. He stared to respond to where the bond was taking him.
"God, Tucker!" He turned the shower to a cold needle spray and reached over to flick the stereo to the song he had played last night before this all started.
*****
The shower in the first officer's quarters was sulking. The water ran slowly and with no warning went from hot to cold. T'Pol moved quickly out from under the shower into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. She hit the comm and called down to engineering to complain. The Ensign was as nice as she could be but noted that there was nothing she could do about it. Complaints had come in from all over the ship and hers was just one of many. She promised T'Pol she would a leave a note for Commander Tucker regarding delegation of the necessary repair and suggested she go next door to the commander's quarters to use his shower since they were such good friends. T'Pol didn't dignify it with a reply and shut off the comm.
She debated walking down the hallway to his quarters to take the Commander to task for ruining her evening. Here in the bathroom she could hear music playing clearly through the ducting. He was still awake. She stopped for a moment and listened.
"This is how you remind me of what I really am"
The words were lost but the next were understandable…
"Tired of living like a blind man, I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling"
The words cut into her heart and she wondered why Trip was listening to this particular song. It made her stop and think about her insensitivity that morning. She knew that Trip didn't know she could hear whatever he played in his quarters. Normally the sound was low enough that the words became unintelligible.
Dismissing her concern T'Pol busied her self around the bathroom picking up dirty clothing and stopped again to listen. The words seemed to ring in her ears.
"It's not like you to say sorry…
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken…
for handing you a heart worth breaking."
The music stopped abruptly. No music replaced it and the silence was deafening.
T'Pol bit her lip. She had an uncomfortable insight into the effects of her behavior. She had been too dismissive with the Commander that morning. She didn't want to admit she needed anyone. She had denied her own emotional needs just as she had seen him do after his sister was killed. She felt so shut out after he pushed her away. This time she had broken his heart in order to protect her own. He didn't deserve this treatment and she had condemned his ex-wife for exactly the same kind of callousness.
I am such a hypocrite.
She started to get ready for bed and dressed in her red silk pajamas. Preparing to meditate just wasn't working. The words of the song kept running through her head.
"Tired of living like a blind man, I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling."
Tears started to flow when she realized she was tired of living half a life by ignoring her own feelings and needs. She had been a fool to reject the very man who understood her best and she trusted more than anyone in her life. Her lower lip began to quiver. She took a deep breath and stood up.
She went out the door and down the hallway to Trip's quarters. She knuckled the comm. She had to wait for longer than she hoped she would before the door slid back.
"T'Pol?" Trip stood there dripping wet with a huge towel tucked around his hips.
She pushed Trip backward into his quarters with the flat of her hand and stepped into the room. Her hand slid along his skin as he stepped back. The door slid shut behind her.
"The music… it stopped." T'Pol straightened to her full height preparing for a fight, hands on her hips.
"Ahhh, yeah? I wasn't in the mood to be reminded of being hurt and you hurt me terribly this morning." Trip started to get defensive and crossed his arms across his chest. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"I can hear your music in my bathroom. You switched it off." T'Pol looked at Trip. He looked so bedraggled and dripped water all over the floor. His hair was wet and stuck out in every direction. He reminded her of a wet feral cat she saw around the Vulcan compound. His expression softened.
"I had no idea, T'Pol. You never said anything about what you can hear from my quarters. The music wasn't a criticism of you. I am just a bit sensitive at the moment. I didn't want to hear those words; they hit just a little too close to home. I was hurt. I love you and you keep pushing me away. I have the right to hurt, don't I?" He reached over and grabbed both of her hands with his wet ones. "I've gotten to make love to you a number of times. I will not pretend that that means nothing to me like you did this morning. And I know it means more to you than you're admitting."
His voice became hoarse and he spoke more softly to her, looking down at his feet at first but then making eye contact. "You are very important to me. I decided a long time ago that I would do everything I could to make this work… even if it meant I was going to get hurt time and again. You are worth the effort. I love you." He reached up and cupped her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. He drew her in for a kiss. She melted into his arms.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Trip's voice in her ear thrilled her with its tenderness.
"It was quite agreeable."
"You're welcome. I mean it T'Pol, you're always welcome here… even when you're being mule-head stubborn." He kissed her again, this time taking his time to get to know every crevice of her mouth. He broke the kiss and T'Pol's knees nearly gave out. He pressed his forehead against hers. "Anything else I can do for you?"
"Ahh…." T'Pol became very interested in watching his lips move. "Can you do that again?"
"If I do that again, I won't let you leave."
"That would be agreeable." This time she kissed him back thoroughly and with no reservations, molding her thrumming body against him. She finally disengaged so she could catch her breath and pushed him backward onto the bed. She removed his towel with one motion. Her voice was husky. "Prepare to be boarded, Commander."
"And they say fantasies don't come true." He pulled her on top of him and started to remove her clothes. She facilitated any way she could. "We aren't going to get any sleep at this rate."
T'Pol watched his lips move and began sucking on them one at a time.
He chuckled. "Are you deliberately trying to shut me up?"
She kissed him again, pushing him into the pillows. Any intelligible response he made was lost in the kiss. The wetness remaining on his body acted like glue and made his skin all the more cohesive.
T'Pol reached up and switched off the light with her unoccupied hand. "I need to make sure your mouth is occupied. I intend to keep you speechless." She covered his mouth with her own and was lost in the sensations. She intended to explore the entirety of Commander Tucker's topography… thoroughly and with no reservations.
There was no further rational thought until later when Trip lay with her sleeping in his arms. He realized that tomorrow he would be back at square one and she would be just as distant as she had been when the evening began. He had one thing in his corner… he knew they were bonded and the bond would bring her back to him. She had no other choice but to return to his arms. He pulled her close and slid his arm under her. He intended to commit this moment to memory to last him until the next time his wife cracked under the pressure and came back to him.
My wife… under Vulcan law, she's my wife.
Trip realized he had more to live for than just a tiny cluster of their cells in the cryo banks… he had a woman that he knew loved him with an equal intensity to his own. He knew he was to find some way get her to marry him so they could be together for the rest of their lives. He just wasn't sure how long "the rest" was going to be. He just had to get them through the next couple of months alive. He had a daughter in cryo waiting to be born from a woman he loved more than life itself.
The weight of the world began to rest on his shoulders.
It didn't help that everyone had them in their sights and were determined to assist them into the afterlife prematurely. The next few weeks were hell but they somehow survived. Luck seemed to be in their corner.
*****
The arrival of an older, dilapidated Enterprise had been a shock to the entire crew. Everyone was curious about who and what they were. After verifying the identities of the two main officers, the Captain had loosened the rules so that crew could visit with their descendents and learn of their fates within the alternate timeline. Only Malcolm found that records stated that he had not partnered with anyone and had died at a very old age. He assumed that he was destined to be alone for the rest of his life and had retreated to his quarters to mourn. Hoshi finally pulled him from his funk and showed him the record proving that he had fathered all 3 of her children. They had lived together to a very old age and had died within weeks of each other. Malcolm felt like a fool to have assumed otherwise. Hoshi just smiled and drew him closer to her. It was like him to think as he always had… that he would always be alone. It couldn't be further from the truth.
Trip found out from his son Lorian that he had in truth married T'Pol shortly after their trip back in time. The futility of returning to their own time had driven her to make choices she wouldn't have considered otherwise. Lorian reminded his father that his parents were a love match and it was simply a fulfillment of their relationship of the past 4 years. He knew he had been a very wanted child. His father still ached for the daughter he was waiting to see born. He didn't mention that Elizabeth was alive and a grandmother while thriving in a colony on Ibarra. He didn't want this added to the pressure his father was already under. If they failed in their mission he would introduce the two of them. If they didn't Trip would never know of his other children that he had lost in addition to the loss of one son. He knew his father well enough to want to prevent that kind of pain. He felt guilt at even burdening him with this one thing… his own existence. But then it wasn't the only secret he kept from his father.
What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
*****
Lorian appeared at Trip's side when he was working on injectors on the older Enterprise late one night right after Trip had had a fight with T'Pol. He had accused her of having feelings for him and being in denial. She had accused him of being incapable of a physical relationship without developing an emotional attachment. He realized she was talking about herself and was rationalizing her own emotional attachment for him. He finally had to take a step back, take a deep breath and walk away. He was sick with worry for her. But he also knew she had had to give up her use of Trellium after the cargo bay where it was stored was opened to space.
He had watched on the monitor as she nearly killed herself getting the mineral for her last dose. He had felt totally helpless as she struggled with the air hose on her suit. He had run down to the changing room, then when she wasn't there he continued on to their lab. He found her passed out next to the distiller after her last injection overwhelmed her. He had destroyed the distiller in a fit of rage before carrying her unconscious body back to her quarters. She must have given up any hope of continuing her use after her near brush with death. He didn't know if she knew the unit had been destroyed.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard her go to Phlox and ask for his help with withdrawal. He had tried to ground her in reality and guide her during the times she was forced into the Captain's chair. He endured her rages and reminded himself this was just a passing phase. He no longer felt she was a danger to the ship. It was just a matter of time before she returned to normalcy. He was listening at the door to her quarters when he heard Phlox tell her that she could retain the damage for the rest of her life. He became all the more determined to marry her.
After all it was because of her bond that she had been inspired to use a neurotoxin. At least he knew everything that had been hidden and omitted from their dialogue. She could never say this happened without his knowledge.
His mouth set into a grim, rigid line.
Better not beat yourself up about this, Tucker; it's not your fault.
Yeah, right.
Trip returned to his work on the aged injectors.
*****
Lorian came over to his father and gave Trip "that look" from under his heavy brows. Trip sighed.
"Father… my mother wants to see you now."
These were the 5 most dreaded words that Trip had ever heard. He knew from the ship's gossip that T'Pol still survived on the other Enterprise.
"Let's get this over with." He nodded to Lorian.
"This way, its not far. You know the way."
Finally they were striding down the long hallway to her quarters. "I'm not going to pretend I approve of this, Father. But Mother isn't someone I want to refuse when she sets her mind to something."
"Yeah, I know your Mother real well." He patted his son on the shoulder and stood beside him as the door opened.
"He's here, mother. Call me when she's done with you." Lorian gestured for Trip to proceed into the room and closed the door behind him. The room was dim, flickering candles decorating the room he recognized as T'Pol's.
Her room hasn't changed in 100 years.
The scent from the candles was spicier, the carpet well worn. Standing by the window was a dark figure with its back to the door. T'Pol turned and started to walk towards him. She held out her hand, he took it and gazed into her face. He barely recognized her but her warm brown eyes were sparkling with tears.
"Thank you for coming and indulging an old woman's whims."
"It was my pleasure, ma'am."
"If it's any consolation, I have missed seeing you. I have had many years to steel myself for what I would have to say."
"I heard from Jonathan you didn't want to see me so…" Trip stammered a bit and paused.
"…why did I ask you to come? Very simple… your young T'Pol. She loves you. I know she has pushed you away time and time again." She gestured, shaking a finger as if she were lecturing a child. "She is a foolish woman who has no idea about love. She truly believes that you would be better off without her. Now she has painted herself into a corner."
She paced back and forth, looking up at him occasionally.
"You know of her trellium addiction? You found evidence near the distiller, my Trip knew."
"Yeah, I did. She doesn't know that yet."
"She… I … was stubborn at that age and refused to believe a relationship would work with anyone, let alone the man I loved. I retreated into my career and closed myself off from everything. The trellium wasn't a reason to act as I did towards you; it gave me an excuse to be free with my actions. I was tortured and felt I had no alternative. I learned you would come to forgive me my excesses." She turned back to the window.
"Yeah, I intend to be careful with her, she's put herself through so much."
"You need to ensure that you marry her and end this once and for all. The two of you share the Vulcan mating-bond even now. This makes you already married in the eyes of Vulcan law if you can get the priest to verify it. She cannot bond to another. Nor can you bond with anyone else nor form any other attachments. It is T'Pol or no one unless you choose to sever the bond." She handed him a small screen. "Here, this PADD has all the information that you need so you can show the Vulcan priest. I do not need it any longer. I included other more personal items. Lorian is not to know the extent of disclosure. He's a bit… sensitive."
She touched his hand and a shock traveled up his arm and she nodded. "Do not hesitate to use this knowledge. Remember that Koss is a sociopath and if she returns for Vulcan for any reason, he will demand she marry him in spite of her refusals. If you can go with her and talk with the priests before the ceremony, you can prevent it from happening. You must prevent the marriage. She will not survive their first Pon Farr. Her brain damage and lack of emotional control… he will kill her without a second thought." she paused.
"It makes sense… the... ah....bond has been making me crazy… but you know that."
"She's been conditioned all her life not to show, act on or admit to her emotions. In spite of her conditioning, she failed to control them even from childhood. Our father was not Vulcan. She doesn't have the aptitude for control, it comes genetically… half of which she lacks. Do not blame yourself for her current state. Her feelings for you are powerful. Don't be afraid of them, they are the same as your own. You are equals in this. She has no choice but to deny and hide them. But she won't be able to for very much longer or they will destroy her. It's just a matter of time." She gazed up at him. "And the reason you have felt the bond so powerfully so early in your relationship has to do with your Grandpa Chuck. Do you remember when he died?"
"Huh? He died the week after Grandma Rose did from a broken heart. What does it have to do with me?"
"You gained his telepathic aptitude, Trip. He had a bond with your grandmother as you do with T'Pol. It makes you more sensitive, effecting you as strongly as it does T'Pol. You simply became aware of it before she did because of your intuitive ability which is something she lacks."
T'Pol paused, seeming to retreat into herself for a few moments. Her face became grim and her tone emphatic.
"If T'Pol dies before you do, you too will die, just as your grandfather did. If you die, she likely will follow in time. If you allow her to return to Koss and he kills her, as I believe he will for her weaknesses… you will die as well, no matter where you are. I lived on only because I absorbed your katra." T'Pol shook her head and looked up at him. "I doubt you even know what that is." She sighed and shifted uncomfortably. She sipped from her cup and turned to the window.
"You need to return to your ship now, Commander. Read the PADD, learn about your wife's culture and how to use the bond and Vulcan law. You aren't wrong about her feelings for you. Marry her. Make the commitment to yourself and your love for her. I know it will be difficult for you. "
Trip reached for something to say, he gestured in a seemingly futile effort and hoarsely stammered, "Thank you for giving me hope. I'll do as you ask if it means her life."
"You must make a stand, Trip… it's a matter of life and death for both of you." Her voice was low and hoarse. "My Trip was a gentleman, but he learned the value of the bond and used it to his advantage. I never regretted his audacity." She kept her back turned to him and sighed, "You need to go before I lose my control … goodbye Trip." She heard his receding steps and the door hissed closed behind him. She remained at the port long enough to watch the shuttle return to the Enterprise.
A tear slid down her cheek, her hand flat against the glass. She could feel arms reach around to embrace her in a close hug.
Thank you for indulging me. Do you think we convinced him? Trip's voice was soft in her ear.
I have no idea. I know he is frightened and does not see a way out of their predicament. He was simply indulging an old woman by coming here. Lorian is very angry with us; he thinks we are violating his request not to speak of the future.
He's right, we are breaking our promise. And you don't look a day over 120. He chuckled and continued. At this point our futures will probably diverge. We aren't doing this to change our own future here in the Expanse. We will cease to exist if they find a way to succeed. I just need peace of mind. If they can stop the weapon and return to Earth, I need to know that I am going to be with you. As it stood we would have gone our separate ways. I know that we will both become bitter, cynical people who are miserable for the rest of our lives. I was so close to destroying myself back then right after Lizzie died. The hope that this could happen" He pulled her even closer. "became my only chance of survival. Admittedly it's a sneaky way to go about it but if it means our survival as a couple, it has to be worth it. Lorian will get over it. Being the baby of the family makes him a little more intense than our older kids. You didn't mention that either… our two other children.
T'Pol shrugged. I wanted to relay the information in the most succinct way possible. I did not want to distract him with trivia. He has to understand this could mean his possible death… one that's due only to my rejection of you.
You're right. But he didn't need to know my katra lived on. Then again you're right; he doesn't even know what a katra is. Nice touch, saying that about Koss. You made him sound quite dangerous.
T'Pol laughed. It's was quite true. He beat me unconscious when we were children. He thought that I lacked emotional control. It was almost an instinctual reaction on his part. I thought he intended to kill me.
Sometimes you Vulcans scare the heck out of me. On the surface calm and detached, underneath a smoldering inferno.
Well, you would be the one to know. We have been joined for nearly 100 years. It felt strange, having the both of you in the same room. I have you with me but it felt nice to touch you again.
Should I be jealous of myself? She felt him nuzzle her neck. Trip had said the very same thing when she told him Sim had confessed Trip's feelings for her. And I have never regretted a moment of it, darlin'. It's been instructive. One thing we need to think about… what do we do if the Enterprise can make that rendezvous and change this future, do we cease to exist? We need to talk about this.
The future is uncertain, true. However this ends, either way we will be together. Either in this life or the next… the existence of an afterlife is still something you have yet to convince me of.
Spoken like a true Vulcan.
He sighed.
Time to face our little spitfire, darlin'. Lorian is going to be hell to live with.
As you are fond of saying, husband, "He'll get over it".
* * * *
The Enterprise arrived early for the rendezvous with Degra after their trip through the corridor. Repairs were in full swing to bring the ship back to some semblance of order. No one had time to think let alone catch up on the niceties of daily life. Trip was splitting himself between engineering and supervising the other repairs all over the ship. He hadn't had time to sleep in his quarters. He finally took a breather on order from Phlox and collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. He collected T'Pol's PADD from the shelf and flicked it on. He had been amazed it still existed since they had changed the timeline by making it through the corridor intact.
I still remember them.
Hopefully they survived the change and we'll see our children again.
He glanced at the files stored on the hard drive. It was amazing how thorough T'Pol had been gathering the information. If he had the chance, he would definitely find a way to marry T'Pol. He now had the right information and a plan.
Care and feeding of the bond, how sweet.
But he blanched at the explicit instructions given and the frequency required. Reads like an engineering brief.
There isn't a romantic bone in their bodies.
Small wonder T'Pol is clueless about what to do.
She got fed garbage from childhood.
I'll just have to change that.
He was amazed that wives are considered to be their spouse's property with which to do what they wanted. But given the rigid structure of their society, it was expected.
That is just so wrong.
Small wonder she left Vulcan.
I can't imagine T'Pol was too thrilled at the idea of being chattel.
T'Pol had included both of their personal, medical and professional journals and writings. Phlox's research. There were also his own engineering logs written before his death in the Expanse and T'Pol's written after, Lorian had alluded to them in conversation. And the contents of Enterprise's technological databases including alien technology were on one of the six auxiliary memory sticks inserted in the storage bay on side of the PADD. He could update the main database easily. They might need the additional technology considering what they were about to do.
Lorian would have a fit if he knew I had them.
It's definitely my work.
Hell, this will revolutionize the Enterprise's warp drive… if we survive the next few days.
Quite some time had passed before he realized he only had 5 hours until his shift began. He had become lost in reviewing the wealth of info before him.
Better get some shut eye and pray for no nightmares.
At least my personal life has a future.
All I have to do is get her to Vulcan.
There was this echo in his head. Ever since he had been joined with Sim, he had this echo like he was hearing someone else's thoughts. He recognized T'Pol in the bond… but this was more like a mirror reflecting back his internal dialogue. He certainly had the determination to change the future. He just had to watch for his chance once the current crisis was over.
TBC
