Title: The Only Way
Author: Sarah Lynne
website: http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/sarahlynne13/
Rating: R
Warnings: dark, suicide, angst, death
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko-sama and
not to little old me. I've got zippo free money so you wouldn't
get anything anyway.
Just please don't sue!


WARNING: This story contains the issue of suicide. If this
makes you uncomfortable,
please do not continue. This fanfic in no way promotes suicide
as good in any situation.
All suicide should be avoided and help sought.

The Only Way
by Ssarah Lynne

Drip...

Drip...

Drip...

Tears streaked down the young man's cheeks as he stared out his
high rise apartment. The falling rain gave the world a sorrowful tone
which only added to his misery. His hands came to rest lightly on his
head as he cradled his raven-black locks. His hands started to tighten
on his silky strands as his body started to shake with his sobs.
Images of her flashed through his head. Her hair gold like honey
in the sun.... her eyes like blue sapphires, sparkling with joy and
love.... her skin white like the floating clouds.... her lips red like
the beautiful rose... her young body graceful like the willow.
He remembered his first encounter with the perky and lovely
blonde. It had been that fateful test. That 30% had been a call of
destiny. He had turned to see his love, Usako. He had wanted to be suave
and charming, but something had happened. For some reason, he had popped out
an insult. He had seen her wonderful face change from apologetic to furious.
So had started the almighty war of Mamoru and Usagi.
Sobs wracked his body harder as he thought of the youma battles
during the fight with the Negaverse. He had protected her as Tuxedo Kamen
and had feuded with her as Chiba Mamoru. Yet as any form, he had loved
her. Even as he had been brainwashed by the other side, a tiny flicker
of love remained. Enough that he couldn't kill her, no matter what.
Afterwards, his innermost dreams and hopes had come true. He got
his lovely Usako for his girlfriend and true love. They had taken walks
in the park, gone out for ice cream, had study sessions (which didn't help
much as they only starred at each other), and watched sunsets together.
Whenever they could, they had been together. Mamoru smiled wanly as he
remembered Usako's dad's reaction when he had found out that his little
girl had a boyfriend.
Then they had come.... Those disturbing dreams had started coming.
At first he had tried to ignore them. He would ignore the painful ache in
his heart at the thought of his Usako hurt or worse, dead. Yet the dreams
would continue and give him restless nights. Finally the dreams had
gotten to him. Something inside of him snapped and went over the deep edge.
He started to question whether he had a right to put his Usako in danger.
So many people depended on and loved her. Who was he to endanger her? And
so he had done the impossible... He had confronted her and had broken her
heart. He had had to watch her hands clench in a mix of anger, confusion,
and hurt. He had had to watched her eyes shimmer with tears as he had told
her that he didn't love her anymore. He had watched her heart break. The
memory was very vivid to him. It was where his soul had slowly started to
died...

* * *

Flashback...

The sun had shone brightly in contrast to the mood Mamoru was in.
His mind and
heart were in a miserable state of mind. He was about to break from his
soulmate and
cause her pain. Several times, he was tempted to keep ignoring his dreams.
But he
couldn't. This needed to be done. No matter the cost, Mamoru needed to
protect his
Usako.
He jumped when he heard the knock on the door. He opened it to see
Usagi's
smiling face as she greeted him. Her smile faltered somewhat as she noticed
that her
Mamo-chan wasn't responding to her in kind. He still stared at her in
sorrow. She silently
came in and sat uncomfortably on the couch.
Mamoru noticed Usagi's uncomfortable demeanor. Before she could get
comfortable, he had to get this over with. Mamoru took a deep breath,
holding back the
tears that threatened to fall. He must keep a cold face to her. With
that, he slipped a cold
mask on and turned to her.
"Usagi-san. I called you here to tell you that our relationship
is no more. I don't
feel the love I did for you. I want you to leave my life forever,"
Mamoru said with as
much calm as he could.
A look of shock entered across Usagi's face. Disbelief and confusion
played
across her eyes. Tears glimmered on her cheeks as they started to fall.
"You don't mean
that, Mamo-chan. You don't. You're joking, right?" Usagi asked uncertainly.
"No, Usagi-san. I'm very serious. It's time we spent time apart.
Please leave
now."
Usagi just sat there in shock. Why was her Mamo-chan doing this?
What had she
done?! Why was he doing this?! Usagi suddenly jumped from her seat. She
clenched her
hands in suppressed fury and twirled towards her former love. "Is that
how you want it?
Well, you can have it that way! I won't ever bother you again, sir."
With that, Usagi turned and ran out of the apartment, her golden
hair a silken
banner of defeat behind her. Small droplets of tears fell in trails behind
her as she
disappeared around the corner of the doorway.
Mamoru sat there stunned, his mind in the void. His Usako was gone. She had
left this room, never to come back. Never to grace his quarters with her
grace or gentle
nature. Never to give him a smile full of the sun. Never to look at him
with those eyes of
sapphire blue that shone with love just for him. A crack of pain started
in his heart and
worked its way out. He leaned forward slowly, his hand gently lying over
his heart. He
slowly backed up to the wall behind him and slide down until he sat on the
floor. He
brought his knees up to his chest and hugged himself. His eyes stared into
space as he
rocked back and forth. Silent tears took their migratory journey down his
cheeks and to
the edge of his face. There they held for a moment in time before taking
the final plunge
to the abyss below.

Drip...

Drip...

Drip...

End Flashback....

* * *

Many painful sobs had been wrenched from his lips since that moment. There had
been times when he had been drawn very close to calling or confronting Usagi
and telling
her the entire truth. About the dreams and the prophecies of her death.
Yet he always
pulled up short. He couldn't endanger Usagi with his attentions. He must
stay separate
from her. Forever...
A small, half-hearted cry clawed from his scared and sore throat.
The tears
coursed again as his eyes took in the dismal rain. His pain seemed to have
lasted forever.
The only thing that sustained him now was Motoki at the arcade and his
memories of
Usagi. Nothing else mattered...

* * *

The following day was the usual. The sun shone brighter than the
day before. No
traces were left of the rain. The city of Tokyo was alive and running once
more. Chatter
rang along the walls of the towering buildings. Chatter of shoppers making
their
purchases...chatter of school children just released to freedom...chatter
and shouts of
parents chasing wayward toddlers.
In the park, ducks and swans swam in lazy strokes on the lake.
The wind blew
through the trees, rustling the leaves in a quiet melody. Sunlight
filtered through the trees
to dapple the hidden paths and the green lawns. Flower gardens worked
tenderly by the
elderly gardener gave a sweet perfume to the entire scene. People walked
through in a
happy mood. Children ran, giggling, along the lake shore. Young couples
lay side by side
under the cool shade of the blooming sakura trees. Under one such tree, a
young man sat
alone. His dark black hair seemed to gather the shadows. His hung head met
no one's
eyes. He stayed in his own world, separate from everyone.
Mamoru's thoughts dwelled on memories as he shut out the world. Yet
that was
not to be. A familiar voice rang in laughter. His heart quivered in fear
and anguish. His
head jerked up and his eyes widened, startled. There she was! She was
laughing at a joke
uttered by her friends. From the blush on the brown-haired girl's face,
the joke was over
her fascination with men. His chest contracted when he saw how happy she
was. She was
thankfully unaffected anymore by their break-up. That was until she
suddenly turned and
met his troubled eyes. Her smile vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.
Her eyes iced
over with red hot anger. Her mouth became clenched in a grim line.
Her hands formed
themselves into fists. The four others looked to where Usagi was looking.
Their eyes
clouded as their faces started to get red. Mamoru gulped in apprehension.
Now would be
a good time to leave if he didn't want to get hurt. These girls with their
heightened Senshi
powers could do him serious harm. With that, he stood silently and walked
away from his
heart.
He had gotten as far as the entrance into the park. Suddenly he
heard screams
coming from where he had just come from. Evil energy hit him as he twirled
to view the
park, his eyes wide in horror. Usako! Just then, the familiar ache of his
head and heart
that said Sailor Moon was in danger hit him. Mamoru started running back,
taking out a
red rose in full bloom from inside his pocket. Mamoru ran behind a swaying
tree and
emerged as Tuxedo Kamen, champion and former love of Sailor Moon, the Moon
Princess.
As Tuxedo Kamen arrived to where Usagi had last been, he gasped.
Everything
was destroyed. Trees were uprooted and thrown haphazardly across the
ground. Limp
bodies of people lay drained of their life energy. In the actual battle
itself, the Senshi
weren't doing too well. Sailor Venus was already unconscious and lying
among the
people. Jupiter was limping and Mars sported a black eye and a limp arm.
Tuxedo
Kamen's eyes wandered to the demon they were fighting. No wonder they were
battered!
The monster stood nine feet tall and three feet wide. Large muscled arms
hung by its
heaving sides, ending in claws. Its eyes glowed a sickly yellow as it
growled. Lines of
fangs and sharp teeth lines its mouth as it snarled at the crouching figures
before it. Sailor
Moon stood shivering, holding her moon scepter before her in defiance.
Mercury stood
off to the side and analyzed the demon with her computer, obviously not
finding any
useful information. As Tuxedo Kamen examined the situation, the attacker
grew
impatient. A sudden flash of brown made Tuxedo Kamen turn his head from
Mercury
who was running towards Moon, shock and fear on her small face. The demon
had grown
impatient. Closing in for the kill, he leaped for the little female
warrior before it. Without
thinking or feeling, Tuxedo Kamen lept for his love and barreled into her
seconds before
the evil did. It was so close that Tuxedo Kamen's cape paid the ultimate
price. It
fluttered to the ground like a wounded bird.
They fell to the ground with a hard thud, Tuxedo Kamen beneath
cushioning the
fall. He felt sharp hits on his chest as sailor Moon pounded on him to
let her go. He
looked up to see she had left him lying on the ground like a discarded
piece of trash.
Small tears started to form ,but he still swallowed them. He couldn't
let her see him cry.
Without looking at him anymore, Sailor Moon brandished her scepter
at the
monster. As it was trying to turn back around to rush Moon, Mercury snapped
out of her
shock at Tuxedo Kamen's abrupt rescue. She took in the situation and
acted quickly. She
folded her arms over her chest and brought them over her head as she
shouted her attack,
"SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!" The wall of icy water slammed into the hairy
beast and
froze it in a block of ice. Sailor Moon took advantage of the frozen
monster and launched
her attack. The magical blast shattered the ice and the monster as one.
Sailor moon breathed heavily and looked around. She spotted
Jupiter and Mars
helping a dazed Venus to her feet. She wondered briefly how they would
explain away
the Senshi's injuries. She then turned to see Tuxedo Kamen still lying
on the ground,
shocked. her cold eyes met his sad ones momentarily. Afterwards, she
turned form his as
if he meant nothing.
Tuxedo Kamen's heart squeezed as she turned from him. Would they
never be
together again?! He suddenly didn't care. Sailor Moon had proven to him
that she could
take care of herself with a little help which the Senshi provided. Her
being with him
endangered her no more than usual. With this revelation in his mind, he
leapt up and ran
after his love. Not even thinking, Tuxedo Kamen grabbed her arm to stop
her hasty
retreat.
Sailor Moon twirled around fast enough to make her hair spin. Her
hand followed
her hair's fast course and snapped across his cheek in a stinging slap. He
stumbled back in
shock, his hand trembled while holding his red-marked cheek. His eyes were
wide enough
to see total white around the beautiful blue iris'.
"Don't ever touch me again, you bastard! What gives you the right
to touch me?!
You took my heart and shattered it against your own stony heart. You took
my being and
threw it into the abyss. Well, no more! You have destroyed my life enough. Get away
from me and don't ever come back! Your diseased mind won't ever poison me
again. I
will love you no more for as long as you live!" Sailor Moon shouted for the
whole world
to hear her pain.
Tuxedo Kamen just stood there for a moment, staring in anguish at
Sailor Moon.
His eyes took on a glazed look through his eye mask holes. Any flicker of
hope or
happiness died. Before Tuxedo Kamen could be torn beyond repair, he ran
from the now
stained park. He ran without direction for hours, not even bothering to
change back to
Mamoru. Tears leaked in endless streaks as he ran for his life. Sailor
Moon's harsh words
echoes in his ears and soul. Now he knew how had had made her feel when
he had
delivered his heartless message. She had been torn to shreds as he now
was. He was now
infinitely sorry for what he had done. If she would have listened to him
now, he would
have apologized profusely for all eternity and tell her every day how much
he loved her.
Yet now he would have no choice. She had given up on him. Her love had
withered
away under his apparent disinterest. Now there as nothing for him. His
life was dead...

* * *

Mamoru now sat in his apartment silently, the clock ticking
sorrowfully in the
kitchen. Mamoru sat on the couch, his legs apart and his hands on his
knees. His blue
eyes stared at the white wall, following the patterns the paintbrush had
made. Yet his
thoughts were far more chaotic than those paint strokes. His mind was
rebelling at the
idea of Usagi not loving him anymore. They had always loved each other,
right? It was
never supposed to end. They had loved for an eternity and beyond. Could
it all die so
suddenly? Yet Mamoru had seen Usagi's angry face. He had seen her extreme
atred for
him in her flame core color eyes. She had given up on him... The idea rang
in his now
hollow mind, his soul finally accepting the inevitable. The eternal love
of Prince
Endymion and Princess Serenity was no more, shards of a broken dream.
Mamoru's
crystalline eyes took on a dead appearance as he thought along forbidden
paths. If the
love he shared with Usagi was dead, then what use was life? Her love had
been the only
entire bright point in his life. His friendship with Motoki was there, true. Yet he had
But he had
never really let Motoki into his life. They were only really low level
friends. There was
his stellar school achievements, but what good were they without love?
You couldn't live
long and happily on just achievements alone. So he had nothing left to
live for.
Mamoru's thoughts stilled, centered on that one last thought.
Life wasn't worth
living... So couldn't he rectify that? He could give Usagi her happiness
back by taking his
stinking presence from it. He could save her from the last torment of his
words. His mind
latched onto this like a life preserver. His body and soul, full of purpose,
rose and
walked to the kitchen. He left the lights off, casting dim shadows
everywhere. What light
that did come through the window seemed to direct itself on the carving
knives by the
stove. As if in a trance, Mamoru approached and reached. His cold fingers
closed on the
handled of the nearest knife. It was the serrated knife for cutting meat.
Far in the back of
Mamoru's mind, a small voice quirked on how appropriate the knife was as he
was only
meat taking up space. As Mamoru pulled the knife from the wooden holder, it
made a
dull clanking noise as it hit the edge of the wood. The clang seemed to
echo throughout
the kitchen like a bell chime of death. Mamoru brought the silver blade level
with his
sappharine blue eyes, appraising what he was going to do. yet he could not
find any
reason to delay his actions. With no further hesitation, he leveled his
blade, point first, at
his abdomen. before he could have second thoughts, he plunged himself to
his death.

* *

Usagi lay in her bed, tossing and turning in her disturbed sleep.
She was having a
dream of her and Mamoru's wedding. It was a happy day with all their family
and friends
there. They were about to kiss when the earth rumbled and shook. It fell
apart under her
and she fell. She looked up at Mamoru who watched her with horror. Then a
loud
booming voice sounded saying that Mamoru had to stay away from Usagi if he
wanted her
to live. Usagi could see the pain on Mamoru's face as he was told this.
His love was
being tested against his protective feelings toward her. Usagi knew which
one would win
out.
Suddenly, Usagi sat up in bed, sweating and breathing hard. Her
eyes were wide
and her knuckles were white as they clutched the blankets to her chest.
Was that just a
dream? It had seemed so real! As if it would really happen. Was this a
dream Mamoru
was getting? Was this why he broke up with her?
Usagi thought back to the aftermath of the battle in the park. She
remembered the
way Mamoru's eyes had glazed over as if his soul had left his body. She
wondered now if
she had done the right thing in saying that. She loved Mamoru as much now as
she ever
did before. She hoped that he could sense that somehow.
Suddenly she started feeling that someone she knew was in grave
danger. The
source and the identity of the person were unknown to her. She tried to
follow the physic
links she had with her friends and her loved one...
She suddenly got an excruciating pain in her abdomen. It felt as
if a knife was
driving itself into her with crushing force. With this agony came an image. It was an
An
image of Mamoru in a dim room which she vaguely identified as his kitchen.
He was
hunched over as if in great pain. As Usagi watched in apprehension, Mamoru
slipped to
one knee, clutching his stomach. Then Usagi saw his face. It was void of
feeling or
thought. His eyes seemed glazed over and any flicker of life was gone.
From far away
Usagi seemed to hear high pitched screaming. It took several moments for
her to realize
that the person screaming was her.
She stopped her wail with a strong exertion of her will. She
wouldn't get anything
done by screaming. Her love was in danger. She may be royally ticked
at him for hurting
her, yet she still loved him. She quietly took her brooch with the
crystal from the night
stand by her bed. She raised it above her head and called her words of
power, "MOON
CRYSTAL POWER!" Swirls of pink ribbons surrounded her form and made her
her alter
ego, Sailor Moon. Her face set in determination, she lept from her window
into the night
to help her soulmate.

* * *

Moonlight streamed through the window panes to reflect brightly in
the linoleum
floor. The kitchen appliances took on an a sinister appearance in the dark
shadows. The
silence seemed to echo onto itself. Only the faint murmurings of shallow
and uneven
breathing stirred the silence. One moon beam seemed to center on one prone
figure. The
darkness of the surrounding pool of blood seemed to suck up the light. The
face of
Mamoru Chiba had on a pained, yet tranquil, face as his long-fingered hands
clutched his
abdomen. The long handle of the knife stuck out of his wound as a reminder
of what he
had done. Blood still welled from the wound as time slowly passed. As the
seconds flew
by, Mamoru's thoughts were starting to scatter in a cloud of forgetfulness.
His sluggish
thoughts remembered the pain as the knife had entered his unprotected body.
Yet he had
also felt emense relief that he was relieving stress in Usagi's life. His
thoughts also kept
coming back to his angel, his Usako. Her laughter echoed through his soul
like a memory.
Her blue eyes took on a ghostly shine. Mamoru's lips twitched slightly in
a smile as he
remembered. He thought of how she had giggled at two crows fighting in the
park. He
remembered her helping up a child that had fallen and scraped a knee. He
remembered her
swinging back and forth on a swing, her legs pumping harder to send her
higher. A deep
sadness settled with the knowledge that he would never see her do these
things again. Yet
deep relief followed with him knowing that he was removing a problem, namely
his
unworthy self, from her sight and life. His body's senses barely registered
the crash of the
door of his apartment.

* * *

Sailor Moon's body slammed into the door of Mamoru's apartment, her
inner
senses screaming that her love was injured and injured very severely. Her
alarm sent her
to the kitchen where a horrible sight met her eyes. Mamoru laid in a pool
of black blood
with a wicked-looking knife in his abdomen. His chest rose in shallow and
uneven
breaths. His entire body lay in loose repose. His eyes were half-closed,
the thick
eyelashes barely brushing the pale cheeks. His lips were slightly apart as
his last gasps for
breath were heard.
Sailor Moon gave off a cry of a tortured soul. Her legs wobbled
precariously as
she approached Mamoru's side. Her body shuttered as her bare knees and
lower legs
came into contact with the sticky fluid on the floor. Her hands and arms
shook as they
came around Mamoru's head and shoulders to cradle him to her chest. His
eyes fluttered
partly open as his dull, lifeless eyes met hers. Her vision blurred even
more as tears welled
up. A faint smile appeared on Mamoru's lips as he gazed on her for the last
time. A slight
whisper ran from his lips as he uttered his last, "Usako, forgive........me?
........love.......y--" With those last syllables, Mamoru Chiba left behind
a heart-sickened
Sailor Moon, as the moon continued to shine......

THE END....

So.... what did ya think... Still think I'm sane.... Please
review and tell me what you think!